Actress/spokesmodel Donna Mackenzie has been chosen to
become the new fifth Spice Girl, according to a press release
issued by her publicist. Mackenzie, who will replace the
departing Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, has reportedly chosen
the stage name Cinnamon Spice.
"This is what I really, really want," Mackenzie is quoted as
saying. "I think I've finally found my niche. I've always tried
to be spicy, and I love salsa music."
Mackenzie is preparing for her new role by shopping for
platform shoes, experimenting with new hair colors, and learning
to speak in a British accent. "I just can't decide whether to do
Cockney or Manchester. They've both been so prominent in musical
history. I'm thinking about having a contest on my website so my
fans can choose for me."
When asked whether she planned to take singing and dancing
lessons, Donna said, "I don't think that will be necessary.
Nobody else did. Besides, my spiritual advisor says I'm a
natural, and shouldn't try to over-define my innate creativity.
At least, not until my moon is out of Virgo."
"This will just open so many new doors for me," she added.
"Now that I'm in the music industry, I'm hoping to be invited to
Linda McCartney's next memorial service. At the last one, I had
to stand outside with Yoko Ono."
Ms. Mackenzie confided plans to continue acting while
pursuing her musical career. "I certainly expect to work in both
media, maybe even at the same time. And I wouldn't want my
legions of loyal fans to think that I had forgotten them. I'm so
grateful for all of their support. At the same time, I'm looking
forward to making myself available to a whole new set of
admirers. I hear that Prince William is a big fan of the group.
I think he's just so cute. I'm planning to send him an
autographed pinup poster of myself. I'm thinking about posing in
an ermine thong bikini and a sequined tiara as a tribute to the
British royal family."
Mackenzie plans to join the other Spice Girls on the next
leg of their American tour. "Unless I'm offered a big part in
the next Batman movie, of course," she giggled. "Seriously, I'm
already looking for an apartment in London, though I plan to keep
my Swanson County condo. I shouldn't have any trouble commuting,
since I used to be bicoastal, though I'm not anymore. Not that
there's anything wrong with that, of course. My agent just
thought it was a bad career move. And the paparazzi were having
a hard time finding me for photo opportunities."