Scully in the meantime was getting ready to toast her birthday but ended up having to dispose of the bad evil mustache guy. Only because Pendrell was busy bleeding in front of her she missed and merely wounded the evil mustache guy and he got away. Scully tends to Pendrell and her cancer decides now is I good time to take prominence. Pendrell is rushed to the hospital as Skinner shows up.
SKINNER: What the hell happened here?
SCULLY: We were waiting for the witness protection dude to come and protect the witness but he never showed. Instead that evil mustache guy tried to take pop shots at my witness and ruined my belated birthday bash. And Pendrell was buying the drinks! Now that he can't pay I will get stuck with the bill.
FRISCHE: WOW You really do have cancer, ma'am. Look you are bleeding. And you look so young and healthy too.
SCULLY: I'm fine! It is nothing!
SKINNER: Nothing? You have terminal brain cancer and are probably going to croak from it...
SCULLY: I think not! Just because I have terminal cancer doesn't mean I'm going to die. Clyde Burkman said I would never die! Anyway I think this tattoo on my backside might save me. Leave me alone I'm fine! So Skinner are you going to take my witness in to the witness protection thingie?
SKINNER: NO! He is under arrest.
SCULLY: Huh?
SKINNER: He is the military’s pasty now. They have an air tight alibi and well all is blamed on the GI that blew his brains out. Well it's not like he is going to contest this, and the military will pay his family well to keep quiet. Frishe here will need to chill in jail for a tad but later he will get released. And he will have some nice company too. Mulder is in jail again and needs you to bail him out again.
SCULLY: Huh?
SKINNER: Mulder got busted so go bail him out!
SCULLY: Why, How and huh?
SKINNER: I don't know I just got a call from the MP's that they had my agent and now I'm telling you to go get him out.
SCULLY: Why me! I'm bleeding and sick with cancer, and I would prefer to be with Pendrell in his time of need.
SKINNER: Well hurry up and do that then but the MP's are sick of Mulder and want him out of there ASAP!
SCULLY: Why is he boring them to death with Mulderisms?
SKINNER: Yeah something like but hurry go watch Penal croak then get Mulder out of the MP's hair seems he is not only boring the MP's with all those theories but he has all the other prisoners thinking they were abducted by aliens when they committed their crimes and not responsible for their actions during their missing 9 minutes or something.
SCULLY: Can we leave Mulder there over night at least? Please say yes!
SKINNER: NO! Now go watch Pendrell die then bail out Mulder!
SCULLY: You know Mulder I am getting pretty tired of bailing your butt out of jail.
MULDER: Yeah speaking of that you were supposed to get me out last night why the delay. I mean it's not like you had a date or anything.
SCULLY: I was in the hospital.
MULDER: Why trying to see if they will remove that butt ugly tattoo? Or seeing if they had a magic grow tall pill?
SCULLY: No I like my tattoo, and I already checked the net for the lasted on the anti-short pill it's not ready yet. But I was in the hospital watching Pendrell die.
MULDER: Really they wrote him off the show? Why? And damn that means I can't shove work off on him!
SCULLY: Well I guess they wrote him off because they couldn't come up with a first name for him. That could be the only valid reason. I mean look at Deep Throat and X they had no first name and they croaked the same way Pendrell did by gun shot! Crap! The uni-blond has a first name doesn't she?
MULDER: Yep! That means she is more than likely in for the long haul and could be written as my love interest. Lord knows you show no interest in me!
SCULLY: That is not true! And besides I am busy dying of cancer and this would probably not the best time to start a relationship.
MULDER: True no telling when you will die or get abducted by aliens. And I want a more stable relationship then that from a woman!
Next Mulder and Sully go to the hanger and talk with the bald guy that sort of believed him. Mulder tells him his theory and in normal Mulder fashion... tis a Mulderism and there are flash backs. Ones we saw in the Opening scene of the first part but with more footage. After the Mulderism the dude takes Mulder and Scully out to his car and gives them Max's back. They see Max's NIACP cap and feel bad.
Mulder goes back to Max's trailer and someone trashed it. Mulder talks to the Landlord of the trailer park and then opens Max's mail finding a slip paper or something. Anyway this leads Mulder to the airport where he presents the slip of paper lies then gets the thing he was looking for. But of course other people want what he's got so he conveniently uses the security access to the terminal and then calls Scully. He tells Scully stuff and also informs her that he really is trying to find that "Tickle Me Elmo," doll and that is what he really want to give her for her birthday.
Scully visits Max's sister in the place for insane people and we find out that she is not Max's sister. Scully is pissed because Sharon lied. Scully tries pumping her for more info but gets nothing of value.
SCULLY: You lied!
SHARON: I had to!
SCULLY: I hate lies! I hear then all to often. I'm getting confused on what the real lies are, I mean... lets see in this episode there is a semi-lie to cover up the truth which is a lie but half truth. I want the truth DAMN IT!
SHARON: I thought the truth was in you!
SCULLY: That's a lie, there is nothing in me but cancer.
SHARON: You have cancer? I bet it is that terminal brain cancer right? Tell the truth, come on you can tell me.
SCULLY: Yeah, I have cancer! Why would I lie about that and how did you know?
SHARON: Max spoke of that often when telling me alien stores. So you too were abducted by aliens?
SCULLY: NO! I was not....
SHARON: Still in alien abduction denial huh? Max said you were a tough cookie.
SCULLY: OK, how and why do you know Max?
SHARON: Um... we were... Um.... I take the 5th and want my lawyer before I answer that question.
SCULLY: You are insane and therefor don't need a lawyer.
SHARON: Look I know you are a doctor, FBI agent and alien hunter but since when did you become a lawyer. I have rights you know. And if I want my lawyer here then well I want my lawyer here. I want to make sure that if I tell you all nothing is covered up. No Roswells or nothing like that and no selling this to the National Inquirer unless I get half!
SCULLY: Well I hate the tabloids so no worries there! They are always trashing my alter ego. And that makes me look bad. If it wasn't for this cancer and the fact that I'm a fictional character, I'd.... I'd...
SHARON: You'd what?
SCULLY: Um... I don't know but they would be sorry that's for sure.
SKINNER: Have a nice trip Mulder?
MULDER: Um... yeah but I feel like I'm 9 minutes behind you.
SCULLY: OK where's the thing you found?
MULDER: Ask me again in 9 minutes, maybe then I'll remember.
SKINNER: WHAT!?! You mean you forgot what happened to the thing or what ever it is Scully is talking about?
SCULLY: Yeah Mulder, when you called you said you had the thing and the mustache evil Pendrell shooter locked in the men's room. So where is he and were is the thing?
MULDER: They were abducted by aliens. Sorry Scully, but the aliens...
SCULLY: Yeah yeah, you always claim that. Hey Mulder where's the report? Oh abducted by aliens. Hey Mulder where's my money? Oh abducted by aliens. Hey Mulder where were you for our meeting? Oh abducted by aliens. Hey Mulder where's my desk? Oh abducted by aliens. Well I'm sick of it! Come on Skinner lets go before Mulder causes my nose to bleed.
Closing scene -
Mulder is in Max's trailer with Sharon watching a video of Max and they exchange pleasantries before Mulder goes out side to talk to Scully.
MULDER: So did you figure out the meaning of the keychain yet?
SCULLY: Yeah, so...
MULDER: So what's the meaning?
SCULLY: Where the hell is my "Tickle Me Elmo," doll?
MULDER: I told you they were out... now come on tell me what I ment by giving you that keychain...
SCULLY: Oh I get it, you have no clue why you got me that key chain and really hope I come up with a wonderful poetic reasoning behind your motives right?
MULDER: Well that and... well yeah so what was the meaning behind why I picked the keychain?
SCULLY: You are cheap for one and hoped I'd hate it so you could have it. But it is mine and I want to keep it so lets see if I can wing this... Um...Men with Spartan lives simple in their creature comforts if only to allow for the complexity of their passions..
MULDER: Whoa! I know what you are getting ready to say and you already said it once!
SCULLY: Did not!
MULDER: Did too!
SCULLY: Did not!
MULDER: Did too at the SAG's in our...
SCULLY: I did not say these words before, that was Gillian! And she had to read them off a piece of paper! I know them by heart.
MULDER: Uh, huh...
SCULLY: Well I do wanna hear?
MULDER: Nah... I like the way Gillian said that and well... she was hot looking that night and you repeating her words will only ruin my fantasy. Besides glad to see you figured out why you got the keychain.
SCULLY: Well at first I must admit I was thrown for a loop and a bit disappointed. I do have my heart set on a "Tickle Me Elmo," doll.
MULDER: So steal Pipers!
SCULLY: Nah... that would not be the same. I want one for my very own.
MULDER: Getting lonely at night huh Scully. Chris really needs to write you more a life doesn't he. But then with the cancer... there is not much time left for him to write you a real life now is there.
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