THERE IS NO SANTA
By: Robert T. Lee
Kids, don't be fooled by the lie that there is a man who lives in the North Pole named Santa Clause, who supposedly brings toys to children across America on December twenty fifth each year. That story is not true!
(?!?) This is someone who believes in God, the bible etc. yet he denies the existence of Santa? Hmmm. Let's read on...
Think about it: Do you want someone trespassing on your property late at night? That's what Santa would be doing. But Santa has never had a trespassing complaint made against him. You know why? Because there is no Santa.
Or he is very sneaky.
Do you want a heavy sled filled with toys with all those reindeer pulling it to land on the roof of your house? That's what they say Santa does. But think of the awful noise it would make and the damage it would cause to your slanted roof!
And think of all that awful smelling excrement that the reindeer would leave on your roof! A real mess! But no one has ever complained about such. You know why? Because there is no Santa.
Excrement! Roof destruction! I never knew just how evil Santa really was! Mind you, perhaps he hovers just above the roofs. And Really Mr Lee! I would like to think that Rudolph was toilet trained!
Do you want someone sneaking into your house at night while you are asleep? That's what Santa would be doing. But how would he get in? He would have to break in or you would have to leave a door or window open. But it's dangerous to leave a door unlocked or a window open at night. Instead of Santa, someone else might
sneak in and kidnap you or your brothers or sisters. They might even hurt you, your dad, your mother or your brothers and sisters.
But we all know that Santa comes down the chimney. I have yet to read any story where Santa causes criminal damage.
If you don't leave your window or door open, do you want someone sneaking into your house through your chimney? But go outside and look at your chimney or other chimneys in your neighborhood or town. Do you really believe a fat old man could get down those chimneys? Santa would get stuck!
That's assuming that Santa is merely a three dimensional being! He could slip through dimensions and arrive in various space time coordinates! (But enough of this anal star trek psuedo-science!)
But if he could somehow come down your chimney, don't you think that he would get his clean white hair, beard and red and white suit awfully dirty by all that black soot? It doesn't matter if your mom or dad had a chimney sweeper to clean the chimney the day before.
Maybe he's very careful? Maybe he has a change of clothes?
But if the fat old man insists on coming down the chimney, don't you think that it might be awfully hot and smoky in there? And when he gets to the bottom, how is he going to deal with that awfully hot fire? By the time Santa gets to the bottom, someone will have to call an ambulance or the rescue squad, right?
Santa is very quick. Since he delivers his presents at midnight all over the world it is only reasonable that he only spends micro-seconds in each house! Using the same principle that you can actually pass your hand through a flame without getting burnt, it is safe to assume that Santa is unharmed.
But if Santa did manage to get by the fire or come out of the woodburning stove, don't you think he would track soot all over your mother's carpet? How do you think your mother and dad would feel about that? And how would your toys you dreamed of look all burned, melted and sooty?
Santa does have manners, and if he made a mess, I'm sure he would clean up after himself.
When Santa is ready to leave, don't you think he would dread getting back into the fireplace just to wedge himself back up that hot, smokey, sooty chimney? Or maybe he would think it better to leave out of one of the doors or windows. I would, wouldn't you?
Yeah. Well YOU might take the easy way out, but Santa has his pride!
But how do you think he would manage to get back on the roof? Not everyone has a ladder. Maybe Rudolph will throw him a rope.
Or even Rudolph would bring the sleigh down to Santa?
But even if he managed to get back on the roof to his sled, how do you think he manages to get his reindeer and sled to fly? Can reindeer and sleds fly? Sleds are made to slide across snow and ice and reindeer were made to walk or run on the ground.
Look here! If I was from the 17th century I would be pretty amazed if I saw Concorde fly past! I do not understand the flight mechanics of Santa's sleigh! And neither do you!
Santa has one of the most premative means of transportation and hauling toys, and yet, he can cause it to fly. Don't you think NASA and airplane designers would be very interested in Santa's secret? But they are not.
Because they don't have the facility to produce the magical pixie dust? Or even because that sleighs are not the most comfortable of transport!
Why! Because there is truly no Santa Clause!
And why is Santa using a sled and reindeer for transportation anyway, when it may not even be snowing outside?
It is always better to be prepared for any eventuality.
If there is a Santa Clause, why is it that he brings toys to only some kids, especially the rich kids? Why doesn't he visit all children, especially the less fortunate? Don't you think it would be a good idea for him to bypass rich children and rather give food, clothing and shelter to the less fortunate children of the world. If Santa is the good ole man that most everyone thinks him to be, why hasn't he thought about that himself? You know why, don't you? Because there is no Santa Clause!
Santa may not always give material goods. It could be a simple gift of kindness between friends. (And that my friends is truly priceless) NNhhggghh!
OK, So maybe this is a stab at irony by Mr Lee. I would sincerely hope so. Perhaps he wishes to show vague similarities between atheism and a nasty attack on a ficticious folk hero? Maybe he really hates Santa and resents the fact that christmas has become a merchandising extravaganza? More likely is the fact that Mr Lee is a rather vindictive hypocrite who has walked into a trap of his own devising.
Whatever. But attempting to shatter a child's dream with such awful imagery is cruel and unsympathetic. When the child grows up he/she will form their own opinions about Santa much the same way an adult will take a step back from religious indoctrination.
Merry Christmas to you Mr Lee.
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I would like to make it clear that all texts by Mr Lee are not altered in any way to make my claims any stronger. Spelling mistakes are as they were in the originals. And the intellectual copyright for each article remains with Mr Lee