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Abu-Lughod returned with some extremely revealing
observations, including the manner in which Bedouin society outlaws
close, warm relationships between men and women.  Romantic love is
"immoral."  Wives are expected to act aloof and uncaring about their
husbands.  A wife refers to the gentleman with whom she occasionally
shares a bed simply as "that one"  or "the old man."  When a husband
brings in a new bride, the previous spouse is supposed to show no
jealousy, no emotion, no sense of hurt.
Husbands and wives are not to be seen together in public.
Kissing or hugging openly is considered disgusting, indecent, almost
inhuman.  A couple who indulge in such a moment of warmth would
be subject to contempt, fury, and hatred.  Men spend very little time
with their wives and scarcely ever mention them.103
In relationships between the sexes, a display of caring is
despicable.  Anger is what wins you respect.  The new wife of Rashid,
one of the young men in the village Lughod was observing, ran away.
Rashid was distraught.  But among the Bedouin, a man is not allowed
to reveal his emotional wounds--especially if they are inflicted by a
woman.  Rashid's pained reaction was considered weak and scornful.
Even his relatives scolded him.  Later Rashid began to rage.  Now
everyone approved.  This was the manly thing to do!  Then the
abandoned husband demonstrated a response that the other members
of the tribe could be proud of.  He began to search for someone to
blame.  Rashid interrogated women and children to see if one of them
had annoyed the runaway wife so badly that she had been impelled to
depart.  Finally, he concluded that the girl had fled because of sorcery.
The one behind the evil deed: his senior wife.  The furious Rashid
cursed his first wife and punished her by refusing to talk or visit with
her.  With this act of retaliation, everyone was happy.104
Author Leon Uris, who reviewed considerable anthropological
research to compile his vision of Arab family life in The Haj105, believes
that this same coldness extends to the way Arab village dwellers raise
their kids.  Children, Uris claims, are seldom shown warmth.  But they
are frequently punished.  And the punishments are harsh.  Hisham
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