Disclaimers, ratings and warnings are in Part 1.
THE BADLANDERS
PART FIFTEEN
"I have to go," Chakotay said, as he stood near the doors of his quarters, looking very reluctant to move.
He looked better than she had seen him the first two days with fury written all over his face. Now, much of that fury was tempered. He had complained of headaches which he told her was uncommon for him because he never suffered headaches in his life. When he had been at his most exposed, and memories he sensed he had to have but which eluded him like a flitting butterfly, he had literally bled, a green-yellow pus that oozed from his mouth. Was his body in the process of expelling toxins - brought on by intensive self-scrutiny and manifesting itself in such a literal way?
She wondered absently if that would intensify once his memories were fully integrated, that the evils he committed, his heinous deeds would seep from him like a festered wound that would, after being cleaned, start its healing process. Indeed, she thought, the bleeding itself would be the process of healing.
But, the only place it could be effected was the Science Academy on Vulcan. Chakotay had expressed a desire, a heartfelt one, to have his life back. She was a part of that life. How much of a part, he would to learn only once his memories were given back to him. The memories Owen Paris stole from him because he hated Chakotay and hated her for reminding him he was a villain, a demonic creature with no redeeming features.
Naturally, she understood that he had to be on the bridge. He had complained about being unable to hail Paris, but left it at that. Then he thought that Ayala and Gerron were late reporting for duty. But the sudden onset of dizziness, of the headaches that seemed to plague him since he made love to her, diverted his attention somewhat.
"Anything I can do to help around the ship?" she asked.
"I can always use some help in engineering. We're heading for Alkorea and - "
They were going to auction off the survivors of Voyager. Her heart hammered. They had to stop the Liberty from reaching Alkorea. They had to get the Liberty out of the Badlands. They've been in the Badlands for three days now and it was three days too long. Jenny was dead, and who knew what her sister was suffering? The other Voyager survivors? What of Rollei and Nick Locarno? Harry Kim was so young…
"What?" she asked as she saw him frown.
"I don't know, Kathryn. It's - " Chakotay paused. When he stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, there was a hint of a smile. "You're turning me into a good man. I don't want to be a good man, understand?"
But it was said without the fire, without the extreme, guttural strength and fury, without the cold-heartedness of before. His voice had softened, his eyes were a little warmer. She had hope.
"Chakotay, understand that now, more than ever before, a whole lot more people will be baying for your blood."
She was sorry she said it. But the words were out, impossible to retract. Yet it was true, so damnably true. The hardness reappeared. For a moment she thought he would throttle her.
"I'll deal with them," he said in measured tones. "I'll deal with them…"
Then he hurried out of the cabin to the bridge. Kathryn stood quite still for several minutes, realising he never told her where engineering was. The codes to his console were encrypted. At least she knew her way to the sick bay. She could get directions from there. The replicators were also unavailable to everyone on board except Chakotay, Paris and Dalby who had access. She sighed. He had replicated food for them and some extra clothing for her, but otherwise she didn't think he trusted her or any of her crew enough to allow them access. She could understand. Why, the first things they'd replicate would be phasers.
But sickbay beckoned first. She had to consult with Tuvok and the doctor about their escape from the Badlands. A Vulcan science vessel was patrolling the northern zone outside the Badlands. She had given them six days after which they had to return to Vulcan and presume that the crew of Voyager had perished or been taken prisoner.
If they were gone…
Kathryn's heart hammered in her throat. After Vulcan, after the MRT transfer had been made… Then she had to find Phoebe.
She took no pleasure in the fact that Owen Paris fathered her. Her mother had been killed by him, not by his direct hand, but by his order. That was as bad as having given her the poison himself. She had been distraught and had openly blamed him, an act for which Tom Paris hated her to this day. That wasn't all. Tom believed her mother had seduced his father and that as soon as she herself hit puberty, she was just like her mother, seducing a much older man, his father, and making his mother the most miserable of people.
Tom had other demons to fight. His father was a paedophile. Tom was a victim. Had been one since he was very small. Her own mother had enlightened her about Owen's depravities, had threatened to expose him. Elizabeth Paris, understandably distraught and knowing of her husband's practices which included, not surprisingly, letting her know of his exploits, killed herself. She was an unhappy woman who, by the time she died, was also unloved by both husband and son. Owen, because he had no love to give and Tom, most probably because he believed his mother should have done more to protect her little boy. And so she took not only herself but Tom's sister to a place where her terrorised heart and restless soul could find peace.
Gretchen Janeway, married to Edward hardly a month, was raped by Owen Paris because he thought he could soil her for other men. Her father had raised her as his own daughter. She had loved him desperately, had clung to him whenever he returned from a mission. And Edward, knowing what happened to his wife, helpless against a demonic man like Owen Paris, loved his little girl unconditionally. Was that a mistake Edward Janeway made? Loving her more than he did Phoebe who was his own child? She always felt he overcompensated, displaying affection more towards her than Phoebe, because of the way her mother was treated. And Phoebe, unable and too young to articulate such unequal affection, began to hate her from an early age. No, much as she would have loved it, she never had a good relationship with her sister.
Then suddenly, the missions became more and more dangerous with a high element of risk. Edward Janeway died. It left them orphans with only Alan Johnson, Mark's father to protect them and protect their interests.
Phoebe bore her a grudge - even to this day.
And, even as she moved through the ship on her way to sick bay, she couldn't get Phoebe out of her mind. Phoebe who conspired with Owen Paris to destroy her and destroy Chakotay.
Phoebe had to be found after Chakotay's memory had been restored. Alone she couldn't face Phoebe, but, with Chakotay…
Who knows?
Kathryn reached the sick bay without being accosted by any of Chakotay's crew. Her heart had been in her throat and she had wondered whether he did it deliberately, letting her walk the corridors after he had insisted she would come to no harm.
When she stepped inside, her eyes flew to the biobed. For a moment she thought it was Jenny Delaney, but Jenny was dead. This young woman was Megan, Megan whom she hadn't seen yet but who had been whored on the ship. Chakotay started it and his men finished the victims off. Those who survived suffered further ignominy and degradation by becoming slaves.
Her eyes stung, her ears buzzed. How was Chakotay going to atone for all of this? How?
Megan lay with her eyes open, still a little weak. The doctor had finished his treatment and was looking at her as if he expected her to think the victim was Jenny. Kathryn moved so that she stood next to Megan.
"I am Captain Kathryn Janeway…" she said softly, touching Megan's hand. The hand remained limp. Megan showed little reaction. Only her eyes seemed to have life in them.
"You…were…hurt too…?" she asked slowly.
Kathryn nodded. It was going to be harder than she thought, forgiving Chakotay. It was easier said than done, the act of forgiveness. One had to strip oneself of oneself and become humble so that one's heart was open to gift the perpetrator with absolution.
Not from her own experience at Chakotay's hand, but having seen Harry, having seen Tuvok, and now, seeing Megan Delaney, subject of inhumane behaviour.
Yes, she thought. Forgiveness required a heart bigger than the universe. If she weren't certain how big her own heart could become, what about the Harry Kims, the Megan Delaneys, all other men and women who had been ravaged by the Maquis before sold into slavery? What about them? What about lingering hatred for the man who spearheaded all those crimes?
Kathryn sighed.
Yes, she had been hurt too. Perhaps more than any of them…
"Then I am not alone," Megan said softly.
"I understand, Megan. Jenny spoke very highly of you. You are a stellar cartographer as well. Is that right?"
Megan nodded.
"He - " she began, turning her head in the direction of the bed right at the end. "He killed my sister…"
"Nick?"
"No, Captain. That is Tom Paris lying there," the doctor said.
"It would appear that Lieutenant Locarno has done him some harm, Captain," Tuvok said, his left eyebrow arching high.
"Nick Locarno? He escaped?"
"Captain," said Krell, "Nick calmly walked out here, rescued Harry, beat Paris to a…pulp, brought this fiend, the one who now lies over there, into sickbay and then they left again, to rescue Megan."
"Nick…is different, Captain Janeway. He is a good man…"
For the first time Kathryn found something to smile about.
"He is, Megan."
"Nick wants me to help you…escape…"
Kathryn's heart pounded, her eyes grew wide, then filled with understanding.
"Megan, you're a member of my crew as of this moment. How soon can you start? We have less than twenty four hours."
"Just as soon as Doctor decides I'm fit enough to get up, Captain Janeway. Which is about now."
Megan lifted herself to a sitting position. Then suddenly she hurled herself into Kathryn's arms. Kathryn stroked her long, blonde hair.
"Thank you, Captain Janeway. I'll do my best…"
Kathryn released her gently, nodded to the doctor.
"Nick and Harry are getting the others, Captain, as well as a few prisoners not of Voyager, but other Federation vessels."
Kathryn smiled, walking to Tom Paris's bed.
"Wake him, Doctor."
"Captain, he is still – "
Krell sighed when she glared at him and did was he was ordered. Seconds later Tom groaned awake. His eyes connected with hers. A smirk marked his attractive features.
"Bet you thought I was Nick, you bitch in heat. Chakotay said you tasted real good."
"But you're not Nick, and Chakotay has given me full immunity," she said, ignoring his taunt. "Touch me, Tom Paris, and you will regret it."
"So, my father's bitch, just like your mother was. Did you like fucking him, Janeway?"
"Paris!" It was the doctor's voice. Krell approached him. "Right now, Paris, you are helpless. None of your friends are here to back you up. If my guess is correct, your less faint-hearted sibling transported them into the plasma turbulence. I wouldn't put it past him, anyway, judging by the way Megan looked when she was transported here. Now, since you're not so strong, how much poison should I pump into your system?"
He looked threatening with the hypospray which they never noticed he had filled with something. Kathryn stared a little dumbfounded at the doctor. He had never before displayed such an outburst. But his outrage mirrored every other human - a defenceless girl was gang-raped repeatedly over days. It was enough that Nick would... She sighed. Would Nick?
Tom backed down, looked momentarily contrite. She hardened her heart.
"I don't expect sympathy," he said.
"You'll get none."
"Kill me, then. I – I can't go home, you know."
"I know, Tom."
"She should have taken me with her."
"Your mother?"
"Yes."
After a long, uneasy silence, Kathryn spoke.
"Tom, she may have wanted to take you too."
"What?"
"But…"
She sighed, wondering if she should tell him. Then, deciding to take the plunge, drawing her courage from having at least Chakotay on her side, she thought it was something he had to know.
"She wanted to, Tom. But your father got wind of her decision. He knew, yet he allowed her to kill herself and…" Why was it so difficult? Why was it so hard to find a grain of compassion for Owen Paris, the man who fathered them?
"And, Captain?"
She was no longer a bitch in heat. It lifted her spirits somewhat at the subtle change in his attitude.
"He taunted her while she and your sister lay dying. He could have saved her. Instead, he held you up and said you're his little boy. He needed you...for him…"
"Let me die...please..."
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END PART FIFTEEN