Personality #1
A Place I've Never Been - 1/23/02 -
Fall asleep in the shadow of how we used to be
Our youth bleeds into rocks that fall down
Everything changes when you come to me
As high as a kite. You know now you’re my clown.
Forget about what has brought me here
The pain of my loved ones is all that i fearyou haunt me
you’re always in the corner of my mind
This is how it has come to be
The bits and pieces you’ve left behind
I love to remember how you feel
I could have died inside you
Then I found out it wasn’t real
none of it was true
I still don’t know how I could love such a lie
I’m still not sure all the reasons why
I know that no matter how hard I try
The tears on my face will never dry
Although you ignore it, I know you still feel me
Although you deplore it, I can tell that you see me
Heart that was broken shattered like glass
fragmented pieces stabbing the past
The brush of your skin, the magic of pain
The obsession with sin, the sound of your name
Your one true scent that put me to sleep
The touch of your lips when I was sinking too deep
Your nails that scraped so hard on my back
The devotion I crave, the compassion you lack
The dirt that you fling to cover my eyes
Hurtful words you use to say your goodbyes
The silence we share as you turn your head
No more embraces, what we had is dead
He stares at me from his frame on the wall
I hate what I do not know
Through the hole in your soul I begin to fall
Such a long way to go
"Meat Puppet"
You were abused
You were misused
And you loved every second
You were put down
You were my clown
And you loved every second
Nothing turns me on more than the shame in your eyes
You struggle for one embrace but your touch I despise
All the things I told you? Nothing but lies
When I feel your kiss a piece of me dies
I'm not what I seem, its just a real good disguise
All your life you have been searching for me
All this time you wanted me to set you free
Everything is fine just do as I say
You wanted me now this is the price you must pay
Just close your eyes and pretend that I'll stay
When you wake up I'll be miles away
You were my pig
You made me feel big
You finally served your purpose
A glimmer of something that once was all I knew
the faintest hope that its all completely true
the face that is still scratched into my mind
the lost piece that I will never ever find
memories cut deep like the teeth of a thousand liars
a broken heart still burns like the heat of a thousand fires
I’ve killed myself for the past three years. How have you been
doing? Meet my friends, Hate and Fear. Who have you been using?
I watch myself fall apart day after day after day
I don't remember how it ever got to be this way
Just one question I've been dieing to ask
Is everything okay with you?
My soul lies limp like a gutted fish
the man that you once knew
"ONE MORE DAY"
One more day to open my eyes
I'm never really awake
The mind breaks up and the body dies
Your promise was the only mistake
Push aside all the how's and why's
The one thing you couldn't fake
The very worst thing was the big surprise
This soul you chose to forsake
Wings unfold so I can hide
The only thing I haven't tried
Words are frozen, faces a blur
heart ripped out thinking of her
Bleeding inside will not subside
The world drew breath and deeply sighed
Life left over craves her still
Another memory I fight to kill
One more night to close my eyes
I'm never really asleep
Can't be stopped but still she tries
This decay is mine to keep
Count all the tears and goodbyes
Her smile was just skin deep
love will shatter, pain will rise
the feelings cold and cheap
Tears of hate turned red
Lying on my back
through the pain I've bled
weakening my attack
In this life I've tried
Set what's wrong to be right
In your eyes I've died
remembering that night
The smoke clouds the soul
Choking on your taste
The warmth I took you stole
Something else to waste
In my dreams you cry
For how I used to be
In my face you lie
You'll never set me free
I'm still counting my wounds
I'm still waiting to be found by you
I'm still sinking in the gloom
I'm still bound to you
Lightning cracks the sky
Opens up a dream
I can hear your cry
Rising up like steam
Tears begin to fall
Save me if you can
Tears begin to fall
Too beat down to stand
Covered in blankets of echoes
Searching for the key
Too much effort to let go
This storm will set me free
The rain pours in
Floods could pull me under
Washes out the sin
With explosions of thunder
Cleans me from within
My fate I hardly wonder
Everywhere I've been
Now will always shun her
Storm has made me new
Pain hidden today
For everyone I knew
And for those who went away
It hurts to be left behind
Waking up is hard to do
Wonder if I’ll feel today
Twisted hands turn the screw
Recognize myself in you
Broken mirror sees it clear
Thoughts I’ve made to disappear
Human hearts
Mechanical parts
Just a plastic doll
Amputate everything but the hate
Kill what is fake its not too late
Ruined idols locked in place
Build the church just in case
Shapes with cameras looking in
Burn the flesh to cure the sin
Hopeless faces bite and chew
Eating all that’s right and true
Letting all the leeches suck
Waiting for the clones to fuck
Snap the spine to shut it down
Look at all this filth I’ve found
Database rocked to sleep
All the circuits cut
The shepherd finally kills his sheep
The book has now been shut
"WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME"
"WHAT I LOST"
I missed you
I forgot how beautiful
Your hair has grown long
It looked so painful
I have seen your face
but not in this place
I hate
But i'm not sure who
Seeing you made me shake
It made my heart ache
Damn, did I miss you
I feel like a fool
It almost was great
What I had
So why are all the memories bad?
My heart breaking
My knees shaking
My pain waking
I was in hell
But I'd still sell myself
to hug you today
to love in my weird way
god, I missed you
And now I hear
You are leaving for good
That I doubt
Because you are inside of me
And I'll never get you out
You make me so weak and small
And now that you are leaving
again
I am in hell
again
I'm going to miss you
"GET OUT OF LINE"
I see the sniper's waiting
I can't march anymore
When I try to get out of line
They throw me to the floor
I've walked a million miles
I'll walk a million more
The blisters are slowly growing
The pain I can ignore
My muzzle tears at my flesh
My silence they adore
I didn't have the strength to fight
I'm bruised to the core
They've sealed off all the exits
But I can see the door
They've trained me to be obedient
Now I'm hungry for a war
It's time for this to end
This can't last a day more
There's one last hope for all of us
The one that is tired of being their whore
Trust in him
"Faded Days"
Incredible how it seems to be
That everything has left me.
Why bother living another day
When all the colors are drained gray?
It's all been such a waste
Things I wish I could erase
Time I wish I could replace
I can't remember your pretty face
It's time to move on, I need my space
Past is a blur of mistakes and beer
Presents is a mix of pain and fear
For the future, which draws near
Will I still be around the one I hold dear?
I'm afraid the fun is over
I'm scared to sink any lower
This is as honest as I get
Help me to forget
I never thought I'd regret
The dreams I've never met
I'm done.
"THE PAIN OF BEING NUMB"
I'm stuck in another day
I have no idea where I'm going
Yesterday's pain fades away
The numbness inside is growing
Everyone I know is a stranger
In the river of routine, I drift further down stream
Fear is a constant danger
The sound of my heart beats steady, like the wings of a buzzing beetle
I yearn for drugs I've never had. My arm craves the needle.
The darkness I cannot escape
It's eating me alive
I can't get away from my own rape
I'm just another bee in this hive
Once, I knew who I was
Once, I knew my name
This can't last forever
I know there is an end to this game
Tomorrow. Or the next day. Or for the rest of my life.
"A MESSAGE TO HIM"
You took what I cannot replace
I'm addicted to her lonely face
Like a junkie searching for another score
I sit in darkness and wait for more
Her voice still swims across my soul
The missing piece of me you unknowingly stole
My crippled heart attempts to beat
I choke on the sour taste of my defeat
I know I should just let her be
But her bed in which I slept still holds me
I can't wait till I'm numb so that the pain will go away
Like a vacation in Hell, it gets worse everyday
We will meet again my friend
I will make you pay
You will feel the pain that I feel
I will break you down, my man
And all you will have left is the Dave Mathew's Band
When the pain is over flowing inside their head
They pray to the God in that book they read
Their prayers fall on empty ears
There is no one to listen to their private fears
You lay on your back and begin to cry
As you realize all they taught you was a lie
How you live after realizing this will be your life
You can overcome all of it, or can live in strife
Those who give up will be like the wingless fly
Weak, worthless, and ready to die
But there will be those who rise above the rest
These few know that they are the best
The truth has only made them stronger
With the lies destroyed
They will be brainwashed no longer
These people know who they are
For they hold the title
Of Atheist Superstar
Take those thorns from off your head
pray as much as you want, but my respect for you is dead
You nailed yourself to that bloody tree
in you vein attempt to impress me
get that bible out of my face
the words sicken me and I can't stand the taste
stand next to your cross so meaningless and narrow
me, I'll be standing by my downward arrow
I felt his sin from down below
the lies had never been so low
There is no such thing as purity in this age
In his book of lies, it's just another page
Don't tell me i'm wrong, Don't tell me your right
You may have won their love, but you've already lost the fight
All the prayers in the World will not save you from my wrath
Look at the facts. Forget the Lies. Do the math
Spit at me and tell me i'm a sinner
In the end, I'LL EAT YOUR GOD FOR DINNER
I went to Sunday school, like a good little boy, And every lengthy prayer gave me such joy
Confession was good, because I was a sinner.. Because I was told, without God you can't be a winner
The priests, their words, would make me feel bad Their stares, at times, would make me feel like I was mad
Where is this God that I pray to all day? Where is my award for all the money I pay?
I can see trees, and cars, and the crack in my wall Why can't I see this God, who started it all?
I'm a teen now. I still go to mass The reason, unknown, I dare not to ask
I stare at this man hanging from the cross, I think to myself "what makes you my boss"?
I don't understand you
Our similarities are few
You say your prayer late at night
The liars really taught you right
Little girls praying on their knees
While whores downtown do it for fees
You will not make me die
You cannot make me cry
I can beat the unbeatable
I can repeat the unrepeatable
I will be God!!
I'm almost ready to die
It is useless to cry
When this is done..so is the fun
We will all drowned screaming (Your soul's last breath is beaming)
I want to fuck you
Spread your legs
I want to help you
Continue to beg
I am your savior
The Creator
Build me
· It's easy to make a homemade tattoo, kids. Just take a couple shots of vodka, find a safety pin or something just as sharp, and go to town! Remember, pain only hurts if you let it!
· Don't succumb to peer pressure! No matter what you hear, don't use condoms! They cut the circulation off in your penis and the result is not pretty.
· You're allowed to rip up the bible if you do it at night! Honestly! I read that somewhere.
· Bible paper makes horrible tissue paper..my ass is still sore
· Its okay to fool around with underage girls just as long as you make sure they have no pleasure whatsoever.
· Its 5:45 p.m. on a Thursday in the month of May, and you touch someone you hate, the Emancipation Proclamation is no longer in effect and that person is your slave forever
· If you see me in the street and you give me a dirty look, you will die one day!