The Bellaholics Anonymous Homepage

This is A Bellaholic a woowoo info freak a hopeless case and typical Art Bell listener:

The 12 Steps of Bellaholics Anonymous

(with apologies to all other 12 Step Programs)

1. We admitted that we are powerless over Art Bell, and that his wife has become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a station greater than Art's could drown out Art's broadcast.

3. Made a decision to turn our black helicopter sightings and alien parts over to the care of Art as we always understand that he wants them for analysis.

4. Made a paranoid and delusional inventory of all the conspiracies espoused on Art's show.

5. Admitted to Art, to his sponsors, and to any fool that will listen that these conspiracies are for real, no kidding, honest, believe me - I know, I'm serious!

6. Were entirely ready to have Art tell us how to think. Ideas only crowd the brain and leaves less space for pondering Art.

7. Humbly asked Art to talk more about his sponsors.

8. Made a list of all of Art's sponsor's products and became willing to buy at least one item from them all. Buy Gold - the Gold Standard is coming back, really, no foolin, believe me - I know, I'm serious!

9. Made direct amends to Art's guests who's tapes we haven't bought yet by calling and paying $20 for a $1 tape.

10. Continued to come up with more conspiracies and when folks try to prove we are wrong - make em listen to Dick Hoaxland for a few dozen hours. Then beat them senseless if they have any left.

11. Sought through our 911cs with that erect antenna C Crap Co sells to improve our reception of Art's show hoping only for a few moments of hearing Art talk on and on about another sponsor.

12. Having had an uncomfortable bowel movement (thank God, finally) as a result of these Steps, we tried to listen more closely to real radio programs and to one day achieve true regularity.

Composed one night on IRC by DrPostman - 1996 aka Jamie Eckles Memphis, TN

Therefore open for alteration - email me at jamiemps@mindspring.com

Art has his own trained webmonkey - I thought I'd have one too

You Might Be A Bellaholic If.....

The following was suggested from the gang on alt.fan.art-bell:

From kristine:

you are really excited about the prospect of getting your clothes cleaned without detergent if you get confused when calling art and must consult an atlas to determine if you are west or east of the rockies **if you turn down a promotion at work because it means you might have to switch to day shift

From dont_call@home.com (No bathing):

** bought a $100+ crank radio to listen to broadcasts once WWIII starts!

From Earthmom:

if you get up every 55 minutes to turn the tape over if you own two or more items from the C. Crane company **if you go to Art's website just to listen to the theme song

From J. Raquepas:

You might be a Bellaholic if you suffer from frequent night trips to the bathroom and diminished libido. You might be a Bellaholic if "Double wide" describes both your home and your wife's ass. **You might be a Bellaholic if you are insanely jealous of your girl friend's pet lizard.

From Dr. Tom:

You are actually still trying to "train" your ear so that you can hear speach reversals the way Arty and that hairlip Oates can. You actually own a Levitron, and are looking forward to buying a perpetuator. When cashing your paycheck you ask for a large percentage of it in $5 dollar bills. Even after the Courtney Brown "incident" you still believe remote viewing is real. You think AOL is cutting edge. You think Keith ISNT a net nazi, and you liked the format of the web page chat room.

From Dave:

You can't figure out where "virgin wool" comes from. You think you can't get your car fixed because there are no "geo-logists" in your area. You date by mail. Wild turkey's remind you of breakfast. Turning on the faucet makes your levitron stop floating. Your house is faster than your car. You use AOL and think you are a major player in the internet business. Your wife has more miles on her than your car. **You're a total fucking jerk.

From Wayne Dyer:

1. You can't watch Hogan's Heroes without thinking of 900 MHz digital cordless phones. 2. When you buy apples, you mutter "crunchmeister", whout knowing why. 3. You find yourself wishing you had hard water. 4. You fire your investment manager because he doesn't think you should put all your money in gold, and you suspect he's with the NWO. 5. You think that eating exoskeletons will make you slim (chitin). 6. You giggle every time you start up Quicken. 7. You get a second phone line and call it the "wild card line". *There are probably more....

From Stolen Child:

You cancel your vacation to San Juan because you're scared witless of "Chupa Cabra" You order Ed Dames "Remote Viewing Made Simple for Knuckle Dragging Mouthbreathing Simians" and the first thing you "see" is your money disappearing. You name your pet ferrets "Art" and "Ramona". You order the 2nd tape of Ed Dames "Remote Viewing Made Simple for Knuckle Dragging Mouthbreathing Simians" because you now KNOW you're ripped off and you want to "find" Ed's ass to kick it. You buy 2nd hand recordings of Ed's bumper music. You are no longer reading this.

From nobody@wazoo.com (Anonymous):

**You keep a careful count of your trips to the bathroom.

From Matthew J. Farrenkopf:

None of the flowers in your house wilt because they're all gold-plated. You piss off your SO and immediately hit the speed-dial button for "Absolutely Fresh Flowers." You wind up your radio before you go to bed. Someone says they're having chest pain and you reach for an aspirin spray bottle. You check out what's new every hour on www.artbell.com. You drive a Geo Metro because "the talk show host I listen to drives one." You look at a $5 bill with new interest. "Truth or Trash" is a popular game around the [house/office]. People ask you when you last washed your clothes, and you proudly state "Yesterday! We don't use soap anymore!" Someone says you're a "10," and you say "Yeah, I'd love to meet her..." You want to [kiss & hug/slug & maim] anyone named "Charlie." [depends on your political affiliation] Call up a company. Person answers "XYZ Corporation, this is Sally." "Is this XYZ Corporation?" Happens on any call you place. Art's toll-free number is programmed into your speed-dialer. Advanced Bellaholism: The number is programmed into NVRAM of the modem (or the terminal program) and you use the modem as a wardialer. **You switch work shifts just to listen to the program.

From Dr.Tim:

**you find yourself placing magnets on various body parts.

To which Major Margaret Houlihan BsD added:

... and listening to Art's show buck nekkid.

And we conclude with Glen Quarnstrom:

You might be a Bellaholic if you stay up all night listening to the show, and then spend the next day trashing the program in this newsgroup.

You're a Bellaholic if: You get the urge to put up Yet Another Lame Web Page about Art Bell.

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The Bellaholics Anonymous Homepage

This is A Bellaholic a woowoo info freak a hopeless case and typical Art Bell listener:

(with apologies to all other 12 Step Programs)

1. We admitted that we are powerless over Art Bell, and that his wife has become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a station greater than Art's could drown out Art's broadcast.

3. Made a decision to turn our black helicopter sightings and alien parts over to the care of Art as we always understand that he wants them for analysis.

4. Made a paranoid and delusional inventory of all the conspiracies espoused on Art's show.

5. Admitted to Art, to his sponsors, and to any fool that will listen that these conspiracies are for real, no kidding, honest, believe me - I know, I'm serious!

6. Were entirely ready to have Art tell us how to think. Ideas only crowd the brain and leaves less space for pondering Art.

7. Humbly asked Art to talk more about his sponsors.

8. Made a list of all of Art's sponsor's products and became willing to buy at least one item from them all. Buy Gold - the Gold Standard is coming back, really, no foolin, believe me - I know, I'm serious!

9. Made direct amends to Art's guests who's tapes we haven't bought yet by calling and paying $20 for a $1 tape.

10. Continued to come up with more conspiracies and when folks try to prove we are wrong - make em listen to Dick Hoaxland for a few dozen hours. Then beat them senseless if they have any left.

11. Sought through our 911cs with that erect antenna C Crap Co sells to improve our reception of Art's show hoping only for a few moments of hearing Art talk on and on about another sponsor.

12. Having had an uncomfortable bowel movement (thank God, finally) as a result of these Steps, we tried to listen more closely to real radio programs and to one day achieve true regularity.

Composed one night on IRC by DrPostman - 1996 aka Jamie Eckles Memphis, TN

Therefore open for alteration - email me at jamiemps@mindspring.com

You Might Be A Bellaholic If.....

The following was suggested from the gang on alt.fan.art-bell:

From kristine:

From dont_call@home.com (No bathing):

** bought a $100+ crank radio to listen to broadcasts once WWIII starts!

From Earthmom:

**if you get up every 55 minutes to turn the tape over **if you own two or more items from the C. Crane company **if you go to Art's website just to listen to the theme song

From J. Raquepas:

**You might be a Bellaholic if you suffer from frequent night trips to the bathroom and diminished libido. **You might be a Bellaholic if "Double wide" describes both your home and your wife's ass. **You might be a Bellaholic if you are insanely jealous of your girl friend's pet lizard.

From Dr. Tom:

From Dave:

From Wayne Dyer:

From Stolen Child:

From nobody@wazoo.com (Anonymous):

**You keep a careful count of your trips to the bathroom.

From Matthew J. Farrenkopf:

From Dr.Tim:

**you find yourself placing magnets on various body parts.

To which Major Margaret Houlihan BsD added:

... and listening to Art's show buck nekkid.

And we conclude with Glen Quarnstrom:

You might be a Bellaholic if you stay up all night listening to the show, and then spend the next day trashing the program in this newsgroup.

You're a Bellaholic if: You get the urge to put up Yet Another Lame Web Page about Art Bell.

if you get up every 55 minutes to turn the tape over if you own two or more items from the C. Crane company **if you go to Art's website just to listen to the theme song

You might be a Bellaholic if you suffer from frequent night trips to the bathroom and diminished libido. You might be a Bellaholic if "Double wide" describes both your home and your wife's ass. **You might be a Bellaholic if you are insanely jealous of your girl friend's pet lizard.