I wish that I were blind, then I could hardly
Distinguish you amongst the crowd.
If I were numb, I wouldn’t promptly
Tell of my love, forgetting pride.
If I were deaf, I wouldn’t hear
Your ruthless words that pierced my heart;
You left me on my knees, in fear
That all my strings were torn apart.
Why useless wishes? I would sense you,
Reach nervous fingers, groping in the dark,
In my bleak days and silence, find you,
My warmest star and merciless monarch.
This pure, mindless admiration
Forever serves you in the finest fashion.
10.94
Sonnet #3
You see me every day and smile so warmly,
I know your heart is pure and kind.
Your suit and servants should feel jolly
As long as each may your attention find.
You live in bliss, I live on blessings,
My head as worthless as a cent,
Yet in your eyes I find remembrance…
So I, infidel pagan, pray and wait
For you to reappear, tender spirit.
My restless mind will always long
For several minutes of oblivion
When I forget why I was born:
A humble beggar on the street,
My body’s sore, my soul is split.
10.94
Sonnet #4
I’m a master at destroying friendships,
I’m better at destroying loves.
But was it love or blind infatuation,
Deceptive trick of near-sighted eyes?
I care not. The remnants of the feelings
Are floating pieces of a broken glass,
To sweep them off would be a blessing,
But I will miss the sharpness of these knives.
It was so thrilling - playing with emotions!
A little theater of soul.
But I was playing with the fire,
The manuscript is now burnt.
I blame myself for being so blind,
I’d pay with gold for peace of mind.
02.95
A Riddle
Gondolier, wait!
Undo last stroke and
Stop the boat, it’s not too late
To flee this city, lost and broke,
Abandoned and deprived of hope,
Venture again, my poor mate!
Oh, you’re not bound to these shores,
Mayhap, your songs will see the world.
Or I presume too much in sorrow?
Roads in this country aren’t broad.
Indifferent friend, forgive my faulty word.
11.94
Across
I’d like to be with you. I pray to see you,
Just for a moment, hold you in my arms,
But we are years away from meeting.
Is that my fate? I don’t believe the stars.
Sometimes, I fear that I will forget you,
Your dear image will expire and fade,
And other people will become too close…
Or you will grow indifferent instead.
Is this a punishment by distance?
Have I committed any crimes?
If so, there is no prison greater
Than being away from you by million miles.
03.95
* * *
And I dreamed that my heart had no scars,
No wounds I could find that burned,
It was smooth and as cold as ice,
No passions inside that hurt.
Thus, the brain was so pure and clean -
For the first time, my reason was right.
No man made a razor so thin
That could tear a thought so light.
I forgot of regrets and love,
Then I looked at the sun and smiled:
I decided to search no more
And acquired the peace of mind.
I woke up with the screams for help,
In the shock of returning pain.
Anesthetics won’t ease it now -
I will find no relief again.
04.95
City Lights
Lights of Manhattan, like a smog,
Embrace the colored night.
My magic city celebrates
The pain in someone’s heart.
Whose secret did it hide today
In gleaming labyrinth?
Whose soul it stole? Whom has it shown
The ugly yellow teeth?
I wouldn’t choose a calmer place,
Another masquerade.
Like evil spell you cast around,
Your charm will never fade.
08.95
To Friend
I understand now: it’s forever.
Your eyes will never light for me.
Your kiss, perfunctory as ever,
Is just a shot of poison through my veins.
Obsession won’t dissolve in distance,
And time will measure years of my pain.
Is there no limit to the damage?
How can I bleach such old a stain?
My friend, if I could only call you
By any other title, but, my love…
You will not even read this poem,
I wouldn’t risk the pity in your heart.
Forever friends, forever strangers,
And those you need the most have shut their eyes.
Another circle of unhappy people
Who bleed inside for love they must.
08.95
Simplicity
If I held half the world in my hands,
I’d exchange it for rights to your heart,
For the right to come to your home,
And for joy of kissing your eyes.
If you walked in November rain,
Hiding shoulders in thin summer coat,
I would cover your body with mine
And hear fast pulse in your throat.
And if darkness should come to you,
I will ask to be taken instead,
And feel, like a gift, the light
That follows you in each step.
02.97
Sonnet #5
“Incomplete”
I’m certain I will die from thirst,
The need to touch you, physical and strangling…
Parched lips, still begging for the flood
That opens up the gates to safety.
I’ve built the cage around myself,
Awash in flames that draw and terrify me,
I recognize the color of my dreams
In orange, teasing tongues of fire.
And all the time I’ve had to wait,
The grief that I have been denying,
Carve crooked scars inside my soul,
Releasing tears I couldn’t bear crying.
The pain will grow intense and leave me dry -
Until I reach the threshold, crossing line.
07.97
