PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
* or *
How I Found Goddess
And What I Did To Her
When I Found Her
THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER
Wherein Is Explained
Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing
About Absolutely Anything
Published By:
LOOMPANICS UNLIMITED
PO BOX 1197
Port Townsend, WA 98368
$5.00(cheap)
Catalogs:$2.00
Transcribed to 1's and 0's by Druel the Chaotic, WPI Discordian Society
Cabal of the Unemployed
[email protected]
mpython@*.gnu.ai.mit.edu
{calendar entered by /AHM/THX }
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INTRODUCTION
You hold in your hands one the Great Books of our century fnord.
Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of critical
huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's ULYSSES. Others appear almost furtively
and are only discovered 50 years later, like MOBY DICK or Mendel's great
essay on genetics. The PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA entered our space-time continuum
almost as unobtrusively as a cat-burglar creeping over a windowsill.
In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In
1970,hundreds of people coast to coast were talking about it and asking the
identity of the mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger. Rumors swept
across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St.
Joe. Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard. No,said another legend
-- the PRINCIPIA was actually the work of the Sufi Order. A third, very
intriguing myth held that Malaclypse was a pen-name for Richard M. Nixon,
who had allegedly composed the PRINCIPIA during a few moments of lucidity.
I enjoyed each of these yarns and did my part to help spread them. I was
also careful never to contradict the occasional rumors that I had actually
written the whole thing myself during an acid trip.
The legendry, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the mid-1970's,
thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and Australia, were
talking about the PRINCIPIA, and since the original was out of print by
then, xerox copies were beginning to circulate here and there.
When the ILLUMINATUS trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author, Bob
Shea, and I both received hundreds of letters from people intrigued by the
quotes from the PRINCIPIA with which we had decorated the heads of several
chapters. Many, who had already heard of the PRINCIPIA or seen copies,
asked if Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies available. Others
wrote to ask if it were real, or just something we had invented the way
H.P. Lovecraft invented the NECRONOMICON. We answered according to our
moods, sometimes telling the truth, sometimes spreading the most Godawful
lies and myths we could devise fnord.
Why not? We felt that this book was a true Classic (literatus
immortalis) and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet
discovered it, the best way to keep its legend alive was to encourage
the mythology and the controversy about it. Increasingly, people wrote
to ask me if Timothy Leary had written it, and I almost always told
them he had, except on Fridays whem I am more whimsical, in which case
I told them it had been transmitted by a canine intellgence --
vast,cool,and unsympathic -- from the Dog Star, Sirius.
Now, at last, the truth can be told.
Actually, the PRINCIPIA is the work of a time-travelling
anthropologist from the 23rd Century. He is currently passing among us
as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Gregory
Hill. He has also translated several volumes of Etruscan erotic
poetry, under another pen-name, and in the 18th Century was the
mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the design for the Great
Seal of the United States.
I have it on good authority that he is one of the most
accomplished time-travelers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many
times in the past,using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias,
Emperor Norton, Count Cagliostro, Guilliame of Aquaitaine, etc.
Whenever I question him about this, he grows very evasive and attempts
to persuade me that he is actually just another 20th Century Earthman
and that all my ideas about his extraterrrestrial and extratemporal
origin and delusions. Hah! I am not that easily deceived. After all, a
time-travelling anthropologist would say just that, so that he could
observe us without his presense causing cultureshock.
I understand that he has consented to write an Afterward to
this edition. He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but
don't believe a word he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan
put-on, the plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all the
branches of guerilla ontology.
For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in
conjunction with THE ILLUMINOIDS by Neal Wilgus (Sun Press,
Albuquerque, NM) and ZEN WITHOUT ZEN MASTERS by Camden Benares (And/Or
Press, Berkeley, California). "We are operating on many levels here",
as Ken Kesey used to say.
In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things go on as they
always have, getting weirder all the time.
Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord?
-Robert Anton Wilson
International Arms and Hashish Inc.
Darra Bazar, Kohat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A jug of wine,
A leg of lamb
And thou!
Beside me,
Whistling in
the darkness.
Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
- The Book of Uterus 1;5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THE
GREATER METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA HERALD-NEWS-SUN-TRIBUNE-JOURNAL-DISPATCH-POST
AND SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND INTERGALACTIC REPORT &
POPE POOP.
GREATER POOP:Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness
humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.
GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am crazy. The
reason that I am crazy is because they are true.
GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.
GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
M2: No.
GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain the
meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that the answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your question
is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
SUSPENDED ANNIHILATION
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ODD# II/2,xii;68Chs3136
Principia Discordia
or
How I Found Goddess & What I Did To Her
When I found Her
being a Beginning Introduction to
The Erisian Mysterees
Which is Most Interesting
-><-
as Divinely Revealed to
My High Reverence MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
and HIGH PRIEST of
THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)
HAIL ERIS! -><- KALLISTI -><- ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
Dedicated to The Prettiest One
The Upstart of one hand clapping
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- JOSHUA NORTON CABAL -
Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee
POEE
is one manifestation of
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
about which
you will learn more
and understand
less
We
are a tribe
of philosophers, theologians,
magicians, scientists,
artists, clowns,
and similar maniacs
who are intrigued
with
ERIS
GODDESS OF CONFUSION
and with
Her
Doings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Tell You: One must
still have chaos in one
to give birth to a
dancing star!
-Nietzsche
THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year
of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun
deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a
mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he
discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing
it upside down.
KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no
Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And
every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering
System.
III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone &
Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to
Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom
(no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat
of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog
Buns).
IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of
Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE
TRANSGRESSICUTED.
Test Question from Topanga Cabal The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School: If
they are our brothers, how come we can't eat them?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ZEN STORY
by Camden Benares, The Count of Five
Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal
A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing.
He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords
that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
One night in a coffee house, a
self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "go to the dilapidated mansion you will
find at this address which I have written down for you. Do not speak to those
who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. Go
to the large room on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position
on top of the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and meditate."
He did just as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was
frequently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the resr of the
plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join the pipes
and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how would he know when the moon
rose on the next night. He worried about what the people who walked through
the room said about him.
His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as
if in a test of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that
time two people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the man
was sitting there was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy man. Others
say he is a shithead."
Hearing this, the man was enlightened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Western Union Telegram
To: Jehova Yahweh
Care: Celestial Hotel (Suite #666)
Presidential Tier, Paradise
Dear God;
This is to inform you that your current position as diety is herewith
terminated due to gross incompetence STOP Your check will be mailed STOP
Please do not use me for a reference
Respectfully,
Malaclypse the Younger/Omnibenevolent Polyfather
POEE High Priest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. The Earth quakes and the heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock
together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat while
elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just rains.
11. Indeed do many things come to pass.
HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19
- THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT -
THE REVELATION
Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik was
alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as
a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of a
second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of the late
nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....
Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and
Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at
an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. This
particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were
complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their
respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all other
problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are the
roots of all confusion."
FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU
WITH FAIRY DUST
Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence enveloped
them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of intense
light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then vision returned.
The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes.
They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues in a
variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was steadfastly anchored
to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been sent to scatter. The
two looked at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon. The
condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped.
There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle,
yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He
carried a scroll and walked to the young men.
"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit?
Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what,
pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused.
"SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"
And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang with
a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and
the two lost consciousness.
ERIS - GODDESS OF CHAOS, DISCORD & CONFUSION
They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers
engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee. It was
apparant that their experience had been private.
They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from memory
the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched libraries to
find the significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover only
references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It was not until
they traced the Greek writing on the apple that they discovered the ancient
Goddess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the Romans as DISCORDIA. This was
on the fifth night, and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of
a splendid woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity
itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and universes.
Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested
and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice:
I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness
left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development
approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.
You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your
vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is
bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build
rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy
anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.
During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies, and
learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the ancients as being
disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still considered
equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder things are all
screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They found
that the principle of disorder was every much as significant as the
principle of order.
With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a
meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:
It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you will
find anything you like. Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to the
pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they
choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND
THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of
Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal gland.
"What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on The
Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"
And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe. Omar
began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and down. Mal was
hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals of mirth and with
tears on their cheeks, each appointed the other to be high priest of his own
madness, and together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia,
for what ever that may turn out to be.
"There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a
trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true."
-Neils Bohr
"Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?"
"But there is no house next door."
"No? Then let's go build one!"
-MARX
Fnords ->Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord
Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
St. Trinian's
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
Sewing Circle
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY
by Lord Omar
VERSE
Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is strong!
CHORUS
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Her Apple Corps is strong!
VERSE
She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;*
So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek!
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is strong!
* "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called by the Greeks
"Ol' Limb' Peak."
If a quixotic socrates studied zen under Zorba...?
"The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses"
-Gen. Geo. A. Custer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
People in a Position to Know, Inc.
ON PRAYER
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He
replied with these words:
No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has
listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a
drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village
wiped out in a torrential flood.
"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill"
(Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what is
Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything,
as you hurry along the Path.
THE PURPLE SAGE
HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19
Heaven is down. Hell is up.
This is proven by the fact
that the planets and stars
are orderly in their
movements, IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS
while down on earth The meaning of this is unknown
we come close to the
primal chaos.
There are four other
proofs,
but I forget them.
-Josh the Dill
King Kong Kabal
IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IT IS A MISTAKE
TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.
DO NOT CIRCULATE!
What We Know About ERIS (not much)
The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity-- She was shown as a grotesque
woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her garment ripped and
torn, and women look pale and ghastly when concealing a chilly dagger in their
bosoms.
Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was the
twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter of
Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both),
and Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and sisters include Death, Doom,
Mockery, and Friendship. And that She begat Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies,
and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that.
One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really created
all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always liked the Old
Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic matters. "They were,"
She added, "victims of indigestion, you know."
Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She is
mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.
*THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If you
have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almost
as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of the Pineal
Gland"
DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDUS
-Horace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE INSIDE STORY!
The Law of Fives
the Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first
revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from
The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also
recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai
Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of
Bavaria.
The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR
ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR
INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.
The Law of Fives is never wrong.
In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the
Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."
Please do not use this
document as toilet tissue
The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun
shines by day because, being a woman, it
is afraid to venture out at night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You will find that the State is the kind of ORGANIZATION which, though it
does big things badly, does small things badly too."
- John Kenneth Galbraith
THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and
Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a
trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold**
and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of
the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and
joyously partake of a hot dog.
Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite,
each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription.
And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the
place and everything.
Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must
be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them
to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot
of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried
to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.
Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great
Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a
healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she
got the apple and he got screwed.
As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris
could have Helen (The Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus,King of
Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta
demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The First
War among men.
And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian
is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
Do you believe that?
-------------------------------------
* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of
metalic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law
of Fives.
REMEMBER:
KING
KONG
DIED FOR
YOUR SINS
Ho Chi Zen
is
King Cong
5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is one in which History As We
Know It begins to unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in Corporal
Form, more or less, and such times are Ages of Balanced Unbalance, or
Unbalanced Balance.
6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in which
Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance,or
Stagnation, is attained.
7. An Age of Disorder or an Aftermath is an Apocalyptic Period of Transition
back to Chaos through the Screen of Oblivion into which the Age passeth,
finally. These are Ages of Unbalanced Unbalance.
HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do You Remember?
1. Polite children will always remember that a church is the ______ of _____.
An Erisian Hymn
by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB
Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
Blfffffffffffft!
Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose,has been
exposed. It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother who has
been doing all this nose swallowing.
Heute Die Welt
Morgens das Sonnensystem!
Abbey of the Barbarous Relic
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Official Proclamation -- ODD# III(b)/4,i;18Aft3135
--------------------------------------------------
POEE DISORGANIZATIONAL MATRIX
V) The House of Apostle of ERIS
For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia
A. The Five Apostles of ERIS
B. The Golden Apple Corps (KSC)
C. Episkoposes of The Discordian Society
D. POEE Cabal Priests
E. Saints, Erisian Avatars, and Like Personages
IV) The House of the Rising Podge
for the Disciples of Discordia
A. Office of My High Reverence, The Polyfather
B. Council of POEE Priests
C. The LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD
D. Eristic Avatars
E. Aneristic Avatars
III) The House of the Rising Hodge
For the Bureaucracy
A. the Bureau of Erisian Archives
B. the Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas
C. The Bureau of Symbols,Emblems, Certificates and Such
D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The Unenlightened
Eristic Horde
E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and the Administry for the Orders of
Discordia
II) The House of the Rising Collapse
For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the Discouragement
of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton
A. The Breeze of Wisdom and/or The Wind of Insanity
B. The Breeze of Integrity and/or The Wind of Arrogance
C. The Breeze of Beauty and/or The Wind of Outrages
D. The Breeze of Love and/or The Wind of Bombast
E. The Breeze of Laughter and/or The Wind of Bullshit
I) The Out House
For what is left over
A. Miscellaneous Avatars
B. The Fifth Column
C. POEE =POPES= everywhere
D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE
E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths
-><- OFFICIAL - POEE
Head Temple, San Francisco
HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
Bureau of The POEE Epistolary
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
= THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS =
The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or any
similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMON
POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be elaborated
or simplified as desired.
The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS, commonly
shortened to THE HAND.
\ /
-----><-----
/ \
NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the \/ is taken to symbolize horns,
especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five Fingered
Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as satanic, for the
"horns" are supported by another set, of inverted "horns". Or maybe it is
walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell the truth.
"Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind
and all that resembles it"
-Breton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-><- POEE -><-
POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF
ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent
deity,reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just that
nobody pays much attention to us.
MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest of
POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. He
is called [The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold].
The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian Society,
which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by temporally and
spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.
POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's pineal
gland, and has only one scruple-- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain.
POEE has not registered,incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State,
and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only
fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.
POEE has 5 DEGREES:
There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.
The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
And POEE =POPE=.
POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as Discordian
Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER
ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.
" This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out."
-Lichtenberg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Application For Membership
In the Erisian movement of the DISCORDIA SOCIETY
1. Today's date Yesterday's Date
2. Purpose of this application: --membership in : a. Legion of Dynamic Discord
b. POEE c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above e. None of the Above
f. Other-- BE SPECIFIC!
3. Name_________________________ Holy Name________________
Address_____________________________________________________________
(If temporary, also give an address from which mail can be forwarded)
4. Description: Born: []Yes []No Eyes:[]2 []other Height:
..... fl. oz. Last time you had a haircut: Reason:
Race: []horse []human I.Q.: 150-200 200-250 250-300 over 300
5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th
Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937 from which
you have been fired. Medical: On a separate sheet labeled "confidential"
list all major psychic psychotic episodes experienced within the last 24
hours
6. Sneaky Questions to establish personality traits
I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat
caterpillars. I wear obscene tattoos because ..........
I have ceased raping little children []yes []no -- reason ..........
7. Self Portrait
Rev. Mungo
For Office Use Only -- acc. rej. burned
LICK HERE!!!
*
(You may be one
of the lucky 25)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-><-
POEE & It's Priests
If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you may
wish to from your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do a bunch of
POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what you think it is.
The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather expect
good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather is point, not to teach. Once
in a while, he even listens.
Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become substantially
different that the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps the Goddess has plans
for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider creating your own sect from
scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not competing with each other, and they
are all POEE priests anyway (as soon as I locate them). The point is that
Episkoposes are developing separate paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the
section "Discordian Society"
ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST
There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want to
be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly know
better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?
An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an
Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."
Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise
And find ye delight in Her Great Surprise!
Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know
What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!
(HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
World Council of Churches Boutique
Note to POEE Priests:
The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not as a
commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool when
seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via the market
place.
The Hidden stone ripens fast,
then laid bare like a turnip
can easily be cut out at last
but even then the danger isn't past.
That man lives best who's fain
to live half mad, half sane.
-Flemish Poet Jan Van
Stijevoort, 1524.
The Erisian Affirmation
BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare myself a
POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD.
HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:
ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
find the goddess Eris To Diverse Gods
Within your Pineal Gland Do Mortals bow;
POEE Holy Cow, and
Wholly Chao
-Rev. Dr. Grindlebone
Monroe Cabal
"common sense is what tells you that the world is flat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is St. Gulik. He is the Messenger of the Goddess. A different age from
ours called him Hermes. Many people called him by many names. He is a Roach
_______________________________________________________________________________
Legion of Dynamic Discord
HARK
RECOGNIZE that the -- DISCORDIAN SOCIETY -- doth hereby certify
As a Legionnaire
Glory to We Children of ERIS
Presented under the auspices
of our Lady of Discord, ERIS
by the House of the Apostles
of ERIS.
-><-
_______________________________________________________________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO START A POEE CABAL
WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER
If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want anything to
do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE CABAL and do
Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide. Your Official Rank
will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the
same as a POEE PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate.
The words you are now reading are your ordination.
HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN
1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.
2. Sign and nose-print each copy.
3. Send one to the President of the United States.
4. Send one to
The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding
1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814
5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other.
Then consult your pineal gland.
General License was Sgt. Pepper's Commander
~~ OLD POEE SLOGAN ~~
When in Doubt, Fuck it.
When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trip 5!
= The POEE Baptismal Rite =
This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many
POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.
1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate
in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate
right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate must be totally
naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not something else in
disguise like a cabbage or something.
2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume
a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four
more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians.
3) The Priest begins:
I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations,
offices, &tc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris
Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest of It, Office
of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do
herewith Require of Ye:
1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? The Initiate
answers YES.
2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The Initiate answers
YES.
3) HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED?
He answers YES.
4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT?
The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.)
The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name),
LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and
offers it to all who are present.
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.
Mord says that Omar says that we are all unicorns anyway.
DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP
3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of Garbage, in words that were
both sweet and bitter, to surrender back the cigar box containing the cards
designated by the Angel as The Honest Book of Truth, the Collector was to him
as one who might be smitten deaf, saying only: 'Gainst the rules, y' know.
HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap 2
Answers:
1. Harry Houdini
2. Swing Music
3. Pretzels
4. 8 months
5. Testy Culbert
6. It protrudes.
7. No vocal cords
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH G3400
50
The Initiate swears the following: DMTS
19
FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!
(Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to
substitute the German:
FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE!
or perhaps
WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!!
which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)
THE RECENT EXPOSE THAT MR. MOMOMOTO, FAMOUS JAPANESE WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE,
CANNOT SWALLOW HIS NOSE BUT HIS BROTHER CAN, HAS BEEN EXPOSED! IT IS MR.
MOMOMOTO WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE. HE SWALLOWED HIS BROTHER IN THE SUMMER OF
'44.
Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback for the
New York Jets, not fullback as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, but
mud. All power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.
"This statement is false"
(courtesy of POEE)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
The Discordian Society has no definition.
I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been
called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges of
Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers "The World's
Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it as
a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You can think of
it any way you like.
AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as The
Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say that they
like what he says.
THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD:
A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his own
sect.
If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish
do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't.
There are no rules anywhere. Some Episkoposes
The Goddess Prevails. have a one-man cabal.
Some work together.
Some never do explain.
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go
for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see
you again! Helter Skelter!
-John Lennon
"Everybody I know who is right always agrees with ME" -Rev Lady Mal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS
The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of The Sacred
Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names.
It says little,
does less,
means
nothing.
* Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. We
thought of it first.
- The Numeral V sign -
Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, and innocent Hippies
everywhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PERPETUAL DATE CONVERTER FROM GREGORIAN TO POEE CALENDAR
Seasons
1) Chaos - Patron Apostle Hung Mung
2) Discord - Patron Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo
3) Confusion - Patron Apostle Sri Syadasti
4) Bureaucracy - Patron Apostle Zarathud
5) The Aftermath - Patron Apostle The Elder Malaclypse
Days of the Week* * The DAYS OF THE WEEK
1) Sweetmorn are named from the five Basic Elements:
2) Boomtime SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE
3) Pungenday
4) Prickle-Prickle
5) Setting Orange
HOLYDAYS
A) APOSTLE HOLYDAYS B) SEASON HOLYDAYS
1) Mungday 1) Chaoflux
2) Mojoday 2) Discoflux
3) Syaday 3) Confuflux
4) Zaraday 4) Bureflux
5) Maladay 5) Afflux
Each occurs on the 5th Each occurs on the 50th
day of the Season day of each Season
C) ST. TIB'S DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is inserted
between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos
SM BT PD PP SO SM BT PD PP SO
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Jan 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 Chs Jul 5 6 7 8 9 40 41 42 43 44 Cfn
6 7 8 9 10 6 7 8 9 10 10 11 12 13 14 45 46 47 48 49
11 12 13 14 15 11 12 13 14 15 15 16 17 18 19 50 51 52 53 54
16 17 18 19 20 16 17 18 19 20 20 21 22 23 24 55 56 57 58 59
21 22 23 24 25 21 22 23 24 25 25 26 27 28 29 60 61 62 63 64
26 27 28 29 30 26 27 28 29 30 30 31 1 2 3 65 66 67 68 69
31 1 2 3 4 31 32 33 34 35 Aug 4 5 6 7 8 70 71 72 73 1 Bcy
Feb 5 6 7 8 9 36 37 38 39 40 9 10 11 12 13 2 3 4 5 6
10 11 12 13 14 41 42 43 44 45 14 15 16 17 18 7 8 9 10 11
15 16 17 18 19 46 47 48 49 50 19 20 21 22 23 12 13 14 15 16
20 21 22 23 24 51 52 53 54 55 24 25 26 27 28 17 18 19 20 21
25 26 27 28* 1 56 57 58 59 60 29 30 31 1 2 22 23 24 25 26
Mar 2 3 4 5 6 61 62 63 64 65 Sep 3 4 5 6 7 27 28 29 30 31
7 8 9 10 11 66 67 68 69 70 8 9 10 11 12 32 33 34 35 36
12 13 14 15 16 71 72 73 1 2 Dsc 13 14 15 16 17 37 38 39 40 41
17 18 19 20 21 3 4 5 6 7 18 19 20 21 22 42 43 44 45 46
22 23 24 25 26 8 9 10 11 12 23 24 25 26 27 47 48 49 50 51
27 28 29 30 31 13 14 15 16 17 28 29 30 1 2 52 53 54 55 56
Apr 1 2 3 4 5 18 19 20 21 22 Oct 3 4 5 6 7 57 58 59 60 61
6 7 8 9 10 23 24 25 26 27 8 9 10 11 12 62 63 64 65 66
11 12 13 14 15 28 29 30 31 32 13 14 15 16 17 67 68 69 70 71
16 17 18 19 20 33 34 35 36 37 18 19 20 21 22 72 73 1 2 3 Afm
21 22 23 24 25 38 39 40 41 42 23 24 25 26 27 4 5 6 7 8
26 27 28 29 30 43 44 45 46 47 28 29 30 31 1 9 10 11 12 13
May 1 2 3 4 5 48 49 50 51 52 Nov 2 3 4 5 6 14 15 16 17 18
6 7 8 9 10 53 54 55 56 57 7 8 9 10 11 19 20 21 22 23
11 12 13 14 15 58 59 60 61 62 12 13 14 15 16 24 25 26 27 28
16 17 18 19 20 63 64 65 66 67 17 18 19 20 21 29 30 31 32 33
21 22 23 24 25 68 69 70 71 72 22 23 24 25 26 34 35 36 37 38
26 27 28 29 30 73 1 2 3 4 Cfn 27 28 29 30 1 39 40 41 42 43
31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Dec 2 3 4 5 6 44 45 46 47 48
Jun 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 7 8 9 10 11 49 50 51 52 53
10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 12 13 14 15 16 54 55 56 57 58
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 17 18 19 20 21 59 60 61 62 63
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 22 23 24 25 26 64 65 66 67 68
25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 27 28 29 30 31 69 70 71 72 73
30 1 2 3 4 35 36 37 38 39 [1991 = 3157][Next St. Tibs Day in 3158]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOLY NAMES
Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not
unique to Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son
of Mr. and Mrs. VI?
Will whoever stole Brother Reverend Magoun's pornography please return
it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BEARER OF THIS CARD
IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED
~ POPE ~
So please Treat Him Right
GOOD FOREVER
Genuine and authorized by The House of Apostles of ERIS
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every man, woman and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized Pope
Reproduce and distribute these cards freely- POEE Head Temple, San Francisco
A =POPE= is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For Your Enlightenment
THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
by
Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P.
POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal
When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into
the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in his
endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left standing from the
night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about its making and had let
it sit steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc's
intention to use this old tea by diluting it with water. And again in his
weakness, chose without further consideration and plunged into the physical
labor of the preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of
that trip, he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter
tea that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside
intensified, and the pattern, previously established with the physical laboring
and the muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued to
exert their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied the
voice.
And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and
Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.
"The Five Laws have root in awareness."
--Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto 85)
The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in
it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in it on
the supposition that they'll go there if they don't.
HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE
One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the
Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards
the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES?
"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord!
Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden
from my heart!"
WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.
"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain.
Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with
injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers
imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?
"But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."
OH. WELL, THEN STOP.
At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left
The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.
SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS
=THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =
1. HUNG MUNG
A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the Heathen
Chinee. He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the Season of
Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5.
2. DR. VAN VAN MOJO
A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of Hoodoo
and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will Save Your Bod
Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the Intergalactic Haitian
Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of The Season of Discord. Holyday: Mar 19.
[NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention that
Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True Second
Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Dr. Mojo heaps hatred upon Patamunzo, who sends
only Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE sect know that Patamunzo is
the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to
subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of his wits.
3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA
SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVATAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA commonly
called just SRI SYADASTI
His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are true in some sense, false
in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true
and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true
and false and meaningless in some sense.
He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of Gentle
Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron to psychedelic type
Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion. Holyday: May 31. NOTE: Sri
Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED ST. GULIK THE STONED, who is not
the same person but is the same Apostle.
4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH
A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger. Dubbed
"Offender of The Faith." Discovered the Five Commandments. Patron of the Season
of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug. 12
5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE
A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-Terra" or middle earth), who
followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome, Damascus, Baghdad,
Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that seemed to read "DOOM". (This is
a misunderstanding. The sign actually read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.)
Patron and namesake of Mal-2. Patron on The Season of The Aftermath. Holyday:
Oct 24.
All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some
sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false
and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some
sense. A public service clarification by the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual
Wisdom, Wilmette.
The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual School of Spiritual
Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense,
true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and
meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.
Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Man...Great! I feel goofy, the way my old man looks when he's drunk.
THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH
being a BIBLE of The Erisian Movement
and How it was Revealed to
Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose
of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of
the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus,
Laughing Buddha Jesus [LBJ] Ranch
From the Honest Book of Truth
THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1
1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger
of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was buried an
Honest Book.
2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig the
Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and,
spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and ,lying
in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings -- an
Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which was to the East of
Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and
five nights, but found no book.
4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to pass
that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and bedded
himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he had
uncovered on the first day of his labors.
5. Omar slept.
6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance, and
there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in the
Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove wherein
was hidden a Golden Chest.
7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift the
Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and,
sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in
the Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an
Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this shit,man?
What care I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the Inspiration
of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a Scribe to the Gods
when the Scribes of the Governments do nothing, yet are paid better
wages?
9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground
by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days and five nights.
10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he dreampt, and in his
Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there came unto him a
Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar box
containing many filing cards, some of them in packs with rubber bands
around, and upon these cards were sometimes written verses, while upon
others nothing was written.
11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded to Lord: Take ye this Honest Book of
Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land and
Lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach from
it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONVENTIONAL CHAOS
GREYFACE
In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of
Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as
he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted
the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," he
said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was
a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.
It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that
particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the
disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway,
Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more
seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy
other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.
The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been
suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes
frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip. Man
has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.
Bullshit makes the flowers
grow & that's beautiful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
And follow the Way it carries you,
Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
Over the Waves in whatever you do.
(HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:3)
[graphic deleted... if you wanna see it, READ THE BOOK]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, at the Chinese laundromat...
DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"*
THE BOOK OF UTERUS
from the Honest Book of Truth
revealed to Lord Omar
1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion by the
Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge.
2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually to
overpower the Podge -- and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be.
3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of Oblivion
by the Perfect Counterpullpush of the Podge and the Hodge.
4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the Podge swiftly
underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose.
5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle Manifestation
of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the Path back to Oblivion
- that it might not become lost among Precepts of Order in the Region of
Thud.
6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the State of
Confusion, wherein It copulated with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady of
Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao.
7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence called
Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established, and was hence
called Discordia.
8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy perished
in a paper shortage.
9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.
10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy was the
Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation, computations, and
reckonings were put away by the Children of Eris in Acceptance and
Preparation for the Return to Oblivion to be followed by a Repetition of the
Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath waseth a
Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS!
11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would Repeat Itself
Five Times Over Seventy-three Times, after which nothing would happen.
____________________________
* This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA III - HISTORY #6, "HISTORIC
CYCLES," which states that social progress occurs in five cycles, the first
three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS, ANTITHESIS and PARENTHESIS; and
the last two ("the Bicycle") of which are CONSTERNATION and MORAL WARPTITUDE.
** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does not happen then
the exact opposite will happen, only in exactly the opposite manner from that
in which it did not happen.
Dull but Sincere Filler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated: Imposition of Order = escalation
of Disorder!"
[H.B.T. ; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6]
THE FIVE ORDERS OF DISCORDIA ("THEM")
Gen. Pandaemonium, Commanding
The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his early
disciples. They form the skeleton of the Aneristic Movement, which over
emphasizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to the necessary
compliment, the Principle of Disorder. The Orders are composed of persons all
hung up on authority, security and control; i.e., they are blinded by the
Aneristic Illusion. They do not know that they belong to Orders of Discordia.
But we know.
1. The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE. This is for all
the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world.
2. The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. This is reserved for
lawmakers, censors, and like ilk.
3. The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP. They commonly inhabit schools
and universities, and dominate many of them.
4. The Social Order of THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE FOR CONCERNED CITIZENS. This is
mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional military, political,
academic and sacred Orders.
5. The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE. Not much is known about the D.L.,
but they are very ancient and quite possibly were founded by Greyface himself.
It is known that they now have absolute domination over all organized churches
in the world. It is also believed that they have been costuming cabbages and
passing them off as human beings.
A person belonging to one or more Order is just as likely to carry a flag of
the counter-establishment as the flag of the establishment-- just as long as it
is a flag.
Don't let THEM immanentize the Eschaton.
HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4
Go To Your Left-Right....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE FOLLOWING IS QUOTED FROM BERGAN EVANS
ON NORBERT WEINER, NUCLEAR PHYSICIST
The second concept Wiener has to establish is that of entropy.
Probability is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics. Entropy comes
from physics. It is the assertion-- established logically and experimentally--
that the universe, by its nature, is "running down", moving toward a state of
inert uniformity devoid of form, matter, hierarchy or differentiation.
That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos, is
overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order.
The tendency for entropy to increase in isolated systems is expressed
in the second law of thermodynamics-- perhaps the most pessimistic and amoral
formulation in all human thought.
It applies however, to a closed system, to something that is an
isolated whole, not just a part. Within such systems there may be parts, which
draw their energy from the whole, that are moving at least temporarily, in the
opposite direction; in them order is increasing and chaos is diminishing.
The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main current
are called "enclaves". And one of them is life, especially human life, which in
a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves towards increased order.
IF THE TELEPHONE RINGS TODAY..... WATER IT!
-Rev. Thomas, Gnostic
N.Y.C. Cabal
Personal
PLANETARY Pi, which I discovered, is 61. It's a Time-Energy relationship
existing between sun and inner plants and I use it in arriving at many facts
unknown to science. For example, multiply nude earth's circumference
24,902.20656 by 61 and you get the distance of moon's orbit around the earth.
This is slightly less than the actual distance because we have not yet
considered earth's atmosphere. So be it. Christopher Garth, Evanston
"I should have been a plumber."
--Albert Einstein
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken"
-Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U. sect
= ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT =
Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great
delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers.
One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he
confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
"Tell me, you dumb beast." demanded the Priest in his commanding voice,
"why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?"
Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".*
Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily because
nobody could understand Chinese.
* "MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING
TAO FA TSU-DAN FIND PEACE WITH A
CONTENTED CHAO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE SACRED CHAO
THE SACRED CHAO is the key to illumination. Devised by the Apostle Hung Mung
in ancient China, it was modified and popularized by the Taoists and is
sometimes called the YIN-YANG. The Sacred Chao is not the Yin-Yang of the
Taoists. It is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians. And, instead of a Podge spot
on the Hodge side, it has a PENTAGON which symbolizes the ANERISTIC
PRINCIPLE, and instead of a Hodge spot on the Podge side, it depicts the
GOLDEN APPLE OF DISCORDIA to symbolize the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.
The Sacred Chao symbolizes absolutely everything anyone need ever know about
absolutely anything, and more! It even symbolizes everything not worth
knowing, depicted by the empty space surrounding the Hodge-Podge.
HERE FOLLOWS SOME PSYCHO-METAPHYSICS.
If you are not hot for philosophy, best just to skip it.
The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic
Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man made
concepts and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a level deeper
that is the level of distinction making.
With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at reality
through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The
ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened
people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially other
cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-reality
which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper that is the
level of concept.
We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids
(concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a group
of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, and
relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is
in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.
Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one
grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect one
that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightened
westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the
ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than others, some more
beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be
more True than any other.
DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some
particular grid. But, like "relation", no-relation is a concept. Male, like
female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of
female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysically
arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.
The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow
wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the
ERISTIC ILLUSION.
The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition
relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T)
Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid,
and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick
another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and
disordered.
Reality is the original Rorschach.
Verily! So much for all that.
The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise
Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes.
(HBT; The Book of Advise, 2:1)
The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of Discordia,
which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The writing on it,
"KALLISTI" is Greek for "TO THE PRETTIEST ONE" and refers to an old myth about
The Goddess. But the Greeks had only a limited understanding of Disorder, and
thought it to be a negative principle.
The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes the
HODGE. The Pentagon has several references; for one,, it can be taken to
represent geometry, one of the earliest studies of formal order to reach
elaborate development;* for another, it specifically accords with THE LAW OF
FIVES.
THE TRUTH IS FIVE BUT MEN HAVE ONLY ONE NAME FOR IT.
-Patamunzo Lingananda
It is also the shape of the United States Military Headquarters, the Pentagon
Building, a most pregnant manifestation of straightjacket order resting on a
firm foundation of chaos and constantly erupting into dazzling disorder; and
this building is one of our more cherished Erisian Shrines. Also it so happens
that in times of medieval magic, the pentagon was the generic symbol for
werewolves, but this reference is not particularly intended and it should be
noted that the Erisian Movement does not discriminate against werewolves-- our
membership roster is open to persons of all races, national origins and
hobbies.
____________________________________
* The Greek geometrician PYTHAGORAS, however, was not a typical aneristic
personality. He was what we call an EXPLODED ANERISTIC and an AVATAR. We call
him Archangle Pythagoras.
[diagram of HODGE/PODGE TRANSFORMER deleted... DtC]
5. Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying "I
do not know! I do not know!"
HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BRUNSWICK SHRINE
In the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier there lives a bowling alley, and within
this very place, in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3125 (1959*), Eris revealed
Herself to The Golden Apple Corps for the first time.
In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a Shrine by
all Erisians. Once every five years, the Golden Apple Corps plans a Pilgrimage
to Brunswick Shrine as an act of Devotion, and therein to partake of No Hot Dog
Buns, and ruminate a bit about It All.
It is written that when The Corps returns to The Shrine for the fifth time five
times over, than shall the world come to an end:
IMPENDING DOOM
HAS ARRIVED
And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder
Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign
for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of
Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal
This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious
MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud
for These Five Days.
As a public service to all mankind and civilization in general, and to us in
particular, the Golden Apple Corps has concluded that planning such a
Pilgrimage is sufficient and that it is prudent to never get around to actually
going.
___________________________________
* Or maybe it was 1958, I forget.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STARBUCK'S PEBBLES Which
Is
Real?
*
* *
* *
Do these 5 pebbles [note: they were pebbles,originally..try doing
ASCII pebbles -DtC] REALLY form a pentagon?
Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes.
Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no. Criss-cross them and it is
a star.
An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist that any one
is really true, or that none at all is true. Stars, and pentagons, and
disorder are all his creations and he may do with them as he wishes. Indeed,
even so the concept of number 5.
The real reality is there, but everything you KNOW about "it" is in your mind
and yours to do with as you like. Conceptualization is art, and YOU ARE THE
ARTIST.
Convictions cause convicts.
Can you chart the COURSE
to Captain Valentine's SWEETHEART?
Hemlock? I never touch the stuff!
When I was 8 or 9 years old, I acquired
a split beaver magazine. You can imagine
my disappointment when,upon examination
of the photos with a microscope, I found
that all I could see was dots.
7. Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ERIS CONTEMPLATES FOR 3125 YEARS
-------------------------------------------Pun-jab is Sikh, Sikh, Sikh!--------
THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)
A Non-prophet Irreligious Disorganization
MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
HIGH PRIEST
THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT HOUSE OF APOSTLES OF ERIS
(X) Official Business ( )Surreptitious Business page 1 of 1 pages
Official Discordian Document Number (if applicable): n/a
( ) the Golden Apple Corps (X)House of Disciples of Discordia
The Bureaucracy, Bureau of: DOGMAS
( ) Council of Episkoposes: Office of High Priesthood, Sect of the POEE
( ) Drawer o
______________________________________________________________________________
Today's DATE: day of the Carrot yesterday's DATE: Yes -><-
Originating Cabal: Joshua Norton Cabal - San Francisco
TO: REV. RAMPANT PANCREAS, tRRoCR(a)pttM; Colorado Encrustation
Brother Ram,
Your acute observation that ERIS spelled backwards is SIRE, and your inference
to the effect that there is sexual symbolism here, have brought me to some
observations of my own,
ERIS spelled fore-part-aft-wards is RISE. And spelled inside out is REIS,
which is a unit of money, albeit Portugese-Brazilian and no longer in use.
From this it may be concluded that Eris has usurped Eros (god of erotic love)
in the eyes of those who read backwards; which obviously made Eros sorE. Then
She apparently embezzeled the Olympian Treasury and went to Brazil; whereupon
She opened a chain of whorehouses (which certainly would get a rise from the
male population). I figure it to be this in particular because MADAM reads the
same forwards and backwards. And further, it is a term of great respect,
similar to SIRE.
And so thank you for your insight, it may well be the clue to the mystery of
just where Eris has been fucking around for 3125.
FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
-><- Mal-2
Not for Circulation!
KALLISTI HAIL ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA
safeguard this letter, it may be an important document
Form No.: O.D.D. IIb/ii.1-37D.VVM:3134
_______________________________________________________________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DOGMA III - HISTORY #2, "COSMOGONY"
which is not the same as DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY" (Book of Uterus)
In the beginning there was VOID, who had two daughters; one (the
smaller) was that of BEING, named ERIS, and one (the larger) was of NON-BEING,
named ANERIS. (To this day, the fundamental truth that Aneris is the larger is
apparent to all who compare the great number of things that do not exist with
the comparatively small number of things that do exist.)
Eris had been born pregnant, and after 55 years (Goddesses have an
unusually long gestation period-- longer even than elephants), Her pregnancy
bore the fruits of many things. These things were composed of the Five Basic
Elements, SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE. Aneris, however, had been
created sterile. When she saw Eris enjoying Herself so greatly with all of the
existent things She had borne, Aneris became jealous and finally one day she
stole some existent things and changed them into non-existent things and
claimed them as her own children. This deeply hurt Eris, who felt that Her
sister was unjust (being so much larger anyway) to deny Her her small joy. And
so She made herself swell again to bear more things. And She swore that no
matter how many of her begotten that Aneris would steal, She would beget more.
And, in return, Aneris swore that no matter how many existent things Eris
brought forth, she would eventually find them and turn them into non-existent
things for her own. (And to this day, things appear and disappear in this very
manner.)
At first, the things brought forth by Eris were in a state of chaos
and went in every which way, but by the by She began playing with them and
ordered some of them just to see what would happen. Some pretty things arose
from this play and for the next five zillion years She amused Herself by
creating order. And so She grouped some things with others and some groups
with others, and big groups with little groups, and all combinations until She
had many grand schemes which delighted Her.
Engrossed in establishing order, She finally one day noticed disorder
(previously not apparent because everything was chaos). There were many ways
in which chaos was ordered and many ways in which it was not.
"Hah," She thought, "Here shall be a new game."
And She taught order and disorder to play with each other in contest
games, and to take turns amusing each other. She named the side of disorder
after Herself, "ERISTIC" because Being is anarchic. And then, in a mood of
sympathy for Her lonely sister, She named the other side "ANERISTIC" which
flattered Aneris and smoothed the friction a little that was between them.
Now all of this time, Void was somewhat disturbed. He felt unsatisfied
for he had created only physical existence and physical non-existence, and had
neglected the spiritual. As he contemplated this, a great Quiet was caused and
he went into a state of Deep Sleep which lasted for 5 eras. At the end of this
ordeal, he begat a brother to Eris and Aneris, that of SPIRITUALITY, who had
no name at all.
When the sisters heard this, they both confronted Void and pleaded
that he not forget them, his First Born. And so Void decreed thus:
That this brother, having no form, was to reside with Aneris in
Non-Being and then to leave her and, so that he might play with order and
disorder, reside with Eris in Being. But Eris became filled with sorrow when
She heard this and then began to weep.
"Why are you despondent?" demanded Void, "Your new brother will have
his share with you." "But Father, Aneris and I have been arguing, and she will
take him from me when she discovers him, and cause him to return to
Non-Being." "I see,"replied Void, "Then I decree the following:
"When your brother leaves the residence of Being, he shall not reside
again in Non-Being, but shall return to Me, Void, from whence he came. You
girls may bicker as you wish, but My son is your Brother and We are all of
Myself."
And so it is that we, as men, do not exist until we do; and then it is that we
play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder them, and so it
shall be that non-existence shall take us back from existence and that
nameless spirituality shall return to Void, like a tired child home from a
very wild circus.
"Everything is true - Everything is permissible!" -><-
-Hassan i Sabbah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is serenity in Chaos.
Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.
A POEE MYSTEREE RITE - THE SRI SYADASTIAN CHANT
Written, in some sense, by Mal-2
Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted. This particular one is much
enhanced by the use of a Leader to chant the Sanskrit alone, with all
participants chanting the English. it also behooves one to be in a quiet frame
of mind and to be sitting in a still position, perhaps The Buttercup Position.
It also helps if one is absolutely zonked out of his gourd.
RUB-A-DUB-DUB
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Hung Mung.
SYA-DASTI
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Mo-jo.
SYA-DAVAK-TAVYA
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Zara-thud.
SYA-DASTI SYA-NASTI
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Elder Mal.
SYA-DASTI KAVAK-TAV-YASKA
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Gu-lik.
SYA-DASTI, SYA-NASTI, SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA
O! Hail Eris. All Hail Dis-cord-ia.
RUB-A-DUB-DUB
It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two thousand miles, which
ever comes first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Classification of Saints
1. SAINT SECOND CLASS
To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood. Example: St.Norton
the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico (his grave
near San Francisco is an official POEE shrine.)
THE FOLLOWING FOUR CATAGORIES ARE RESERVED FOR FICTIONAL BEINGS WHO, NOT BEING
ACTUAL, ARE MORE CAPABLE OF PERFECTION.
2. LANCE SAINT
Good Saint material and definitely inspiring.
Example: St. Yossarian (Catch 22, Heller)
3. LIEUTENANT SAINT
Excellent Goddess-Saturated Saint.
Example: St. Quixote (Don Quixote, Cervantes)
4. BRIGADIER SAINT
Comparable to Lt/Saint but has an established following (fictional or
factual). Example: St. Bokonon (Cat's Cradle, Vonnegut)
5. FIVE STAR SAINT
The Five Apostles of Eris.
Note: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other about
Saints.
Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Herman Hesse. Only a
hand full understood Albert Einstein. And nobody understood Emperor Norton.
-Slogan of NORTON CABAL - S.F.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TESTS BY DOCTORS PROVE IT POSSIBLE TO SHRINK
=ON OCCULTISM=
Magicians, especially since the Gnostic and the Quabala influences, have
sought higher consciousness through assimilation and control of universal
opposites-- good/evil, positive/negative, male/female, etc. But due to the
steadfast pomposity of ritualism inherited from the ancient methods of the
shaman, occultists have been blinded to what is perhaps the two most important
pairs of apparent or earth-plane opposites: ORDER/DISORDER and
SERIOUS/HUMOROUS.
Magicians, and progeny the scientists, have always taken themselves and their
subject in an orderly and sober manner, thereby disregarding an essential
metaphysical balance. when magicians learn to approach philosophy as a
malleable art instead of an immutable Truth, and learn to appreciate the
absurdity of man's endeavours, then they will be able to pursue their art with
a lighter heart, and perhaps gain a clearer understanding of it, and therefore
gain more effective magic. CHAOS IS ENERGY.
This is an essential challenge to the basic concepts of all western occult
thought, and POEE is humbly pleased to offer the first breakthrough in
occultism since Solomon.
"Study Demonology with an Enemy This Sunday"
sez Thom,Gnos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
POEE ASTROLOGICAL SYSTEM
1) Om your next birthday, return to the place of your birth and, at precisely
midnight, noting your birth time and date of observation, count all visible
stars.
2) When you have done this, write to me and I'll tell you what to do next.
The Eminent 16th Century Mathemetician Cardan so detested Luther that he
altered Luther's birthdate to give him an unfavorable horoscope.
The theorem to be proved is that if any even number of people take seats at
random around a circular table bearing place cards with their names, it is
always possible to rotate the table until at least two people are opposite
their cards. Assume the contrary. Let N be the even number of persons, and let
their names be replaced by the integers 0 to N-1 "in such a way that the place
cards are numbered in sequence around the table. If a delegate D originally
sits down to a place card P, then the table must be rotated R steps before he
is correctly seated, where R=P-D, unless this is negative, in which case
R=P-D+N. The collection of values of D (and of P) for all delegates is clearly
the integers 0 to N-1,each taken once, but so also is the collection of values
of R, or else two delegates would be correctly seated at the same time.
Summing the above equations, one for each delegate, gives S-S+NK, where K is
an integer and S=N(N-1)/2, the sum of the integers from 0 to N-1. It follows
that N=2K+1, an odd number." This contradicts the original assumption.
"I actually solved this problem some years ago," Rybicki writes, "for
a different but completely equivalent problem, a generalization of the
nonattacking 'eight queens' problem for a cylindrical chessboard where
diagonal attack is restricted to diagonals slanting in one direction only.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE
INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISM
To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept a
trip composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to choose the
creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of both order
and disorder. To accomplish this, one need only accept creative disorder along
with, and equal to, creative order, and also willing to reject destructive
order as an undesirable equal to destructive disorder.
The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into
order/disorder as the essential positive/negative polarity, instead of
building a game foundation with creative/destructive as the essential
positive/negative. He has thereby caused man to endure the destructive aspects
of order and has prevented man from effectively participating in the creative
uses of disorder. Civilization reflects this unfortunate division.
POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we work
toward the proposition that creative disorder, like creative order, is
possible and desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive
disorder, is unnecessary and undesirable.
Seek the Sacred Chao - therein you will find the foolishness of all
ORDER/DISORDER. They are the same!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ERISIAN MAGIC RITUAL - THE TURKEY CURSE
Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the evil
Curse of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians everywhere
for their just protection.
The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface and
his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function and that a
timely introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize their foundation.
The Turkey Curse is designed solely to counteract negative aneristic vibes and
if introduced into a neutral or positive aneristic setting (like a poet
working out word rhythms) it will prove harmless, or at worst, simply
annoying. It is not designed for use against negative eristic vibes, although
it can be used as an eristic vehicle to introduce positive vibes into a
misguided eristic setting. In this instance, it would be the responsibility of
the Erisian Magician to manufacture the positive vibrations if results are to
be achieved. CAUTION- all magic is powerful and requires courage and integrity
on the part of the magician. This ritual, if misused, can backfire. Positive
motivation is essential for self-protection.
TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE:
Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs.
Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or towards the
direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize.
Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your hands
as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess. Chant, loudly and
clearly:
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
The results will be instantly apparent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar
The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by
asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know that
God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If he should answer "Yes." then he
probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If he says "No." then
quickly proceed to:
THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is
ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him into
the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does not
appear convinced, then proceed to:
THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I
sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what
happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that he
will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the
poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake
your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and
confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of
this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then quickly
respond with:
THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely
right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS.
If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:
THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people
like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable
Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a poem
than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious Mao
Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not get
hip. Then put him on your mailing list.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SINK
A GAME
by Ala Hera, E.L., N.S.; RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.
PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing...
in water or mud or anything you; can sink something in.
RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks of mud were
used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water or a hole
to drop things in. But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even oceans can be
used.
TURNS are taken thusly: who somever gets the junk up and in the air first.
DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing "SINK" to help find more
objects to sink, once; one object is sunk.
UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell "I sank it!" or something equally as
thoughtful.
NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable. The object is named by the finder
of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance, "I sunk Columbus,
Ohio!"
"In a way, we're a kind of Peace Corps."
- Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training Director of the
Green Beret Special Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Joint Effort of the Discordian Society
POST OFFICE LIBERATION FRONT
Export License Not Required
THIS IS A CHAIN LETTER.
WITHIN THE NEXT FIFTY-FIVEDAYS YOU WILL RECEIVE THIRTY-ELEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS
OF CHAINS!
In the meantime - plant your seeds.
If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot of
people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted.
Plant your seeds.
In parks. On lots. Public flower beds. In remote places. At City Hall.
Wherever. Whenever. Or start a plantation in your closet (but read up on it
first for that). For casual planting, its best to soak them in water for a day
and plant in a bunch of about 5, about half an inch deep. Don't worry much
about the weather, they know when the weather is wrong and will try to wait
for nature. Don't soak them if its wintertime. Seeds are a very hearty life
form and strongly desire to grow and flourish. But some of them need people's
help to get started. Plant your seeds.
Make a few copies of this letter (5 would be nice) and send them to friends of
yours. Try to mail to different cities and states, even different countries.
If you would rather not, then please pass this copy on to someone and perhaps
they would like to.
THERE IS NO TRUTH
to the legend that if you throw away a chain letter then all sorts of
catastrophic, abominable, and outrageous disasters will happen. Except, of
course, from your seed's point of view.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. "How come a woodpecker doesn't bash its brains out?" A. Nobody has ever
explained that.
Mary Jane says "Plant Your Seeds. Keep Prices Down."
"And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon
the face of the earth... to you it shall be for meat."
-Genesis 1:29
[graphical stuff deleted -DtC]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Questions
Have a friendly class talk. Permit each child to tell any part of the unit on
"Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he enjoyed. Name some
causes of disturbance in your school.
Chapter 1, THE EPISTLE TO THE PARANOIDS
--Lord Omar
1. Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear--and, behold, do ye now
complain that ye lack FREEDOM!
2. Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye, lamenting,
that ye've been left to fight alone.
3. All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the entire
Pentaverse, but today ye was sore afraid in dark corners, nooks, and sink
holes.
4. O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other, in ye hearts! What
fear ye more that what ye have wroughten?
5. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the
Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine the land
with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings.
DESPITE strong evidence to the contrary, persistant rumor has it that it was
Mr. Momomoto's brother who swallowed Mr. Momomoto in the summer of '44.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advertisement
_______________________________________________________________________________
BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)
THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA
invite YOU to join
The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy
Have you ever SECRETLY WONDERED WHY IS there an ESOTERIC ALLEGORY con-
The GREAT PYRAMID has FIVE sides cealed in the apparently innocent
(counting the bottom)? legend of Snow White and The Seven
Dwarfs?
WHAT IS the TRUE secret SINISTER WHY do scholarly anthropologists
REALITY lying behind the ANCIENT TURN PALE with terror at the
Aztec Legend of QUETZLCOATL? very MENTION of the FORBIDDEN
name YOG-SOTHOTH?
WHO IS the MAN in ZURICH WHAT REALLY DID HAPPEN
that some SWEAR is LEE TO AMBROSE BIERCE?
HARVEY OSWALD?
If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $3,125.00 (plus handling), you might be
eligible for a trial membership in the A.I.S.B. If you think you qualify, put
the money in a cigar box and bury it in your backyard. One of our Underground
Agents will contact you shortly.
I DARE YOU!
TELL NO ONE! ACCIDENTS HAVE A STRANGE WAY OF HAPPENING TO PEOPLE WHO TALK TOO
MUCH ABOUT THE BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
May we warn you against imitations! Ours is the original and genuine
"Nothing is true. Everything is Permissible"
- Hassan i Sabbah
NIL
CARBORUNDUM
ILLEGITIMO
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Illuminate the Opposition!"
-- Adam Weishaupt,
Grand Primus Illuminatus
Official
Bavarian Illuminati
"Ewige Blumenkraft!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INTER-OFFICE WIRE SENT
THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA - VIGILANCE LODGE
Mad Malik, Hauptscheissmeister; Resident for Norton Cabal
DISCORDIAN SOCIETY SUPER SECRET CRYPTOGRAPHIC CYPHER CODE
Of possible interest to all Discordians, this information is herewith released
from the vaults of A.I.S.B., under the auspices of Episkopos Dr. Mordecai
Malignatius, KNS.
SAMPLE MESSAGE: ("HAIL ERIS")
CONVERSATION:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
STEP 1. Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end
(HLRSAIEI)
STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)
STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)
STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)
STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)
This cryptographic cypher code is GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.
BEWARE! THE PARANOIDS ARE WATCHING YOU!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here is a letter from A.I.S.B. to POEE:
_______________________________________________________________________________
The World's Oldest And Most Successful Conspiracy
BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)
( )Official Business (X) Surreptitious Business
From: MAD MALIK Hauptscheissmeister
Dear Brother Mal-2,
In response to your request for unclassified agitprop to be inserted
in the new edition of PRINCIPIA, hope the following will be of use. And please
stop bothering us with your incessant letters!
Episkopos Mordecai, Keeper of the Notary Sojac, informs me that you
are welcome to reveal that our oldest extant records show us to have been
fully established in Atlantis, circa 18,000 B.C., under Kull, the galley slave
who ascended to the Throne of Valusia. Revived by Pelias of Koth, circa 10,000
B.C. Possibly it was he who taught the inner-teachings to Conan of Cimmeria
after Conan became King of Aquilonia. First brought to the western hemisphere
by Conan and taught to Mayan priesthood (Conan is Quetzlcoatl). That was 4
Ahua, 8 Cumhu, Mayan date. Revived by Abdul Alhazred in his infamous Al Azif,
circa 800 A.D. (Al Azif translated into Latin by Olaus Wormius, 1132 A.D., as
The Necronomicon.) In 1090 A.D. was the founding of The Ismaelian Sect
(Hashishim) by Hassan i Sabbah, with secret teachings based on Alhazred,
Pelias and Kull. Founding of the Illuminated Ones of Bavaria, by Adam
Weishaupt, on May 1, 1776. He based it on the others. Weishaupt brought it to
the United States during the period that he was impersonating George
Washington; and it was he who was the Man in Black who gave the design for The
Great Seal to Jefferson in the garden that night. The Illuminated tradition
is now, of course, in the hands of The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria
(A.I.S.B.), headquartered here in the United States.
Our teachings are not, need I remind you, available for publication.
No harm, though, in admitting that some of them can be found disguised in
Joyce's Finnegan's Wake, Burroughs Nova Express, the King James translation of
the Holy Bible (though not the Latin or Hebrew), and The Blue Book. Not to
speak of Ben Franklin's private papers (!), but we are still suppressing
those.
Considering current developments--you know the ones I speak of--it
has been decided to reveal a few more of our front organizations. Your
publication is timely, so mention that in addition to the old fronts like the
Masons, the Rothchild Banks, and the Federal Reserve System, we now have
significant control of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (since Hoover died
last year, but that is still secret), the Students for a Democratic Society,
the Communist Party USA, the American Anarchist Assn., the Junior Chamber of
Commerce, the Black Lotus Society, the Republican Party, the John Dillinger
Die For You Society, and the Camp Fire Girls. It is still useful to continue
the sham of the Birchers that we are seeking world domination; so do not
reveal that political and economic control was generally complete several
generations ago and that we are just playing with the world for a while until
civilization advances sufficiently for phase five.
In fact you might still push Vennard's The Federal Reserve Hoax:
"Since the Babylonian Captivity there has existed a determined,
behind-the-scenes under-the-table, atheistic, satanic, anti-Christian
force--worshipers of Mamon--whose undying purpose is world control through the
control of Money. July 1, 1776 (correct that to May 1st, Vennard can't get
anything right) the Serpent raised its head in the under-ground secret society
known as the Illuminati, founded by Adam Weishaupt. There is considerable
documentary evidence to prove all revolutions, wars, depressions, strikes and
chaos stem from this source." Etc., etc., you know the stuff.
The general location of our US HQ, incidentally, has been nearly
exposed; and so we will be moving for the first time this century (what a
drag!). If you want, you can reveal that it is located deep in the labyrinth
of sewers beneath Dealy Plaza in Dallas, and is presided over by The Dealy
Lama. Inclosed are some plans for several new potential locations. Please
review and add any comments you feel pertinent, especially regarding the
Eristic propensity of the Pentagon site.
Oh, and we have some good news for you, Brother Mal! You know that
Zambian cybernetics genius who joined us? Well, he has secretly co-ordinated
the FBI computers with the Zurich System and our theoriticians are in ecstasy
over the new information coming out. Look, if you people out there can keep
from blowing yourselves up for only two more generations, then we will finally
have it. After 20,000 years, Kull's dream will be realized! We can hardly
believe it. But the outcome is certain, given the time. Our grandchildren,
Mal! If civilization makes it through this crises, our grandchildren will live
in a world of authentic freedom and authentic harmony and authentic
satisfaction. I hope I'm alive to see it, Mal, success is in our grasp. Twenty
thousand years....!
Ah, I get spaced just thinking about it. Good luck on the Principia.
Ewige Blumenkraft! HAIL ERIS.
Love,
MAD MALIK
PS: PRIVATE - Not for publication in The Principia.
We are returning to the two Zwack Cyphers for classified communications.
Herewith your copy. DO NOT DIVULGE THIS INFORMATION - SECURITY E-5.
[note: Graphic Cypher deleted DtC]
_______________________________________________________________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part Five The Golden Secret
NONSENSE AS SALVATION
The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases
taking itself so seriously.
To that end, POEE proposes the countergame of NONSENSE AS SALVATION. Salvation
from an ugly and barbarous existence that is the result of taking order so
seriously and so seriously fearing contrary orders and disorder, that GAMES
are taken as more important than LIFE; rather than taking LIFE AS THE ART OF
PLAYING GAMES.
To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for disorder, and
play with The Goddess Eris. And know that it is a joyful play, and that
thereby CAN BE REVOKED THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.
If you can master nonsense as well as you have already learned to master
sense, then each will expose the other for what it is: absurdity. From that
moment of illumination, a man begins to be free regardless of his
surroundings. He becomes free to play order games and change them at will. He
becomes free to play disorder games just for the hell of it. He becomes free
to play neither or both. And as the master of his own games, he plays without
fear, and therefore without frustration, and therefore with good will in his
soul and love in his being.
And when men become free then mankind will be free.
May you be free of The Curse of Greyface.
May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes.
May you have the knowledge of a sage,
and the wisdom of a child.
Hail Eris. T'AI
___ ___
___ ___
___ ___
_________
_________
_________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THUS ENDS PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
This being the 4th Edition, March 1970, San Francisco; a revision of
the 3rd Edition of 500 copies, whomped together in Tampa 1969; which revised
the 2nd Edition of 100 copies from Los Angeles 1969; which was a revision of
"PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA or HOW THE WEST WAS LOST" published in New Orleans in
1965 in five copies, which were mostly lost.
If you think the PRINCIPIA is just a ha-ha, then go read it again.
(K) ALL RIGHTS REVERSED - Reprint what you like
Published by POEE Head Temple - San Francisco
" On The Future Site of Beautiful
San Andreas Canyon"
Office of My High Reverence
Malaclypse the Younger KSC
OPOVIG HIGH PRIEST POEE
KALLISTI
THE LAST WORD
The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself through
many consultations with Her within his Pineal Gland. It is guaranteed to be
the Word of Goddess. However, it is only fair to state that Goddess doesn't
always say the same thing to each listener, and that other Episkoposes are
sometimes told quite different things in their Revelations, which are also the
Word of Goddess. Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other than
POEE, then none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame that you
have read all the way down to the very last word.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
Dedicated to an Advanced
Understanding of the Paraphysical
Manifestations of Everyday Chaos
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A LOPSIDED PINEAL GLAND?
Well, probably you do have one, and it's unfortunate because lopsided Pineal
Glands have perverted the Free Spirit of Man, and subverted Life into a
frustrating, unhappy and hopeless mess.
Fortunately, you have before you a handbook that will show you how to discover
your salvation through ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION.
It will advise you how to balance your Pineal Gland and reach spiritual
Illumination. And it will teach you how to turn your miserable mess into a
beautiful, joyful, and splendid one.
POEE is a bridge from
PISCES to AQUARIUS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the Words of the Illuminated Rated X... NATURALLY
Why are we Here ? SUPPRESSED KNOWLEDGE
Have you ever secretly HYGIENE
wondered why the Great The Lord promised: "Therefore,
Pyramid has five sides? - behold, I will bring evil upon
counting the bottom? the house of Jeroboam and will
cut off from Jeroboam him that
GRAND OPERA pisseth against the wall..."
"Wherefore my bowels shall sound -I Kings 14:10 (This
like a harp for Moab, and mine unsanitary practice caused
inner parts for Kirharesh." serious erosion of the mud
-Isaiah 16:11 walls)
Face to fact with the mighty forces and elements of nature, the thoughtful man
fearlessly contemplates his place in the great cosmic scheme.
-><- POEE -><-
YES, I'd like to know the Five Simple Actions that will turn Me into a "Mental
Wizard" in a Single Weekend.
Warning!
Prolonged use in a darkened room may induce hallucinations or trigger
undesired side effects. Should not be used in the presence of persons subject
to epilepsy.
THIS MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT GUIDE IN YOUR LIFE!
-THE GODDESS ERIS PREVAILS-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPECIAL AFTERWORD
to the Loompanics Edition of PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
G.H. Hill, San Francisco, 1979
All Rites Reversed (K) Reprint What You Like
INTERVIEW WITH NORTON CABAL
by Gypsie Skripto, Special Correspondent
It has been ten years since I net the mysterious Malaclypse the
Younger. I was free lancing for the underground papers and went to POEE Hear
Temple at 555 Battery Street to try for an interview.
I found him in the Temple PO Box busy wrapping up the new Fourth
Edition of PRINCIPIA. He seemed impatient with me, insisting that he didn't
have the time or inclination for foolish questions from reporters. Undaunted,
I burst out with questions like whether he preferred Panama Red or Acapulco
Gold and how the fuck did we manage to fit inside of a tiny post office box
and other things apropos a naive young semiliterate dropout hippy writer. He
asked me if I wanted to drop mescaline and fuck all night and said he knew how
to turn himself into a unicorn and there might be room for a tiny interview on
the cover of the PRINCIPIA if I wanted to work for the GREATER POOP so I said
sure, OK, I've never dropped mescaline in a post office box before.
It turned out I was among the last to see Malaclypse. As subsequent
issues of GREATER POOP revealed, he was to disappear and POEE business was to
be assumed by his students at Norton Cabal. Professor Ignotum P. Ignotius,
Department of Comparative Realities, was assigned the Trust of the POEE Scruple
and Rev. Dr. Occupant became Keeper of the Box. The newly published copies of
PRINCIPIA were distributed by Mad Malik, Block Disorganizer, who had
distribution contacts with the Aluminum Bavariati. Practical relations
remained in the hands of concept artist G. Hill.
When the 1000 PRINCIPIAS were gone the GREATER POOP stopped
publishing, Head Temple closed down and the Cabal just seemed to evaporate.
Finally even the box was closed. But over the years I noticed that copies were
still circulating, and that independent Discordian Cabal would occasionally pop
out of nowhere (and still do ). And I would wonder what ever happened to
Malaclypse.
When I read the ILLUMINATUS trilogy I resolved to again find and
interview the denizens of Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian Society.
* * *
As I cabled over Nob to San Francisco's Station 'O' Post Office I
couldn't help but wonder at Goddess' hand in assigning street addresses to Her
outposts. Mal2 had told me that Good Lord Omar always filed everything under
"O" for OUT OF FILE.
"Maya is marvelous" I was thinking when I rapped on the little metal
door and was greeted warmly by a huge beard who introduced himself as
Professor Ignotius. He ushered me into a spacious wood paneled and tapestry
hung parlor where three others were laughing and passing around a wine jug.
The sunny one in a tunic was the Reverend Doctor Occupant, the trim khaki and
jeans was Mad Malik and the wine jug claimed to be Hill. I got the recorder
on....
GYPSIE SKRIPTO [in response to a question]: ...1969 but only briefly. I guess
I missed you guys.
MAD MALIK: No wonder, he was pretty much a one man show then. We were just his
students and were usually off on errands. You worked for the POOP?
Gypsie: Well, for one night anyway. The interview is in the PRINCIPIA.
REV. DR. OCCUPANT: Malik was the only one he would ever let write for the POOP
or get on the letterhead.
Gypsie: Did you [Malik] have higher authority than the others?
Malik: No, [but I was allowed to speak in the POOP] because [Malaclypse the
Younger] hated politics. He was infuriated with Johnson and nixon over Viet
Nam because it was turning the renaissance into a political revolution and was
stealing his sacred thunder. So he trained me in Zenarchy, which he learned
from Omar, and I was the official anarcho-pacifist for the Cabal. Also I was
liaison to The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, the Chicago Discordians.
Later Omar activated the Hung Mung Cong Tong and ELF, on zenarchist
principles, and also Operation Mindfuck. I was also into those. Though at the
time I was masquerading in GREATER POOP as a created cabbage to throw off the
FBI.
Gypsie [to Hill]: Since you wrote it, I take it you are an anarchist?
G.H. Hill: Since then I have given up anarchy. Too many rules-- hating the
government and all that stuff.
IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS: It's like hating your own fantasies.
Malik: [Anarchy] is also standing up and proceeding forward, fantasy rule or
not. The condition is the same.
Occupant: Brother needs some wine!
Malik: We have had this argument before, Reverend Doctor Brother. But wine
before platitudes, fill it up.
Gypsie [to Hill]: And pacifism?
Hill: I'm not sure I ever was one. Mal2 was not, Malik was. Personally I
accepted self defense yet I could never reconcile that with the ideal. I
finally gave up on that one too. Actually I just gave up on idealism.
Ignotius: Idealism lives with rules. Realism lives with rocks.
Hill: Yeah. I get along better with rocks.
Malik: Mal2 once told me that pacifism was a dilemma. If everybody was a
pacifist then everything would be perfect. But nobody is going to be a
pacifist unless I am first. But if I am and somebody else is not, then I get
screwed. He said that there were five choices under that circumstance. The
first was napalming farmers and the second was executing your parents. The
third was hypocrisy, the fourth was cowardice, and the fifth was to swallow
the dilemma. Zenarchists are trained in dilemma swallowing.
Occupant: So are other Erisians, like POEE.
Ignotius: That is characteristic of the Discordian perspective.
Hill: But of course training contradicts Discordian principles.
Malik: Oh so what. Contradictions are nothing to Discordians.
Occupant: Dilemma, Schilmemma. [to Gypsie]: What do you think of this, pretty
ma'am? We don't get to hear your thoughts.
Gypsie: I'm reporting now, you talk.
Occupant: Later then?
Gypsie: Perhaps. Later.
Occupant: You are smiling.
Gypsie: Hey, guy, later. [to Hill]: Doesn't this leave you a little schizy?
Hill: It's OK, I'm half Gemini.
Gypsie: What's the other half?
Hill: Taurus. That makes me a stubborn schizy.
Ignotius: I'm a Whale.
Occupant: I choose Satyr.
Malik: Spirits don't have signs.
Hill: A character can have a sign if I want it so.
Occupant: Well I can have a sign if I want to and screw both of you.
Malik: Come on Greg, you just think that we are your characters....
Occupant: You were inhabited by Malaclypse the Younger. He caused you to
create roles and those roles are being performed by us spirits.
Ignotius: A perfectly normal pagan relationship.
Hill: Well you can look at it like that if you want to, but I created Mal2 to
my specifications just as I conceived all the rest of you.
Occupant: You didn't invent Eris. She caused you to think you created the
spirit of Malaclypse.
Hill: Oh bull! Besides, I changed her so much the Greeks would never recognize
her.
Occupant: That's what She wanted!
Ignotius: Deities change things around all the time.
Malik: What you don't realize is that a spirit has a self identity.
Hill: Nope. A spirit is a product of definition and the one who is doing the
defining around here is me. Your identity is what I say it is. Just to prove
it, I'm going to change your name.
SINISTER DEXTER: It's OK with me. Fate is fate. I never much liked "Mad Malik"
anyway.
Ignotius: Besides people confused him with Joe Malik in ILLUMINATUS.
Dexter: I sort of enjoyed the confusion part.
Occupant: Doesn't prove anything anyway.
Gypsie: That name sounds familiar. Where is it from?
Hill: Its a name I came up with in the old days and never used it much. Its on
page 38 of the PRINCIPIA referring to Vice President Spiro Agnew. I always
thought I invented it but now it sounds like a Stan Freberg name now that I
think about it. It may have stuck in my preconscious memory from early TV.
Gypsie: Can you use it without his permission?
Hill: If it is his? I don't know. I hope so. it means "left right" in Latin
and is a perfect name for a libertarian anarchist. Actually in my kind of art
the question of what can I use freely and what can I not is a very tricky
problem.
Gypsie: How do you mean?
Hill: Well, take a collage for example. Like the early one on page 36 of the
PRINCIPIA. Each little piece was extracted from some larger work created by
some other artist and published and maybe copyrighted. I find them in
newspapers and magazines mostly. Often from ads. With a collage you select and
extract from your environment and then assemble into an original relationship.
The PRINCIPIA itself is a collage. A conceptual collage. All of it happens
simultaneously. But visually it is a montage, passing through time, like a
book does.
There is a lot of pirated stuff in the PRINCIPIA, especially in the margins.
But also I sympathize with artists who must own and sell their works to earn a
living. Art, like knowledge, should be free fodder for everyone. But it isn't
It is perplexing.
Gypsie: Where did all the things in PRINCIPIA come from?
Hill: Well, a full answer would take another book in itself. Most of the
writing credited to a name is a true person and almost always a different name
means a different person. Most of the non-credited, you know, Malaclypse, text
is mine although some things credited to either Mal2 or Omar were actually
co-written and passed back and forth and rewritten by each of us. The
marginalia, dingbats, and pasted in titles and heads and things came from
wherever I found them--some of which is original but uncredited Discordian
output, like the page head on 12 and other pages which is from a series of
satiric memo pads from Our Peoples Underworld Cabal. All page layout is mine
and some whole graphics like the Sacred Chao and the Hodge Podge Transformer
are mine but mostly I just found stuff and integrated it. Mostly I did
concept, say 50% of the writing, 10% of the graphics, all of the layout.
Gypsie: Specifically, what are some of the sources?
Hill: Weel, the poem on the front cover is by Walt Kelly and was spoken by one
of his characters in Pogo. The government seals starting from page 1 are from
a book of sample seals from the U.S. Government Printing Office. Western Union
on page 6 got into the act because I used to be a teletype operator and had
access to blank forms. Rubber stamps came from all over the place and some,
like the apple on page 27, I carved myself. A few I ordered to my
specification, like on page 1. The quote on the top of page 8 might be from
Barnum, I'm not sure. The jumping man on page 12 is from an advertisement. I
recognize the style--a popular commercial artist-- but I don't know his name.
The Chinese on the page is a grocery ad, I think. The Norton money on page 14
is historic,plus my little additions. The apple on page 17,as well as the
triangle on 23 and the Sacred Chao on 50 are, believe it or not, pasteups of
mimeographs, from Seattle Cabal. That group produced the best damn mimeography
I've ever seen. The Lick Here Box on page 23 is one of many tidbits making the
rounds in alternative/underground newspapers in those days. Trip 5 page header
on 29 was a chapter title in one of Tim Leary's books. The Knight on the bull
with the TV antenna on his helmet on page 46 came from a very artistic
magazine called Horseshit and put out by two brothers from Long Beach. I don't
remember their names. Wonderful magazine.
Occupant: Eris told Mal2 what to use and where to find it.
Hill: Yeah, in a way that is right. That is why my name does not appear
anywhere on the PRINCIPIA and why it was published with a broken
copyright--Reprint What You Like. I knew I was taking liberties and didn't
want my intentions to be misunderstood. It was an experiment and was intended
to be an underground work and that involves a different set of ethics than
commercial work.
Gypsie: There are no real names at all?
Hall: Oh, some. Camden Benares is a real name because he legally changed his
original name to his Holy Name. Also, instead of using Mordecai Malignatus I
used Bob Wilson's real name on page 12 because Werewolf Bridge was a work
before Discordianism. And of course real people like Neils Bohr crop up in
quotes.
Gypsie: What do you think about the PRINCIPIA now? Would you want to change it?
Hill: I consider it a successful work and I wouldn't want to change it. In
some ways it is immature and I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, but
it accomplished the objectives I set for myself and it has the effect I wanted
it to have. There are a few errors though.
Gypsie: Like what?
Hill: Oh, I changed a quote from Tom Gnostic on page 61 and I don't think he
ever did forgive me for it. He's right. Starbuck's Pebbles should have been
preceded by the Myth of Starbuck which was being saved for something else and
never got used. I should have used it when I had the chance. And then Eris did
a neat little trick on me by having IBM make the Greek selectric typewriter
element not coincide with all the characters on their keyboard. So the little
"kallisti" that appears on the title page and lastly on the back cover came
out "kallixti" and I was too dumb to know the difference.
Gypsie: Will there ever be a Fifth Edition?
Hill: There already is a Fifth Edition, by Mal2. It is a one page telegram
that reduces everything to an infinite aum. I found it at Western Union where
a machine got stuck and kicked out hundreds of pages of nothing but m's. He
made it the Fifth Edition and then left.
Principia/Malaclypse was a very personal work for me and actually took 10
years to culminate. it was one single statement that included my adolescence
in the 50's and my young adulthood in the 60's. When I finally had the
paste-ups done I knew that I had finished it. That is why, quote, Malaclypse
left. I knew it was finished. I didn't know exactly what it was, but it was
done.
Occupant: See?
Gypsie: Earlier you said that you met your objectives. Just what were those
objectives?
Hill: Well, that's hard to answer because it kept refining itself over the
years. In 1969 I mainly though of myself as a cosmic clown and I set out to
prove, by demonstration, that a deity can be anything at all.
In other words, people invent gods and not the other way around. Later I
decided that I was doing some kind of conceptual art.
In the 50's my culture taught me that I was created by and for a deity, a
specific male deity, and that all other deities are FALSE. Yet my growing
experience showed me that any deity is true in some sense and false in some
other sense. So I set out to do what my society told me is impossible--make a
real religion from a patently absurd deity.
In the 50's a female deity was blasphemy. In the 70's a humorous deity is
still considered impossible, ridiculous, and blasphemous. As far as I'm
concerned, I have proven my point. Eris is a real deity and even though I
don't promote Erisianism as a serious religion....
Occupant: I do!
Dexter: You speak for yourself.
Ignotius: Here, here.
Hill: ...I do point out that it makes just as much sense from its own
perspective as all the others do from each of their own perspectives.
Occupant: I think paganism is a valid spiritual path. I encourage Erisianism
because it makes fun of itself. i think this is healthy.
Ignotius: If you can live rewardingly with Goddess Eris you can live with any
deity, including none at all.
Dexter: I don't much go for the worship business but I argee with Occupant
about the spirit of the thing. We live in a time of turmoil, the whole planet
is in a state of change. If we, as a species, cower from the confusion then we
die with the dying. This is revolution.
Ignotius: I am an athiest myself. There is no Greg Hill.
[laughter]
Gypsie [to Hill] : What do you think of ILLUMINATUS?
Hill: Oh, I love it. I was finishing PRINCIPIA when Shea and Wilson were
working on ILLUMINATUS. It took Dell five years to publish it...maybe that is
significant. The 1969 Discordian Society was a mail network between
independent writers of various kinds. Norton Cabal was just me and my
characters and I used the other Cabals as sort of a laboratory. In return
other Discordians would bounce their stuff off of me. We would toss in ideas
and anybody could take anything out. It was a concept stew. The exchanging of
ideas and techniques broadened and encouraged all of us.
I like ILLUMINATUS for the surrealism. A very effective method of writing.
Ignotius: I got misquoted. Worse, I wasn't even in that scene and if I had
been then I would have said something else.
Dexter [to Ignotius]: That was me in that scene.
Ignotius: Oh, is that what that was?
Dexter: He got our names mixed up.
Hill: He got mixed up about me too, in COSMIC TRIGGER. Bob says that when
Oswald was buying the assassination rifle, my girlfriend was printing the
first edition of PRINCIPIA on Jim Garrison's Xerox. It wasn't my girlfriend,
it was Kerry's; it wasn't the FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, it was some earlier
Discordian thought; it wasn't Garrison's Xerox, it was his mimeograph; and it
wasn't just before Kennedy was shot but a couple of years before that.*
The FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, by the way, was reproduced at Xerox Corp when
xerography was a new technoloGypsie. Which was my second New Orleans trip in
1965. I worked for a guy on Bourbon Street who was a Xerox salesman by day.
Dexter: I think that George Dorn took too much guff from Hagbard. If someone
pulls a weapon on me, I'm more inclined to either leave or kill the
sonofabitch.
Occupant: You are supposed to be a pacifist.
Dexter: I'm speaking figuratively of course. I'll tell you more tomorrow.
Gypsie [to Hill]: Did you really translate erotic Etruscan poetry?
Hill: Sure, but I used a pen name. I signed it "Robert Anton Wilson".
[A quick rap is heard on the door]
Gypsie: I have only one question left...
Dexter: I'll get it.
Gypsie: ...what I really want to know is how can we all fit inside of a tiny
little post office box?
Dexter[to Gypsie]:It's a telegram for you, from Mal2.
Gypsie: To me?
[Paper tearing]
Gypsie [reading]: "If I told everybody how they could live inside of a post
office box then everybody would stop paying landlords and go live inside their
post office boxes. It would collapse the building! Can you imagine, post
offices collapsing all over the country, the hemisphere, the PLANET! The whole
world's communication system would be destroyed. No,no, I must not say. I dare
not!
-------------
* I checked this further with Mr. Thornley. He says that the woman in question
was not his girlfriend, she was just a friend, and it wasn't a couple of years
before Kennedy was shot but had to be a couple of years after (but before
Garrison investigated Thornley). --GS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FIFTH EDITION ODD# Infinity
PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
or
A CATERPILLAR'S PRAISE TO THE BUTTERFLY
being the
FINAL STATEMENT
of Malaclypse the Younger
published by Joshua Norton Cabal
San Francisco (K) All Rites Reversed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WESTERN UNION
TELEGRAM
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