I have a BAD problem. My name is Tom Turkey
and I am a beautiful turkey with iridescent black feathers that
shine a beautiful shade of green when the sunlight reflects off
of them. I have shiny red wattles with a hint of blue in them.
I have pretty yellow legs and feet with long, clear claws. I'm
really smart. I'm a talking turkey! No, my good looks and intelligence
isn't the problem. It's the fact that I am a TURKEY. I like being
a turkey and all, but THANKSGIVING (gulp) is coming the day after
tomorrow. Yes, the Nightmare in November.
I live on Farmer Brown's farm with three turkey hens whose names
are Victoria, Lyla Lynn and Harry. Why doesn't Farmer Brown just
eat one of the hens or buy a turkey from the supermarket? you
may be asking. Well, I'll tell you. Farmer Brown wants a big gobbler
(male turkey) for Thanksgiving, one he's raised himself.
And I'm the big gobbler. So that's why my life is in danger. I
can't fly away because there's wire on the top of the pen that
I'm in.
Oh noooooooooo...... Farmer Brown is walking over to the pen and
he's got an ax in his hand!!!
Got to think of something..... got to think of something......
I've got an idea!!
"Farmer Brown, you don't want to eat me. I'm too smart. I
can talk like a person!" I tell Farmer Brown.
"Well, that's something you don't see every day. A turkey
that talks! Of course, a turkey will all most do anything around
Thanksgiving," He says.
"I can do a lot of things," I say. "I can hop on
one foot while the other foot is playing the piano, do arm motions
for five dances at the same time with my wings and while all that
is going on, I'm wistling and singing Dixie and drinking a glass
of water at the same time. Oh and I'll also play the tune of Dixie
with my tail feathers while I'm doing all the other stuff. I'm
very talented. Want to see?"
"Uh......well......no. But I guess you better do it when
you're alive. It'd be scary to see a turky dinner jump out of
its plate and all that stuff."
"Well, you better be scared. If you eat me for dinner, I'll
give you the worst haeartburn you've ever had. And when your stumach
stops hurting, I'll haunt you forever!"
"Hmmm.....ghost turky. I don't think it would taste very
good. It might vanish in my stomach."
"I'm not joking!!"
"So are you going to let me live?" I ask.
"We'll see. If you're still alive at midnight, you're safe."
Time passes on. The day turns into night.
Only a minute to midnight.
10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. . . . .
"YES!" I cheer. It isn't Thanksgiving anymore. I'm safe!
Farmer Brown kept his side of the bargain.
" Thanksgiving is going to be safe for me for now on, "
I tell Farmer Brown.
"Christmas," he says, "Christmas. I didn't say
anything about you being safe at Christmas. Won't you stay for.
. . . .dinner?" he says as he licks his lips.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
LET ME OUTA HERE!!! I'M FLYING TO KENTUCKY!!"
"Kentucky?" asks Farmer Brown. "I thought birds
flew south for the winter. Why Kentucky?"
"Haven't you ever heard of 'Kentucky Fried CHICKEN'? They
don't eat turkey there!"
And with that, I spread my wings and fly out the open pen.
And THAT'S why you see more turkies around KFC during Thanksgiving
and Christmas...........