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It's not easy being a comedian. I mean, you try to entertain people, and all they do is laugh at you. I'll tell you how I became a comedian. My family lived on the third story of an apartment building. One time, my brother and I played this game, "Who can lean out of the window the farthest?" And I won! Luckily, my head broke the fall. I remember deciding to become a comedian at a very early age, when my father took me aside and left me there. My father was not a great dad. One time, my hair caught on fire, and he tried to put it out with a pitchfork. My dad was also not a very bright man. When I was 6, I asked him where babies came from, and he said, "The stork!" I replied incredulously, "You fucked a stork?" My dad was an inventor, but he wasn't very good. He invented a smoke alarm that lets you sleep in an extra 10 minutes. My mom wasn't any smarter. I was a bed-wetter, and she tried to cure it by buying me an electric blanket. Even today, my mom is not that bright. For instance, she buys birds and teaches them how to talk, but they keep dying on her. I think it's because she teaches them how to say, "Here, kitty kitty." But anyway, I love being in showbiz, because you get to have sex all the time. Just the other night, I had sex with a model. But then the glue melted, and one of the wings fell off. Go figure. This month, Laughing Hyena Entertainment is releasing the first of four comedy CDs by The |