An Unfinished Secret

The lights all around Chris blind him. He tries to recall what had happened that night. Only a few hours earlier his life had held such promise…

It was the day after the big game and Chris was preparing for the Homecoming Dance and the night ahead.

"What a night I had last night!" he whispered to himself. He had scored three touchdowns last night. The last one came with forty seconds left in the game and gave his team, the Holton Tigers, a three point lead. Not bad for his last Homecoming game, he thought. When the game was over and the Tigers had won, Chris' teammates lifted him onto their shoulders and carried him through the onrushing crowd and into the locker room. As he remembered the night before, he smiled.

He buttoned the last button on his shirt. Then, he tied his tie and sat to put on his shoes. He did this with a ceremonial tug on the knots as a signification of his readiness for the dance. Even though he was completely prepared for the night, his stomach still fluttered as he thought of his secret.

He checked his watch. Only 6:41. He had nearly twenty minutes to wait for his girlfriend, Amanda. Thinking of her made his mind shift momentarily to his secret and then back to her again.

He still remembered the first time he had seen her.

It was the first day of school during his freshman year. Chris was meeting new people now that the town's smaller schools funneled their graduates to Holton High School. The exact moment stuck in his mind like a picture taken with the sharpest camera imaginable and blown up a hundred times.

He was sitting in the lunchroom talking to his best friend, Drew, about the freshman football team. They couldn't wait to put their mark on the high school team. The he had seen her.

She was putting a dollar bill into the vending machine in the corner. Her blond hair hung down to her shoulders and when she turned with her juice in her hand, the hair swung gently about her face. She brushed the hair away from such perfect blue eyes, they almost seemed clear. From this moment on, anyone who asked Chris if he believed in love at first sight was answered with an immediate and emphatic "yes".

Despite his feelings for her, Chris couldn't bring himself to talk to her. Contrary to his confidence on the football field, he was very shy around girls.

One day, Chris mustered up the courage to ask Amanda to a movie. She accepted, even after he nearly spent five minutes stuttering out the invitation.

Their first date went better than Chris could have hoped for. He could remember almost every moment of the time they had spent together since then. The memories were nothing but great. The nervous, scared feeling in his stomach as he leaned towards her searching for the first kiss to the first time that he told her he loved her.

Chris also remembered the exact moment that the secret came about and the day, only weeks before Homecoming, that Amanda's parents presented her with a brand new sports car commemorating her full scholarship to Duke University. The look on her face when she saw the car with its red ribbon upon red paint stuck in his mind. He replied with an immediate "no" when she asked if he cared if she drove them to the Homecoming Dance.

The honk of a horn brought Chris out of his trance and he looked through the window as Amanda was walking up to the door.

She looked so beautiful in her sequined blue dress that for a moment Chris could not move. His feet stayed glued to the carpet as his stomach was filled with the same feeling that he felt that day he first saw her in the lunchroom.

When Chris pried himself from the floor and walked down the stairs, he posed for pictures with his parents. During one of the poses, he whispered into Amanda's ear, "Have I ever told you that I loved you?"

She smiled because, of course, he had many times. And he smiled because he was comforted by the fact that the feeling was mutual.

At a stoplight on the way to the dance, Chris leaned over and kissed Amanda, as he was known to do sometimes. He placed his left hand on her elbow and lightly touched her cheek with his right. He kissed her with all the intensity that he could gather. His lips pressed against hers and they might have never parted if the car behind them hadn't blared its horn.

At the next stoplight, Amanda leaned over and kissed Chris, as she was known to do sometimes. She gazed into his eyes for a moment and smiled. Then she kissed him gently on the lips and rubbed her cheek against his. The physical kiss ended but Chris could still smell her fragrant scent and he kept his eyes closed for a few extra seconds.

The dance was all that they had hoped for. They cherished every dance together as if it were their last. Neither would ever forget the way that the other looked under the light on the dance floor.

The only people that were surprised at the choice of Homecoming King and Queen were Chris and Amanda, who accepted their award with their natural modesty. While on the stage, Chris could only think of his secret.

After the dance, Chris' memory began to get a little bit fuzzy. They had gone to a party at Drew's house only a few blocks away from the dance and were celebrating. There was alcohol at this party, as there was at most of the parties in their town. Along with their other nuances, Chris and Amanda were known to drink a little but never known as hard-core drinkers.

Chris took his third can of beer, since he wasn't driving, and went into the other room to find Amanda. He could no longer hold his secret to himself and he had to tell. The thought of it filled his mind and made his stomach curl up in a ball; such is love.

Amanda was sitting on a couch talking to her friends, holding a can of beer. She said that she only had this one and a wine cooler, but Chris had suspicions about the four cans sitting on the table. He dismissed these cans a moment later as her friends' drinks.

Chris walked up behind where Amanda was sitting and put his hands on her shoulders. She knew his touch. He bent forward and whispered his message into her ear. He didn't go into great detail; he only told her that he needed to talk to her. She immediately knew what he meant and she reached for her car keys.

Amanda could tell that Chris wanted privacy. Evidently, he had something important to talk to her about. There was one place that they always went to when they needed to be alone and talk. It was a place not far off in the woods that overlooked a large pond. Once, Chris had told Amanda that he loved her while they sat there. She put her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. Before she fell asleep, she told him that she loved him too. They stayed that way until he awoke her at sunrise when the light reflected off the pond and turned the water the same shade of gold as Amanda's hair.

Chris thought of his secret.

The last thing that Chris remembered was the car floating into the other lane on the way to their special place. Amanda, being too slow to react due to the alcohol, could not swerve in time and he looked towards her face as they struck an oncoming car. She turned towards him immediately before impact. He looked into her eyes. She looked into his. In the headlights of the oncoming car, they looked like they had looked on that dance floor. He reached for her hand but couldn't find it.

Chris shifted his weight under the lights and lightly kicked a beer can that lay upon the edge of the road, looking innocent enough. He had been spared the majority of the impact of the crash and had no injuries but a cut along the side of his face.

"That's….that's…all that I can remember," he sobbed to the police officer with the notebook.

Over the officer's shoulder, he could see the other officers zip Amanda's body up in a dark bodybag and in his right pocket he fingered his secret-the velvet covered case that held the engagement ring he had bought and planned to give to Amanda.