Don't use your sleeve as a napkin; use your neighbor's sleeve instead.
Loud and boisterous behavior is expected when two or more are gathered to dine.
No mating rituals shall be initiated at the table without mutual consent.
Each guest is expected to bring his or her own dagger.
All guests are to participate in the obligatory after-dinner fight.
If your gagh crawls off your plate, it is fair game for whoever spots it first.
The smoking of really vile cigars is encouraged to provide that special atmosphere to fine dining.
If your medal falls into the punch bowl, remove it - the medal, not the bowl.
When dining out, ask the manager what his restaurant's latest health code rating was. If it was below 70, then reserve the place for your next banquet.