Warnings: This is set during Endless Waltz and is from Relena's point of view.
Pairings: None
Author's Notes: This is the first part of a series that is currently in the works. The first 9 or 10 parts of the next one are finished. All of them are dedicated to Ashura. See, Ash, I can write a happy ending. And I will finish Requiem! And thanks to Mel and Christy for betaing this.
// Indicates song lyrics.
Feedback is adored and craved. Thank you.
She reminds me of myself. Myself as I was in the stories my mother told me of my babyhood. Myself as I could have been, and even of myself during the last two years.
She reminds me of myself as I should never have been and as I should never let myself be.
She is my alter ego. A warped, twisted younger version of myself. It's like looking into a mirror. It frightens me. She frightens me.
I'm not sure when I realized something was wrong.
Then, or now.
/Sirens wail history fails
rose-colored glass begins to age and crack
while the politicians shadow box
the power ring
in an endless split decision
never solve anything/
Politics have always been at the center of my life. The politics of the Sanq kingdom; the pacifist policies of the man who is the Father of my heart. Politics dictated his death, the breaking of my, and my Mother's, heart. Politics dictated that my brother and I be strangers. They dictated the slow destruction of his soul.
Politics brought about the Eve wars. Politics made the Gundam pilots into what they are. Boys forced into men before their time. They turned children into vicious killers.
And politics shaped her. Another little girl without a father. Another little girl who believes that her way is the right way. A little girl determined to lead the people on her path, no matter what they want. Yes, politics shaped her. Warped her into a twisted version of myself.
Sometimes, I hate politics.
/From a neighbor's distant land
I heard the strain of the common man/
I had gone to colony L3X-18999 to fulfil my job as Vice-Foreign Minister. I sat there in the colony's boardroom, calmly and rationally discussing the colony's lack of population growth since its completion seven years ago. I honestly don't know what they expected me to do about it. They needed a stable government and the basis for a stable and strong economy before people would move there.
The people of Earth, and the other colonies, clearly remembered that L2 hadn't had either a stable government or a strong economy when they began. People had rushed to move in, rushed to settle, and then everything fell apart. L2 became a derelict colony full of crime, civil unrest, and disease. No one wanted to subject themselves, or their family, to that. And no one would move to colony L3X-18999 until the colony's leaders could assure the potential settlers that they would not be subjecting their families to another L2.
L3X didn't have any of that. They couldn't assure people of safety, and thus the problem. I didn't know how to fix it. It was an internal affair for the colony. It wasn't my job, and I didn't want to be there. But they'd requested my help, and as the Vice-Foreign Minister, as the former Queen of the World, I tried to give it to them. In a way, that was my job.
I was, however, just a trifle disappointed that my job didn't include telling all of the grown men in the room around me to grow up. That's what I wanted to say. I bit my tongue.
They informed me that they realized they needed strong government and economy, but they needed people for that. They had invited people to come, but no one would.
I sighed. “The problem is whether the citizens realize that they are all part of the Earth Sphere United Nation. As long as the view persists that so long as everything on their own colony is fine, and that what happens on other colonies cannot and will not effect them, which is not true, then no one can expect a stable lifestyle.”* I repeated a platitude I had said many times before to many different people.
I sincerely wished people would stop expecting miracles from me, stop expecting instant solutions to complex problems. I wished they'd make an attempt to solve their own colony's problem, and not expect me to solve it for them.
I fought the urge to cast my eyes up at the telescreen above me where the President was making his Christmas speech. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and I realized I was being childish. But I was still a child. I was only 16. And in that moment I wondered where my childhood had gone and I wondered how I had ever allowed myself to get into this mess.
And then one of the colony leaders began to speak. “But we have been told that many citizens here have been expecting a strong leader to rise up and guide them, someone like yourself, Vice-Minister Dorlian.”
I almost spoke in my shock, as the reason I had allowed myself—no, forced myself—to do this job suddenly slapped me in the face. He was advocating war, a revolution, just like the Eve wars that had ended only a year ago. I wanted to tell him to grow up even more than I'd wanted to tell all of them to earlier. War was not an answer. Death was not an answer. We'd all fought too hard for peace for it to be one.
I reached down for the cup of tea that sat on the table before me. I took a sip of it as I fought for something diplomatic to say. Something that would correct his view without offending them all.
I began to say something about it being a shame that the peace was being thrown away, but I broke off, as I became increasingly conscious of the President's voice in the background. The room and the colony leaders began to blur before my eyes and then danced around me. My tongue fuzzed and tripped over the words I tried to say again.
The last thing I heard was my teacup clattering on the table and I thought with dismay about the stain my drink would make.
/Let it be me (this is not a fighting song)
let it be me (not a wrong for a wrong)
let it be me, if the world is night
shine my life like a light
well the world seems spent
and the president has no good idea
of who the masses are/
I dreamed of fire and ash. I dreamed of screams. I don't know if I dreamed of my infancy or last year. I just know I dreamed.
I woke only to find that I was no longer in the boardroom. I was lying on a bed and staring up into a bright red canopy. I bolted into a sitting position.
“Did you have a good sleep?” a high voice piped. I swung towards the voice and looked at a desk and chair. I stood up and stepped towards the desk as the chair swung around.
“Have you been caught as well?” I inquired. A little girl was in the chair. She had bright red hair, sharp blue eyes, and was dressed in yellow. I couldn't quite make up my mind if it clashed with her hair or not. I shook my head slightly, trying to shake off the drugs that still swamped my mind.
“No,” she informed me, “I'm the one that ordered them to bring you here.”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded, completely taken by surprise. She was a child. No child had the power to kidnap a politician, let alone one who was former royalty.
“My name is Mariemaya Kushrenada, the daughter of Treize Kushrenada.” Her eyes sparkled in wicked delight. She loved the effect her words had.
“You must be joking,” I said. My words were a flat denial. Treize hadn't had any children.
The wicked delight left her eyes. She hadn't expected me to contradict her words. “This is no joke. It's already been proven through DNA testing,” she assured me of the truth of her prior statement.
“But that's…” I gasped, not knowing precisely what I wanted to say. Maybe I wanted to say that it was wrong that this little girl knew about DNA analysis. It was something no child needed to understand. Perhaps I wanted to deny the possibility that she had ordered me brought here, or even the possibility that her information was correct. I don't know what I wanted to say.
However, she jumped to the one question I didn't care about. The question of how she was conceived and born. I didn't question the possibility that she wasn't who she said she was. I could see some of Treize's features in her face.
“I'm told that there is an adult world that children do not understand. So I can't begin to explain why I have come to live in this world. But accepting the facts as they are, I fully intend to carry out my Father's wishes.”
I blinked in shocked horror. I knew then that she meant to conquer the Earth Sphere United Nation. I knew she meant to set herself up as its ruler, a supreme ruler. She meant to set herself up as the dictator so many people believed Treize had wanted to be.
I knew Treize hadn't wanted that. He'd never wanted to be the supreme dictator. And he would never want any child of his to become one. Treize had wanted what was best for Earth and its people, and they had that. They had peace. Treize would not want his daughter to take this path.
“I have no idea who's been telling you these kinds of stories, but you are mistaken…” I began. I stepped forward, trying to impress upon her that her vision of her father was false.
She leapt to her feet, yelling. “Watch yourself!”
I stepped back, startled.
“Watch your language! I've been chosen to lead the Earth Sphere Unified Nation! I won't allow rude comments!” she shrieked at me. I wondered who had appointed her the leader of Earth, not its people certainly. Guards burst through the door, wearing red uniforms and silly hats.
Mariemaya turned to them and held her arm out stiffly at her side. “It's nothing, you may leave now,” she imperiously informed them.
One of the guards acknowledged her. “Ma'am,” he said, and ushered the rest of unit back out the door.
She turned back to me with a self-satisfied smirk on her face. “This room is being constantly monitored, Relena. So please, don't try anything suspicious now.” She was daring me to misbehave. She was daring me to allow her to use her power on me again. I chose not to.
She continued to speak. “I am meeting you like this out of respect for the fact that you were once the person known as Queen Relena. Please, try to be more careful in the future.” I doubted her sincerity, but there was one thing that I had to know.
“Then let me ask you this,” I said, my voice flat, “what do you plan to do with me now?”
“Don't worry. You'll find out soon enough,” she sing-songed. The dare was still in her voice. I could hear how pleased she was with herself and the entire situation. Her pleasure was even clearer when she giggled. It grated on my nerves. Her laugh sounded in my ears like nails on a chalkboard. Or maybe it only seemed that way because I was so dissatisfied with the situation I found myself in.
She had me. She had a plan and she was so certain that she was going to rule the Earth. She never once considered that the Earth didn't want to be ruled by her. The people had chosen their leaders and they were happy with them. But Mariemaya Kushrenada was going to change that.
She was so certain that she was right in her course of action.
And that's when I first noticed how alike we really were.
/Well I'm one of them
and I'm among friends
trying to see beyond the fences of
our own backyard
I've seen kingdoms blow like ashes
in the winds of change/
Mariemaya left the room. I briefly considered escape, and realized that that's what she was hoping I'd try to do. The room was monitored, and I was fairly sure she had the door guarded. There was no other way out of the room besides the door. I had no chance of escape and so I dismissed the thought completely.
I collapsed in her chair, my thoughts focusing on our similarities, and I got lost in the horror of them.
We were both children of war, with no memories of our real parents. With no memories of our original homes.
I was three, maybe, when the Sanq Kingdom fell and my Father—for I always think of Vice-Foreign Minister Dorlian as my Father—spirited me away and claimed me for his own. I don't remember that time, except in an occasional nightmare, and even then I'm not sure if I'm dreaming about the first fall of the Sanq Kingdom or the fall of my attempted resurrection.
I shouldn't have accepted the position as Queen of the World. I knew that almost as soon as I'd done it. The Sanq Kingdom fell all those years ago because of Federation betrayal. But it also fell because the world had changed and the monarchy did not.
I couldn't resurrect what the people didn't need. And I couldn't bring back my parents from death, or their ideals. I didn't know them. I don't know what my birth parents wanted, believed in, what they dreamed, or what they hoped. And I wanted to. I wanted to know them, my past, their dreams, and that's why I accepted the post. It didn't work. It couldn't work.
The world had changed to a point where it was beyond monarchies, to where people wanted the choice, the freedom, to rule themselves. And I couldn't be a Peacecraft because I didn't and don't know what it means to be one. I didn't know them. I didn't know their ideals, their hopes, their dreams, or their plans for accomplishing those things. I knew they stood for peace, for total pacifism, but not their plans for achieving it, or what they planned to do once it had been achieved. I have so very many unanswered questions…and no one to answer them.
However, I had been raised as a Dorlian. I knew the Dorlian ideals, hopes, dreams, and plans for accomplishing them. I loved my Father, I still do. I love and adore my Mother. I told her she'd always be my true mother, and she is. She always will be.
But that didn't stop me from wanting to know my birth family. It didn't stop me from wanting to resurrect their dreams. And I know that's what Mariemaya is trying to do.
She was trying to know her Father by fulfilling his hopes and dreams. Unfortunately someone had lied to her about what they were and she wasn't willing to listen to the truth.
She wanted to rule the world. All she saw was the glory, not the hard work or the body count. I wanted to cry for her and for myself, but it was all locked in behind an icy mask of calm.
I sat there white-faced, and after Mariemaya's televised announcement, I was trembling as well. Eventually a group of guards came and fetched me. They hustled me through the building I was in, down long carpeted corridors, and up an elevator to a helicopter pad.
Mariemaya stood by the door. She had changed into a military style uniform, that flattered her about as much as the yellow outfit had. The smirk on her face didn't help matters at all. “Did you hear my broadcast?” she chirped. I nodded silently in response. “I thought it went rather well,” she added, and then laughed.
I nearly choked. Declaring war on a planet that couldn't fight back? She thought that constituted as 'going well'? We had all fought so hard for peace. Treize…her father had fought for the peace, gave his life to defend it, and now she was breaking it. I knew she thought she was doing the right thing, but I knew she was wrong.
Shock slowly settled in, wrapping my mind in cotton. One thought did manage to trickle through, though.
Her sense of humor was as warped as Duo Maxwell's.
/But the power of truth
is the fuel for the flame/
That thought pushed the cotton away. I had to try again. I had to try and change her mind. For everyone's sake.
I looked up from my hands, and stared at her with a serious expression on my face.
“Say that you rule the Earth Sphere,” I began. “Are you sure that you'll be carrying on Treize's, I mean your Father's will by going through with this?” I accepted that Treize was her Father, but I just couldn't see him as a father and it showed every time I tried to speak to her about him.
“You've got it all wrong,” Mariemaya replied nonchalantly. “I just want to be victorious.”
I couldn't believe her. I really couldn't. How is picking on, or beating in this case, a planet that can't fight back victorious? That's not a victory. What it is, is bullying.
She didn't want to hear the hint that I didn't believe that Treize would want it. I knew I'd have to try a different tack. “In that case,” I said calmly, formally, and politely, “you'll have to decide for yourself the deeper meaning of what it is to fight.”
She looked up at me, a pleasant expression on her face. Her eyes, however, glowed furiously. She obviously didn't like the reproof, or the fact that I had dared to argue with her. It reminded me of the expression that had been on my face every time my Father had left me behind for business.
“Miss Relena, don't make me repeat myself. I will not allow rude comments from you,” she replied. I wasn't sure where I'd been rude, but I had just about given up on expecting sense from her. I went back to looking at my hands, and I idly wondered how often people had felt that way about me.
Then an even more uncomfortable thought crept across my psyche. How many times had I failed to face the truth? How many times had I ignored truths that were right in front of me, that people were trying hard to make me see? How blind was I really to the reality around me?
I shifted, and my mind turned to examining my memories. I began to try and figure it out. I knew that if I got out of this, I would have to pay more attention to the world around me. I couldn't afford to live in a make-believe world. It wasn't fair to anyone.
/So the darker the ages get
there's a stronger beacon yet
Let it be me (this is not a fighting song)
Let it be me (not a wrong for a wrong)
Let it be me, if the world is night
Shine my life like a light/
We transferred from the helicopter to a shuttle and left for Earth. Mariemaya cheerfully prattled on about how well her plans were going, about how easy her victory was going to be, and about how no one had really tried to stop her. Someone had tried and failed. She found it amusing.
I found her irritating. I had no way to shut her up and no way to stop her. I wondered if that's how the Gundam pilots, especially Heero and Duo, had felt about me as I trailed after them during the Eve wars. I made a mental note to apologize to them, if they stopped Mariemaya. I knew in my gut Heero was coming. How could he not? This was so close to how I'd met him the first time.
And if Heero was coming, then so was Duo. If they had been caught by Mariemaya's people, in her 'failed attempt to stop her', well even I knew there wasn't a cell around that could hold Duo Maxwell. The two of them had to come and stop her. They had to, no matter what it took them. No matter the cost that they'd have to pay.
I was not going to pass on that little home truth to Mariemaya Kushrenada though. She'd have to learn that lesson the same way her Father had.
Then the shuttle intercom clicked on. We were treated to a conversation between Dekim Barton and a voice I was extremely familiar with. I almost fainted. My brother was alive.
Joy filled my heart, and then I realized what they were discussing. The real Operation Meteor. The fact that Dekim was going to drop L3X-18999 on Earth. They couldn't! Mariemaya couldn't! She'd kill everyone. Even worse, that was exactly what her Father had died trying to prevent. If she went through with it, and truly wanted to do what her Father wished, she'd die. She'd die when she discovered her betrayal of his memory.
I couldn't believe what my ears were telling me. Panic filled my heart and I twisted around in my seat. I grabbed her shoulders, pulled her towards me, and began to shake her. “Drop the colony onto Earth?!” I cried. “Stop this at once! There's no reason for doing this!”
In my panic and disbelief I forgot two important facts. The first was that she didn't truly care for the people of Earth. They weren't anything more than an abstract for her and her over-inflated opinion of herself. The second was that she didn't respect me as royalty. She saw me as a pawn and herself as the Queen, so giving her commands was an exercise in futility.
She looked up at me in mild disgust and pulled herself free. “Miss Relena, please try to calm down. There should be no reason for that. So long as all of mankind will bow down before me.”
Did she have any grip upon reality? All of mankind bow down before her? All of mankind couldn't agree that the sky was blue, forget about bowing down before a pint-sized girl with delusions of grandeur. Even I had known that mankind was incapable of that when I started in public office. And if she didn't even grasp that fact then she would be no kind of ruler at all. I had to know.
“Do you really believe the people will bow before you?” I asked incredulously.
She smirked again. “I know they will, because in your role as the former Queen Relena, you've entrusted me now with the highest possible position of the Earth Sphere.”
The self-satisfaction in her voice was getting on my nerves. I remembered Duo asking about my grip on reality once, and I prayed that I wasn't as bad as Mariemaya. She was getting worse. She couldn't believe that I would endorse her, not for any reason.
“What do you mean?” I demanded, trying to hid my disbelief.
“As the Vice-Foreign Minister you are very well trusted by the colonies. You have a much greater level of influential power over the people than even you realize,” she informed me.
She did expect me to endorse her. She expected me to sanction this hostile take over. Expected me to give up everything I'd worked for just because she wanted it.
“And that's the reason why you've abducted me!” I blurted out in horror. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't.
Mariemaya smiled. “Now you've got the picture,” she sing-songed. I fought off the urge to deck her. I realized with dismay that I must have done something similar to this to so many people over the years. Especially Duo, every time I tracked them down and jeopardized their missions. I didn't like the picture, at all. And I didn't know how to change it.
/In the kind word you speak
In the turn of the cheek
When your vision stays clear
In the face of your fear/
I fell back into a horrified silence, and then forced myself to forget about the past. There would be time later to figure out what kind of person I had been, and how to make amends for my mistakes. I needed to use the present to determine how to get myself out of the mess I was in and how to stop Mariemaya's plans. I didn't have any ideas on how to stop her, since she didn't want to listen and I refused to give up my advocacy of absolute pacifism.
As the shuttle landed I said a prayer that Heero and the other pilots were all right. I prayed that they had escaped Mariemaya's traps and were coming to rescue the Earth from her. They were, once again, our only hope to stop her madness. Just as they'd fought to stop Treize's original madness and my own brother's.
They hustled me off of the shuttle and into a car, where Mariemaya draped herself in a red velvet robe to signify her 'royalty'. We drove through quiet streets and I looked out into the drifting snow. My thoughts were tangled and disordered. The only strong thought was that we'd fought so hard for peace, that Treize had died to save the Earth, and now one spoiled, selfish, misguided little girl was throwing it all away.
We drove up to a well-lit mansion, and fifty red-coated soldiers poured out the front door to welcome her. We stood outside for a few moments, while she surveyed her troops and her new home. A smirk drifted across her face. I couldn't bear it. I looked up into the cloudy, snow-filled night sky, trying desperately to see if Heero had come yet. If any of the pilots had come to save the Earth, and to save me. They weren't there.
I lifted my heart in prayer once more. And a steady determination filled my heart and soul. I would not help her, I vowed, as she led me into the house.
I was brought into the large, richly furnished front parlor. I ignored the chairs, the warm fire, and instead walked over to a large picture window where I could ignore my captors and look out into the dark night. Soldiers in mobile suits surrounded the house. And I was faced once again with the knowledge that I had no way to get out, no way to escape. While I would not help her, I was still trapped, and I once more drifted into my past's secure knowledge that he would rescue me, he always had.
“Heero,” I murmured, hoping that he would come soon and end the madness. The house shook under my feet.
“Huh?” I gasped, intelligently, as it began to sink into the ground. Metal rose in front of my face as I realized we were going into an underground bunker.
“My castle is now completely protected,” Mariemaya's voice came from behind me. I swung around in surprise to find her standing in the now open doorway behind me. She still hadn't removed her robe, I noticed, as she posed in the doorway.
“Don't you find it strange? Why should a shelter such as this be necessary in such a peaceful world with no weapons?” She stopped posing and began to cross the room towards me, giggling all the while. “History is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever.
“However, history will change upon the day of my coronation. The instant this year comes to an end, I will be on top of the Earth Sphere and the dawn of a new age will arrive. I will rule the world.” Her final words came out sounding like a blissful sigh. It made my skin crawl in utter horror.
I also had to fight back a flinch from her complete lack of logic. If there were truly three beats to history, as she said, that continued on forever, they would not stop merely because she ruled the world. There would still be fighting after her 'coronation day', and most of the people fighting would be fighting against her tyranny. People did not want an absolute ruler. They did not want a monarchy or an empire, as Mariemaya did. They wanted to rule themselves.
If she won, she would find that out the hard way, exactly as I had. Yet I wanted to spare her the pain that I had faced when my dreams for Sank crumbled down around my ears. I wanted to spare her that, if only to honor the memory of the man she called Father.
But I still had no way to stop her. No way to make her understand since she had no desire to listen to the words, that I, a spoiled, former princess and queen, had learned the hard way. She was just as spoiled as I was. She was just as determined that her way was right. And she had the might to stop me from speaking, to not listen to anything I might say.
So I said nothing. I gave in, for the moment. I would not fight. I would continue to turn my cheek to the blows. But I would not stop watching for my chance to defend the peace that I had worked so hard for. She would not win forever, I vowed. The people of Earth would have peace. They would have the government they chose, not one imposed upon them by someone with delusions. They would have the rulers they wanted, not a spoiled little girl who would only be a puppet for someone else, just as I had been.
I swore this to myself as she led me down into her control room. She wanted to watch the fight, to watch her victory, and for me to see my world fall apart. And she gave me a very comfortable chair to do it in, right next to her own.
“Tallgeese and Taurus are now past our Point D number Three defenses,” a nameless soldier called.
“What can they do with only two suits,” Dekim Barton told him derisively. “Send our counterattack troops to Point D,” he ordered.
“Yes, sir!” the soldier replied, and bent to do his work.
Mariemaya smirked at me. “It's beginning to look like a sibling reunion will be next to impossible this time,” she chirped. I remained impassive as Dekim reached for the microphone and began a voice-over for a TV broadcast.
“We are facing fools that are hopelessly retaliating against the new order. Consider how much meaning the lives that are likely to be lost will have,” he gloated, as we watched the explosions of the fight on the screen. My heart bled with every injury, every possible death. And her smile merely grew larger.
This was wrong. She was wrong. It had to be stopped. And all I could do was watch, and listen to my soul scream silently.
/Then you see turning off the
Light switch is their only power/
Abruptly several more mobile suits appeared on screen. More specifically, they were Gundams. I fought to keep a smile off of my face. They had finally come. There was a chance, and my hope grew stronger than ever.
A shocked murmur spread throughout the room. “Gundams,” was the frequently dismayed comment.
And then Dekim spoke, his disdain apparent. “How much longer do those kids intend to retaliate against me?” he demanded to know.
I wanted to tell him, 'forever'. They would never bow down to his tyranny, and neither would I. But caution held me silent. And I was getting very tired of caution, and my silence, but I continued to stare at the screen, as my past overwhelmed me.
Her war was bleeding into the first destruction of the Sank kingdom, and then the pointless destruction of my resurrection. She was making a mockery of my family, of my home, of the people of Earth. They couldn't speak for themselves, or fight for themselves. The Gundam pilots, my brother, even Lucrezia Noin were fighting for them. But no one was speaking. All was silent.
“Even if they did destroy the mobile suits,” Mariemaya began smugly, “there's no way they can break through this shelter. What they're doing is meaningless.”
I continued staring impassively at the screen in front of me as she spoke. Her words were only partially true. Their fight was meaningless only if things remained silent. Only if the world was denied its voice.
And I was the only one there to speak for them, for it, to give them meaning.
Part of me quivered in fear. I was surrounded by armed people who believed in a cause. Which left me wondering, did I not believe in my own cause? Did I not believe in the cause that I'd been speaking on behalf of for two years?
I knew I believed in my cause. It was time for me to prove it, and to prove myself worthy for all the people who had fought for my cause. It was time for me to leave the spoiled little Princess behind and become the person I wanted to be, and who my father would have wanted me to be. It was time for the darkness to end, and for light to bloom. It was time for a voice.
And even Mariemaya had said I had more influence over the world than even I knew. It was time for me to use it, I realized.
I stood up, still staring straight ahead, as I struggled for words to voice my realization. “I've been running,” I told her.
“What's the matter, Miss Relena?” she inquired, sounding vaguely puzzled.
“I've been running…” I paused, looked down, and then looked back up, resolve firm in my heart. “I've been running from the truth.”
I dashed down the steps towards the front of the room, ignoring her gasped, “Huh?” I ignored the soldiers I was running through, and when I reached the front I ignored Dekim Barton too. I shoved the soldier at the communications console out of the way, and jabbed the button so that I could finally have my say.
I wasn't going to be anyone's puppet, ever again.
/When we stand like spotlights
In a mighty tower
All for one and one for all,
Then we sing the common call/
“Everybody, please do not fear the image you're watching,” I began, my voice echoing over the microphone. “Peace is not something that is given to you,” I said bringing my voice and face up on the television monitors worldwide. “Each person must…”
They cut me off. Dekim turned off the console with an override switch, and the soldier I'd knocked out of my way had drawn his gun and had it pointed towards me, as did a second soldier by Dekim. I couldn't have cared less.
“It's still much too early for your appearance to the people, Miss Former Queen,” he snarled.
“Hmm,” I answered, glaring at him. Mariemaya approached and stood in front of me, looking slightly surprised.
“Are you guiding the public to battle?” she asked. “Aren't those actions against your policies of total pacifism?” She was mocking me. And I didn't really care about that either. It was time for her to listen.
“I no longer consider myself a Peacecraft,” I told her proudly and angrily. “What is needed now are the hearts who will hope for a peaceful world and not a principle or an assertion.” I knew this was the truth. What my father and mother had tried to teach me throughout my childhood. Principles were all very well, but actions had to carry them through. And the only way to maintain peace was to stop Mariemaya, and we all had to earn it. Not just a few brave souls.
I stood facing Mariemaya and Dekim. I could sense that he was beyond my words, but maybe they could still reach Mariemaya, and then she could honor the truths that her father had held dear, not mock them like she had done up to now.
“The reason I returned to being a Dorlian was not to take revenge for my father. Nothing can be accomplished with revenge,” I gestured violently, trying to impress my statements upon her. I tried so hard to impress what I'd learned during the Eve wars, when I had tried to take my revenge, from when I'd actually tried to kill Lady Une for her murder of my father. “Hatred will only result in bringing more hatred.”
Mariemaya smirked and half-giggled. “You think that way now because you lost your battle,” she said chirpily. “But my thoughts are different. I will truly be victorious.” She looked unbelievably smug and self-satisfied. I wondered if she was capable of actually listening to anyone but herself. Her ears either did not work, or she'd stuffed them full of cotton wool.
“The Gundams have all stopped fighting, Sir,” a soldier called, one of the few who were still paying attention to the battle outside the bunker, instead of the battle of wills and words that was taking place inside.
“Told ya!” she crowed in delight. I withheld my judgment and waited to see what they were going to do. I'd never known them to give up.
“Another Gundam confirmed, Sir, it's in the sky,” a soldier said.
“What?” Dekim yelled.
“Mr. Dekim we're online with one of the Gundam pilots,” the same soldier said, and Heero's picture appeared on the screen.
“Heero,” I gasped, comforted by the knowledge that he had indeed finally come to finish this.
“Let me confirm,” he said in a monotone, “your shelter shield is activated?”
“What are you planning?” Dekim snarled.
“Your shelter is secure, is it?” he asked.
“Of course it is,” Mariemaya said, in an extremely offensive and arrogant tone. “See for yourself just how powerless you are.”
I bit back a laugh. She obviously did not expect Heero to take her up on that. But even I'd learned that he would stop at nothing during a mission, and daring him to do something tended to be a foolish idea.
“Roger that,” he replied, and Mariemaya's eyes grew huge. Heero fired his buster rifle at the top of the compound and the entire building rocked, knocking her off of her feet.
“Gather all the Serpents, here!” Dekim yelled, banging his fists on the console in front of him. “Shoot down Wing Zero!”
“Oooh,” Mariemaya said half angrily, and half shaking as she clenched her fists. “What a miserable person. He's…he's not going to be able to achieve anything.”
I merely looked at her, ice in my eyes. “Are you afraid, Mariemaya?” I asked. She turned to me, and only sniffed in reply. I knew she was afraid and only trying to hide it.
Heero shot at the shields again. Rocking the building, and shattering their confidence.
“That's impossible!” Dekim bellowed. “How can this be happening?” It was obvious to me, that he had not paid attention in the Eve Wars. The bunker's lights flickered out and turned red as they switched over to emergency power.
“The shield has lost half its strength,” one of the more efficient soldiers informed Dekim. “Wing Zero's aim is accurate to one hundredth of a unit. This shelter will collapse for certain if it's hit again in the same place.”
“Stop it! Don't you realize that Relena Peacecraft is in here,” Dekim snarled at Heero. I didn't think that would stop Heero. While he would do his best to save me, he had never jeopardized one of his missions for me in the past. In fact, he'd threatened to kill me so many times I'd lost count. And if he did stop just because I was in here, I'd have to threaten to kill him myself.
Mariemaya must be stopped. Just like my brother had to be a year ago. I knew it, Heero knew it, everyone knew it, and I was sincere in my belief that they needed to do it. Peace had to be earned.
Heero's only reply to Dekim Barton was, “Hn,” as he raised his weapon to fire one more time.
I met his eyes on the screen and quietly said, “Heero.” I raised my hand to my chest in a sort of salute. In recognition of his choice and my knowledge of its necessity. And then I nodded.
Mariemaya gaped at me. “Huh?” she gasped. I could tell what she really wanted to know was why wasn't I stopping him to save my own life?
My reason was simple. I was more than willing to die for my principles of peace. I was defending them. I was fighting for them. And I would do whatever had to be done to stop her. Even die.
He fired again. Destroying the shields and damaging the bunker. The world rocked around me as fire went through the room, consoles flew everywhere, and the lights went out.
I was on the ground, Mariemaya lying next to me, with Lady Une over us both. She pulled herself to her knees, fighting back the rubble that covered us, and looked at us both. I half sat up as she asked, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” Mariemaya answered. “Who are you?”
“Even though you may be mistaken,” Lady Une began, “I personally cannot allow his Excellency Treize's daughter to die.”
Mariemaya's eyes grew wide and she drew in a deep breath. I merely looked into Lady Une's pale, smudged face that was half-hidden by her hair, and knew that she would continue doing the duty that she felt she owed to Treize. More than that, she would do it because she still loved him. I also felt that if anyone could make Mariemaya listen now, it would be Une. If only because it was well known that Lady Une had been with Treize from the beginning to the end of the Eve Wars. I mentally wished her the best of luck, and then wished with all my heart that we could leave.
Another soldier's voice rang through the air. “Another Gundam has arrived. This time at the number Four defense line at Point E!”
Lady Une pulled us to our feet and we looked at the television screen. I was astonished to find that it was still working. Outside the bunker the people had gathered. And they were defending the peace. Defending the right to rule themselves. It made me glad. The Earth Sphere was still united. And we all had a voice.
“Who are they?” Dekim whined.
Lady Une ignored the question and began to tell Mariemaya about who her father really was and what he truly wanted. “While his Excellency fought losing battles he loved people who weren't afraid to keep their stance and fight. And that is why the people are so able to accept the Gundams. It is not the victor who moves the heart of the people.”
Mariemaya stared up into Une's cold and set face. She was in utter shock at being told something so very much against what she had been taught her entire life.
I half hoped that she would realize what Une meant. What I had been trying to tell her this entire day.
Dekim stood bathed in the TV's light, an angry and disbelieving expression on his face as he stared at the screen. “This is insane! We cannot be defeated! We, the Barton family, are the true rulers of the Earth Sphere!” His hands clenched together and he turned away from the screen to look down at us.
“Miss Mariemaya, assume your position as head of the Earth Sphere!” he ordered her. She stared at him, her expression an unhappy frown.
“I am victorious,” she quavered, and began to walk away from us. “I'm carrying out the will of my father,” she said stubbornly. And then gaped in surprise when both Une and I ran in front of her.
Lady Une stared impassively down at her, and then, in a tone of voice I hadn't heard her use since her Colonel Une personality had disappeared, said, “Do forgive me.”
She had raised her hand to slap the spoiled brat when I stepped in and did it for her. I'm still not sure if it was in retaliation for what she was trying to do to the Earth, for what she'd done to me, or if I was just trying to do for her what someone should have done for me.
Mariemaya needed to learn to listen. She was a child and very wrong in her ideas. Treize wouldn't have wanted this, anymore than my father would have wanted me to try to kill Lady Une. And both of us needed to learn to face reality.
“Huh?” she gasped as her hand raised to touch her glowing cheek. I could see no one had ever truly raised a hand to her before.
I left my hand across my chest as I glared down at her. “Excuse me, but I think it's about time you opened your eyes Mariemaya,” I snapped.
“Huh?” she gasped again. I almost felt like it was her favorite word. “Miss Relena,” she gaped. I don't think she believed that I would ever turn the tables on her, or yell, or hit. She couldn't know that I was speaking to ghosts of myself, as well as to her present. But all the same, some things had to be done and said.
“You have now learned what real fear is,” I told her, “so I am sure you are now able to acknowledge all of the mistakes you have made in the past.”
“Stop right there, Relena Peacecraft,” Dekim growled from behind me. I half turned to face him and saw he had a gun pointed at me. “I can't allow you to brainwash my Mariemaya with such garbage.”
I turned fully around as I said, “If you wish to shoot me, go right ahead. I am prepared to die.” And I was. I had been a symbol to many people for most of my life and one to the world for two years. If I had to die to protect the peace, to become the ideal that people lived for and tried to gain peace for, I would.
I now knew that my actions had to be equal to my words, as they had not been so many times in my life.
“Ha!” Dekim barked. “Then I'll tell you what the truth is before you die. The public is always expected to obey the victor!”
I merely stared at him impassively, as the ghastly glow from the TV screen illuminated him while he pulled the trigger. Mariemaya shoved past me and ran in front of me.
The bullet ripped through her body and she slowly toppled forwards. The people in the room cried out inarticulately in horror, and I called out her name. I lunged forward and knelt by her side as Dekim began to speak again.
“We can always create a replacement for Mariemaya. I made her after all.” His voice was mad.
“Dekim!” Une yelled as drew her weapon and pointed it at him. He brought his gun to bear on her over my head.
A second shot rang out.
Dekim's body fell to the ground.
The soldier who had been standing to his side slowly holstered his firearm. “I have executed the rebel Dekim. I express my apologies for betraying his Excellency.” Both his voice and his hands were shaking, but he did succeed in snapping a salute.
I carefully rolled Mariemaya over, and held her in my arms. “Mariemaya, hold on,” I told her. She deserved a chance to live. A chance to become her own self, free, and not anybody's twisted dream, memory, or opposite number. Lady Une moved partially behind her and partially to her other side. We carefully propped her on Une's knees.
“Relena,” she gasped, “I was mistaken. I'm so sorry…” she trailed off.
“Mariemaya,” I sighed.
“I'll relieve you of your pain,” a voice I hadn't expected to hear, broke in. Une and I looked up to see Heero standing there, gun drawn and pointed directly at her.
“Heero,” I breathed.
“I…thank you,” Mariemaya gasped. He pulled the trigger, and it snapped on an empty chamber as she passed out.
“I've destroyed Mariemaya,” he said. I felt he was both right and wrong. He had done the final stroke that had brought down this second brief war, and he had freed her of ever having to do it again, but Lady Une and I had done a majority of the work. But he needed this; he needed this to find his own peace. I could see it in his eyes. Which for once were incredibly expressive.
“I will never hurt anyone ever again,” he gasped out, “I don't have to anymore.” He collapsed and my heart spasmed.
“Heero!” I cried, dashing over to catch him as he fell. “Heero,” I whispered.
“We can still save her!” Une yelled. “Take her to the doctor!” The soldiers rushed to obey, but I only had one thing to pay attention to now.
It was over.
Peace was restored. And now I had hope, for the world, for myself, and for Heero Yuy. “Finally, it's over,” I murmured, running my fingers through his hair.
/Let it be me (this is not a fighting song)
Let it be me (not a wrong for a wrong)/
I had a lot of work to do in the aftermath of the Mariemaya incident. I backed the terraforming of Mars, and gave my brother the freedom he needed.
I guarded my principles and assertions. I matched my words to my deeds, as I'd never done before. And I made my life into a true example for everyone to follow. Especially for Mariemaya, who was in the care of Lady Une, and was learning just who her father was and what he wanted.
The Gundam pilots went their separate ways. Wufei into the Preventers, Trowa to his circus, Quatre to his family business, and I wasn't entirely sure about Duo. Heero became my head of security.
I had hoped to have a relationship with Heero, but he wasn't ready for it. And then other things developed.
But the incident had taught me so much. I knew who I was, finally. I knew what I wanted. And what I had to do to make life better for everyone. I was the candle to guide the world through the dark of night. And I relished the position.
/If the world is night
Shine my life like a light/
The End
Copyright 2005