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Hey there! This is the latest and greatest version of Malia's Mind! Aren't you just so impressed?! First of all, I'd like to announce changes to the EIW reporting staff. The following correspondents have been signed to reporting contracts by Extreme Indoor Wrestling:
EIW is very excited to have these talented writers onboard, and this reporter is relieved because that cuts down on actual work I have to do. I don't know why Daddy makes me write this stupid column...everyone knows wrestling fans can't read. Besides, I have a degree and a pretty face, so I should be working for CNN instead of some redneck wrestling company. But I digress, I do it to make Daddy happy. He loves me sooo much! So...since I have to write this column, I thought I would discuss all the leers I get from the undersexed wrestlers on staff at EIW. I swear..all I have to do is breathe and I get a bunch of testosterone addicts begging for my phone number! My God, it's emberassing! I wouldn't be caught dead with a pro wrestler much less date one! Yuck! My sister, Katrina, is just so in love with Dash Cobain, and I can't understand it! She should be dating a stock broker or a rich accountant, but for some reason, she thinks Dash Cobain can make her happy. All pro wrestlers care about is sex, sex, and sex. I, for one, deserve a better man than some sweaty alcoholic sadist employed by my father. But being a Slick isn't easy. Being a beautiful, intelligent woman sure isn't easy. Sometimes, I ask myself why I put up with this stupid company, but again, I do it to make my daddy happy. He always tells me I'm his favorite, and I always say, "Of course I am Daddy. Who else would be your favorite?" One day I'll inherit EIW and then I can sell it to anyone willing, so the Slicks can get their honorable off this despicable company. Daddy just doesn't understand it...he's such a wrestling fan. I just don't understand him either. But the important thing is he loves me very much and does anything I ask! Til next time, you've witnessed Malia's Mind. And no, you can't have my phone number, you stupid loser.
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