A Guide to the Chemistry Kingdom

N.B. This is not by any means an inexhuastable guide as many occurrences happen weekly and it is difficult to keep up to date.  Sorry if the writting is a bit difficult to read but i can't seem to find a colour that will write over this pink.  Any colour sujestions?

Members
The Chemistry Kingdom is ruled by
Claire The Queen of Chemistry.  She is a benevolent queen and certinaly a queen of the people.  She may also from time to time be known as A Level English Girl or Lardy Laughing La La.  Queen Claire chose the element Hydrogen as it its at the very top of the periodic table and from there she can look down on all her subjects. 
However it must be remembered that the Queen is merely a figurehead! The real power lies with
Jo the power behind the thrown and bewares for she hateth the power to use her evil mind tricks to twist weak minds.  She is often known to reduce her victims to fits of uncontrolable blushing.  Jo chose Oxygen as her element because as she pointed out you can't live without it.  It was however changed by someone who shall remain nameless (Steve) to Lead because it slowly poisons you.  Bad Steve.
Lizzi holds the position of Royal Wench.  She carries out menial tasks for the whole of the court but be ye not decieved it is a highly prized position and was requested by Lizzie herself.  (Lizzi YOU!)  She is represented by Platinum the most expensive and purest of all metals.
John has had a bit of a ruff ride along the way, he fell from his position of King of Chemistry when it was descovered he was not democratically elected but he was offered the position of court Jester.  He declined, insulted the Queen and defected to the Brown side (see Minkey later).  He did recently return to the Kingdom and took up the honourable position of Defence Secretary.  John was given Firmium as his element with a note saying "because he's not".
Matt Hoar is the slave to the court but just like Lizzi he enjoys the pain and is actually one of the most respected individuals in the court.  He chose Iron as his element pointing out that shackles are made of it.
Kelly is the self proclaimed princess of the Kingdom well after all she already has the teara.  However she may only be the princess of Chemistry but she is  the Karioke Queen.  Kel. chose Magnesium it being the most reactive element.
I myself have worked my way up with a lot of hard work and dedication from Royal Provider of Buiscuits to Moral Officer and now through the web site Propaganda Chief.  I chose Carbon because it is all around you wha ha ha ha ha
Matt and Steve are still to decide on their roles.  But Matt did chose Mn as his element as his initials are MN, cunning
Unfortunatly the following people left before they ever got to chose an element  sob.
Johnathan is in some ways the power behind, the power behind the thrown
Linz was appointed the position of court chef after everyone marveled at her cake making abilities.  I do believe it was Linz who began the tradition of Birthday cake in the Chemistry Kingdom.  NB You see when ever oit is a member of the kingdoms birthday they are abliged to make a cake and bring it in on the lesson nearest to their birthday.  Who could forget for example the amazing none cake, cake that Jo made.  Just a shame it wasn’t bigger.
Shell  defected to the brown side shortly before leaving.  Spies outside the Kingdom reported the she thought the Kingsom to be, oh Queen Claire forbid, silly and childish.  Her baby is due any time now!
Jenny was the provider of sexy underwear for the court as she is often seen waving her black thongs in the air or showing them off in night clubs.

Enemies of the Kingdom.
Minkey the Merciless of Catland is a sworn enemy of the Queen.  On the Queen's last visit they had a heated debate about who's idea the laser pen was and who should take the glory for the Engineering project.  Minkey, not being able to speak very much English, lost.  It must be remembered however that Minkey is not really evil just missunderstood (and a little bitter at her idea being stolen)
Beware also of Schizophrenic Shea who is in league with Minkey and often threatens and insults members of the court. 
A certain white haired lab technician will also pay (is that not right Jo?)


Ever since the beginning of Claire's rule the land has been a democratic society with it's politics being very much towards the left.  Due to the abundence of Bunsen Burners the weather is warm all year round and sometimes a tad too warm in the summer and so we are often to be seen trouping off to find cooler climbs for a summer break.The national dress is the white lab coat (to be worn with nothing under it and acompanyed by red stilletoes only on special ocaisions)

History
On 30th May 1999 the land did under go a reformation during which Claire was appointed head of State Chemistry, Kate head of State German and Jo Queen of all things academic but due to poular demandand and under instruction from Queen Claire things soon returned to their old ways.
On the 24th of April 1999 Jo did go on a scouting mission to spy on Minkey.  Knowing that Minkey would that night be present at a rather high brow party she cunningly disguised herself as Belle Vue ex-showgirl and successfully managed to publicly humiliate Minkey.  Following this Minkey sent a spy to Jo's house, Jo promptly disposed of it using a vacuum cleaner attachment.  As we speak the power behind the thrown is in negotiations with Minkey.  She did offer her Dr. Badger as a peace offering but Minkey threw the gift back in her face telling her one day the whole of the Kingdom will be hers. . .
At the begining of September the Kingdom experienced many casualties as a result of the battle against the twisted and evil state of Nuffield.  It was with a fond fairwell we bid adue to Linz. Johnathan, Shell and who could forget Jenny.  Good Luck guys.  After being deserted I moved to the top table in the Hartland sector. To cheer us up Queen Claire proved herself to be a true queen of the people and declared that the people who did not as yet hold roles could choose their own roles(with in reason of course)  Lizzi and Steve needed no cheering up though as their results were very pleasing.

Towards the back end of September Jo's position as Queen of Physics was threatened by Nicola but that's another story. 
Also in September '99 a recrutedment drive headed by Kelly and Myself was started.  People not studying Chemistry were permited to enter the court if they were considered deserving.  We gained.
Lucy Royal provider of pins (Bismoth, it’s the bomb)
Sara female porno entertainment and
Thorpie Court Butcher and male porno entertainment (Arsenic coz it’s got arse in it) 

This was due to the success of Choose Your Own Element an idea developed by Kelly. 

Now available to all members of the Chemistry Kingdom 'choose your own element' simply pick your element from the periodic table and pin your name position and why you chose it to the board in the common room.  Great fun.  I may post the results on this site.  Not up on your periodic table?  Check it out on line <a href="http://www.-tech.mit.edu/Chemicool/"> periodic table

Coming in May/June Chemisrt Curry night at that curry house acros from the Regal.  The final meeting of the Chemistry Court, Sob.