DAVID NUTTER: Hey casting director I thought we were supposed to get Ted Turner for this part!
CASTING GUY: Well we had him signed but there was something about a World Series, Jane Fonda and his sudden hatred for Ruport Murduch(sp). So he had to cancel.
CUE Opening Theme! -
And there was a hush over the crowd....
SCULLY: The marks on his neck indicate strangulation, but there is an awful lot of blood.
MULDER: Well the suckers in the church claimed he was blood letting or something if you believe in that sort of stuff. Anyway, maybe that’s the reason for this mess on the floor... Hey wait that blood looks vaguely familiar...
SCULLY: Mulder what the hell are you doing? That is sick! Mulder you are sick! I can't believe you just tasted that blood on the floor! Didn't your mother tell you it's not polite to lick blood off the floor? I think you have been sleeping with to many vampires.
MULDER: Scully this ain't blood. And no my mother never brought up licking blood off the floor she was do busy warning me on the dangers of smoking and seeing men in black. Really Scully this is not real blood and it is quite good too just the right amount of sugar almost taste like the stuff we use on the show. Not quite as good as all the strawberry perseveres in '3' but we don't use that any more. If I didn't know any better I'd say this came from our own special effects department.
SCULLY: Well they did say that there has been a rash of missing fake blood... You don't think this guy is the culprit do you?
MULDER: Well, lets see, the fake blood started disappearing about 8 weeks ago, and CC likes to do show in like 8 weeks so that would be the right time frame for this man to have gotten access to the blood, consume it or use it for his own money making schemes. I mean come here look at all those suckers out there in the tent. They paid top dollar to be here.
SCULLY: Boy it's a good thing this man is dead or CC and Mr. David Oakes would have this guy strung by his balls for stealing copyrighted X-Files material and using it to make money.
MULDER: Yeah that is true, you see how they go after all the web-sites on the net and they make no money yet Oakes is hunting them like dogs! Well looks like we solved this case rather fast. He is the one reasonable for steal our blood. Looks like we can go home now...
SCULLY: Whoa not so fast "Mr. I want to know the truth," this case ain’t solved yet! Yes we know he is the thief, but who killed the thief, that is the question.
MULDER: Oh, come on Scully the viewers will buy this, we can go home now! Wait.... I know why you are being instant on doing this ep. You read the entire script and realized it was a Scully ep. And you are just trying to add some padding for that Emmy nomination you want this year.
SCULLY: That could not be further from the truth Mulder! And well yeah I did read the script, and it really isn't that good, but... Yeah I do get center stage, but that is not the reason for insisting on finishing this case. We owe it to the fans we can't just leave it like this... "Oh we found the blood thief we're outa here so now you can flip to the meaning less football game on the other channel."
MULDER:Scully, um... get your head out of the script, this is a repeat. When this aired we were still on Friday nights and even in an x-files Football is not on TV on that night! I say we are done lets go and get caught up on the last minute Christmas shopping. I mean we did have less shopping days this year and well to be quite honest. I have a lot more money to waste on needless gifts for people this year. And anyone that I may have ever known in my entire life is gonna get a gift this time round. Thanks to my raise. So lets call it a wrap!
SCULLY: No Mulder! You just don't want to do this because you have to be the skeptic in this one.... And so what ya plan on getting me this year? I hope you got that notion that I needed a vacuum cleaner out of your head.
MULDER : Now if I tell ya what I got that would ruin it Scully. And no Ma Mulder wouldn't let me have that old vacuum in the basement so your not getting a vacuum cleaner.
SCULLY: Good! And I told you last week what I wanted.
MULDER: What was that, I'm sorry I wasn't paying much attention I had center stage in last weeks ep, and gave a damn good performance too if I might add. But I wasn't paying much attention to your whining last week, except for the comment about my nose. And that will cost you a few 100$ on your Christmas gift this year Scully.
SCULLY: I said I needed more RAM and you made fun of my height so we are even!
The boy obviously didn't study and is trying anything and everything to get out of looking like a fool in front of his mates, so he quickly calls on his special powers and starts letting blood....
Mulder and Scully are called in, I mean come on here this is not the standard case, it's not everyday that a school kid starts bleeding in class and baring marks of religious significance. Scully goes to question the boy while Mulder pumps the over worked social worker for information. Scully in a very uncharacteristic manner sympathizes with the boy and shows a hint of emotion even. The boy sees this and decides to test it by making the thermometer explode and giving a bogus explaining "I didn't do it!" Scully buys it and goes to speak to Mulder. Mulder fills Scully in on the boys history and his "Jim Baker for a Father," who happens to be in a mental institution. The boy, thanks to the wonderful child welfare protection system is taken from his loving mother who is a suspect in the blood letting thing, and is placed in a foster home.
Scully and Mulder go pay the father a visit.
PSYCHO DAD: Kevin is blood letting again isn't he?
SCULLY: It would appear so.
PD: I told him never to do that unless there was money involved!
MULDER: So how does the kid to this sir?
PD: I don't know I think he is a chosen one or something at least that is what the angel, that looked like Shirley McClain, always told me in my dream.
SCULLY : Chosen?
PD: Yeah Chosen! You got a problem with that Ms FBI Agent?
MULDER: No I do! I believe everything and I'm not buying this one! I say this case is solved we found the blood thief and I have lots of last minute shopping to do and wanna go home!
SCULLY: Shut up Mulder lets hear the man out!
PD: You must come full circle...
MULDER: What ? What the hell are you mumbling about?
SCULLY: Hush Mulder! Now what was that about full circle... I don't get it I don't understand...
PD: You will....
Mulder and Scully go to the home of Owens to question him and find the boy. The boy runs before Scully can find him. Owens tells Scully she is a bad catholic then jumps out the window. Later that night at Kevin's home, the mad rich guy from Georgia shows up to steal the boy. The boy hides in a white wicker basket but due in part to his blood letting the mad guy from Georgia finds him. But only to be knocked down by the "I wanna go to Heaven" St. Owens. Owens and the bad man struggle. The bad man kills Owens and Mulder and Scully arrive just in time to make the bad man flee.
Scully does the autopsy on ST. Owens....
MULDER: So are you done yet with the autopsy, I wanna get started on my Christmas shopping!
SCULLY: NO! And do me a favor, smell this man?
MULDER: No way! I ain't smelling this dead man. You want me to get sick!
SCULLY: NO! Now smell him besides it's in the script and tell me if he...
MULDER: He this guy smells good! Almost like a bouquet of flowers.
SCULLY: I was taught in catechism 101 that Saints often after their deaths took eons to decompose and smelled like flowers.
MULDER: That is the kind of stuff they teach to young Catholics, no wonder when they grow up they chain themselves to abortion clinics.
SCULLY: Stop making fun of my religion, besides it does help explain why this man's body hasn't started decomposing like a normal body would.
MULDER: Well I doubt that this man is St. Owens maybe Micheal Jackson let him use his sleeping chamber and that is the reason for the slow decomposition rate. Come on Scully you don't buy this religious crap! It's fanatics like that that give us bonafide paranormalites(sp) truth seeking people a bad name!
SCULLY: What? Please Mulder give me a break! The stuff in the bible goes back to biblical times. And yes I believe! I am not to quote REM "Losing my religion!"
MULDER: Hey fine, no problem, this is after all America and one as the right to believe in what he or she wants even if science can't prove it. And that is one of my favorite songs too. I wish REM would go back out on tour again I had tickets to the last tour but thanks to that drummer who had a stroke or what ever my night to see them was canceled.
Mulder and Scully arrive, and argue.
MULDER: Scully! I can't believe you are buying this!
SCULLY: What's so hard to believe Mulder! I have to sit here week in and week out and listen to you go on about men in black, little green men, giant fluke worms in the Jersey sewer system and I am told to except it as truth by you. Yet the one time that I actually believe you don't! What gives! Don't you believe in God?
MULDER: No! I'm an atheists. I do believe in Santa Claus though and the longer this case take the more money is docked off your christmas present this year. That and I need to go to the grocery store for milk cookies and some carrots for rudolph.
SCULLY: I don't believe this! You still believe in Santa Claus!
MULDER: Damn straight! And the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny I believe they are visitors from another worlds. And that my little red-headed friend has more evidence to back it up than the stuff that was spewed in the bible! Where are you going!
SCULLY: I'm gonna go back and talk to the boys dad! You coming?
MULDER: Hey how come we get stuck with the boy I thought he was staying with the foster parents?
SCULLY: Well they didn't do a good job protecting him last time now did they. And I believe I'm the chosen protector so he is coming with us! I wanna go to heaven too Mulder! And if you don't believe well all I can say is have fun in hell!
MULDER: Well I think I'm already in hell! God I hate it when thy write Scully eps I always come off looking like an idiot!
Mulder and Scully visits Psycho Dad, but he is useless because they upped is drugs and just talked about the colors and is past conversation with Timothy Leary. . Scully how ever figures out that coming full circle is a reference to garbage. And Promptly figures out where the bad guy has taken Kevin. She goes it alone. And due to time the chase scene is cut and we see the bad guy fall to his death in a paper shredder that makes the puny one Ollie North used look a toy in comparison. The paper turns red and Scully helps the boy up.
Later Scully, who is still mad at Mulder for not believing goes to church...
SCULLY: For give me father for I have sinned it has been...
PRIEST: It has been how long Ms. I didn’t hear what you mumbled under her breathe could you repeat that please. Remember the longer time between confessions helps determine the amount of Hail Mary's and Our Father's you will have to say to be forgiven.
SCULLY: I said it's been 6 years since my last confession.
PRIEST: WOW! 6 Years! You owe the Lord a lot of time on your knees later! And why so long and why now!
SCULLY: Well, see lately I have been seeing things that have tested my religious believes and they also have kept me up late on Saturday nights so I missed Mass on Sundays. That and I can usually tell all my problems to my partner.
PRIEST: So you are married and he listens that is good.
SCULLY: No! I'm not married he is just my partner, but on this issue he did not want to hear my whining and went Christmas shopping instead.
PRIEST: He is not your husband!
SCULLY: Oh, don't worry I have not sinned in the eyes of God by sleeping with a man out of wedlock at least not with Mulder. CC won't allow it at least not till the show is over!
PRIEST: Then what is troubling you?
SCULLY: Well lots of things but the biggie.... I told my fans what I want for Christmas, on a TV show, and the show wasn't even my show. That and I really want a raise. But I fear I was speaking and no one was listening.....
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