There is a stereotype among people who have never gotten high that anyone who has done drugs, no matter what that drug is, is an addict. The truth is that addiction has little to do with what drugs you use or how often you use them. There are other factors, like the extent to which you let them run your life and your ability to function normally without them. I make no secret of my drug use. But at the same time I have nothing but utter contempt for anyone who is addicted to drugs. It is the people who abuse drugs that make the people who use them look bad. Here are a few simple rules to help you determine wheter you are a user or an abuser of cocaine, pot and other substances. Consider yourself an addict if...

1 ...you actually pay for drugs.

2 ...you use a straw as opposed to a rolled-up dollar bill.

3 ...you use the word BLOW.

4 ...you're a guy and your backstage at a Marilyn Manson concert (unless you're a dealer or a police officer).

5 ...you own more than one Pink Floyed record

6 ...you do cocaine during a show. (If you do it after a show, you're okay. If it's before, you're teetering on the brink.)

7 ...the mere mention of cocaine makes you pass gas or the sight of it makes you want to take a shit.

8 ...you've writtetn more than two songs that refer to drugs.

9 ...you get kicked out of a band for being an addict.

10 ...you're friends with a model.

11 ...you live in New Orleans.

12 ...you pay for your groceries with rolled-up dollar bills.

13 ...you've ever been in Dr. Hook or known the lyrics to a Dr. Hook song.

14 ...the embossed numbers, particularly the 0's, 6's and 9's, on your corporate credit card are filled in with a mysterious white powder.

15 ...you're alone in your hotel room and you do drugs.

16 ...you do drugs before 6 P.M. or after 6 A.M.

17 ...you hate everybody. (If you like everybody, you're on Ecstasy and I'm against you.)

18 ... you know the name for the fleshy crevice between your thumb and index finger.

19 ...you've ever said, "This is my last line" or, conversely, "Which line is the biggest?"

20 ...you invite people to stay at your home while you're on drugs.

21 ...you tell anybody about your chilhood while you're on drugs.

22 ...you're not thinking about tits right now.

23 ...you say, "I only do this when I'm with you."

24 ...you have your bodyguard watch the door when you go to the bathroom.

25 ...you're a guy and you tak to a girl who has a boyfriend for more than five minutes because she has drugs.

26 ...you're a child actor.

27 ...If you make this book into a game and do a line every time drugs are mentioned, the not only are you an addict but you may be dead.

*Taken from Marilyn Manson's autobiography, Long Hard Road Out Of Hell*