I was born with bilateral advanced Amblyopia. I was never treated or even seen by a doctor until the age of 4 because, family kept making excuses for what was evident Strabismus, ("lazy eye" disorder). I remember hearing, "Oh, all babies eyes are crooked to a more or less degree and she'll grow out of it" and "It wasn't OUR genes!". But my safety radius was literally arms length. I even had trouble walking steadily and constantly banged into things and walls in an attempt to reach the door. After all, in my outback there were two to choose from. I was innately shy and this caused me to become more withdrawn from a world I couldn't see, but could feel staring at my crossed eyes, patches & "misfit" signature.

One little corner of my room is where I played detached for years, until I could "see" for myself that all the time spent alone inwardly one still observes and grows, learning to fight in a world of isolation. Then the real world kicks you in the face a few times and you're that much stronger for it. I can still feel the demons clawing at my face and screaming,… but I can't "hear" a word they're saying.

I recently took my son to my low vision specialist, an absolute God of my world, and I noticed a very old plaque on the wall of an office, which ironically belonged to my childhood vision therapist:

"If a child sees 'distorted'
He reproduces 'distorted'
And he therefore learns
'distorted'."

~ G. N. Getman, O.D.

and

"A child reproduces what he sees and he learns what he reproduces."

~ D. B. Harmon, Ph.D.

How true. Whoever knew this would set the stage to become prime bait for Panic disorder, let alone a cutter.

* * * * * 

(Amblyopia is now 100% curable if dectected in infants and children before the age of 6. I wish this luxury was available in the 50's & 60's.)

"The grass is always greener, but the TRUTH is it's pretty ugly on the other side"