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I Knew
by Leila

Rating: Not Rated
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in the following do not belong
to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
Any resemblance that the following may bear on real life situations
is purely coincidental.  (But then again, if coincidences are just
conincedences, why do they feel so contrived?)
Summary: A reflection on the events in 'Duane Barry' and 'Ascension'
from the POV of Mulder during 'One Breath'

One Breath -
Mulder: What if I knew the potential consequences, but I never told
her?
Skinner: Then you're as much to blame for her condition as the
"Cancer Man"

     I knew. I knew, but I never told her. It never for a minute
occurred to me that by not telling her I was putting her life in
danger. Had she known what might happen, she might have been able to
protect herself. It's ironic really. I thought that I was protecting
her. I was protecting her innocence, when I should have been
protecting her life. Not having correct information is dangerous in
our line of work.
     I heard it happen. The event had been recorded on my answering
machine. The complete innocence in her voice, even after all this
time, surprised me. That she could be so shocked at what that
implant was after seeing all the things we've seen. And then he came
and attacked her. He took her, so that they would take her in his
place.
     She called out for my help. That was the last time I heard her
voice. Now I might never hear it again. By the time I got home she
was gone. I heard her cry for help as if it were a shadow from the
past come to haunt me. It's worse than witnessing a crime that you
can do nothing to stop from happening. That *is* happening, while
this *has* happened. You can't excuse yourself by saying that
nothing could have been done, or that anyone could have frozen. You
don't know. Maybe, you could've done something. Maybe, if I had been
there, I could have stopped him from taking her. She asked for my
help, but I couldn't help her.
     Now she's lying in a hospital bed, possibly dying. As much as I
try to convince myself that he did this, that they did this, I know
in some way I did this to her. Because I didn't tell her. I knew,
but I didn't tell her.