"WHAT I LOST"

I missed you

I forgot how beautiful
Your hair has grown long
It looked so painful
I have seen your face
but not in this place
I hate
But i'm not sure who
Seeing you made me shake
It made my heart ache

Damn, did I miss you

I feel like a fool
It almost was great
What I had
So why are all the memories bad?
My heart breaking
My knees shaking
My pain waking
I was in hell
But I'd still sell myself
to hug you today
to love in my weird way

god, I missed you

And now I hear
You are leaving for good
That I doubt
Because you are inside of me
And I'll never get you out
You make me so weak and small
And now that you are leaving
again
I am in hell
again

I'm going to miss you

"GET OUT OF LINE"

I see the sniper's waiting

I can't march anymore

When I try to get out of line

They throw me to the floor

I've walked a million miles

I'll walk a million more

The blisters are slowly growing

The pain I can ignore

My muzzle tears at my flesh

My silence they adore

I didn't have the strength to fight

I'm bruised to the core

They've sealed off all the exits

But I can see the door

They've trained me to be obedient

Now I'm hungry for a war

It's time for this to end

This can't last a day more

There's one last hope for all of us

The one that is tired of being their whore

Trust in him

"Faded Days"

Incredible how it seems to be

That everything has left me.

Why bother living another day

When all the colors are drained gray?

It's all been such a waste

Things I wish I could erase

Time I wish I could replace

I can't remember your pretty face

It's time to move on, I need my space

Past is a blur of mistakes and beer

Presents is a mix of pain and fear

For the future, which draws near

Will I still be around the one I hold dear?

I'm afraid the fun is over

I'm scared to sink any lower

This is as honest as I get

Help me to forget

I never thought I'd regret

The dreams I've never met

I'm done.

"THE PAIN OF BEING NUMB"

I'm stuck in another day

I have no idea where I'm going

Yesterday's pain fades away

The numbness inside is growing

Everyone I know is a stranger

In the river of routine, I drift further down stream

Fear is a constant danger

The sound of my heart beats steady, like the wings of a buzzing beetle

I yearn for drugs I've never had. My arm craves the needle.

The darkness I cannot escape

It's eating me alive

I can't get away from my own rape

I'm just another bee in this hive

Once, I knew who I was

Once, I knew my name

This can't last forever

I know there is an end to this game

Tomorrow. Or the next day. Or for the rest of my life.

"A MESSAGE TO HIM"

You took what I cannot replace

I'm addicted to her lonely face

Like a junkie searching for another score

I sit in darkness and wait for more

Her voice still swims across my soul

The missing piece of me you unknowingly stole

My crippled heart attempts to beat

I choke on the sour taste of my defeat

I know I should just let her be

But her bed in which I slept still holds me

I can't wait till I'm numb so that the pain will go away

Like a vacation in Hell, it gets worse everyday

We will meet again my friend

I will make you pay

You will feel the pain that I feel

I will break you down, my man

And all you will have left is the Dave Mathew's Band

I see your mouth moving But what the fuck are you saying?
If my fist's in your face, will you stop complaining?
misery. agony. your voice is sustaining.
Your the black cloud over my head. when will you stop raining?
i don't need this. don't need you. i want this to end. nothing is all i can do.
you spit your venom in my ears. you've been lying to me for years.
The sleeping monster is finally waking. Can you hear it? That's my mind breaking.
I'm so used to these prison walls you've built. Please stop force feeding me, i can't eat all this guilt.
i don't need this / i don't need you /i want this to end nothing is all i can do
My torture continues. How much more can i pay? You have me beaten. What more can i say?
My head shuts down just to get away. You can have my soul, just give me one day.
i don't need this /i don't need you i want this to end nothing is all i can do
Just pull the fucking trigger
Another promise means another day. Not much left to fool myself with. Another lie means another way. I'm so full of shit. Let's do this one more time. Let's forget about tomorrow. Just for tonight the future is mine. Do you have some time for me to borrow? There's not much left, is there? Not much more to say. I'm still waiting for this to disappear. I'll leave it alone now, if that's okay.
I am the lie maker.
I am the trust taker (although I don't want to be)
You may want to keep your distance.
I am the hope destroyer.
I am the pain voyeur (although I don't want to be)
I might take your innocence

Atheist Superstar
When the pain is over flowing inside their head
They pray to the God in that book they read
Their prayers fall on empty ears
There is no one to listen to their private fears
You lay on your back and begin to cry
As you realize all they taught you was a lie
How you live after realizing this will be your life
You can overcome all of it, or can live in strife
Those who give up will be like the wingless fly
Weak, worthless, and ready to die
But there will be those who rise above the rest
These few know that they are the best
The truth has only made them stronger
With the lies destroyed
They will be brainwashed no longer
These people know who they are
For they hold the title
Of Atheist Superstar
Hypocrites and Apostles

Take that cross from off your back
Your ignorance will only strengthen my attack

Take those thorns from off your head
pray as much as you want, but my respect for you is dead
You nailed yourself to that bloody tree
in you vein attempt to impress me
get that bible out of my face
the words sicken me and I can't stand the taste
stand next to your cross so meaningless and narrow
me, I'll be standing by my downward arrow

SIN'S ON MY SIDE
In six days, the world was created
On the seventh day, he masturbated

I felt his sin from down below
the lies had never been so low
There is no such thing as purity in this age
In his book of lies, it's just another page
Don't tell me i'm wrong, Don't tell me your right
You may have won their love, but you've already lost the fight
All the prayers in the World will not save you from my wrath
Look at the facts. Forget the Lies. Do the math
Spit at me and tell me i'm a sinner
In the end, I'LL EAT YOUR GOD FOR DINNER

WHY I SPELL GOD WITH A LOWER CASE G

I went to Sunday school, like a good little boy, And every lengthy prayer gave me such joy

Confession was good, because I was a sinner.. Because I was told, without God you can't be a winner

The priests, their words, would make me feel bad Their stares, at times, would make me feel like I was mad

Where is this God that I pray to all day? Where is my award for all the money I pay?

I can see trees, and cars, and the crack in my wall Why can't I see this God, who started it all?

I'm a teen now. I still go to mass The reason, unknown, I dare not to ask

I stare at this man hanging from the cross, I think to myself "what makes you my boss"?

ATHEIST INVINCIBLE

I don't understand you
Our similarities are few

You say your prayer late at night
The liars really taught you right

Little girls praying on their knees
While whores downtown do it for fees

You will not make me die
You cannot make me cry

I can beat the unbeatable
I can repeat the unrepeatable

I will be God!!

DRUNKEN CLARITY

Life has no meaning
Every position is demeaning

I'm almost ready to die
It is useless to cry

When this is done..so is the fun

We will all drowned screaming (Your soul's last breath is beaming)

I want to fuck you
Spread your legs

I want to help you
Continue to beg

I am your savior

The Creator

Build me

Personality #1

A Place I've Never Been - 1/23/02 -

Fall asleep in the shadow of how we used to be

Our youth bleeds into rocks that fall down

Everything changes when you come to me

As high as a kite. You know now you’re my clown.

Forget about what has brought me here

The pain of my loved ones is all that i fear

"LAV"

you haunt me

you’re always in the corner of my mind

This is how it has come to be

The bits and pieces you’ve left behind

I love to remember how you feel

I could have died inside you

Then I found out it wasn’t real

none of it was true

I still don’t know how I could love such a lie

I’m still not sure all the reasons why

I know that no matter how hard I try

The tears on my face will never dry

Although you ignore it, I know you still feel me

Although you deplore it, I can tell that you see me

Heart that was broken shattered like glass

fragmented pieces stabbing the past

The brush of your skin, the magic of pain

The obsession with sin, the sound of your name

Your one true scent that put me to sleep

The touch of your lips when I was sinking too deep

Your nails that scraped so hard on my back

The devotion I crave, the compassion you lack

The dirt that you fling to cover my eyes

Hurtful words you use to say your goodbyes

The silence we share as you turn your head

No more embraces, what we had is dead

He stares at me from his frame on the wall

I hate what I do not know

Through the hole in your soul I begin to fall

Such a long way to go

"Meat Puppet"

You were abused
You were misused
And you loved every second
You were put down
You were my clown
And you loved every second

Nothing turns me on more than the shame in your eyes
You struggle for one embrace but your touch I despise
All the things I told you? Nothing but lies
When I feel your kiss a piece of me dies
I'm not what I seem, its just a real good disguise

All your life you have been searching for me
All this time you wanted me to set you free
Everything is fine just do as I say
You wanted me now this is the price you must pay
Just close your eyes and pretend that I'll stay
When you wake up I'll be miles away

You were my pig
You made me feel big
You finally served your purpose

"Feelings better left unsaid"

Things that should have been never came to pass
I trip you up to get ahead, still I finish dead last
The bite marks rip open every time they try to heal
You gave me all your love today, just too bad I’ll never feel
So the bag was left wide open. And the cat came running out.
Dirty little secrets I shouldn’t find. Was there ever any doubt?
I’m sinking to the bottom now. My face submerged in shit.
Life inside the routine cage. The mistakes I can’t forget.

A glimmer of something that once was all I knew
the faintest hope that its all completely true
the face that is still scratched into my mind
the lost piece that I will never ever find
memories cut deep like the teeth of a thousand liars
a broken heart still burns like the heat of a thousand fires
I’ve killed myself for the past three years. How have you been
doing? Meet my friends, Hate and Fear. Who have you been using?
I watch myself fall apart day after day after day
I don't remember how it ever got to be this way
Just one question I've been dieing to ask
Is everything okay with you?
My soul lies limp like a gutted fish
the man that you once knew

Atheist Superstar

Hypocrites and Apostles

Take that cross from off your backYour ignorance will only strengthen my attack

SIN'S ON MY SIDE

In six days, the world was createdOn the seventh day, he masturbated

WHY I SPELL GOD WITH A LOWER CASE G

ATHEIST INVINCIBLE

DRUNKEN CLARITY

Take that cross from off your back
Your ignorance will only strengthen my attack

In six days, the world was created
On the seventh day, he masturbated