Back to part 3
So I waited, planned, and prayed. The guard on me wasn't heavy, after all they had me chained, and what could a ten year old boy do to them? Still, it was heavy enough. I knew I'd have to pick my time, and while I prayed for my family's souls I also prayed for a sign that it was time to leave.
I suppose you could say I got one. She wandered through one night.
"Are you planning on staying here for the rest of your life?" she asked. "Or were you going to leave before they decide on your punishment for stealing that suit?"
I blinked, staring up into her deep purple-blue eyes. "You mean they haven't decided yet?" I asked. "Why am I still sitting here then, if they haven't decided? That's not due process!"
"Because," she sighed, "they had to explain away 245 deaths, 230 of which included one well-known pacifist priest, a nun, and 228 children, including infants. That takes time. They had to explain it away, punish the over-zealous, cover it up as best they could. They're about to get to your case though, and since this colony is under martial law and you're to be tried in a military court, you don't get due process. You didn't hear this from me though. You have no idea how many rules I'm breaking by talking to you."
I blinked again. "Rules?"
"Yes, rules. There are rules for everything, and the first one is: 'don't talk to, or interfere with, the mortals outside of the course of the job."
"You consider it a job? Taking souls is a job?" I asked incredulously.
She treated me to a half smile. "Duo, I'm a demi-deity, I've been worshipped for millennia as a God, although it should be Goddess. I don't always enjoy what I have to do. I always pity the children, and my heart breaks for those who have unfinished business, or for those who are left behind like you, but humanity needs me. People have to die and I am the one that has to bring them over. I have to do it, therefore it's a job. Just like stealing was for you, at times."
I looked at her thoughtfully for a little while. "But why do you take the children, like Solo, or the good people like Sister Helen and Father Maxwell? Why not just take the bad people—murderers or the Federation army?"
"It's not my decision. I may be the instrument but Fate decides how long people live, and not even I want to mess up her tapestry. An angry Fate is not a pretty sight for the mortal world," she replied. "We all have to work together in the Demi-Deity Bureaucracy."
She was giving me too much to think about and I would think about it over several years. But I still had several burning questions.
"Then God really exists?"
She laughed lightly. "He's in charge of administration, it's given him delusions of grandeur." That made me laugh too.
"How long have I got?" I inquired. It was the next most important question after God.
"I can't tell you that. I'm, as I said, breaking the rules as is."
"Oh," I whispered forlornly. Abruptly I remembered the last question I desperately wanted to ask. I'd almost forgotten. "How come I can see you when no one else can?"
"Because you're one of mine," she answered calmly. "I mean that in a good way. Fate has chosen you to help me in my job. You started unconsciously helping me the first time you saw me. At some point you'll help me consciously. Fate likes giving me active helpers, but I only get one every few generations. Congratulations, Duo. You've been made Shinigami." I gaped at her. Being her helper was a good thing?
"Duo, please remember, Fate determines the length of people's lives, and she guides them in their actions at times, but there is still free choice. I have to act on human action. And sometimes, during important times, there needs to be someone who knows what's going on, who can guide humanity even if it is through death. You're that person. It's a responsibility, but you can do it, you've already proven that. If you couldn't have your pattern would have changed and you wouldn't be able to see me anymore. Remember that there is always a reason for the way things turn out. I shouldn't be here talking to you but I needed to. You needed me too. You needed the explanations and that's the only reason I'm here in this cell instead of taking care of what I should be doing right now.
"And Duo, you made a promise to Sister Helen. There will be times you'll want to break it. Don't. In this line of work you need another type of mask." Her head cocked slightly as though she were listening to something. She winced slightly. "I have to go now. Duo, get out of here tonight."
She disappeared and I just sat there shocked. I couldn't help but wonder why she'd told me so much, and why I hadn't asked her for her name. I never figured it out, beyond than what she'd said—that she'd thought it necessary. I hoped she didn't get in trouble for it.
Dinner came and went. I didn't touch it. Night fell and I waited, feeling the hours pass deep in my bones. I heard a clock distantly toll midnight. I backed further into the corner I was sitting in, curling up tightly. I flipped my braid over my shoulder and slipped my fingers in the tight mass, searching for a small strip of metal. Solo had impressed it upon us that we should never go anywhere without a lock pick. Sister Helen could never convince me to break that habit, especially after I'd gotten locked out of the orphanage a few times.
I palmed the pick and hunched up even further. I needed to rid my wrists of the manacles first. The locks were incredibly easy. My curled form sent them falling into my body instead of clanging off the floor and alerting the guards.
I carefully, and silently, set them down on the floor. I went to the door and cautiously peered through its grating. No one was out there. I knelt down and peered at the lock on the door. It was much more complicated than the ones on the cuffs. It took me five minutes to pick it instead of thirty seconds. I cautiously checked the grate, then opened the door. I stepped out, closed and locked the door behind me, and stealthily snuck down the hall.
I slipped from shadow to shadow, my black clothing helping me blend into them. I carefully checked the halls, particularly the well-lit areas, before I stepped into them. The halls, however, were empty. I couldn't believe it. The guards hadn't searched me properly, not that I was complaining about that, they didn't guard the door or the halls, and they were making it entirely too easy to get out of here. It was ridiculous. They underestimated me, and they deserved to be made fools of.
I paused at a T intersection. I wasn't sure which way to go. I mentally flipped a coin and turned right. I crept down the never-ending hall. I'm not entirely sure how far I went before I heard a long shuddering scream.
I stopped dead in my tracks. I strained my ears, trying to hear any noise. I only heard muffled voices and broken sobbing. I carefully made my way down towards the noise. I don't know what I thought I could do, but I did find out why she'd wanted me to leave.
I came to a partially open door. It had a label next to it that read: Interrogation Room 1- scheduled Elayne Pierson, if done before oh-two hundred Duo Maxwell. My jaw dropped and I peered in. It was my first sight of Oz interrogation techniques. Techniques I have since felt.
She lay strapped to the table naked and with her legs spread. Bruises covered her body and tubes fed hallucinogenic drugs into her body. Doctors stood around her asking question after question while she sobbed. One brought his fist crashing down into her rib cage. It cracked sickeningly and her eyes snapped open and looked right into mine. Only those deep green eyes didn't stay on me. Her head snapped to the right, away from the door and from the scientists. Elayne looked straight at her instead.
"Take me!" Elayne screamed once, to the scientists' complete and utter confusion. The dark-haired demi-deity nodded, smiled, and stepped forward. She looked at me briefly.
"Turn around, go past the T, all the way to the end of the hall and take a right. That will get you to the outside doors, after that you're on your own, Duo." I nodded. I saw her bend down to kiss Elayne and I fled, following her directions.
I fled silently down the hall, sliding from shadow to shadow, my eyes peering for guards. I couldn't believe they wanted to do that to me. I knew exactly what they'd done to her, Jarrod had done it in his little establishment. To both the boys in the girls. That's what he'd been about to train me in when the place blew up. How could they? How could they perpetuate such cruelty? It was wrong. Wrong. I wouldn't let them catch me. I wouldn't.
I reached the door and jerked it open. I forgot to check for guards, not that I could have seen out the window that was well over my head. I dashed out and ran straight into a guard. He grabbed my shoulders.
"Where do you think you're going?" he snarled.
"Anywhere away from here," I snapped back, kicking him in the shins. He let out a yell of pain and let go of one shoulder so that he could try to slap me. I used the opportunity to punch him in the genitals… and then he fell over.
An alarm began to blare behind me and a voice spoke over the loudspeaker. "We have an escaped prisoner from detention cell ten. I repeat a prisoner has escaped from detention cell ten."
I leapt over the fallen guard's body and ran through the night, dodging people, slinking from shadow to shadow, and trying to find the nearest fence. Shouts echoed over the noise of the alarm bell and feet pounded against the pavement, all of it serving to cover what little noise I made. Eventually I made it to the fence. I checked to make sure it wasn't electrified before I started climbing over it. I dropped down from the top and fled off into the black night. I needed to hide myself in the city. I needed to lose myself among the street kids, and to do that I'd have to change my clothes and my name.
I went to one of the seedier areas of L2. I was comfortable in them and the Federation soldiers didn't enter here often. The clothes I needed would also be easily accessible. I found the shop I needed and quietly picked the lock. I felt bad to be taking his stock, but I could always pay the money back later. Hiding was the most important thing I could do now, next to staying alive that is. I had a feeling she would be upset if I died.
I took what I needed and disappeared into the night once more. I went to the district where I had lived with Solo and went searching for vacant property, far away from that cursed shed. I found what I needed and declared it home. Not even the Federation would catch me here. There was no connection with Duo Maxwell in this area that Social Services knew of, and they didn't know the name Indigo or my new one. I may run, and I may hide, but I don't lie. And I wouldn't be lying under an alias, because my name was Shinigami. She had told me so. I smiled.
I stripped out of my black and white priest's clothing and put my ball cap on top of the neat pile. And then I reached into my new clothing pile. I pulled on a pair of ripped, skin tight black jeans, and a black mesh T-shirt. They were entirely inappropriate for a ten-year-old, but not in the line of work I was going into. The Federation didn't check the whores much for some reason. Mostly because it didn't matter to them whether it was war or peace, there were always going to be customers.
I left my hair in its braid. I could take care of it when I started business. I stayed hidden until just before dusk, and half an hour before I was due to leave I undid the braid that kept my hair back and under control. I had always worn it back, so wearing it down would also help my disguise. I put the lock pick in the sole of my shoe and then started to brush my hair out. When it fell in smooth waves down my back I left.
I headed straight for L2's Red Light district. I'd have to find a territory to work. I knew that. I also knew I'd have to avoid pimps and their recruiters. If I could get into a gang of whores it would be even better, but my luck hadn't been holding that well, so my hopes weren't high. They should have been.
I ran into Jenna, literally, in my first five minutes. She was running from a recruiter, as I had been unable to run from Jarrod's years ago. She was flat on her face gasping. I had accidentally knocked the breath out of her. I jumped back onto my feet, careful not to hit her, and stood standing guard, a rock in either hand.
The recruiters grinned. "Two for the price of one," one said.
I glared at them. "Not in this, or any other, lifetime," I snarled back. I was hefting the rock in preparation to defend us when Jenna started screaming. Her voice started out low and worked it's way up the scale at least twice. I flinched and one of the recruiters lunged forward.
I hurled one rock straight at his rib cage and stooped down to grab another. He grunted and stopped dead as ululating cries echoed off of the alley walls. A group of street whores were pouring into the alley. I guessed then that Jenna was one of them, and her cries had been a signal when she'd realized she couldn't escape.
The recruiters really needed to be more careful with who they picked on.
The group swarmed over the men, knives flashing in their hands. They weren't trying to maim or injure. They were trying to kill, and they were succeeding. Blood flowed scarlet from wounds and splashed off of the alley walls. The recruiters struggled, but there were far too many street children in this gang.
She came through, kissing the recruiters, her face screwed up in distaste. The bodies fell to the ground like discarded dolls. She looked at me. "Remember, Indigo is dead. A new mask my friend. And you are special. Always you are special," she said. I kept my face blank but inside I was puzzled. I didn't know what she meant. I found out rather quickly.
Behind me there was silence. Jenna had stopped screaming and had stood up. I turned to look at her and found her towering over me. "I'm sorry I ran into you," she said. "Thanks for trying to defend me. What's your name?"
I blinked, realizing I really couldn't use Shinigami. I knew I needed an alias, but in all my preparations I hadn't decided on one. "Adam," I said quickly. "Adam Jamison."
"Pleased to meet you. I'm Jenna. Your first night?" I nodded and she looked at me thoughtfully. "You into men or women?"
I paused. I wasn't really old enough for women. I didn't know what to do for women. I could give men blow jobs with the best of them, and I at least knew the mechanics of what went on in male/male sex. I'd seen it enough. And usually, men didn't care whether their whores came or not, at least from what I'd seen they didn't. They just wanted to get their fun. With women, so far as I knew it mattered. "Men," I answered finally.
"Ok," Jenna said. "Oi, Dave, get over here."
A tall lanky boy approached. "What is it Jenna?" he asked.
"This here is Adam. We ran into each other and he was nice enough to try to protect me until I could call you. It's also his first night in the district, I wouldn't say that about the job," she looked at me critically, "but certainly the district. I think he'll be joining us. He's far too tempting on his own."
Dave joined Jenna in looking at me critically. "I'd say you're right, Jen. Do you have any experience?" I almost nodded in response, and then realized I was trying to change my masks. I grinned instead.
"Some," I replied cheerfully.
"How much?" he demanded.
"If it just involves my mouth and hands I can make any male come as often as they want to," I replied, my grin growing wider while my thoughts began to circle wildly.
I don't want to go back to this. After all of Sister Helen's care I'm right back where I started. I can't…. I don't… I… I…
The thoughts fluttered through my mind but I managed to keep my smile on my face. I managed to listen as Dave began to speak again. I had to do this. I had no choice. I had to survive.
"Where'd you get this experience?" Dave asked me.
"In my worst nightmares," I said back to him, my voice going faint and distant. He frowned and was about to say something when Jenna shook her head no. He glared at her, but did as she said.
"Are you ready to start working the Red Light District, Adam?" Jenna asked me.
"Sure am," I answered, jerking myself back from Indigo. This wasn't going to be easy.
Jenna held out her hand to me. "Come on, I'll show you the ropes tonight. After that you're on your own." She led me through the alleys, both of us in the middle of her group. She introduced me to everyone that was there. I'd already met Dave. Also in the gang were Annalee, Ben, Seth, Tim, Kes, Jim, John, Destiny, George, and Mask.
She guided me through the night, showing me what sections of the street did what types of jobs, pointing out signs of potential customers, which ones I'd be safe with, and where I could go to give them their money's worth. I honestly don't think she believed that I could do what I claimed. I made almost more than the other boys that first night on blow jobs alone.
My first customer was overweight and under-washed. He led me into one of the alleys and unzipped his pants sliding out his limp penis. I knelt before him, keeping a smile plastered on my face even though inside I was screaming, and set out to work. In moments he was engorged, and minutes after that I was swallowing for all I was worth. He tasted as foul as he looked and smelled.
He kept me in that alley for quite some time. He came twice more and left feeling very happy. I, on the other hand, was trying not to vomit while putting away the ninety credits he'd given me. Jenna had said that thirty credits was the going rate per job for a new person. So that's what I'd charged.
I stayed there on my knees for several minutes after he was gone. I was fighting back tears and trying not to whimper audibly. Worthless, I'm worthless. Less than worthless, I thought miserably. I'll never be worth anything to anybody ever again. I'm just a sex toy for dirty old men who can't get anybody else… Why can't I find anything better?
Jenna eventually came looking for me. "Adam?" she called. I silently turned to look at her. "Adam, are you all right?"
I forced myself to smile. "Fine," I said, "I'm just fine."
"Then you need to get back to work. Bills don't just pay themselves you know." I forced myself to laugh. I'm afraid it sounded a bit manic. Jenna frowned, but I skipped past her back onto the street and put myself to work finding another customer.
I stopped working at around 5 AM. I slipped home and stripped out of my clothing. I curled up into a tiny naked ball and cried my eyes out. I knew I was worth nothing. I wasn't special. I wasn't worth Sister Helen or Father Maxwell's time. I was always going to be a whore.
As I drifted off to sleep Sister Helen's voice echoed in my ear, telling me that she loved me that I was worth more than most people.
I remembered her words at the beginning of the night, that I was special, I always would be special, and that I should always remember my masks. Their words didn't help but I treasured them all the same. I wrapped them around my heart and kept them there through everything.
Things followed that pattern for the next six months. I felt worse and worse about myself. A cage was growing up around me and there was a noose around my neck. The Federation army was still chasing me and I had a new mask. I laughed, I joked, I said almost everything I thought and no one could see behind the mask. Then came Hell night.
It started off normal enough. Mask took his first snort of crack right before going on the beat. He'd begun doing that shortly after I arrived with the group. His mental facilities had been deteriorating almost as rapidly as his body under the throws of the addiction. I already knew that no matter what it came to I would never take drugs. I'd kill myself first. Destiny had sucked down a beer like it was the elixir of life and then popped a mint to cover her breath. She stalked to her portion of the street and made herself look provocative.
Business went briskly enough. We went off and did our jobs either one at a time or in groups. Money got stashed away for whatever it was we opted to spend it on, or not spend it on as the case may be. I personally was saving it up so I could get off the colony but Destiny spent hers on alcohol and Mask on drugs. Jenna spent hers on clothing, and I didn't know about the rest.
I was with Jim waiting for another customer when the beginning of the nightmare started. My misery started then. I already knew I was worthless, but that night proved I was less than worthless, and I hadn't even known that was possible.
He was tall, dark, and extremely drunk. He was also armed. He slipped a gun out of his pocket and pointed it directly at me. He smirked, and gestured towards the alley. I didn't want to take him as a customer, but there's only so much you can do when there's a gun pointed at you. Jim even realized that, and he was notoriously stubborn about who he'd take as a customer. He signaled me to take the man.
I lead him into the alley, prepared to give him a blow job. I did not expect what happened next. He slammed me up against the alley wall and dropped my pants and underwear down around my ankles. He flipped me around so that I was face up against the wall. I was too shocked to even struggle.
I felt him fumbling behind me and then his hot flesh was pressing against mine. He lifted me up off of my feet so that I was at the right angle for him.
He ripped into me and I let out a half scream. "No! NO! STOP!" I whimpered. He ignored me, his body tearing mine apart. Each thrust brought more pain to my body and sent my face and my lower front scraping against the wall. It was agony. He finished and dropped me to the ground. I scraped my hands and knees and continued my fall until I was in a fetal position.
Tears were sliding down my face and suddenly a cold white hand brushed them away. She was there, her face a mask of rage. An icy glare was directed towards the man who was buckling his pants back up and smirking down at me. I curled up tighter, pressing myself into her body, praying for protection.
"How dare you?" she hissed. "How dare you? He's a child. A child!" He didn't hear her, and in my shocked state I wondered why she was taking this so badly. She continued, her words directed to someone who wasn't here, "Fate, we are going to have words about this." Her hand caressed my face, love imparted at its touch.
"It will get better," she whispered to me, "it will. You are loved. You are not worthless. You are worth more than most people on this colony, worth more than most people anywhere. You are," she said, trying to reach me. She failed. I think she knew that, so she did the next best thing. She broke a rule. She got the gang's attention.
Her head tilted back and she opened her mouth. A long and tortured scream came from her throat. In it I could hear all the voices of children who had been beaten, tortured, raped, and sent to her embrace. In it I could hear the pain of someone who had to bring over innocent people who should have lived long and happy lives. In it I could hear my pain and agony, and the hurt she was feeling for me. The gang only heard what they thought was my scream.
He looked terribly surprised. He could see that I hadn't screamed, but someone had. He hadn't, I hadn't, and there was no one else in the alley. She had a strangely self-satisfied look on her face. Her mouth moved silently but I read the words on her lips, "Take that, Fate," she said. She looked down at me, and shrugged once.
"Oh well," she whispered, an odd smile on her face, "I'm going to get kicked for this one. I know I told you that I'm not supposed to interfere, and I just did, but remember this as well, Duo, rules are almost always made to be broken. Break them if you have to." She always picked the oddest times to teach me about life's lessons, and her lessons always came back to me later when I was ready to hear them. I have always found that odd as well.
Jim was the first person to reach the alley. His eyes grew wide as he saw me lying there in a little ball, tears falling down my face. None of them had ever seen me cry, and no one has since then. I shut my eyes briefly but they opened when I heard a cry of pure rage. "How dare you? How dare you? He's a child!" Jenna yelled, unknowingly echoing her words. "How could you?" I wanted to hide my face in shame, but it would have taken too much effort, too much energy that I just didn't have.
Jenna shoved past Jim and knelt down by my side, opposite the demi-deity. She looked at Jenna and smiled as if she had made a firm decision. I got the distinct impression she was about to break more rules. Everyone else poured into the alley, surrounding him. He pulled out his gun again, but no one looked like they cared. They had 'you don't hurt one of ours, ever' expressions on their faces. Jenna reached down and shifted me up off of the ground, pulling my pants back up where they belonged.
"It will be all right," she breathed into my ear. Again echoing her words. It amazed me how much alike these two women thought. Jenna held me close, rocking me back and forth trying to offer comfort. I could see in her eyes that she had been in my position, and I remembered hearing stories about how she'd ended up on the streets. Her father had raped her and her mother had kicked her out of the house, and then Dave had found her and became her protector as she in turn had become mine.
The gang members slowly surrounded my rapist, glaring at him. They drew various types of knives, some switchblades and some daggers. Jenna glared upwards, hate in her eyes.
She stood up, over Jenna and I, mouthing curses and glaring her defiance. She is a Goddess and she was suddenly acting that way. I still didn't understand why she felt the way she did towards me, and I barely understand now. I knew I was hers, but I couldn't comprehend that she considered me family. My family had died every time I'd found it. I had sworn off of finding another one.
I think it was Mask that charged first, and he did it from behind. The man was completely smashed and hadn't even noticed that they'd gone behind him. He was too busy focusing on Dave and Jim who were right in front of him. He noticed Mask, however, when the knife plunged into one of his kidneys.
The man let out a bellow of pain and swung away from Mask, who used the opportunity to rip more of the man open without losing his dagger. As he turned his back on Destiny she charged forward, breaking a bottle over his head. It shattered and wine poured down his back and face. "Damn," she said, "it wasn't empty."
"I'll get you a new one," the demi-Goddess promised. "Just hit him again before he turns back around." Destiny did as she said, and ground the broken ends of the bottle into his neck, with the demi-deity cheering her on. He began to turn again and Destiny dropped low.
John too his chance to enter the fray and finish it off. The man was bellowing inarticulately at all of us. Curses ran off his tongue like water, or maybe the alcohol he'd imbibed. John leapt up on his back, wrapping his long legs around the man's waist. John's hand came up, butterfly knife at the ready, and then crimson blood joined the flow of alcohol staining his body. It was really rather pretty. John jumped down as the man's gun went off.
George collapsed, clutching his shoulder, at the same time our antagonist fell to the g round. Destiny turned to George while everybody else watch and waited for the man to die. Hatred stood out plainly on the gangs' faces.
She, however, grinned cheerfully. "Beautifully done," she told Destiny, John, and Mask. "Beautifully done indeed. That's the only way to punish a rapist. Bastard." She kicked the dying man savagely. He didn't even notice her.
She looked back at me, "Listen to Jenna," she said quietly, the savagery going away from her eyes and being replaced with eons of sadness and grief. She looked down at him in distaste. "They all deserve to die horribly, preferably at their victim's hands, but I really hate this part when it comes to people like him," she muttered. She leaned forward, pulling his head back, and kissed him deeply. She dropped his head to the ground and grabbed something.
I blinked. He stood there, holding her hand, a black glow around him. He looked horrified. She smiled at him chillingly. "Welcome to the after life," she chirped, her eyes ice and her voice holding all the warmth of the arctic wind. He looked like he was going to scream and then they disappeared. I almost wished I could see what she had planned for him carried through.
"Adam? Adam?" Jenna called me, again and again. I hadn't made a sound since I 'screamed'. I looked up at her, tears sliding slowly down my face. Then I looked away, towards the gang. Dave was pressing down on George's wound. George was cursing a blue streak, and Destiny dug around in her purse.
"I know I have one in here, I know I do," she mumbled. Her fluorescent mohawk gleamed in the dim light. "Ah ha!" She triumphantly pulled a tampon out of her bag. She opened the packaging and looked at George apologetically. "Sorry, this is going to hurt." Quite calmly she used it to plug the hole left by the bullet.
Jim, who had gone to the alley opening to keep watch, let out a low whistle in warning. "Dave," he hissed, "Federation troops are coming, we have to go."
Dave looked up and nodded. John looked up from rifling the man's pockets, and then looked back down at something in his hand. "Shit," he growled. "Dave," he tossed something to our leader, "this piece of scum was a Federation officer."
Dave began to curse quietly and I curled up even tighter. Jenna pulled me closer into her embrace and continued rocking gently for a half a moment. John pulled all of the man's money from his pockets, got up, and abandoned the body.
John shoved the money in his pocket and come over to Jenna and me. He looked at me, understanding also in his eyes. "We have to go, Adam, and Jenna can't carry you and run, even though you are small and underweight, and you can't run right now either. Will you let me carry you?"
My vocal chords were frozen and the thought of any male touching me filled me with revulsion. I couldn't let Jenna get caught by the Federation though, not after what I'd seen with Elayne. I couldn't get caught by the Federation, especially not with what they'd have planned for me. I was frozen in indecision, shock, and fear.
"John won't hurt you," Jenna whispered, "he's not interested in men, or boys. Remember, he only does the ladies." She had told me to listen to Jenna, and it was true that John never touched men. I nodded once, slightly.
John reached towards me and I tightened up even more. John took me from Jenna's arms, holding my stiffened body carefully. Dave had helped George up and we fled out the back of the alley just as the Federation poured in behind us.
One of the soldiers yelled for us to stop. We didn't, we disappeared into the night instead. Back alleys, crumbled rubble filled buildings, and shadows provided the cover and route for our escape. Dave pulled George, John, and Jenna in one direction, after telling Destiny where we'd meet them later. She ushered everyone else off into the black night.
We headed off to a charity hospital. The Hospital of Mercy's Angel took care of all of L2's whores. They took care of disease, fight wounds, bullet holes, knife wounds, and rape victims. Best of all they asked for very little information and they didn't provide information to the army.
By the time we reached the hospital Dave and Jenna were supporting George. They stumbled into the office, John carried me in, and almost instantaneously a nurse appeared at our side.
"What happened?" she asked.
"He's been shot in the shoulder," Jenna replied, nodding her head towards George, "and Adam was raped." She directed the nurse's attention to me.
"Right," the nurse replied. "Bring them this way." She directed us into two cubicles. "I'll go get Dr. Jacobs and," she looked at me again, "Dr. Asirah." She disappeared.
Dave helped George onto one of the examination tables and started a quiet conversation. I barely noticed it. Jenna hopped onto the other table and sat in the middle of it. She held out her arms and John placed me in them. My body relaxed slightly as he stepped back. "Adam, you need to breathe," she whispered. Jenna began to rock again and hummed softly and soothingly to me.
A man in a long white coat entered the room. "Hi," he said, "I'm Dr. Jacobs. Which one of you got shot?"
"I did," George replied.
The Doctor smiled. "Well, let's take a look at it." He pulled the curtain closed, and then Dave opened it a little and stood in the gap. "A TAMPON!" he half-shouted.
"It was clean, and it was what Des had," George protested, while Dave, John, and Jenna giggled. He suddenly let out a howl of pain and I flinched. Jenna began soothing me again, reminding me that it was to make George better. It didn't help, but I focused on her voice, listening as I'd been told.
A tiny bird-like woman with blonde hair stepped up to the cubicle I was in. "Hello, I'm Dr. Asirah," she announced herself. "Are you Adam?" she asked me. I didn't respond. I was still frozen.
"Yes, he is," John answered for me.
Dr. Asirah smiled at him. "Can he talk?"
"Yes. Usually he talks non-stop, but he hasn't made a sound since it happened," he replied.
"I see," the Doctor said calmly. She pushed John over to Dave, and paused, speaking quietly to them for a few moments. She then drew the curtain completely around the cubicle. "Leave it closed," she admonished them. "Adam, I'd like you to look at me for a moment and listen to what I have to say."
I looked at her. "I know silence seems comforting, but it doesn't help the rest of us. However, I also know you'll talk when you're ready. I need to examine you. I realize it might hurt, and it will be invasive and bring back the events I'm fairly sure you're already trying to forget. It must be done though. Will you let me do my job?"
Again I remembered her words and Sister Helen's. "Don't lock yourself in a world of silence…You made a promise…There will be times you want to break it. Don't. In this line of work you need another mask…"
I forced my mouth to open, myself to respond. "Yes," I whispered. I would be brave. I would do this. I had to, even if I was more worthless than pond scum and not worth the air or water I used on this colony.
The Doctor smiled at me. "Adam, would you please take off your clothes?" she asked me. I flinched inside, a silent scream that wailed 'NOOOOO!' My hands fisted and I felt my muscles lock up. Jenna responded by giving my arms a comforting squeeze. My thoughts swirled around my mind and I forced them into an organized pattern. I had said that she could examine me, and even I knew she couldn't that through layers of clothing. I also realized that she was letting me control the examination, and control was something I desperately needed.
I forced my muscles to unlock. "All of them?" I asked, softly.
"All of them," she replied. "John said you were up against a wall, your face is badly scraped, and your shirt is in terrible condition. I need to check your front for injury as well as other areas. I'm sorry, Adam, but it really is all of them."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "It will be all right, Adam," Jenna whispered in my ear. "I won't leave you alone, and she really does need to check you out." Her words brought me a small measure of comfort, not much but some. I wasn't alone.
I nodded once again, and slipped out of Jenna's arms, although I was careful not to break contact with her. I slowly took my shirt off, and then my shoes and socks. I hesitated when I got to my jeans. I didn't want to lose their protection. I froze, shivering, my eyes filled with tears again and I bit my lip to keep them from falling. Dr. Asirah just waited patiently and started a conversation with Jenna, which I barely listened to.
I sat there for several minutes before I reluctantly removed my pants, and even more reluctantly removed my boxers. All the while I was fighting the urge to return to a fetal position and blank out the world. I couldn't do that, I'd promised. After I was naked I continued to wait and so did Dr. Asirah. She was waiting for me to relax and give her permission to come over and check me out.
I shivered in the cool air and finally raised my head to look at her. "May I?" she asked.
"Yes," was again all I could say in response. She approached me cautiously and carefully. She began to talk soothingly to me as she checked out my front. I was scraped from my face down to my ankles, but my chest was no where near as raw as the parts of me that had been uncovered at the time. Dr. Asirah cleaned and disinfected the scrapes and cuts.
"Adam," she said gently, "I need you to roll over and lie on your stomach. I know this isn't going to be comfortable for you, but please do it." I paused, fear gnawing in my belly, but after several seconds I did as she said. I don't remember anything else in the exam. I blocked it out so I wouldn't lose my sanity, so I wouldn't relive it again. I didn't understand at the time that I would anyway.
She finished and Jenna roused me from my stupor. I hurriedly dressed myself in the clean clothes Dr. Asirah provided. Mine had disappeared, and for that I was grateful. The Dr. had given Jenna some instructions for me. Jenna had nodded and we went out to meet Dave, John, and George who were sitting in the waiting room. I was moving stiffly and everything hurt. George's arm was in a sling but other than that he looked fine.
We left the clinic and went to the safe house, cautiously avoiding the Federation soldiers. The news was broadcasting the death of the officer and the reporter kindly informed us that there were no clues as to who had killed him in "such a savage manner". Dave had smirked and led us back. I tried to get away, to go to my hideout, but Jenna had grabbed onto me.
"You're not supposed to be by yourself for a while, Adam," she told me. "No one should be after an experience like that. It's not good for you, and it's not safe for any of us." She didn't look upset at me. She knew I'd been blocking things out.
"Oh," I mumbled, "sorry."
"It's okay," Dave said, calmly. "You, Jenna, and Des can go to your place tomorrow and get your things. I know you like your privacy, Adam, but I think it's safer if you live with us from now on. The Feds are going to question anyone they can get their hands on."
I pondered what he told me for several minutes. He had a point. It wasn't safe, and no matter how much I wanted to pretend I could take care of myself right then, I couldn't. "All right," I agreed. Dave looked surprised that he didn't have to argue with me. I had a reputation for not only being talkative, but for being stubborn. They were having as hard a time as I was dealing with my changed behavior that night. I could feel Indigo trying to take over again. I had promised not to let him, and I meant it.
We reached the safe house, which looked dark and unwelcoming. Dave knocked on the door, a seemingly random pattern that guaranteed our safety upon entering. He led us through the dark to an interior set of rooms. The house was designed to look abandoned, and no one would bother with it, not in this sector of L2. Once it had been nice and prosperous, now it was an area that people who had no where to go to turned towards. It was especially popular for the street whores that hadn't been recruited. But all the same it was important to make everything look unlived in, if you wanted to stay free.
We walked into a well-lit room. Everyone was lounging on stuffed couches, chairs, or sleeping pads on the floor. Mask was taking another snort of crack, and he looked higher than a kite as it was. I didn't want to even think about how many hits he'd already had. Des was drinking a glass of Scotch. It looked like she splurged for it. The others were just talking quietly, playing cards, or sleeping.
Mask looked up, a manic grin on his face. "Anybody want a hit?" he asked. Jenna shook her head no. Dave ignored him, and George and John just gave him an odd look. "How 'bout you, Adam?"
"No, thanks," I mumbled. Destiny looked at me.
"Smart kid," she said. She stood up, grabbed a two extra glasses and poured some of the Scotch into them. She handed George one and me the other. "Drink it," she said. "You need it."
I took a sip and gasped as it stung the back of my throat and burned its way down. "You can always tell a good Scotch by how smooth it is," Destiny told me with a grin, "and this is very good Scotch." I took another sip and marveled at the flavor even as it burned my mouth. I swallowed for a third and fourth time, and then the drink was gone. I handed the glass back to Destiny.
"Could I have another please?" I asked. She smiled brightly.
"I have a drinking buddy," she exclaimed happily and poured me a second. Jenna looked worried but didn't say anything. It was my decision, even if I wasn't entirely in my right mind, it was my decision. And anyone could tell that Scotch was mildly better than drugs. Jenna knew that Destiny would not let me turn into an alcoholic. Destiny had had her problems with alcoholics and never let anyone drink that much, their decision or not.
I sat down with Des and quietly drank with her, till we were both intoxicated. It took almost the entire bottle. We discovered that my alcohol tolerance level is right up there with Destiny's, which is extremely high. We also discovered that when I'm drunk I turn into Indigo. Of course on that night nobody thought it was unusual considering what had happened. We discovered that, that's how I really react to alcohol over the next year and a half. I don't go morose, I don't cry, I'm not even a happy drunk. I just go silent, something they found eerie. I'm thankful for that high tolerance, I can drink a lot without anyone ever suspecting that I'm more sober than they are, and I'm so used to acting that pretending to be a happy drunk isn't even a problem anymore. But then I hadn't perfected my mask, and I really just wanted oblivion.
Destiny and Jenna hardly left me alone for the next six months and I didn't work for the first two of them. I had enough money from the past six months to take care of my share of the bills so I didn't have to work. Jenna spent months convincing me it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't worthless. Destiny let me rage and reinforced everything Jenna said. She also taught me all about alcohol, the best kinds, drinking games, how to know when you've had enough, and how to appear to be drinking when you're not. They taught me how to laugh again, and then they brought in Dave and John to make me comfortable around men outside of work. It took a year to put me back to almost where I had been before Sister Helen had died.
I didn't like being touched by strangers. I didn't like being touched by a man unless I initiated the contact. They weren't able to change that. I was able to move beyond blow jobs with men, but I only did it if we were desperate. It gave me nightmares. And as far as I was concerned men could be friends, but they didn't look for intimacy, not with other men. They just wanted sex. Seth tried to tell me other wise but he never could convince me.
The hunt for the killers of the Federation officer had ended as an unexplained robbery. The search for Duo Maxwell had ended as well. They just gave up a little too easily for my taste. Maybe I was being paranoid but I just couldn't and didn't trust their giving up that easily.
I tried to continue my education. I snuck into schools for a few hours every afternoon and borrowed textbooks from them. When I'd finished going through them I returned them. I only made it through a few, but I tried, and I figured that had to count for something.
My twelfth birthday was approaching when tragedy struck again. Mask died of an overdose. We'd been expecting that. What we hadn't expected was for Ben and Annalee to get killed by a drunk driver on their way home for the evening. Or for Seth to try to kill himself in response.
I had been seeing her for two weeks before any of it had started and I was getting jumpy. Everyone I loved died if I stayed with them, that was proved with their deaths. I was supposed to help her. I could live with that, but not when it meant killing my friends and family. I decided then and there it was time for me to leave L2.
To Be Continued...
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Copyright 2005