Warnings: SAP! A little bit of shounen ai, nothing major.
Pairings: 1+2

Faith

Standing on the corner was a fat man in red and a group of choir singers gathering money to help the poor. It made me smile.

And floating gently down to the ground were soft white snowflakes. I tilted my head up, trying to catch some on my tongue, and all I managed was to get them in my eyes. I laughed at myself.

"Baka," echoed through my mind, and my smile half faded away. He wasn't here with me. He'd left me. I swallowed back tears, missing the close moments we'd shared. His voice echoed through my mind. I reminded myself that he wasn't here to see or comment on catching snowflakes on your tongue. I wasn't sure he'd understand it anyway. His childhood had been as miserable as my own. Mine was miserable in other ways, different ways than his, but still miserable. At least though I'd learned about Christmas.

I threaded my way through the throngs of people, borrowing their cheer to fight away my own emotions. Fighting off depression and loneliness. Fighting off regret that I didn't have anyone to be with at this special time of year. I borrowed their cheer, and the children's delight because it was all I had left. Christmas is a time of happiness, a time of forgiveness. I could only hope. Christmas is about that too.

I made my way to the Cathedral and went in the doors to the brightly lit antechamber. I paused to warm myself and to remind myself that I survived and that at least this year there wasn't a war going on.

/Adeste fideles laeti triumphantes
Venite, venite in Bethlehem
Natum videte, regem angelorum
Venite adoremus, venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus Dominum/

I swiftly went to the choir loft and traded my outer clothes for a surplice and went and joined the other members of the church choir for warm ups.

"Merry Christmas and happy New Year, Duo," James called from the bass section.

"And to you," I replied.

Andy dashed out of the treble section to excitedly ask, "Is it snowing?" His dark blue eyes glowed at the thought.

I laughed, my eyes sparkling in return. "Yep, it's snowing all right. We're going to have a white Christmas this year." He started dancing around me, making a happy crowing noise.

"All right! I've been praying for snow for the last three weeks."

His older brother Dan, a fellow tenor, started laughing. "Forget weeks, bro, you've been praying for snow since Halloween!" My smile faded again, just a little.

I wanted family. Christmas has always been about family to me. Andy looked indignant.

"There's nothing wrong with that!" He went back to the treble section, muttering all the way about annoying older brothers. Andy almost sounded like Wufei complaining about me. I missed that. I hadn't seen any of them in nearly two years.

The choir director hurried in and started our warm ups. We finished, lined up for the introit and grabbed candles for the candle lit section of the mass. And we waited, almost breathlessly.

We waited, still and silent, like the night waiting to be born, or the pause that comes just before sunrise.

/Cantet nunc io chorus angelorum.
Cantet nunc aula caelestium.
Gloria, gloria in excelsis Deo
Venite adoremus, venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus Dominum./

I could hear people shuffling in and finding their seats in the pews. Hymn books ruffled. It was almost time to begin. Almost time for the celebration of Christ's birth.

I smiled, memories wandering through my mind. I could almost hear Sister Helen telling me the story for the first time. Her voice a gentle alto wrapped around an Irish brogue. I remembered her teaching me all of the carols, in both English and their original language. She wanted me to be well rounded. I remembered Father Maxwell leading us through the services, telling us about Christ and how is birth signaled the beginning of the fight for peace, and how we should always strive for world peace for all men and women.

I sometimes think I took that lesson too literally. I can only hope for forgiveness from God for all the lives I took. I just followed the lessons he taught, in my own way. I reached for the season, and felt the organs music crash in upon me.

I opened my mouth, pouring forth the stirring words of the introit as the choir processed in. My tongue caressed the ancient Latin and I raised my voice, with the rest of the choir, to the glory of God and his son.

I only half listened to Priest leading the mass. I only listened to the music we made, music in praise, music in prayer, music of glory and forgiveness. I reached into the depths of my soul, and led my own mental service to God.

I asked for forgiveness, for I knew I had sinned. I had lied, I had stolen, I had killed during different sections of my life. Now, I only wanted to be good. I wanted peace for everyone, love, family, and forgiveness for everyone for anything. It was time, and past time for me to start over.

My soul lightened as I forgave myself for the mistakes of my past, and I almost felt completely happy for the first time in a long time. Christmas is the season of forgiveness, and the only way to be forgiven is if you forgive yourself. I understood this, I understood some of God's message for the season, and burdens dropped away.

The choir recessed as midnight mass ended. It was time to go home and feel all the joys of the season.

I left the church lighter in spirit and truly meant what I said when I wished people a merry Christmas. I truly listened to the carols, and I sang them as I walked. The snow continued to fall. It had grown heavier during the mass and now fell in a thick white curtain.

I laughed, spinning wildly in a circle, my braid flying through the air. I breathed deeply, breathing in love and feeling peaceful.

/Ergo qui natus Die hodierna.
Jesu, tibi sit gloria.
Patris aeterni verbum caro factus./

I turned into my walkway and stopped in shock. Sitting on my front porch was a person, a person with a very familiar shock of dark brown hair, and eyes bluer than Andy's.

"Heero?" I whispered.

He stood up. "Baka, where have you been?" he asked. The tone was warm, the words said fondly and without any bite.

I blinked. "Midnight Mass," I answered. "Heero, what are you doing here?" I was confused. He'd left me, gone away and left me.

"I was wrong," he said. "Very wrong, Duo. I need you. Can you forgive me?" I blinked.

"Can you forgive yourself?" I asked, going to my door. I unlocked it and pulled him inside and into the kitchen. He joined me in confusion.

I let him think. I bustled around the kitchen making hot chocolate for the both of us. As I put the pan of milk on the stove he spoke, "What do you mean?"

I looked at him seriously. "It doesn't matter if I forgive you if you can't forgive yourself for leaving me last year. Can you forgive yourself?"

He looked thoughtful and I smiled. He'd finally learned to have some expression on his face. I hummed the Carol of the Bells under my breath as I finished our drinks. We drank in silence, the liquid warming us up from the inside out.

Heero finally spoke again, "I think I can."

"Then I think I can forgive you," I smiled sweetly at him. I'd missed him. He reached out a hand and gently caressed my face.

"I missed you, Duo. Missed you more than I could say. My pride kept me away but it died, my pride died. I love you, Duo Maxwell." Heero stood, leaned forward, and gently kissed me.

My heart sent out a prayer of thanks to God and his son.

It really is the season of joy, peace, forgiveness, and love.

/Venite adoremus, venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus Dominum./

~Finis

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