Author: X_tremeroswellian

Email: X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: They're Kevin Williamson's. Don't sue. Song is by the Goddess of Music, Sarah McLachlan.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: This is a tag to "A Weekend in the Country." So...everything up until then is fair game. Oh, and keep in mind, that I just started watching D.C. a few weeks ago, and haven't seen many episodes yet, so if all the details aren't perfect, don't get upset. This is my first D.C. fanfic.

Sweet Surrender

*****

It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I've left behind me
Is a cold room

*****

The firelight flickers and bathes the room in a warm glow as I watch her sleeping. I know that's something she hasn't done much of lately, but right now, by all given appearances, she is still and peaceful.

Her hair lays softly spread out on her pillow, and her skin looks equally as soft. I reach out and very gently brush a stray stand of her dark hair out of her face. She is beautiful and it takes my breath away.

Yes, I, Pacey Witter, am capable of poetic ramblings on occasion.

Here in the darkness that is illuminated only by a few quickly-dying, glowing embers, she looks so fragile. But she's not. Not really.

In reality, she is the strongest person I've ever met. She's been through more than anyone should ever have to go through. Her mother's death, her father's betrayals and imprisonments. Then of course, there's all the crap that Dawson's put her through.

Dawson's an idiot. I mean, okay. In all fairness to the guy, she broke up with him. But he all but forced her to send her own father back to prison.

What did he expect her to do? Propose marriage?

But let's face it. Dawson's never been a realist. He's an idealist, always has been, always will be. He walks around with his head in the clouds, and because of it, he's blind to the truths all around him, including how much hurt he causes.

He doesn't see that everytime he goes after a new conquest, she withdraws a little more. He didn't see it when he went after Jen, or Kate, or Nikki, or Evie.

How stupid is he, anyway?

I mean, Jen is great, don't get me wrong. She's gorgeous, and smart and fun to hang out with, but...

She's *not* Josephine Potter.

I'll admit it, when Dawson begged me to watch after her, I wasn't thrilled. First of all, I had a crush on her Freshman year, and she rejected me. I understand why she did it, but rejection is still rejection no matter how you look at it. And to put it simply: rejection sucks.

Secondly, though I've never hated her, and I don't think she's ever hated me--we've never exactly been friends, either. Sure we bickered--still do--but it was never meant to be malicious and hurtful. we just never really saw each other. It had always been about Dawson. I was his best friend and she was his...what? Other best friend? Soulmate? I don't know exactly, but Dawson was our link.

So then Dawson pushes me towards her, asks me to look after her, make sure she's okay. And because of my friendship with him, I agreed, however reluctantly I may have done so.

*****

I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
And led me from my home

*****

When he rejected her that night to be with Eve, I was the one who went after her. And I don't know exactly what I expected to find when I rowed across the creek to her docks, but what I *did* find was about the last thing I expected.

Joey Potter was crying.

Not just an "I fell down and skinned my knee" type of crying. More like a "My world was just ripped violently from beneath my feet" type of crying.

And for a full thirty seconds, staring at her before she noticed I was there, I hated Dawson Leery more than anyone on earth.

She tried, not very hard and very unsucessfully, to push me away. It didn't take much effort on her part to allow me to console her. And honestly, it didn't take hardly any effort on my part to *want* to console her.

And in that short amount of time...everything changed. My relationship with Joey--which before had been virtually non-existant, was now very existant; her relationship with Dawson changed, and the way I saw Dawson had changed, too. I no longer saw him as this perfect role model that I could never live up to. I knew now that he wasn't perfect. He was the guy who had broken her heart. Not just broken it, but did a Mexican hat dance on it, taped it back together, then stuffed it into a blender.

I stopped wanting to be Dawson Leery.

After that realization, I actually felt better about being myself. I knew I wasn't perfect, but *I* wasn't the one who had broken her heart.

****

You take me in
No questions asked
You strip away the ugliness
That surrounds me

****

Though I kept my promise to Dawson to look after her, that wasn't the reason I did it. It was because I wanted to. I wanted to make sure she was all right.

Maybe it was because I had known her my entire life, but never really knew her. Maybe it was because the crush I had on her our freshman year never fully went away. Or maybe it was because we both needed a friend and had no one else to turn to.

Whatever the reason--all the reasons--that brought us together--Joey and I are friends now. Real friends. And honestly, I wish that it had happened sooner. Maybe I wouldn't have been so shut down for so long if I'd have had her as a friend. Maybe I wouldn't have thought I was hopeless and worthless like my father had always told me if I had made an effort to be her friend. Because she doesn't let me think that now. She makes me go to class and do my homework and study and do my best at whatever I do. She's the one who encourages me, listens to me, believes in me and my abilities.

No one's ever done that before.

Sure, Dawson has always lectured me for skipping classes, but he always says, "Because it's wrong."

Not her.

She says, "It's because you're good enough, Pace. I know it. You're better than good enough. You just have to prove it to yourself."

Like a few weeks ago with the PSAT exams. Eve offered us the chance to cheat by using the answer sheet she had given Dawson. It goes missing and guess who my good buddy accuses of stealing it?

Can't pretend that didn't hurt. I realize I've done a lot of things that border on asshole in my measly 16 year existence, but I've changed. A lot. And even though he apologized and we agreed to forget about it, deep down it still really bugs me that my so-called "best friend" flat out said he thought I'd taken it.

*****

Are you an angel
Am I already that gone
I only hope
That I won't disappoint you
When I'm down here
On my knees

*****

I asked Joey what she thought had happened to that test. She didn't even look at me like she believed I could have taken it. We hadn't even been "friends" for long at that point. I was stunned by her faith in me, by her sheer loyalty.

That's the difference between Dawson and Joey. Dawson thinks he knows everything, has all the answers in this perfectly scripted movie he's written for us that he expects us to follow and live up to. I, Pacey Witter, have been scripted as the town screw-up.

It seems like she's the one who's been re-writing the script. Not for the first time, that night I was greatful to whatever presence--be it deities, fate or just incredibly good luck--that brought this wonderful girl into my life.

She fulfills something within me. Something that I can't even put into words. She makes me *want* to go to class and get good grades and even go to college. She believes in me and the amazing part is, because of her, I'm starting to believe in me, too.

And I really believe that Dawson Leery has a few screws loose in that over-analyzing head of his if he can't see that Joey Potter is the most beautiful, amazing girl on the planet. Then again, if he can't see that for himself, he doesn't deserve her anyway.

*****

And I don't understand
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall

*****

She stirs slightly in her sleep and I blink in surprise as I realize it is starting to get light outside. I think about what Grams said about how she knew she was in love...how she stayed up all night and watched him sleeping and how she was perfectly content in doing so.

"Pacey?" Her beautiful brown eyes are half-open as she suppresses a yawn.

"Yeah?"

"What time is it?" She rubs a hand across her face as she squints at the clock on the wall.

"Early."

She yawns again and looks at me. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep."

She frowns. "Why not?"

"I was just thinking."

"About--?"

"You know. The usual. School, life, the future of our quickly depleting ozone layer," I joke.

She smiles that killer smile that makes my knees weak when I'm standing. I pull the blanket up over her again and kiss her forehead gently. "Go back to sleep, Jo."

She doesn't protest as her eyes drift shut again and she quickly falls back asleep.

I smile as I realize that at this moment, I am more content than I have ever been.

*****

And sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give

*****

The End