Wants and Desires

Part II

Chapter 1

Three years later

Her slow steps kept moving at a sedated pace, distant thoughts keeping her from noticing the

autumn day everyone else in New York was enjoying. The sky was powder blue and the few

clouds in the sky floated in among the various birds. Trees of all sizes flourished, acorns and dry

leaves littered the ground. The crunching noises of her feet hitting the covered sidewalk joined the sounds of a woodpecker digging for its latest meal.

She was walking down a paved path in the park and she closed her eyes, smiling at the scent of

flowers, popcorn, and hot dogs. She passed a bench and saw an older couple smiling and glowing

as they fed the pigeons from their comfortable perch. I wonder if that will ever be me one day - she mused. Seemed like every time she found some happiness, it didn't last. Other people, her fears, events beyond her control, all seemed to be wanting her to be empty and lonely forever. Whoa, that's enough feeling sorry for yourself. Kevin would remind her that she wasn't doing herself any good with all this negative thinking.

As she passed another bench, she fought the urge to cry. A beautiful little boy was looking over his sibling's stroller. His face could only be described as proud. He was beaming so, that it was

apparent on his mother's face. He had some of her features, elegant eyebrows, arched as to sing

praises to God, the face beneath so cherubic that Brenda swore he must have came from heaven

just to watch over this family. So wrapped up in her thoughts, she was surprised when his mother

called his name and he answered with, 'Yes Mom?' The mother started to pull her child aside

when Brenda realized that her constant staring had elicited this protective gesture.

'I'm sorry to stare, he's just so beautiful, he took my breath away. You're lucky to have such a

well behaved son.'

The woman laughed. She looked at her son and, with devilish sparks in her eyes, asked him, 'Well, what do you think of that?'

The boy blushed, the slight reddish tint danced on his high cheekbones. His mouth screwed up in

such a brilliant smile that Brenda drew in a quick breath.

'I told him if he would behave, he could get a puppy. Actually ...,' she said when she noticed her

son's head turn to give her his complete attention, his visage changing from embarrassed to eager

begging, 'I agreed when his father said that if he would behave we would give the thought real

consideration.'

The boy's crestfallen face so affected Brenda that she wanted to buy him a puppy just to see his

face transformed into the angelic countenance once more.

As though she had read Brenda's mind, the mother asked, 'Do you have any children?'

Instantly, as though the words dislodged a stressed brick from a weak damn, Brenda was flooded

with a pain that threatened to tear her apart.

'Miss. ... Miss., are you alright?'

Brenda forcefully swallowed the lump rising in her throat, coughed, and as she blinked away hot

tears, said, 'I'll be fine. I had a child, he died when he was born.'

'Oh,' the woman placed her hand to her chest, 'I am sorry.'

The baby started fussing at the emotions sweeping through the air and her older brother tried to

quiet her. The mother recovered and started to help him.

Brenda smiled sadly, 'Take care of them.'

She continued to walk but, even though the park had not changed, the birds continued their bright chirping and sunlight splashed off droplets from the center fountain, the beauty was lost to her. She placed her hands over her abdomen and said a silent prayer to the memory of the child she left to die. Her own life seemed a paltry exchange for that innocent soul.

She was so intent on her thoughts that she didn't notice the two figures fall into step from behind a group of trees. Their footsteps were almost silent against the pebble inlaid walkway that led from the park to the wooden walkway in front of the docks. As she continued to walk, the pebbles gave way to a concrete sidewalk. The forgotten sounds of birds were replaced by the distant sounds of traffic.

She loved walking on Sunday afternoons. There was still the hustle and bustle of every other day,

but it was subdued. She could enjoy some time alone and not feel overcome with people. Her

thoughts had changed since she lost her son. Instead of seeing individuals as they appeared, she

started wondering why they were alive when her son was dead. Running here to there, never

stopping to enjoy the beauty of life, to give thanks or their families, their careers, their very lives.

What right did they have to exist when her precious baby was dead?

He would be two. His birthday had passed not to long ago and she wondered how he would look.

He would be walking and talking, probably running through the house shouting, 'Mommy!

Mommy!' She thought of all the things he would never get to do and the things she missed out on experiencing. He would never say his first word or get his first tooth. He would never get to blow the candles out on a birthday cake, never go to school, or get married. No, his destiny was as it was, to die before he even had the chance to live. She longed to hold him in her arms, to

smell baby smells, and watch his fingers curl around one of hers.

She could almost see him running to her. She blinked her eyes but the vision stayed. She bent down on her knees and reached for him. Instead of young, soft arms wrapping around her, black swathed arms pulled her towards an unmarked warehouse. She squirmed in the grip and twisted around to look where her son had gone, but he had disappeared. The fact that he was dead hit her anew with such force that she offered no resistance till she was almost at the entrance of the warehouse she was being led towards.

'Hey, let me go,' she almost screamed in a voice choked with warmed over loss and pain. The one on her right stuck a gun in her side and she immediately stopped moving or making any

noise.

'Smart girl,' the other man said, his voice was flat and lacked any smoothness. His grip was only

slightly more gentle as his partner released her to unlock and pull open the sliding metal door. They pushed her in quickly, and the one with the gun went back to lock the door. His buddy was

watching him and Brenda took advantage of his lack of attention. Stomping hard on his foot, she

jammed her elbow back into his stomach, twisted around and jabbed two fingers in his eyes. She

was running towards a shaft of light coming from the opposite wall before his knees hit the ground. She stopped moving when she felt a bullet whiz by her side. The gun wielding henchman reached for a switch beside the door and flipped it up.

'You see that chair?' he pointed to the chair in the middle of the light that shone brightly at the

flicking of it's switch. 'Sit.' he ordered forcefully when she nodded.

As she moved closer to the chair, she noticed straps on the arms and hanging to the sides. The man was standing before her attaching the straps as she sat down. 'Now let's see why you are of such interest to the boss.'

He walked over to a cabinet taking out a container. He brought it over to her and pulled a capsule

from it. He drew a needle from the side of the container and pierced the capsule, drawing the

substance into the syringe.

'What's that?' she licked suddenly dry lips.

'It is called V.O.V. More effective than Sodium Pentothal. We wouldn't want you to lie now

would we?'

'You think I'm not going to resist you sticking that thing in me? I have no idea what's in there.'

'Listen lady, if we wanted you dead there are many more painful ways than a lethal injection. Some that are virtually untraceable. You would already be dead if that's what he wanted.'

'Who's he?'

'You'll find out soon enough.' He kneeled in front of her and pulled a length of rubber tubing from his pocket, wrapping it above her elbow. He inserted the needle into a vein and pushed the

substance into her body. He loosened the tubing and returned everything to the cabinet. He turned around and stared at her not saying anything.

She started to sweat and her stomach rolled a little. She didn't know if it was an effect of the drug or the combination of her nerves and the light she was sitting under. Everything seemed to catch her attention. The slow drum of the air conditioner, the dust falling in the light, a few bugs flying here to there, their buzz seeming to resonate in her brain.

The injured man stood and walked slowly to stand beside the one who had tied Brenda up. He

matched his friend's position and started staring at Brenda as well.

As a scream built in her chest over the number of unexpected occurrences all on one normally

uneventful Sunday, the crack of light she had ran for when she tried to make her escape widened

and out stepped a silhouetted figure. It nodded at the two men and they walked into the room

behind the separation and the door closed. Brenda's vision was blurry and it took a little while for her gaze to focus on the obvious ringleader of her capture. When she knew who it was, her eyes went wide and her mouth gaped in shock. 'You!' she sneered.

'I see you remember me. That would seem a surprise since you left our child to die.'

'I didn't have any choice.'

'No?'

'Jax forced me to leave. I wouldn't have left if I hadn't been strapped on a stretcher.'

'Are you sure you didn't want to leave? You always were a brat but, I didn't think you were so

selfish as to leave a defenseless child.'

'How dare you?! You have no right to speak to me that way. You have no idea the torment I've

had to live with ever since, the guilt ...'

'And right you should. Because of you, my son is dead. My first born son!!'

'As well as mine!! I never would have left if given the choice. I would rather breathe my last with my son still alive than live a hundred years with him dead.'

'I guess I should believe you with that stuff flowing through your veins. But you have always been stubborn, you probably could break it's hold on you. Tell me, how do you feel?'

'How do I feel? You have me dragged at gunpoint, tied up and drugged and you ask me how I

feel? Why do you care?'

'I don't really . If I didn't have to know, believe me, I wouldn't have asked. Don't make me repeat myself.'

'You have some nerve. You leave me standing in the rain twice, you never trusted me, and now

you haul me in here to interrogate me like I killed my son.'

'Maybe you didn't kill my son with your bare hands but, you didn't try to keep him alive. You

might as well have murdered him.'

'Bastard,' she spat out.

'I've been called worse. Now, I will ask this one more time. How do you feel? Do you have a

headache or a burning sensation throughout your body?'

'No,' she replied flatly.

'Well, at least you aren't resisting. So you are telling the truth?'

'Yes.'

'I think you should tell me what happened, all of it. And don't worry, that stuff lasts a long time and I have plenty. Nothing is more important than finding out what happened to my son. I have all the time in the world.'

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Chapter 2

Jax was whistling as he came through his front door. He might be in love with a woman who only wanted to be friends with him but, at least she was alive. 'It was worth it.' he said out loud trying to ignore the raw, burning pain. If the price I had to pay to save your life was to lose you - he thought to himself - than I'm glad I did it.

He remembered when the doctor came to the bed where Brenda was sleeping. She was so weak

from losing so much blood. There was very little of her type but, there was enough to keep her

alive. She was so pale and still that he would have worried she had died if he hadn't kept a constant grip on her wrist and felt the slow but, steady beat.

He had volunteered to watch her since he wasn't leaving till she was safe and leaving with him. This remote hospital, though smaller than a ward at Port Charles' General Hospital was so understaffed that the only time anyone stopped at Brenda's bed was to bring the thin broth Jax kept spoon feeding her. If she didn't need to eat, he would have let her sleep. He hated having to wake her, she was so weak he had to sit behind her, reaching his arms around to feed her. She only ate a few spoonfuls each time, but any was better than none he thought to himself.

He would lay back holding her for a little while, wrapping his arms around her, sharing his body

heat. She didn't have much covering her except a thin blanket and night shirt. He stood and gently lowered her to the bed. He watched her sleep, and brushed a few strands of hair from her

forehead. He mouthed the words, 'I love you,' tucking her in. He was continuing to watch her

sleep as a doctor walked over with a nurse.

'Mr. Jacks,' he whispered, 'Mr. Jacks!' he said a little louder when at first Jax didn't respond.

Jax turned and looked at the doctor that saved Brenda's life. He had her same blood type and,

what he donated combined with what was already available had been enough to keep the love of

his life alive. He knew there was no way the doctor would ever know how grateful he was but, he

decided to try anyway. 'Dr. Montego, I ...'

'Horace,' he lifted a hand in an attempt to dismiss such formalities, 'please call me Horace. You've been here so long, there's no reason for titles.'

'Then you must call me Jax.' Horace nodded in agreement. 'I just wanted to thank you ...' that was as far as he got before Horace raised his hand again.

'Please Mr. Jacks, ah ... Jax, I just happened to be a vessel of life for this lovely lady. I can no

more choose my blood type than the color of my hair, which I'm sorry to say, is dwindling to

rapidly for my happiness.' Jax grinned and Horace smiled, 'I got a smile on your face, that's good. I know this is not a happy occasion and your mind is probably filled with doubts and forebodings, but, you need to be grateful for what you can and not get depressed. You may look healthy on the outside but, inside you'd be sicker than her.' He motioned to Brenda. 'Remember to thank God for the little miracles, or you'll be blinded from the larger ones..'

'I don't know much about thanking God, I've never really been a religious man. But, I am happy

that Brenda lived .. As well as the baby.' After Jax's last statement the doctor's smile faltered, he

sniffed and quickly wiped a tear from his eye. 'Dr. ... Dr. Montego?' Jax asked worriedly. 'What's wrong, is it Brenda?' His questions faltered as he thought of the possibility of losing Brenda after all this.

'We need to talk. But, not here. Mrs. Jacks needs her rest and I think its best not to discuss this

near her at this time.'

Jax flinched slightly at the doctor's mentioning of Brenda as Mrs. Jacks. Through everything that

had happened, Brenda and he were never married. She was vulnerable and pregnant, he knew

now, when she left the mental ward. He was already deeply in love with her, and one night shortly after she was released he woke to a slight brushing against his cheek.

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He woke to look directly in Brenda's eyes as she continued to stroke his cheek. 'Brenda?' he was

wondering if this was a dream until he felt her index finger fall lightly onto his lips. He closed his eyes when her lips replaced her finger. The kiss was soft as she tasted him and tested different

angles of her lips against his. 'Brenda.....,' he groaned aloud when she started to kiss the rest of his face. She planted baby kisses on his cheeks, forehead, chin and each eyelid before she pulled back smiling at him while her fingertips stroked down his nose and lips to be rewarded by a flick of his tongue against the exploring digit.

Her face beamed, and she looked down shyly as her one finger was joined by the others in slowly

unbuttoning his pajama top. She pressed slow, lingering kisses down his skin as she finished with the last button. She pulled up and smiled at him when her fingers skimmed across the edge of his bottoms.

'Brenda,' he moaned and grabbed her hand, 'please stop teasing me.'

She placed a finger to his lips and made a shushing sound. She went down and flicked the tip of a

nipple with her tongue. It hardened instantly and she caught it gently in her teeth. She rolled the

nipple between her teeth and randomly flicked the tip with her tongue. She smiled when Jax

groaned and kissed slowly up till she reached his earlobe. He drew in a sharp breath as she suckled at the sensitive skin.

'God, Brenda,' he moaned helplessly. 'Please stop,' he begged.

'You don't want me?' she asked in a faint, little girl voice.

'Yes,' he uttered forcefully. 'I love you so much and I want to make love with you but, I don't

think ...'

'That's right Jax, don't think. There's no need. I want this, give it to me.'

'Brenda ....,' he broke off as she reached down to slowly stroke the length of him through the

fabric at his crotch.

'Give this to me,' she whispered. She moved off him, and quickly removed his pajama bottoms and boxers. She slowly undressed while he watched her till he reached for her and pulled her on top of him. She stopped him from getting on top and she straddled him feeling his center pressed against her thighs. Misgivings prevented him from being completely aroused and she kissed him passionately, sliding her tongue inside his mouth and stroking his tongue with hers. He reacted considerably. She went down his body slowly running her soft breasts and silky hair down his chest. She heard him gasp when she flicked his tip with her tongue savoring a drop of fluid there. She immediately felt evidence that she had his complete attention and continued the assault on his senses.

His misgivings were gone, and his mind and body were ready when she took him fully into her

mouth. She started moving up and down extremely slowly, using her tongue to bathe the member in sensations speeding up slightly every time she received a response from him. When she heard him mutter breathlessly that he wanted to be inside of her, she moved to sit on top of him. She bent down to kiss him and he threaded his fingers through her hair to keep her from pulling back.

She reached down grasping him by the base and rubbing him against her. Her hips moved against

him as she continued stroking herself. She elicited a sharp cry as waves of molten ecstasy licked at her and quickly inserted him moving in rhythm of the pleasurable shudders still affecting her.

He rocked his hips as she moved herself up and down on him. He bucked a few times as pleasure

hit him with each stroke. Her drenching wet heat was driving him crazy. He bit his lip and groaned with his whole body as the tempest broke and pleasure cascaded over him. 'Brenda ... Brenda...,' he repeated over and over, the litany decreasing in volume as she laid against his chest and listened to his heartbeat return to normal. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tight. They slept with his arms tightly cradling her to his chest.

When he woke up and realized what had happened, he knew they had to talk. Decide where and if to move from here. He held her another half hour and carefully moved from her arms. Dressing, his thoughts plagued him and they didn't decrease as he started the coffee. He was still wrapped up in his thoughts when she entered the kitchen and called his name softly. He swung around and they looked at each other.

'We need to talk,' they said at the same time. He poured them each a cup of coffee and they

walked to the table. They discussed what happened and decided it was best that they remain

friends for now. Both of them agreed that she was not ready for any other kind of relationship. Her reaching out for comfort the way she did the night before testified to that.

___________________________________________________

When he found out she was pregnant, he held some hope, in his heart, that it was his child. That this would bring them back together, till he gazed into the child's face and saw eyes that were not his. That was when his hope shattered. He was sure, whatever happened, he had most likely lost her for good.

So let the doctor think he had flinched because of the thought of news so bad he thought it best not discussed over a Brenda that was fighting for her life. He wouldn't bother to correct the doctor, telling him it was Ms. Barrett, not Mrs. Jacks. Jax could use the fantasy right now.

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Chapter 3

Sonny has to admit to himself, though he knew he couldn't tell Brenda, he was slightly proud of her. The edge of his anger had softened a bit and he was no longer blind with rage. His main thoughts were on Jax.

It wasn't that he wanted to think of him, he didn't even like the man. And the thought of her going to him for comfort when he left town made his stomach boil with anger. But, Jax had saved Brenda's life even though he knew he had probably lost her. As long as Sonny had any love left for Brenda he would be grateful.

Sonny wanted to hate Jax for the death of his son but Brenda had told him that the doctor didn't

think the child would survive the trip back to New York. The doctor told Jax that the baby would

die, but he would survive longer if he wasn't moved. Jax was going to wait, let Brenda stay with her son till he passed away but, the doctor told Jax that it was very possible she would die, also if she didn't receive care in an US hospital. There was no way Jax would take any chances. He had her flown to Port Charles and rushed to General Hospital for treatment. She was stronger than thought and was stable within twenty-four hours. But she was empty without her son. Jax had told her it was a boy and not his.

When Sonny heard that Jax held some hope that the child was his, he questioned Brenda about Jax and her relationship. She told him they were friends, he would like there to be more but, she

couldn't forgive him for leaving the child no matter what, even if her life had been in danger. She

wished she were the one that was dead and told Sonny of the many times she prayed for an

exchange.

He had thought that she had left the child to die that, when he left her on what was supposed to be their wedding day, she wanted nothing to do with him, including their child. In his pain and anger he saw that as a real possibility. Now that he had seen the love Brenda had for their child, he was ashamed that such a thought had ever crossed his mind.

He dared not tell her this. He wanted to maintain an upper edge and to keep the wall in place he

had erected to protect himself. He wanted the whole story, anything she may know or remember

about their son.

He caught himself this time. When did he start referring to the child as their son? Plus, he noticed a nagging question in the back of his mind. One that made him worry about the strength of that

protective wall.

He wondered if she still loved him.

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Chapter 4

Jax's thoughts were interrupted by a ringing telephone. He picked up on the fourth ring. 'Hello?'

'Hey little brother.'

Jerry. I don't need this right now.

'Jax, are you there Jax?'

'I'm here.' Not that I wouldn't pay someone to take this phone call so I could go find Brenda.

'Physically at least. Oh well, your mind must be on the lovely Ms. Barrett, she's the only subject

that demands your attention so.'

Jax flinched. Why did Jerry have to remind him that Brenda and he weren't married? 'I am sorry

Jerry, you know how I love to give you my complete attention.'

'Oh, score one for my little brother. You've been hanging around me too much, you're becoming a smart-ass.'

Heaven forbid. 'Is there a reason you called?'

'Even though I would love this to just be a check up call yes, I'm afraid I do have a reason for

calling.'

'And that reason would be?' Jax asked when Jerry didn't immediately finish.

'Patience Jax. You're usually better with that than me. It's a virtue you know?'

'You don't say.'

'You're really getting good at that, maybe .....'

'Jerry!!'

'Alright, alright. I was going to say maybe I shouldn't call you so much but, you changed my mind.' Jax groaned. 'I love you too, little brother. Anyway, the reason for the delay is cause I am trying to figure out how to express it best.'

Jerry at a loss for words? - Jax thought. This ought to be good. 'What did you do Jerry?'

'Why do you always assume I did something?' Jax waited. 'Okay, I did something, something

you'd probably kill me for if you could live without me.'

'I'll have to think about that.'

'You're scaring me Jax. Its like talking to myself.'

'Oh, you have experience with that?'

'I had an idea,' Jerry started almost before Jax finished, 'I thought it was a good idea. Mine usually are.' Jax groaned and Jerry decided to get it all out in one breath. 'I donated us to the bachelor auction to raise money for AIDS research.'

'You did what!?!"

'Its for a good cause.'

'Jerry ....' Jax sighed.

'But, there's a problem. I can't participate, I have to be out of town.'

'So you want me to participate in this auction that you signed me up for without asking but you

aren't going to be there?'

'Basically.'

'Why me?'

'Cause you're my little brother. Anyway, I apologized and explained to them that I couldn't help.

But I promised that you would be there. You don't want to make me out to be a liar, do you?'

'Since when do you care what people think of you?'

'I usually don't but, this will be good for you. It will get your mind off the charming Ms. Barrett.'

'Jerry, please stay out of my personal life.'

'You don't have a personal life. Besides, Brenda's friend, Stone Cates, died from AIDS. She

might appreciate your help in this worthwhile affair.'

'Stone Cates was Corinthos' second, why would you use his name to convince me of anything?'

'Cause he was Brenda's friend, no matter what else.'

Jax sighed, 'Fine Jerry, I'll do it but, you owe me. When and where?'

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Chapter 5

Brenda woke to a soft breeze caressing her face. She opened her eyes and slowly moved the hair

that gathered over her face when she slept. Sitting up, she looked about her and noticed she was in a makeshift bedroom. The wind was from a wooden ceiling fan sat at a sedate pace so, not to chill her, but to keep the air circulating. There were no windows and her groggy head started to clear as she remembered her situation.

The room was large and sparsely furnished. Just the bare necessities and some color. The ceiling

and walls were an off-white, cream color, and the floor was polished wood. The bed she was

laying in was pushed against a wall and it took up half of its width. The wood making the frame

looked to be antique but in excellent condition. Brenda could see the grooves in the fan shapes cut into each square foot end of the headboard quite clearly. The middle of the headboard was carved out a quarter of an inch from the surface of the wood surrounding it. There were figures carved out of the wood and they lay flush with the flat wood alongside the relief.

There was a night table set to her right at an angle so she could easily open the drawer without

having to move from a comfortable position. A brass lamp was the only item on the table - what

she wouldn't give for a phone. The design was simple and it spread enough light to illuminate the entire room. Ten feet in front of her was a dresser. The only other objects in the room were a full length mirror opposite the dresser and two doors.

She picked at the patchwork quilt covering her and noticed the sheets beneath her were white and

cool. She was so comfortable that she wouldn't have gotten out of bed if she didn't have to find a

bathroom. She pushed the bed covers back and noticed that she wore the same clothes she had on

earlier. The fact that no one tried to change her while she was sleeping made her feel better but she started wondering how long she would have to wear these same clothes. She stood up and walked to the door in front of the bed. A frown formed on her lips when she found it locked.

Ok, I'll try the other door. The frown spread to her forehead. The other door opened easily and it lead into a room that served as her bathroom. There was a bath/shower, toilet, a multi-leveled shelf and another door. She peered inside the other room when she opened the door and saw that it was a closet filled with clothes. After a quick inspection she learned they were in her size. She wondered how Sonny remembered as she picked a gray suit and went back into the bathroom. A small unconscious smile crossed her lips. There was a wide mirror above the sink and she looked for toothpaste and other necessities after hanging the suit on a hook. She saw the smile on her face and it quickly disappeared when she thought of the cause. She was deep into her inspection when she heard the familiar, sensually soft voice behind her.

'I told you, nothing is more important than finding out what happened to my son. There is enough here to see to your needs, if you need anything else, just ask.'

'How about the way out of here?'

'I'm afraid that's one of the few things you can't have.'

'I thought so.'

'I hope you enjoyed your nap. That's the only side effect of the drug. It makes you want to sleep.'

Brenda wondered why he was acting so reserved, so constricted. She noticed it earlier but thought it an effect of the drug. Now she wasn't so sure. 'Is there something you want?'

Sonny could only stare as unwelcome images of impossible wants flashed through his mind. 'I was checking to see how you were adapting, seeing if you were comfortable...' his normally soft voice was husky and Brenda did her best to ignore the change in him at her innocently asked yet loaded question.

'You mean how I am dealing with being kidnaped and held against my will?' She paused to see if he would respond. 'If that's all, could you leave so I can take a shower?'

Sonny nodded and left. Brenda heard the door lock and let out the breath she didn't realize she

was holding. She wondered what time and day it was. She had no idea how long she had been

asleep. As she moved back to the bedroom, she loathed to admit that she actually felt good after

the deep sleep. Since she recovered from the death of her son, physically at least, she hadn't slept

very well. This was the first time she didn't wake wishing she would die so she would be free of the pain and exhaustion.

She pulled clean underwear from the dresser and walked into the bathroom. She wasn't really

scared - she thought when she cut on the water to let it warm. She knew Sonny wouldn't harm her as long as she survived their conversation. She didn't know why she felt any measure of safety in situation. After she undressed and stepped into the shower, she ran her fingers through her hair to thoroughly drench her head. She soaped her body and hair and stepped into the water to rinse the lather from her lithe frame. She crossed her arms on the wall of the shower and her head fell on them as frightening thoughts formed in her mind. She was wondering what he felt for her, worse, she tried to understand what she felt towards him. I should hate him after all he has done to me but, I can't. I don't know exactly what I feel and that scares me. As long as I know I can deal with it, at least, I hope I could.

She turned off the water and dressed slowly. Opening the door to let the humidity out of the room, her heart leapt to an accelerated pace when she saw Sonny's hand raised to knock. He didn't seem to notice any reaction on her part as his eyes roamed over her body quickly. The hunger apparent for a second before his eyes clouded over. She quickly walked to the sink and started combing her hair lest he think she was looking at him the same way. The silence in the room was thick with suspicions and passion. Each felt it strongly but Sonny was the one to break it.

'I'm glad you finally finished, the guys were starting to complain about the lack of water.'

'Wasn't really worried. You put all this together, I thought you would have no problem footing the bill.'

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Chapter 6

'Okay Jerry, let me see if I got this right.' Jax's mind wasn't on the phone call but on Brenda. He

was starting to worry about her. It was four o'clock and she was usually home by now. Home - he winced at the thought of the word. Even though Jax would like this to be her home, he knew to her it was just a safe place. Brenda had been to upset to work and the doctors were worried

about her living alone. Jax offered to let her stay in the guest room at the penthouse. After a slight, disagreement by her, they decided it was the easiest thing at the moment. 'The auction is at eight. They ask that I be there at six, six-thirty the latest. Bring a tux and enough money for the date.' Jax spat out the last word. The only person he wanted to date was Brenda. 'I'm obligated from ten to twelve.'

'Right little brother, and don't worry. Sex isn't part of the deal.' I figured that Jerry - Jax thought. He didn't want this conversation to last much longer so he decided to add only what he had to. 'Well, I guess that's all. Even though I don't want this phone call to end, I must go.'

'Jerry, wait!'

'Oh, I would love to stay on the phone but I really have to go.'

'You didn't tell me what day.'

'Oh, I didn't? Well, let's see .....' Jax heard the shuffling of papers and wanted to hang up on his

brother. 'Here it goes, October sixth. See you bro.'

Jax hung up the phone and went into his office. He looked at the calendar and sighed. Today was

October fifth which meant the auction was tomorrow. 'Thanks for the warning Jer,' he said out

loud. His worries were pushed back as he began his search for a dry cleaner open on Sundays.

What have I gotten myself into? - he wondered as he opened the phone book to the yellow pages.

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Chapter 7

Brenda was surprised to learn that it was Sunday afternoon. She had been drugged and talking all

morning. She slept till one in the afternoon. Sonny quickly injected her again and their conversation continued. He was watching her lips making each word, imagining the movements of her tongue against her teeth. He didn't realize he was looking at her so intently until Brenda asked him what he was staring at. 'Just concentrating, wondering if you're still telling the truth.'

'Why would I lie?'

Sonny shrugged, he was upset with himself. Brenda was telling him about her son and he was

eyeing her like a dog would a hunk of meat. He realized that he was lucky that the chemical

working on Brenda dazed her when she readily accepted his explanation.

'We didn't know how far along I was. I didn't show for quite awhile and his rate of development

was slow. The doctors thought I was three months along when I was really four and a half.'

That's why Jax thought she might be pregnant with his child. She was actually pregnant before she was institutionalized. She had most likely conceived the night before they were supposed to be married. He winced at the memory. He had left to keep her safe, if he had known she was

pregnant, he wouldn't have. He would have thought of something. She had told him she had been in for a month when she was released under Jax's recognizance. Shortly after, a search for comfort and to forget turned into something else. After, they had agreed to be friends but, he was thrilled to discover she was pregnant.

When they found out what they thought to be the age of the child, she was worried. Her emotions

were still too raw for a relationship and she knew Jax would pressure her to marry him if she

carried his child. She continued going for regular check-ups when the obstetrician noticed the child was developing very slowly and the doctor was concerned. The doctor decided to send Brenda to a specialist where Brenda would receive the best care. Jax insisted, when she complained about having him take care of the bills, that she have the best treatment that money could buy.

Why am I so grateful? - Sonny asked himself. True, Jax kept his child and Brenda alive and well cared for but Jax thought it was his child. If he had known it was Sonny's ... Sonny didn't like thinking of that possibility.

'He was weak and didn't move much but, when he kicked ....' Brenda broke off with a catch in

her throat. Sonny resisted the urge to rush over and comfort her. He motioned for her to continue

when she had composed herself. 'He was so full of life. He wanted to live, he should have lived,'

she whispered the last part just loud enough for Sonny to hear. She started sobbing and when

Sonny realized he wanted nothing more at that moment than to shield her in his arms he rushed to her. Bending on his knees in front of her, he held her and stroked her hair.

The straps weren't in place, she had accepted that she wasn't going anywhere till Sonny learned

the truth about his child. Her arms were free and she wrapped them around him. Laying her head

on his shoulder, she cried till she was empty but they didn't let go of each other.

Sonny knew this wasn't a good thing. He quickly plastered a blank face and stood up when she sat back in her chair. 'I feel I must thank you for caring for and bearing my child. You kept him alive as long as you could and I am grateful to you for that. I am here for the truth, nothing else.'

Brenda stared at him, 'Don't worry, there's nothing else between us.'

'So be it,' Sonny agreed, 'that's the way it is.' It has to be - he thought to himself as he walked out of the room leaving Brenda with some time to herself. He didn't see her grimace at the pain she felt when she denied the truth of her feelings for him.

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Chapter 8

She heard the phone click as Jerry cut the connection to his brother. She almost felt guilty listening in on their conversation. For about five seconds, then she heard Jax's voice and the embarrassed feeling was replaced with a wave of heat over the surface of her skin. Mmmm - she thought to herself - what a voice. Soft, sultry and just enough of an accent to sound provocative. Slow down girl, haven't even met the man yet and already you're in high gear.

She would think that someone with that voice would be lacking in other areas. There was a saying -- Too much of a good thing .... Then, she had seen his picture. Jerry had provided many of them and one look in those blue eyes made her want to melt. She wondered, for about the hundredth time, if she could pull this off. Jasper Jacks seemed so unapproachable. He was extremely attractive, rich, and most incredibly, available. If Jerry hadn't filled her in on why no one had scooped this one up, she would have wondered what was wrong with the guy that could make a woman ignore his charms.

'What did you think?' Jerry asked when she hadn't said anything.

'You sure he's your brother? Seems to good to be of your gene pool.'

'Oh, you wound me.'

'I wish.'

'Maybe. If this works, you might actually thank me.'

'Just what do you hope to accomplish with this scheme?'

'I want Jax to have a life, to be happy. That won't happen if Brenda is the only woman he has

anything to do with. All he does is mope and wish she were his.'

'And this has what to do with you?'

'He's my brother. To be honest, I hold nothing against Brenda, she isn't stringing him along. She

has told him straight out that nothing would happen between them. He loves her too much to give up hope.'

'And you expect me, a complete stranger, to get him past this love?'

'Elisa, I know you. You are what he needs right now. You're sweet and kind yet you don't let

people take advantage of you. You care about people but won't let yourself fall with them. You're a lot of Jax with enough of my sensibilities to keep him straight.'

'I don't know who taught you how to convince people but insulting them is not a good idea.'

'See what I mean, you're perfect.'

Elisa brushed a few strands of her long, red hair over an ear and placed the telephone in the free

space. 'I'm only doing this cause I owe you. I sure hope you have enough money to pull this off.

Your brother seems the type to warrant a few more bids that mine.'

'Don't worry about that, you just be there looking devastating as only you can.'

Elisa sighed, 'Its going to be a hell of a night.'

'That's the spirit.' Jerry hung up the phone.

What have I gotten myself into? - she wondered as she hung up the phone.