The Evil Henchman's Guide is an excellent source on training your minions.
| Classic Thugs | |
| The classic thug has been the favored choice for the criminal mastermind for decades. Be they mobsters with itchy trigger fingers or a hired goon with a board with a nail through it, nothing inspires fear quite like the thug. Though often brainless, they usually can be trained to perform simple tasks, such as "Bring me the money" or "Kill the heroes." And you can always get more, so use them for whatever task you deem, even if it means their inevitable demise. |
| Corporate Suits | |
 | Corporate suits are an excellent type of henchman that can deal with the business world and fulfill all your economic needs. Perfect for corporate mergers and hostile takeovers, corporate businessmen are completely without conscience or mercy. They can plot world domination with you at the top of your corporate skyscraper and will cheerfully destroy people's lives with simple executive decisions. And if you think they aren't scary, just read "American Psycho". |
| Mad Scientists | |
 | Mad scientists are a great choice for the criminal masterming who needs a lot of hi-tech huballoo for his evil dealing. Their fractured minds can come up with all sorts of devices and schemes to assist you in your sinister plans, and they have an innate knack for the manufacture of doomsday devices and needlessly big weather machines. Mad scientists may just be the choice for you! |
| Mutant Race | |
 | Mutant races to inherit the earth can be an excellent choice for minions, particularly when created on a secret island lair. Be they cat-men, fish-men, alligator-men, or whatever, these hybrid races can act as your children and have all sorts of interesting innate powers. These minions unfortunatly have a tendency to rebel against their masters, however, so be sure to instill a 'doomsday' gene in them that will kill all of them at the push of a button. That'll learn 'em. |
| Robot Warriors | |
 | Robot warriors are an excellent choice for the supervillain who is also an evil genius, giving them a powerful army of unstoppable machines unhampered by such weaknesses as mercy or pity. Robots can serve as footsoldiers and infiltration units, and many evil-doers like to use them as the new rulers of all humanity. Also, whenever one is destroyed, you can always just wheel out ten more on the assembly line. Just don't get them wet. |
| Computer Programmers | |
 | These fiendish beings are amongst the most despicable of all possible allies. Bad hair, odious personal habits, and an amazing ability to recite Monty Python routines, their presence will only enhance your desire to do evil on humanity. Whether you want to hack into the Strategic Defense Computer, destroy the economy of Brazil, or slash some guys credit rating, computer programmers will gleefully make it happen. They are a people to be feared. |
| Animal Minions | |
 | For the criminal mastermind who has grown discontented with humanity, animal minions can be an excellent choice. Rats, birds, cats, whatever strikes your fancy, these creatures can act as your eyes and ears and bow down to you as their leader. They can murder people in swarms and spy on people from afar, and inherit the earth after you wipe out the plague that is humanity. (Message to normal people - Treat your animals right, for one day they may be your master). |
| The Undead | ||
 | Zombies and the living dead can act as excellent minions for the occult-minded evil genius, provided he knows the particular voodoo rituals. Through occult magicks and access to a graveyard he can raise up virtual armies of the undead, which can then be used for anything from mindless soldier to personal bodyguard. These creatures typically require the brains of the living for sustenance, though, so make sure your fridge is stocked up. And remember, never feed them any salt. That would be bad. | |
| Supernatural Creatures | |
 | Supernatural creatures are another great possiblity for the dabbler in black magic, allowing him to summon his own unholy army of the night. Be they gargoyles, dark elves, or shambling creatures from beyond, monstrous beasts can wreak havoc throughout the night and devour any prisoners you leave captive. Excellent for stealing away children and slaughtering unsuspecting pedestrians, you can't go wrong with supernatural creatures. (Unless they escape your control and rip you to pieces.) |
| The Religious Right | |
 | Perhaps the most fearsome, horrendous, and truly evil of all possible henchmen, the religious right are renowned for their savagery, villainy, and sheer unbelievably demented nature. Acting as some of the most demonic individuals in society today, hordes of religious zealots can be a nightmarish addition to any evil mastermind's army. But buyer beware - due to their mind-numbingly psychotic nature, the evil geniused may find himself out-eviled even by them. |
| I Work Alone | |
 | Who needs minions? You don't! You don't need anybody! Screw 'em all! You're going to do it all by yourself! You're going to take over the world without anyone's help and then laugh in all their faces! They'll be sorry they laughed at you! Just wait till you destroy the earth and wipe all those festering people from off the face of the planet! Then they'll be sorry! Yeah! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! |