poetry

RAMBLINGS OF

TORTURED MIND....

All these works probably appear somewhat amateurish I guess. But this is what I do when I am bored. Call me morbid, call me sick, say whatever you want. Anything's better than sinking into apathy and slitting my wrists out of boredom don't ya think?

the sweet call of death....

Do not try and reach me for I am already gone,

So much pain and suffering my poor shoulders have borne,

I have lost it, my love for life,

This need for me to survive,

I was seeking a saviour,

Someone who'll be my rescuer,

I was seeking salvation,

Something to save this poor wretch from damnation,

But alas no such person I found,

I just keep going down, down, down,

Falling into the dark abyss,

The pit that would end my existence,

The dark is darker than the nite,

It's mystery of all mysteries,

Yet I have been seduced by it's sweet call,

The only call that has me entranced,

I yearn to be embraced by the Reaper,

I wait in anticipation for him to appear,

I hunger for his love, his affection,

For he brings my salvation,

Call me disillusioned,

Call me what u want,

He's my final destination,

The ultimate end to my state of being,

My passion for him burns like fire,

He is all I desire,

Come to me sweet Reaper,

Take me with u to walk the lands of pleasure....

erotika......

Black coffee no sugar no cream,

I guarantee baby I'll make ya moan and scream,

I need ya sugar like i need my nicotine,

Give it to me quit being so mean,

Touch me, feel me, I so do yearn,

This passion I have simply burns,

I burn for you hotter than fire,

Don't you understand you're all I desire,

Trust me there's no other,

Tell me will u be my lover?

this atrocity called life.....

A solitary traveller I walk this journey,

In a world so filled with pain and misery,

Cynics, hypocrites, liars everywhere,

Who claim to love you but they just don't care,

What I seek I can't seem to find,

Could it be that I am going out of my mind,

Death beckons in the distance,

Could it be the only penance,

The only way to end the yelling of my guilty conscience,

A full stop to this farce called life,

I am in confusion beyond comprehension,

Reach down to me bring me a solution.

pure satisfaction....

Come sweet child lay down with me,

Forget your fears, relax and just be,

I'm gonna love you all through the nite,

Give yourself to me, be mine,

Undress, clothes not required this nite,

All we need are candles and some wine,

I kiss you, feel you quiver,

Anticipation runs deep, deeper and deeper,

What's next I know u wonder,

I'm gonna be your sweetest lover,

I caress u baby all over,

Hmmm you've grown much much harder,

How tempting I think I hunger for your flesh,

I'm driving you wild your brains turning to mush,

How I wish I could taste your liquid in my mouth,

On and on you're almost there,

Harder and harder, faster and faster,

I lie on my back, my legs spread wide,

Enter me I wish to feel u inside,

I wish this could last forever,

You'll always be my lover,

An orgasm welling up in me,

Honey I'm cumming...just give it to me,

Hard and good that's how I like it,

Drive me insane just keep at it,

You're about to cum you tell me,

Cum baby, cum baby, cum for me,

As you do I reach down into the drawer,

Draw out my favourite dagger,

Stab you, kill you, is it over??

Darkness

Darkness be my clothes this night,

Stay withme and all I'll fight,

Darkness be my friend this night,

Take my hands and together we'll unite,

Darkness be my guard this night,

Don't let him get me that darned light,

Darkness kiss me this night,

Make love unto me till I scream with delight,

Darkness taste me this night,

Digest me within you where it'll never be bright,

Soulless, heartless, bodyless, mindless,

I want to sink into the depths of your abyss,

Darkness where are you? Reveal yourself,

Take me.... take me to greater depths,

Darkness,

My lover,

Darkness,

I shiver,

Darkness,

I feel,

Darkness,

Come,

Darkness,

Take,

Darkness,

Go,

I am no more............

Confessions of a blood drinker

Today at sundown I will rise,

Free to walk this earth as I please,

Hunting, searching, yet another condemned soul,

To welcome him into this unlife of woe,

For centuries life has left these veins of mine,

Yet ultimate death I cannot seem to find,

Earthbound, undead, freedom never to come,

Drifting in this state of limbo never to feel warmth,

An unquenchable thirst I start to feel,

It hurts, it hurts for again I have to kill,

to feed this shell of mine with the fluid of your life,

What a waste a young 'un so pretty, so alive,

You're new to life and yet you have to die,

If I had a choice I'd rather you survive,

But satisfy my hunger I must,

To taste your lifeblood I so do lust,

Satisfaction in this state is merely an illusion,,

for the hunger is insatiable and the killing will go on,

Blood lust for the undead is a matter of survival,

We're a condemned lot, we are destined to suffer,

Killing is an inborn instinct that cannot be ignored,

For resistance to such an urge is but futile effort,

Immortality is no gift but a state of agony beyond comprehension,

A state that is worse than the worst damnation,

So dear victim I hope you understand why I have to kill you,

It's nothing personal really just something I have to do,

Forgive me my pretty, I'll try not to cause any pain,

Do not fight me for it will all be in vain cause there's no escape,

Sinking my fangs into your flesh I am filled with pleasure,

Ecstatic, orgasm after orgasm, filled with your lovely water,

Tomorrow at sundown we will rise,

Free to walk the earth as we please.

kiss of death from my vampire lover

he leaves me now for the light of dawn is fast approaching,

back down into his crypt where darkness envelopes all and everything,

oh how this heart of mine aches as he walks out the door,

it was a beautiful night filled with sweet rapture,

his every touch ignites an undescribable passion,

he fuels my soul, lifts me up to the heavens,

I am his fount, source of blood and life,

drink deeply my love, I'll give you all I have,

he penetrates my warm flesh and I am ecstacy,

suck me my Lord, drink me till I am dry,

i submit myself totally as i yearn for your kiss,

I am your slave to do as you please,

I love him like I love no other,

Someday I want to be with him eternally, forever,

today i am content with his short sweet kisses,

and now and then his long nightly visits,

somehow i feel it in my bones,

the day is not far when he gives me the ultimate kiss,

the kiss of death shall make us one,

and this love will go on and on and on.........

I wrote this short story on a particular stormy night, when I was feeling extremely down. My vampire had promised to pay me a visit that night but I terkena janji keling (he broke his promise). The following day, I was flipping through one of the local dailies when I came across a piece on a unexplained explosion which occured at daybreak somewhere in SS1... that was where vampy dearie lived temporarily since we started dating... he was actually from the nilai chinese cemetary (but he was of spanish-indian parentage when he was alive-although it baffles one trying to figure out how the heck that makes him the malaysian version of the vampire called the pontianak and even then if he was of spanish indian parentage, why the hell a chinese cemetary..some of the questions that will forever be unanswered *sob* *sob* or wait...SCULLY! MULDER you sexy thang u! c'mere help me!!!)... apparently some people witnessed the incident in which they saw a man get out of a taxi hurriedly and head towards the kubur(graveyard)... suddenly he burst into flames and then everything was gone... he was the last of the remaining Malaysian vampires (pontianaks).. and the World Vampire Conservation Committe (based in Bistritz and chaired by the dude himself.. CD) has now declared pontianaks extinct....

FIRE

As darkness blanketed the land, she stared out of the window. Unlike all the other villagers, Iris did not light up a lamp to brighten up her room. Instead, she continued to stare out into the night horizon. Only God knew how badly she pined for Armand. He was the light of her life. Without him no lamp could ever brighten up her dark world. No warmth could penetrate the cold, empty life she was living.
It had been almost two years since Armand left her to seek his destiny elsewhere. The village of Xaxsis could not accept a man like him. In a land where everyone had milky white skin, Armand was an outcast. He was viewed as a disgrace to mankind due to the dark colour of his skin. "Cursed soul!" people cried out everywhere he went. "Child of the devil!" said others who could not bear the sight of him. Iris, however never really cared about the colour of his skin. She was as white as everyone else but she recognized a good man when she saw one. Iris believed that Armand was her soul mate. No one else could ever take his place. She sacrificed her entire family because of Armand. She left the house because they would not accept Armand and Iris's relationship. She left her friends because they could not accept him either. She left a familiar life, the people whom she loved, everything for Armand.
It was a match made in heaven. Or at least that was what Iris thought. He was a dream come true. Unlike the other men of Xaxsis, he was not a slave driver. Neither was he a chauvinistic pig. He claimed that he would always treat a woman as an equal. He loved her selflessly until the final night when he said he was going to leave. Someone from a distant land had beckoned him he said. She thought that it sounded like a lame excuse to get away from her but she pushed it out of her mind. Besides, who was she to be holding him back here in a village where everyone hated the sight of him? She thought she would be able to deal with his absence but it didn't work out that way. As each day passed, she wanted him back more.
He said that he would come back to her. He said that the journey that he was about to embark on was a dangerous one but he promised to return to her. She dreamt of that day all the time. She would picture herself sitting by the window all sad and distraught. Suddenly the doorbell would ring and she would run to open the door. There, Armand would be standing with his arms outstretched. She would run into his arms, hold him tight and never ever let go. Dreams however, remained just as dreams and nothing ever happened.
One night as Iris was about to doze off, she heard someone whisper her name.
"Iris!" the voice beckoned.
"Iris, are you there?" the voice questioned.
Iris could not believe her ears for that was the voice of her beloved. Finally, Armand was back!
"Yes my love I am here! Will you reveal yourself to me?" she asked joyfully.
"No Iris, I must remain within the shadows for now. I cannot reveal myself to you lest you be afraid. I just wanted to let you know that I am back. But not a soul is to know of my presence, not a single soul. Armand is back. But it is only for you to know!" he whispered.
" But why love? Why would I ever be afraid of you? You know that no matter how bad your condition may be I would still accept and love you" she pleaded.
" In this state of condemnation? You would love me still? How stupid you are Iris. I am beyond any measure. There's no help for me. Not even your love although I wish it could," he answered sadly.
"You speak of condemnation as if I don't know what it is. I left a life I knew just to be with you. I was a pariah by the standards of other Xaxarians. You still loved me then,"
"At least you were human then. But no human could ever love a beast! A Child of Darkness!"
"What do you speak of Armand Arnello? Beast? What beast are you supposed to be? Child of the Darkness? Lord! What next? The Devil reincarnate?" she mocked.
"A humble servant of His may be a more appropriate way of putting it. Don't you mock me Iris Issalaiah! I am not the man you once knew. I am?."
"Alright darling, if you will please stop this farce you are trying to pull on me and just step right here where I can see you, I will be the happiest woman on planet Xann," said Iris.
"Iris, will you please believe what I am telling you? I am no longer human? I am? I am a confounded blood drinker! I am a beast!"
" Ahhh so that explains my dreams then Armand. I dreamt of you being locked in a crypt. In the dream I was you. At sundown I rose. I felt very, very thirsty. I wanted something to drink and yet I knew it wasn't water I thirsted for. Then, I saw a picture of myself in the crypt. I was wearing an ivory white wedding gown. Remember that I was seeing myself through your eyes Armand. I was you and yet I was me. I was not scared. I saw you walk towards me and reach out for me. I ran into your arms and we were then locked in a mad embrace. You bent your head to give me sweet little kisses on my neck and suddenly I felt this weird sensation, pleasure almost and yet pain as you drained me of my life blood. It was total submission on my part. The ultimate sacrifice for my Armand."
"Iris, you mean you believe me ?" he asked.
"Yes I do and I still love you. Are you hungry? Do you need to feed?" she asked as a mother would ask a child.
"Iris, this blood lust, it is torture. I hate it but I had no choice. That night when the blood drinker came here into our house, I traded my happiness for yours. I left because I did not want to hurt you. I left this house but I never left Xaxsis. During the day, I would lay dead in a crypt just like you dreamt. I wake up at sundown with that thirst you described. I have managed to live off the blood of animals and sometimes people who had just died when rigor mortis hadn't yet set in. I have watched you from afar all this while not daring to come near you in case I got out of control and hurt you. You must understand that sometimes blood lust blinds the blood drinker. Killing is an instinct for hunters like us." he said.
"Lord, if only I had known!" said Iris as she began to shed tears.
"Look! Now I have made you cry!" he cried out.
"No! I am crying tears of joy for now I know that we could be together forever!" she said amidst sobs.
"That is not possible! I may live on forever buy you are mortal!" he told her.
"You could give me the kiss of death and make me a blood drinker too! " she retorted.
"Hell! No! I will not do it! Have you any idea what sort of torturous life I live?" Armand yelled.
"You wait here Armand. I've got a surprise for you!" she said as she went up to her room.
A few minutes later she appeared wearing the ivory white wedding gown. She was a picture of perfection. So pretty! So darn pretty!
"Armand will you marry me at least?"
After much silence he answered, "You know you could live a better life if you got over me and?"
"Hush! I will not hear of any such thing Arnello! You marry me rite now or I will set this dress on fire," she gave him an ultimatum.
"Set your dress on fire then! At least it's less torturous than being an immortal, scavenging, cretin like me!" he dared her.
"I shall do as you tell me then Armand. Remember this though! You will spend the rest of your life?uhmmm? or shall I say your state of limbo thinking that you could have stopped this from happening. You could have had me by your side," she said calmly.
"Then I shall spend the rest of my days thinking of that!" he answered firmly.
"Fine Armand! I have lived a torturous life all these years by myself! This one final torture shouldn't be so bad I think!" she said as she lit the match and set the hem of her dress on fire. Perhaps a sudden moment of lucidity almost jerked her out of her frenzied state because he saw her trying to put out the flames. However, it was too late to stop it. The fire.
There he stood watching her burn, listening to her screams of agony as the flames engulfed her writhing form. He could not do anything. They were so near yet so far. The fire would hurt him. To heal himself he would need lots of blood but he wasn't feeling up to it so he watched her burn down to ashes.
"Such a pity!" he thought to himself as he walked out the door of the burning house.
That was the last thought that Armand the blood drinker thought because the moment he stepped out, his body was engulfed in flames. The fire again! He failed to realize that the sun had risen. So engrossed was he in his thoughts that he had completely forgotten about the rising sun and the fatal allergy vampires have towards its rays. Perhaps, just perhaps he wasn't really beyond salvation like he thought! Fire and nothing else but fire consumes everything!!