CHAPTER FOUR

It was the darkness just before dawn broke sleepily on the horizon. Soon, if she looked back, she would see the soft glow of the morning sun swell into the sky beyond the hills. The horses trotted on the cobbled path towards the city, sniffing the air, snorting in protest as Tommy urged them to go faster. They found their way in the dark, keeping the cart flush over the camber of the road, with the wheels treading the elongated valley caused by years of wagons traveling the road to Dublin. Behind her, the milk cans clanked from the jolts as the wheels moved over the uneven road. She drew her shawl tighter around her shoulders, grimacing a little as she did so. The morning was still cold. Later when it became a little warmer, she would pack it away with the rest of her luggage.

Tommy was quiet, but occasionally she would glance at him. He appeared deep in thought. He was just as sad to be leaving, but he wanted to follow his heart, and his heart was in the New World, where he wanted to fly planes and one day be a part of something big. He was the adventurer who found living in the same place too restraining; he wanted to spread his wings. If anything, Tommy was more of the eagle, who wanted to be up in the air or be instrumental in great inventions and discoveries. If he were going to enter one of the universities there, that was what he was going to do, and she believed that he would find the means to do so. His parents had always wanted him to take over the Ravensmead land when they could no longer work the farm. Tommy had a different vision.

She tried to keep her thoughts focused on the surroundings, on the darkness, on Tommy, on their journey. They had passed a milestone that indicated they still had three miles to go. Only by the light of the fading moon could she discern it as her eyes grew accustomed to the dark.

"Where are we staying in Dublin before we board the boat to take us across to Liverpool? I must go to the bank too..."

"A small inn," Tommy had replied earlier. "Don't worry. The cattleship leaves at 10 o'clock. We'll be too early then."

"My two sisters and your sister live in Dublin. I doubt very much if we could go there..."

"Aye. They will come to Catriona's house first, or your sisters'."

"I understand." After that, their conversation had been stilted until it dried up completely, each one sunk in their thoughts. She was content to follow Tommy's suggestions. He had planned everything, down to where they'd stay, how long they'd wait until they left Dublin, the cabin he booked for them so that she didn't have to sit on the deck when they sailed from Dublin to Liverpool. They would leave the milk cart by the inn's stables, and only when they were on the ship and halfway across the Irish Sea, would anyone suspect anything.

She hoped fervently that nothing would happen when they got to the city. She was most afraid of Justin.

Last night...

Katie shook her head, turned her face to the sky and felt the cool air wash over her face. Her scalding tears, the memories of last night, blotted the beauty of the landscape.

Her papa's words, "We've decided the wedding will be tomorrow..."

Her heart had contracted and she had thought that she would faint from the shock. Her breath deserted her, fled in anguish from her body and she was overcome with dizziness. Mama had helped her to sit down on the chair. Mama, whose hands on her shoulder trembled. She didn't want to look at Mama, didn't want to look at Papa, or Justin or that evil Michael.

Mama had taken a napkin and dabbed her face.

"What is the matter with her, Eileen?" Papa asked.

"Mrs O'Clair, perhaps Katie should go and rest and prepare for tomorrow. The excitement has made her poorly, don't you think?" she heard Justin say.

"Tomorrow?" she asked weakly, her voice robbed of its strength, the shock still too strong. They knew, came the thought. They knew or sensed that she was planning something. How else could they have chosen the day of her departure for the wedding? She had always known that as long as she lived in her father's house, when she decided to marry, her choice of husband would never be hers. Even deciding to marry was not her choice. Her father had it all worked out. It was, she believed, to punish her.

"Yes. Michael must leave soon after for his home town, and Justin really wants him to be best man at your wedding."

"But Papa!" the words gushed from her, and suddenly she didn't care any more. Her dreams were about to be destroyed, her hopes of a life elsewhere, away from Papa's tyranny, in tatters. "I don't love him!" she cried in agony. "I don't love him! And if you cared enough, you would tell him I can't marry him!"

"Kathleen!" Papa's warning voice drowned Justin's. Justin had walked round to her and put his hands round her shoulder, trying to quieten her, but she was beyond caring. She felt how her hand was torn from her mother's. Her father pressed his fists down on the table.

"I won't marry him! I do not love him, Papa."

"Tomorrow it is," Liam O'Clair roared across the table. "What does love matter? You are twenty two. At that age your older sisters had three children. What is it with you? Every girl should marry and have babies. Every girl!"

"Kathleen, just think about it," Justin purred, "tomorrow you will be my bride and you can read all the books in my library, be mother to my motherless little boys. You know they like you..."

Justin's voice dripped with silk. If she had been any other woman, she would have crumbled at his persuasiveness and married him immediately. To Papa, he was the kindest man who breathed. Justin could do no wrong. Large tracts of absentee land lay between The Craggs and Inglenook. She had heard that Justin had won it in a game of poker from a down-and-out English wastrel. If she married Justin, her father would get the land. Her father was blind. Blind! Mama knew of Justin's treatment of her, the marks on her body, her bloodied lips, of Ceara who had little choice but to be his bed mate whenever he chose. Poor Ceara! She gasped as Justin's fingers dug cruelly into her skin.

Kathleen pulled herself out of his punishing grip and faced him. Her eyes felt full of heat and rage, with angry tears spilling over her heated cheeks. His freckles looked darker against his red face.

"Can't you understand it? I - don't - love - you! I won't marry you! I won't. You are a miserable, depraved man!"

"Katie!" her mama cried, as she gave a deep sob and rushed away from them to the sanctuary of her bedroom. She threw herself on the bed and sobbed her heart out. Mama's hand had stroked her hair, soothed her, hummed for her their precious tune again. She was wild with fear and anger but slowly, Mama's voice brought calm to her until her sobbing subsided. Without saying a word, her mama had helped her take off the wedding dress and put it away.

Footsteps sounded and stopped just inside the door of her bedroom.

"If I could have a word with Kathleen, Mrs O'Clair. I will not keep you long..." Katie's heart thudded, and her eyes begged her mother not to leave her alone with Justin. But her papa was waiting in the lounge and he was expecting his wife to join him. "Please..." Justin repeated in his silky voice reserved for decency. When Eileen left with a guarded look in her eyes, Justin closed the door. He took two steps forward and stopped abruptly; the decent expression changed, became flushed and angry..

"You fool woman," he hissed softly. "Don't you know what your father owes me? Don't you know I own him? You cannot get out of this. It is arranged, and I have a mighty need of a good bitch in heat to warm my bed."

"Justin, please leave my room."

"Like hell I will. You're mine, wench!"

He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her roughly to him. She stifled a little cry of pain at the force of it. Her old dress was no protection as he ripped open the bodice and exposed her breasts. She tried to fight him off, beating his chest with her fists, but he laughed softly.

"Scream, and I'll tell your father you liked this," he panted hard, squeezing and kneading her breast. "I’ll tell him you couldn't wait for me to fuck you."

She recoiled at his crudity, recoiled at the cruelty of his assault. Another cry, and before she knew it, Justin's mouth clamped on her breast and he started sucking. She tried to pull away from his cruel lips, but iron clamps of fists held her close to him, fingernails digging into her flesh. She fought him. As a blinding flash of pain shot through her, she realised that to resist would incense him and bring more pain. Somewhere, she heard her sister Linny cry. Somewhere, Niamh fled from the farm, only to be hauled back by her irate husband.

This can't be me... Oh, Father in heaven... not for me...this manner of treatment. Her mind whirled, then turned numb from terror.

His mouth was everywhere, wet and ugly and once he bit into her lips in a punishing kiss. There was no concern, no softness, no compassion, no kindness in his assault. She felt faint, images of nights and days in this man's arms, spent and ravaged like he was doing to her now. He pushed her down on the bed, his knee pinning her one leg under him, his hand pulling her dress up, nails scoring her skin as they clawed up along her thigh. Something was happening to her, something appalling. She tried to scream, but one hand clamped her mouth as the other hand dug into her, found and parted her violently. Fingers moved in her most sacred of places and gored roughly, tearing at her inner walls. She gasped, dying in a moment from the roughness of his entry. A blinding flash as pain seared through her. Something primal, an ancient instinct for self-preservation, gave her the strength she needed. Kathleen broke free of his imprisoning hand and in one final, hard push, blinded by her fear and anger, she propelled herself away from him and stood on the other side of her bed, pulling her dress about her.

"You are vile, Justin Riley. Go...leave my father's house..." she whispered as she tried to regain her composure, grabbing the shawl that had been lying on her pillow to pull protectively around her. Justin looked at her with heated eyes still crazed from passion. He pointed a finger at her.

"Tomorrow, you will be in my bed and I will show you who is the master. That was just a taste of what's to come, bitch. Your flesh wants me. It was begging for me. I could feel it. Now, don't disappoint me, little bird. I am going to keep you in my bed every day, and you are going to enjoy it."

She was too stunned to say anything, except to think that he was far more malevolent than she'd realised. Despite his education, despite his appearance of decency, he was a demented man who thought nothing of punishing her and violating her. Later she heard the carriage leave, the sound of horses' hooves growing dimmer until it died away. Between her legs it felt sticky and she knew that she was bleeding.

Hardly had she regained her composure when her door burst open. She looked up, startled. Her father was standing there and his nostrils were flaring. He was breathing hard and in his hand...

Oh, God...

The cold morning air fanned her cheeks that warmed up in their shame again. The wheels of the cart rolled mercilessly, forcing the continuing memories. Katie pulled her shawl tighter about her as she tried to close her eyes at that way her father stood in the door of her bedroom. But it forced itself into her conscious, making her relive those minutes.

"How dare you!" her father shouted. He turned and pushed her mother violently away from him. "Keep out of this, woman, or you will regret this night." She heard her mother's cries even as the door slammed close and her father advanced on her. The door flew open again.

"Liam! Leave her. She's suffered enough!" Liam O'Clair swung round and struck his wife across the face, pushed her violently away from the door and closed it. Then he turned on her again. He pulled away the shawl, saw the torn dress, the...

"Look at you, you little whore! How dare you disgrace me so? How dare you bring shame on me and my house?"

What did Justin tell her father? Liam O'Clair raised the horse whip.

"Papa! No!"

Then the blows rained on her. Her cheeks flamed at the inhuman treatment, her own shame, the leather thong searing, tearing tender skin as he branded her body. She couldn't fight back. She tried to shield her face, but the blows rained on her arms. She turned away from the whip, but it followed her. He flung her on the bed, and even as she bounced up, the blows landed. His fists, the whip... Katie screamed, yet in her crazed reaction to his torture she could hear her mother's cries. She could hear the door open and felt her mother pull her father away from her. But he kept coming, tearing her dress from her, tearing her underclothes... She wanted to die of shame as she lay before her father. Her body protested, her skin tore as the leather ate into it for endless minutes. Her father grunted, his breath rasped, her mother screamed. At some point her body stopped protesting, the blows became hazy. An image of the Christ as He was tortured... An image of a woman, burned at the stake...

When will it end, dear mother of mine?

When will it end?

When will it end, dear father of mine, when?

This darkness hides not its pain

or its torture,

When will it end, dear sisters of mine?

When will it end, dear friend of mine?

Come, lift your eyes to me

and waver not from your chosen path,

Hear the breaking waves against the shore

and feel its salted tears upon your face

Weep you no more, my child

For soon, the heavens will open,

and you will know

that in another time, another place,

the sun will shine for you...

Did she pass out? She didn't know. Only that she sensed it had become quiet in the room; in a daze she felt her mother covering her body, crooning all the time as she bathed the weals with water and a soft cloth. Her mother had given an anguished cry when she saw the blood on her inner thighs.

"Oh, my child!"

"Only his hands, Mama. It was cruel..."

She had started sobbing again, but her mama kept up her humming of their melody, of other forgotten and hazy lullabies. Mama had dressed her in her night-gown and tucked her into her bed.

"Mama...?"

"Yes, Katie?"

"What am I going to do, Mama?"

"What you were always going to do, Kathleen. Follow your heart."

She had fallen into a restless slumber listening to her mama's soft voice and she had wondered absently how she had thought that Mama didn't love her. So she drifted off...dreaming about the New World.

********

"Wake up, Katie. We're here at the inn," Tommy said as he touched her shoulder gently. Waking up in a daze, she was disoriented for a few seconds until Tommy's face came into focus. She gave him a smile as he jumped off the cart, held his hand to her and helped her down, then looked about her. It was still early, and she hadn't realised that she had fallen asleep against Tommy. The last she remembered was passing the three mile mark into the city.

There were not many people about, but Tommy had assured her that the inn would take them in early. They were only going to stay for a few hours until they were ready for the bank to open and then to get some transport to the port where the cattleships were waiting. They removed their luggage from the cart and carried it to the foyer. The innkeeper scowled, but he wasn't unfriendly. They had separate rooms and at least she could freshen up. Her undergarment was sticking again to the open weals on her back and she grimaced once. Tommy glanced quickly at her.

"Are you okay now, Katie?" he asked, concerned. She nodded and quietly they were led up the stairs to the first floor and shown their rooms. Tommy thanked the old man and stuck two pennies in his hand when the man grumbled. She walked into her room, still in a kind of daze, wondering that they had managed to get away from the farms. She stood by the window overlooking a small backyard. It looked dreary even in the watery sun.

Tommy had thrown down his luggage and quickly came to her room. Katie didn't turn, and only felt his hand lightly on her shoulder in the same gentle manner of earlier. "You are sure?" he asked again. Turning to face him, she smiled that he was still so worried. His ivy cap sat a little skew and it made him look boyish, endearingly mischievous. His blue eyes were piercing in the morning light that streamed through the small window. She had opened the window to let in some air and the lace curtain fluttered in the breeze.

"I'm still a little worried, Tommy Kiernan. I won't be able to rest until I am on the Britannic out on the open ocean..."

"I know. I understand."

She saw how his lips pursed together. He was remembering how she looked when he waited by her bedroom window and helped her climb out. They had run as swiftly and as quietly as they could through the dark to the cart that was waiting at the end of the lane that marked the boundary of The Craggs. She had fallen down once, and when he helped her up, she had cried out in agony. On the cart he had seen in the dim light of the moon - for they daren't light the lantern - how she looked scared and in pain.

She had opened the top buttons of her blouse and showed him the first deep bruise that darkened her skin. He also saw her cracked lips. His hands rested on her arms, a question in his eyes. Then his hands touched her breast, her legs, the question answered in silence as she nodded. He knew. He knew what kind of man his father was, and his father was no different from her father. He knew what men like Justin Riley did, for he too, had heard about Ceara's troubles with him.

Instinct had made him put his hand round her in comfort and she winced, tears filling her eyes at the sudden pain. Tommy had let out a vile curse she had never heard him use. Then he cursed all Ireland. After that he cursed Liam O'Clair to hell before he urged the horses forward again. Now Tommy Kiernan looked at her with great concern.

"My father, do you think he will come after us?" she asked.

"No one knows we're here, Katie."

"Except Mama. She knew - "

"Oh, Katie - "

"No, you don't understand, Tommy. Mama just sensed I was going to do something like this. She's on our side. Only...only..." Katie paused, remembering her how her mama sang to her last night.

"You are worried about her."

"Yes. My Papa... You can see what he is capable of," she said, pointing to her arm, her neck, her back, her legs.

Tommy touched her lips, still raw from Justin's attack. She closed her eyes, remembering the shame of Justin's hands on her.

"I know what men can do, Kathleen Eileen O'Clair," he said in a hoarse voice. "Right now, I'm not very proud of being one myself. But I don't think your father will come after us..."

"How can you be so sure?" she asked as she sat down on the bed. She unlaced her shoes and pulled them off before gingerly lying down on the bed. Tommy sat down next to her.

"Because I disabled your cart." He smiled as her eyes widened at his audacity. "Took a wheel off and guided the horse away from the stables and on to our property. I was just worried that your father might hear the noise. I don't think he did. We got away clear. If he wanted to warn Justin, he'd have to walk the three miles there. We're ahead of them. Don't worry, will you?"

She gave a sigh of relief, then allowed herself the luxury of a smile.

"You've always been such a devil, Thomas Eugene Kiernan. I'm glad we're together. We should never be apart."

"Aye. You promised I would be godfather to your firstborn, whenever that will be..." He became pensive for a few moments. Then, "You will find love, Katie O'Clair. I always thought you had guts to insist the man you marry will be the man you love. That takes some doing in these parts..."

"Or, in these times."

"Or in these times. Look, I'll leave you now. It's getting colder and there's no point waiting with the cattle in the cold to board the ship. Get some rest. I'll take some shut-eye too. I'll come and wake you when it's time to go."

Katie's heart thundered wildly. She sat up and planted a kiss against his cheek. "Thank you, Tommy Kiernan. You are a good man."

"You are entirely welcome, Katie O'Clair. Entirely welcome..."

When he left, she settled in and shifted on her side. She'd seen much of Dublin in her life, even though this inn was not known to her. All she wanted to do now was to wake up, board the cattle ship that would take them across the Irish Sea and walk up the gangway of the Britannic.

********

She was already up and dressed again when Tommy knocked on her door. He didn't wait for her to answer and her heart gave a skip when she thought it might be someone else. She wouldn't put it past Justin to come looking for her. Tommy had assured her this was a little known inn and tucked away in Dublin's back streets.

"Ready?" he asked as he took her suitcase and carried it with his own downstairs. The innkeeper, thought they were staying for two days, frowned, then shrugged when he saw them coming down with their luggage. Tommy must have been up all this time and gone out to arrange transport.

A short drive down one street brought her to a small bank tucked away between two bigger buildings.

"No, I'm coming along," he insisted when she told him he could wait.

"That makes me feel so much better, Tommy," she said, sounding relieved.

Tommy watched the street, the carriage, the one or two people who entered the bank. Kathleen felt safe that he was so cautious. The bank teller looked friendly. She must have been his first customer.

"All your funds, Miss?" he asked, then complied when she nodded to him. Minutes later her money was safe in her handbag and they boarded the waiting carriage again, now making its way to the docks, traveling through the back streets. Katie's heart was in her throat as she looked about her. The city was beginning to come alive, with more people milling about. She smiled at the styles of some women wearing wide brimmed hats, gloved hands clutching handbags, their laced up shoes just peeping from their ankle length dresses. Many wore simple shifts, not as ornate as the one she was wearing. She had decided to put on clean underclothes and the bloodied ones would have to wait until they board the Britannic before she could do anything about cleaning them. The men she saw had rough hands and faces; they wore tweed jackets with patches on the elbows and almost all of them wore poorboy caps. She spotted a newsboy standing on a corner shouting for everyone to buy the morning paper. Most men were workers at the breweries, she supposed. Not many gentlemen about with their bowler hats and dark suits and canes. She touched the lacy collar of her dress, fingering the handmade lace with a gloved hand.

It was the brilliance of her mother's craft. She shook her head. In her large bag, she had packed the hand-embroidered table cloth with hand-made lace edging they had used the previous night at dinner. She'd found it when she woke up to prepare for her journey. There was no message but she knew that her mother meant for her to take it with her to the New World.

"How long before we reach the port?" she asked, clutching her handbag tighter to her. The driver turned to look once at them, smiled, then kept his eyes on the road.

"Not long now," Tommy said as they came within sight of the harbour. They passed a few more buildings. Then suddenly the horses neighed and pranced. The carriage rocked.

"Tommy..."

"What the - ?" Tommy shouted as she was thrown against him. "Hey - !!"

Two figures lunged for them. The next moment Tommy was pulled from the carriage, landing in the ditch. A flurry of movement so fast she hardly knew what was happening. Then a pair of hands grabbed her and pulled her roughly down. When she saw his enraged face, the freckles, the dark hair, she went ice-cold inside.

"No!! Justin, you!"

"Thought you could get away from me, could you?" he leered. "I had Michael come in to Dublin last night already. He knew what you were up to. He just played along, to see how far you could get."

Katie struggled violently, screaming for help as Justin dragged her away from the carriage. Tommy was pulled to his feet by Michael. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see them scuffle, then she heard Tommy screaming at her to try and run. She pulled away from Justin to run to Tommy. Michael took a swing at him.

"No! Tommy! Tommy!"

People were running from all directions. The hands that gripped her dug painfully into her flesh and she was dragged kicking and screaming from the spot to the side of a building down an alley. She didn't know what was happening to Tommy, but Justin pushed her against the wall so hard that her head knocked and she felt momentarily faint. Where did the curious onlookers come from so suddenly? She looked at them with pleading eyes while Justin's hand squeezed her bosom.

"Help me, please... He's hurting me."

"Here," Justin said, as he pinned her to the wall and with the other hand removed a piece of paper from his jacket pocket. "I have her father's permission to marry her. Our wedding is today. This paper says so. She is mine. This wench is my wife. I already tasted her, see?" he barked. "Now be off, I want to kiss my bride - "

"No, I'm not your wife! I'm not - " Her mouth was muffled as Justin's mouth descended on her. The same blinding fear of last night. Justin's leering, his rough hands...all over her...people watching. She pushed him away as hard as she could, but Justin lunged back.

Darkness descending as his mouth closed on hers. Fear so deep...so deep.

"Help, please..."

This darkness hides not its pain

or its torture,

When will it end, dear sisters of mine?

When will it end, dear friend of mine?

"Lady, is this man bothering you?" asked a strange voice. It didn't sound like anyone from her part of the world. A strange, clipped voice, disciplined, yet the sound of anger lay just beneath the surface of the discipline. How could she sense that in the face of danger? she wondered. Justin broke the kiss to glower at the stranger. Katie saw the darkest pair of eyes staring at her. A man, surely not of this place, with a woollen cap pulled over his forehead. He looked...kind, and he smiled...

"Please... help me..."

Then the man grabbed Justin and threw him hard against the opposite wall. Justin's head cracked. How strong was this stranger?

"Seems to me you don't understand when the lady says 'no'," he hissed at Justin, pressing him tightly against the wall. The stranger turned to look at her. She was struck again by his dark brooding eyes, his tan, the contained anger.

"You okay, Miss?"

She nodded, too mute to say anything. Something, an indefinable thread that pulled her to the man, kept her standing there. Tommy would find her, she knew. Out of the corner of her eye, she had seen two persons rushing to his aid, and had also seen the driver jump off to help. Here, with the stranger, she sensed that she should throw in her lot with him. She felt an instantaneous assurance; she could trust him with her life. There was venom in his eyes which he seemed to reserve for Justin only.

"Now, how about fighting me?" the stranger invited as he pulled off his jacket and handed it to her. She heard how his knuckles cracked as he flexed his fists. "Think you can handle fighting a man?"

****

END CHAPTER FOUR

Chapter 5

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