Rb,  Tracie, and Forlay
_______________________________

Tobias:

  I flew to Rachel's bedroom window. It was closed, naturally; it
must have been around really late by then. <Rachel?> I called,
rustling a wing against the glass.
After a few moments, Rachel came to the window and opened it,
grumbling about how she was going to get any sleep with birds
flying in at all hours of the night.
<Nice to see you, too,> I said lightly, although my insides were
a wreck.
Rachel brought out a small chocolate cake with one candle. I
blew it out by flapping my wings. Neither of us sang "happy
birthday". But she said it.
  "Happy birthday, Tobias."
  I don't know why, but just her speaking my name would have
brought tears to my eyes...if birds could cry.
  I sunk my talons deeper into the soft wood of the window sill,
wondering if she wanted me to stay.
  "Tobias," Rachel said softly, "What exactly did you hear at
this meeting with you, Mr. Degroot, and Visser Three?"
  If Rachel had asked any question but this, I could have dealt
with it. Any question at all. But she didn't.
  <I...I...nothing much.> I started straightening my feathers
with my hooked beak, uncomfortable with the question.
  "Yeah, right. And Marco actually said a funny joke. Come on,
what's the deal? You can trust me."
  <Oh, nothing important,> I said, trying to sound as offhand as
possible. <Just the name of my real father.>
  Rachel studied me skeptically. "And just who is this father of
yours?"
  <No one important,> I said in as sarcastic of a tone that I
could manage. <Just Prince Elfangor.>
  "WHAT?" Rachel asked, jaw dropped. I was amazed that she
remembered to keep her voice down. "You mean to tell me that
Elfangor is your father? And it doesn't even mean anything to
you?"
  <Of course it means something to me,> I snapped. <I know the
name of my father. I know something of his life. But...>
  "But what?"
  <But...what am I supposed to do? It's not like I can reunite
with him and go on Oprah. If you didn't remember, he's dead. We
saw him die.>
  "So? Who cares? You can be proud of the fact that your dad was
a great warrior. That's much more then so many people ever have."
  <Yeah. I also know that I'm half-alien. No wonder I got picked
on so often,> I added bitterly. <I don't belong here or there.
Especially now.>
  "Tobias...You belong with us."
  No, I don't, I thought bitterly. There was a long pause. <I...>
I trailed off. Rachel doesn't exactly approve of self-pity. And
that was what I wanted to do.
  I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to feel bad because
I never knew my father-my real father-because the ellimist had
taken him away from me and I wanted to be human-be fully human-
but I never could.
  "What?" Rachel asked, staring at me with those icy blue eyes
that seemed to penetrate into my soul.
  I turned away. I couldn't stand this. I flew out the window,
left with only my conflicting emotions and Rachel's soft voice in
my head.

Rachel:

  Tobias was tense that night. I could understand part of it. In
the past few days, he'd found his "cousin", found out she was
only Visser Three's evil creation to trap him, found out who his
father was-and what a father he had! Prince Elfangor! But how?-
and in the meantime, tried to help find the Hork-Bajir child,
Bek, who was missing. And, besides all that, some other hawk was
trying to move in on his territory.
  And he wonders why we all worry about him.
  At least, I do.
  <I...> Tobias started,and then trailed off.
  "What?" I asked, being thrust out of my own thoughts. I gazed
at him.
  He wouldn't meet my eyes. He backwinged out of the room and
started flying towards the forest.
  I changed from the T-shirt I sleep in to my morphing outfit, a
black leotard. I grabbed some pillows and lumped them under a
blanket on my bed, hoping that if my mom came in to check on me,
it would look enough like me. Then I started focusing on the
great horned owl that was a part of me.
  "If Tobias doesn't have a good reason for flying out on me like
that, he is nyeeerrff," I started to say as my tongue suddenly
shriveled down into a birds tongue.
   Feathers patterns began to form on my skin as I shrunk
rapidly. My feet turned into curved talons as my legs got scaly.
My eyeballs grew and grew until they took up almost my entire
skull.
    My lips hardened, turned yellow, and changed into a beak. My
arms turned into wings. The feather patterns became darker, more
realistic, and suddenly just popped out of my skin.
   Inside of my body, organs changed, mutated, shrank, grew, or
just disappeared. Every solitary cell in my body changed. All due
to Andalite technology that I had no idea how it worked. And I
could use it because Prince Elfangor had given me, Jake, Cassie,
Marco, and Tobias the power.
   Prince Elfangor.
   Tobias's father.
   I became the great-horned owl I had acquired. I flew out the
window towards Tobias's territory in the forest, in search of
him.

Tobias:

  I flew towards my territory, hoping Rachel would leave me alone
with my thoughts. God, where to begin?
  I felt bad for ragging on Rachel like I had. But Rachel had
this disconcerting habit of just reading me like a book. She
could wreck havoc on my emotions by just saying my name. It
almost frightened me.
  I was almost at my territory by then. I continued thinking, not
really caring about the woods-and predators-below.
  Guess I should've been paying more attention.
  BONK!
  I felt a pain. Wha? Who?
  I looked up, dazed. Looked up at the huge oak tree before me,
the one that I often slept in. I must have been on the rough
ground of my meadow, my territory.
  Stupid! I cursed myself. By not paying attention, I'd almost
killed myself.
  I tried to fly back up, but I felt a searing pain through my
left wing.
  Great. Just great. An injured wing. Made me easy prey for any
predator that comes up. Raccoons are magically attracted to
injured birds like me. Even an owl, if he's down on his luck.
  Suddenly, an owl came flying up, and frightened me out of my
wits.
  <Tobias?> The owl asked. It was Rachel. Now I would have no
choice but to talk to her.
  <Geez, Rachel, don't do that to a bird. You scared me.>
  <What are you doing down there?> Rachel demanded. <Do you know
how tasty you look to this owl?>
  <No,> I said sarcastically. <I just wanted to make an
experiment. How long it would take you to find me if I were in a
position of potential danger. You know, since you seem to be my
protector and all.>
  Rachel ignored the jibe as she landed next to me and demorphed
quickly. As the owl melted into the human girl-who, even in the
middle of the night, in the midst of a dark forest, still made my
heart ache with her beautiful features-I tried to think up
excuses for my running out on her.
  "What happened, Tobias? It wasn't the tree, was it?"
  <No, it wasn't the tree. It was Little Bunny Foo-foo bopping me
on the wing. Of course it was the tree.>
  "Really, Tobias." The almost gentle sound of her voice made me
stop my sarcastic mode. "You should demorph, if you can't fly."
  Not demorph, I thought. Morph. To human. I'm not human, Rachel,
sorry, I'm still a hawk, and you're still a human. Nothing has
changed. .
  I concentrated on my human form, which didn't seem as natural
as my hawk body had always felt. And slowly, I began to change.
My talons split and grew to become human feet. My feathers ran
together and disappeared, leaving human flesh. I grew taller.  My
eyesight dimmed along with my hearing powers diminishing. My
wings elongated and hands grew.
I had become human. I realized a dim sort of smell as my beak
changed into a human nose and mouth.
  Rachel looked at me. "Tobias, why did you fly out on me like
that?"
  My blood rushed to my face. Why did she always have to ask
those questions? The ones that were sure to unsettle me. I said
the first thing that came to my mind-a rather lame response;
"I...I...I couldn't handle it. There was too much."
  "Too much what?" Rachel asked. She was exasperated. I could see
it in the set of her face, which was closer to my weak human eyes
then they ever were as a hawk. "That's no excuse for just running
out. Talk to me."
  "I...I..."I stammered. "I couldn't stay there. Too much
emotion."
Rachel looked into my eyes. "Your father was a great warrior. You
should be proud of that."
  "I am!" I replied. "It was I...you..."
  "Me?" Rachel replied, startled, as she stumbled back a step.
  "You, yes, you...always you...God, Rachel, don't you know how
you look to me? How you've always looked, but tonight...Like a
rose among moonlight, you're so beautiful, so pure..." I stopped,
suddenly, hearing the waver in my voice and silently cursing the
tears welling up in my eyes.
  "Tobias..." Rachel said slowly. "I...I had no idea..."
  "Don't lie to me," I said sharply, in a tone that barely seemed
like it came from my throat with its choked tone. "You knew."
  Rachel looked away. But not quickly enough. Even with my dim
human eyes, I could still see the tears forming in her normally
icy blue eyes. Oh, God! I'd never meant to make her cry! I
clumsily reached for her hand.
  She smiled wanly at me, and squeezed my hand gently. "It's
okay, Tobias," she said. "I'll be okay."
  "Too bad I won't." I mumbled. "God, Rachel, you think I should
just perch in my tree, fall asleep, and all the answers will come
to me?" I said in a slightly louder voice as I pulled away from
her gentle grasp. "I just came from the strangest days of my
life. One minute, I'm starving because some other hawk is trying
to take my meadow and hoping that my new-found cousin Aria is
going to get me a home...I could be human...and the next, oh
darn, I don't get a cousin because it turned out it was just
Visser Three's plan to trap me, little old me, whose claim to
fame is I happen to be the son of Prince Elfangor-Sirnial-
Shamtul, the arch-enemy of Visser Three, who I saw get murdered
by Visser Three with my own human eyes...And I also happen to be
one of Visser Three's worst nightmares. God, it just looks like
the universe is against me." I took in a deep breath. "Sometimes,
I wonder if it would be best to take a knife and end it all now."
  I exhaled, feeling drained. I'd kept my emotions bottled up for
so long...Why did Rachel always bring out this in me? Why,
whenever she was around, did I feel like I should burst out like
that?
    I stared out into the forest, wishing that she would leave me
alone with my thoughts. I tried to focus my mind away from
her...it didn't work. Why must she plague me like this?
Whywhywhywhwhywhy?
  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of blonde hair.
I turned around. There she was, studying the bark of a tree.  Her
blue eyes glistened with unwept tears. God, I hadn't meant for
her to cry...
  She was so beautiful, standing there, surrounded by blackness.
Ghostly white moonlight and pale silvery starlight combined to
rest solely on her, like an angel. And...and I couldn't stop
staring at her.
  It wasn't her face that drew my eyes to her. It wasn't her
lovely features, not her model-like body. It was...her. Shining
like a beacon from every pore of her skin. The Rachel aura, as I
thought of it. Strong, brave, bold, smart, recklessness...it was
there.
  And that's what I loved, what I always had loved, about Rachel.
I loved Rachel. Pure Rachel. Just Rachel.
  But I couldn't love her. I never would be able to.
  See, I'm a hawk. And Rachel is a human.
  And those are two separate species.
  I see her almost every day. I've fought with her in battles.
I've gotten so that I can almost predict what's on her mind or
what she's going to say. And she could do the same for me. Our
minds are so close they might as well be one.
  But when all is said and done, she's still human. And I'm still
hawk. And that is a boundary that must never be crossed.
  We could have been standing there for a minute, we could have
been standing there for an hour. I don't know.
  But I tapped her on the shoulder. "Hello, Rachel."
  She looked back at me, surprised. And wiped away her tears with
the back of her hand. "Hello, Tobias."
  Say it, say it, SAY IT! My mind screamed. Tell her you love
her. Tell her you've always loved her. Just say something!
  "Nice night, huh?" I asked.
  She smiled at me, for me alone. And somewhere, in the back of
my mind, I filed that smile away. "Yes," she replied. "It's
beautiful."
  God, I loved her. God, I wanted to tell her so. God, she was so
beautiful that night, I wanted to tell her how I felt. There was
no way that there could have been a more perfect moment, here, in
the night, where time seemed suspended, in the meadow where I
lived and hunted. It was a moment in time sculpted by the hand of
a goddess, that seemed to be there just for the purpose of me
telling Rachel how much I loved her.
   My jaw froze. My throat stopped working. And no matter how
much I wanted to tell her how I felt, I couldn't. In this moment
that should have been pure bliss for me, my childhood ghosts came
back. Of being abandoned, lonely. Of hearing my relatives yell at
me, tell me I was no good, that I was some scrawny mutt no one
loved or cared for. They came back and seized hold over me, as I
saw the scenes that had happened in my former life over and over
again. And I cried inside, knowing that my childhood ghosts would
come back whenever I thought I was happy, seize hold and make my
world a terror again. I would never be loved. I would never love.
Those words had been brainwashed onto my mind when I was very
young.
  But I grabbed her hand. I grabbed her hand. It was one of the
hardest things that I'd ever done. I squeezed it gently. And I
smiled at her. I swear I was radiating feelings of my love for
her.
  She smiled back.
  She loves me. She really loves me. She loves me, Tobias, the
birdboy, the loner, the nothlit, the hawk, and the little boy
that no one cared about or said a nice word to.
  And I'm so full of her love for me and my love for her that I
thought I was going to burst. I wanted to yell so loud the entire
world heard me. Rachel loves me. And she will, forever and ever,
until our deaths. And perhaps even beyond, for love cannot be
bound to one person, or one race, or one species, or one time.
  Surprisingly enough, it was me who broke the spell of our
newfound world. "I have to demorph," I told her gently. "And you
have to go home, and sleep."
  She flushed slightly for not remembering. "Until tomorrow,
Tobias," Rachel said, smiling the tender smile that is meant for
only me.
  I took her delicate, beautifully formed hand in my clumsy human
hand, and brought it to my soft human lips. "Until tomorrow,
Rachel."
  She morphed the owl, the same one that had brought her here, to
this meadow. And I demorphed to my normal redtailed hawk shape,
and flew to my normal perch in the tough oak tree, watching her
protectively.
  I watched her fly away, towards her home, towards her bed,
where she would fall asleep.
  And only when she was out of thought-speech range did I speak
my final words for the night, as I slowly drifted off to a world
of dreams.
  <I love you, Rachel.>

   Rachel:

    I flew towards Tobias' territory, knowing that's where he had
gone. Where else would he go?
    I kept my owl eyes focused on the air around me, looking for
any sign of Tobias.
    Why did Tobias fly out on me like that? I kept asking myself
as I flew, Especially without saying a word! He'd never done
anything like that. Ever.
    I scanned the ground quickly, and saw the form of a bird on
the ground. < Tobias? > I asked as I spilled air
from my wings and started my descent. Oh, god, what happened?
    < Geez, Rachel. Don't do that to a bird. You scared me. >
Tobias's voice in my head reassured me.
    < What are you doing down there? Do you know how tasty you
look to this owl? > I asked him, a bit snippily.
    < No, > he said sarcastically.
    I ignored him and landed next to him and concentrated on my
human form. The familiar changes still were grotesque, no matter
how many times you morph.
    "What happened, Tobias?" I asked as the morph finished, "It
wasn't the tree, was it?"
    < No, it wasn't the tree, > he replied, < It was Little Bunny
Foo-Foo bopping me on the wing. Of course it was
the tree. >
    "Really, Tobias," I said, uneasy with his sarcastic mode.
"You'd better demorph if you can't fly."
  I practically bit my tongue as I said that. He can't demorph! I
yelled at myself. Sorry, Rachel. No matter how much
you want him to be human. he'll always be hawk. You
can't change that!
He started to morph human. I hoped that he hadn't noticed what
I'd said.
    I watched him as the boy emerged from the bird. Human. Not
hawk. Just human. Only the human Tobias was there, staring at me
from those dreamy eyes.
     Once he finished the morph, I snapped out of my day
dreaming. "Tobias, why did you fly out on me like that?" I
asked. No use beating around the bush.
    I saw...a flash of some feeling, some emotion, on his face.
Of what, I couldn't tell. Tobias had all but forgotten how to
show emotion on his face, and when he did, it was very brief, and
usually twisted.
    "I-I-I," he stammered, "I couldn't handle it. There was too
much."
    "Too much what?" I pressed. I was exasperated with his
dodging my questions. "That's no excuse for just running out.
Talk to me." Why didn't he trust me? He always had, before, with
his feelings...we were so close.
    "I-I," he stammered again, "I couldn't stay there. Too much
emotion."
    I looked into his human eyes. "Your father was a great
warrior. You should be proud of that."
    "I am!" he practically yelled. "It was you," he said in a
voice that seemed to pierce me into two.
    I stepped back as if he'd physically slapped me, "Me?"
    "You, yes, you...always you...God, Rachel, don't you know how
you look to me? How you've always looked,  but
tonight...Like a rose among moonlight, you're so beautiful, so
pure..." he stopped as his voice started to waver.
    I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I blinked
them back. I knew how he felt. I felt that way too.
But I couldn't tell him that. I'm mighty Rachel. Xena. Hider of
emotions. So, I lied. "Tobias...I...I had no idea..."
    He saw right through it, "Don't lie to me," he snapped
angrily, "You knew."
    I looked away, the tears about to spill down my cheeks.
You're right, Tobias! I said to myself. I knew how
you felt, but you didn't know something about me. I felt the same
way. And I never was able to tell you. And it was almost too
late...that morning..
    He must have seen the tears before I turned away, for he
reached out and grabbed my hand gently. I could tell
that it was awkward for him, but I squeezed it gently, "It's
okay, Tobias. I'll be okay." I tried to sound like I normally
did. I failed, as I heard my choked tone.
    He mumbled something I couldn't understand. Then he raised
his voice slightly so I'd be able to hear him, "God,
Rachel, you think I should just perch in my tree, fall asleep,
and all the answers will come to me?" He pulled away
from me, and I turned around to face him. "I just came from the
strangest days of my life. One minute, I'm starving
because some other hawk is trying to take my meadow and hoping
that my new-found cousin Aria is going to
get me a home...I could be human...and the next, oh darn, I don't
get a cousin because it turned out it was just
Visser Three's plan to trap me, little old me, whose claim to
fame is I happen to be the son of Prince
Elfangor-Sirnial-Shamtul, the arch-enemy of Visser Three, who I
saw get murdered by Visser Three with my own
human eyes...And I also happen to be one of Visser Three's worst
nightmares. God, it just looks like the
universe is against me." He seemed drained by the speech.
"Sometimes, I wonder if it would be best to take a
knife and end it all now." I wanted to reach out and comfort him.
Sometimes...sometimes I forget just how much
his life sucks. I wanted to tell him that he had to stay alive.
We all needed him. I needed him.
    Tobias turned away from me again. I stared out into the
forest, deep in thought.
    Tobias always changed something in me. It wasn't always
visible, but it was there. Everytime I hear him talk in
thought speak, every time we demorph to human, and he has to
morph to human, it just tears me up inside.
    But what am I to do? I couldn't find the right words...I
found there are no right words. The time wasn't right...Time
could run out, at any moment!
    David. Curse his name for eternity. He had tried to kill us
all. And succeeded in killing a red-tailed hawk. Not Tobias, you
understand. But no one knew the difference.
    And that morning, all I could think about was avenging
Tobias's murderer. Kill him. Destroy him. Annihilate him. For
what he did to Tobias.
    And, as I thought about Tobias and my near loss of him, I
realized something. Something that I'd known, that I'd known for
so long, but had never really wanted to admit openly.
    I loved him.
    And, God, I hoped someday he'd be human again. He may be hawk
on the outside, but he's so sweet, so gentle, so caring.
    But, that fact is still there. He's a hawk on the outside,
and not too many movie theaters or restaurants allow red
tailed hawks in. We'd never be able to go on a date, or do
anything that 'normal' human couples can do.
    We see each other practically everyday. We've fought
together. We've rejoiced together, and cried together.
We'd become amazingly close. For a long time, I convinced myself
we were just good friends, I didn't have any feelings for him. He
was just a friend and Animorph. And I was the same to him. But so
recently, I'd finally admitted to myself what I'd known all
along.
    I loved Tobias.
    I love him, I love him, I love him.
    I was jerked out of my thoughts by a tap on my shoulder,
"Hello, Rachel," Tobias said, smiling shyly.
    I was surprised. "Hello, Tobias," I said, as if I had just
met him for the first time.
    He had a look of conflict in his usually dreamy eyes, like he
wanted to say something, but couldn't quite get it out. I imagine
I had a look like that in my normally icy blue eyes.
    Rachel! Tell him! Tell him! You're here...he's here...human,
both of you. You can tell him! Just tell him already!
    "Nice night, huh?" Tobias asked, trying to sound casual.
    Yeah. I'm here with you.. But I only smiled and said, "Yes.
It is beautiful."
    Yes! It's a beautiful night, and so are you, Tobias!
    Time stopped. Time had no meaning. All that I knew was in
this meadow, Tobias was human. And I was human. And the moon was
out, shining a light that seemed to make everything it touched to
a silver river.
    Suddenly, Tobias grabbed my hand. Through that simple
gesture, one that was so hard for him to make, I knew. He loved
me. Helovedmehelovedmehelovedme.
    I smiled gently at him, in case he couldn't tell that I had
the exact same feeling. I was ecstatic. I was in pure bliss. I
was...I was...there aren't words to describe how I felt right at that
moment. I was in love!
    So why couldn't I say four simple words? I just wanted to say
"I love you, Tobias." But my mouth froze as I tried to say it.
    It was as if there were some magic spell between us, trapping
us in our own little world of bliss. I never wanted to leave. But
Tobias broke us out of it. "I have to demorph, and you have
to go home and sleep."
    There it was again, that ugly word, 'demorph'. WHY?! WHY
couldn't Tobias still be a human, and we wouldn't
have to worry about a stupid thing like two hour time limits? Why
couldn't we stay in this new-found understanding?
   I blushed slightly for forgetting about the stupid limit,
"Until tomorrow, Tobias," I said, wanting to stay so bad but
knowing I had to go.
    He took my hand, which was trembling from the excitement,
and kissed it softly, "Until tomorrow, Rachel."
    My heart fluttered. I had to concentrate on the picture of
the great-horned owl so I could morph, but I knew I would never
forget that kiss.
    As I finished the morph, Tobias had finished demorphing back
to his hawk form. I wanted to tell him good night, and that I
loved him, but once again, something got in the way.
    I flapped my powerful wings a few times and lifted off. I
flew home and through my open bedroom window. I landed on my bed,
demorphed as quietly as I could, and changed back into the
T-shirt I sleep in when it's warm. I kept the window open, just
in case Tobias came by early the next morning.
    I sat at my desk with the mirror on the wall in front of it.
It was so late at night...I could hardly believe that I would
have school in just a few hours. I looked at a picture of Tobias
I'd tucked into the mirror frame. I kissed my fingers and pressed
them to the picture, and said the words I'd wanted to say for so
long.
  "I love you, Tobias."

______________________________

*sniffs* Want to go back?