April 21, 1999 Wednesday Morning.
I had a dream last night that I was in Mishawaka. I was at some sort of seminar that was being held in one of those used car lots with the chain link fence all the way around it. It was about someone's concerns about something, more than likely the millenium, and I got bored. I started to leave. I hadn't come alone, but I wasn't very interested in trying to find the people I had come with. I had just wanted to leave. So I start to head down this alley. It was an alley from my past, in my old neighborhood. The one my friends were chased down by a car in (that was along time ago). And a jogger passes me, she was coming from the other way. She stopped and I recognized her. It was L.Kizer. She had a hint of recognition in her eyes as well. But no pleasantries. We didn't really say anything. I can't remember what was said at all, but small talk was very out of the question. I think it was my subconscious telling me that she would be upset with the way I've kind of thrown my life away on everyday working instead of getting a degree and moving up in the world. It seems that I am to suffer the reality of the basic theme to Gattaca. I've become a janitor to those corporate types that are more advanced than me and greatly accepted by society by their claims at education and a good credit report; no one cares that they don't have personalities. They just jump and play in a microcosm of their contentedness, seething with pseudo emotions, and condescending sarcasm. Maybe she looked deep into my eyes and said "Paul, you really need to kill yourself, because you'll never succeed."
...but i can't remember.
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