Guilty Pleasures

Okay, so we've had the page up for ages and still haven't added anything to the Guilty Pleasures section. We don't even really remember what we meant by this heading when we first put the page up anyhow. I suppose we have to start someplace, though.

WCW Wrestling
Melrose Place

"For lack of a better choice," as our old friend Aurora Blakeny would say, we'll start with Trace's recent interest in WCW Wrestling.

Nicole has since, much to her initial shock and dismay, become addicted to wrestling as well, but WWF, not WCW. Check out Chicks on Wrestling.

Trace's Current Thoughts on the WCW

Updated: January 12, 1999

Okay, I've settled down a little bit after my initial apoplexy following the turn of events on January 4th with Big Sexy's betrayal. With the love and support of my friends and family, I'm holding it together.

What happened was that I just went to see Monday Nitro in person for the first time on January 4. UNBELIEVABLE! I feel totally betrayed. My hero, "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash has turned back to the dark side, along with the nWo Red & Black Wolfpac. Nash gave the title back to Hollywood Hogan. The whole Wolfpac (minus K-Dogg and Sting), including "The Total Package" Lex Luger, from whom I really expected more, ganged up on Goldberg. They kicked the crap out of him, handcuffed him to the ring, then spraypainted him! When Hogan got the belt back, he spraypainted nWo on it again – this time in red. After the t.v. coverage ended, the entirety of the Atlanta Falcons came out and rescued Goldberg, and challenged Nash to come back to the ring if he had the balls. Wisely on his part, apparently he'd already put them away.

Here's some of what Nash has to say about this:

Basically, this plan, plot, scheme, whatever you want to call it, started about Thanksgiving time, when I started talking again with "Hollywood" Hogan; we reflected on the good 'ol days, when we spray-painted guys just for the heck of it. And we just decided to get back together, back on the same page. So, there's now one nWo; that's it. One elite nWo. There are six of us, no more. All others will be terminated with extreme prejudice. The others are being eliminated just because they didn't live up. We will ask them first to leave and if they don't, or won't go, we'll take 'em out.

Including, or maybe starting with Konnan. Why? Because Konnan dropped the ball when he dropped the strap, the TV Title, to Scotty Steiner. Plus, he's been riding my coattails for too long. He needs to get out in the real world and see what it's really like to be out on his own. I'm sick of him. I'm sick of carrying him. He should pay me half his salary for all I do for him. He thinks he's a down, street-guy; he's really just a "white boy." That's all he is. I'm more down than Konnan. If you sat down with me for 35 minutes, then with Konnan for 35 minutes, you'd know. What's his rap, that he's the super-intelligent street-man?

You can check out the rest of his pompous, evil monologue in Kevin's Forum on his official website.

I want to share this from Kevin Nash as well, however. Check out Kevin Responds to His Fans, January 6th. Basically, he says, "Dude, I'm an entertainer. Kevin Nash is a nice guy who loves his family. 'Big Sexy' is a bad guy wrestler who turned on his 'friends.' It's entertainment. Get off my case." It's too bad more people can't take it that way. I feel bad for him is he's actually suffered personal stress because of this – it's great stuff! (Heartbreaking, but great!)

Okay, back to What's Happening Now:

Konnan is no longer in the newest New World Order. He was at the match, but didn't come out with the rest. On the January 11th's Monday Nitro, the nWo kicked the crap out of him, too, when he stood up for Rey Mysterio, Jr. of the lWo – Latino World Order. We're all hoping K-Dogg will join lWo. Eddy Guerrero, their leader, is in the hospital currently after a car accident, and they say he won't be wrestling for another few months. . The lWo will need some leadership while he's gone. Of course, that assumes there is an lWo for anyone to lead. The latest development is that Ric Flair, WCW's current president, asked the lWo to abandon their team and just be WCW. All of them except Rey Mysterio, Jr. removed their red, white and green on black lWo shirts. If not a whole team, maybe we'll see a K-Dogg/Mysterio team-up for awhile, while the rest try to find a new niche? Regardless, it certainly is a dark time for the lWo. Give them your sympathies.

Okay, now back to the usual story we have up here, where this all began, and why I'm so incensed about a "betrayal" by my wrestling heroes:

It started a week before Halloween, October 26, 1998, to be exact. John was gaming with Da Boyz, and I was home alone, making black and orange paper chains and intending to make construction paper bats, but not actually getting to the bats part. There was nothing on television. Nothing at all. Nada. Zip. Zilch. ("Melrose Place" may not have been on that week because of baseball or something stupid, I'm not sure.) So, just for haha's, I turned to Monday Nitro on TNT.

WOW!

It totally ruled! The show was three hours long, and yet probably only about 20 minutes or so was actual wrestling. The rest of it was nothing but posturing and posing, and ridiculous wrestling plot. I loved it!

It took a little while for it to catch on. A woman's interest in wrestling when her man doesn't share that interest is a Guilty Pleasure after all. But after two more months of stupidity on Melrose, I could take no more. One evening, when Amada was ovulating and Michael's real estate agent was sunbathing, I just lost it. I said, "Enough is enough," and switched to TNT. Melrose is going to have to prove itself to me before I go back, I think.

WCW rocks! People knock it because they don't understand it. That's fine. They're possibly boring people anyhow. Anyone who plays NERO or other LARPs should love the WCW, though. It's just like a NERO event, only with many more fireworks, mostly naked chicks who are actually pretty and have some business being mostly naked, better dialog and on the whole, better costuming. The plotlines really aren't that different. Ultimately, it's all bad guys vs. good guys. Why, even the Ric "Nature Boy" Flair vs. Eric Bischoff whole saga is reminiscent of the ancient theme of Robin Hood (a Saxon, part of the old school) fighting off the oppression of the corrupt Sheriff of Nottingham… or maybe it's just cool to hear Ric Flair apoplectically shout, "WHOO!" at irregular intervals. Anyway, LARP players: Check it out on Monday nights, TNT, 8:00 P.M. in civilized areas of the world.

In brief, here are some of my impressions of WCW stars:

"Big Sexy" Kevin Nash This is what I used to have here:
Mmmm… Kevin Nash… I may soon start saving myself for him. (Sorry, John!) There are many cuties in the WCW, but no one is finer than Big Sexy. He's got an unassuming, great attitude that's a nice change from all the other arrogant posturing.
After January 5's display of villainy, I've since taken Big Sexy off my desktop at work, and well, you see what's happened to the photo here in the upper right. Kevin Nash may be pretty on the eyes, but make no mistake: he's a heartless villain, and he'll get his! (Of course, I check his website and its Message Board daily….)

Goldberg Bill Goldberg is pretty much the leader of the few remaining good guys in the WCW at the moment. He's been a loner thus far, but then again, he hasn't needed anyone. If he's going to take down the recently reunited nWo, however, he's going to need some help. Let's see if Goldberg can be as powerful as a leader as he is a wrestler.
He's scheduled to fight Scott Hall at this weekend's Souled Out Pay Per View event. They're going to put a tazer at the top of a ladder and whoever reaches it first can use it. [Yawn!] Borrring! I think I'll save the $30 this month and read about it later.

Norman Smilley This guy kills me. His butt says "Magic." I mean, how cool is that? And the "Big Wiggle," as the announcers call it is clear indication to me that he's gay. That's fine. But I love his style! I hope to see him more of Norman Smilley in the future – and I mean that purely in the sense of seeing more posturing and wiggling, not more flesh, though his flesh is nice.
As if the lWo weren't already gunning for Smilley after he kicked the crap out of Pepe, the former hobby horse, now it's a blood feud. On January 11th, Pepe's birthday, Norman Smilly fed the hobby horse into a wood chipper, and it is no more….

Ric "Nature Boy" Flair What a showman! Man, Ric Flair is da man, no doubt about it! He is so cool! Who else could pull off having the theme to 2001 as their entrance music and not seem like a complete dork? Who else could sputter "WHOO!" apoplectically in people's faces, at the top of his lungs and not come off like a total maniac? Ric Flair, the master himself, that's who! I LOVE this guy! I can't wait to see what the next few months will be like now that he's defeated Eric Bischoff.
Last time around, I ask about Ric's thing with holding up both hands, palms turned inward, with thumbs slightly tucked in, waving the remaining 8 fingers. It's not a Nature Boy thing, per se, it's a 4 Horsemen thing. The four fingers on each hand apparently representing the Horsemen… only I see people doing that just for Flair. Go figure.

Eric Bischoff LARPers, especially plot writers, lemme tell ya: take a lesson from Eric Bischoff about roleplaying evil! This guy doesn't stop! After he thought he drove Ric Flair to a heart attack (which later proved to be only food poisoning, big shock), he kicked the crap out of Ric Flair's son on national t.v. in Flair's hometown, and then kissed Ric's wife! The insults never end. He's just too much. If only most NERO villains were nearly as interesting or fun to hate as Eric Bischoff! We won't be seeing much of him, I think, until Ric Flair's "tenure" as president of the WCW ends, and Bischoff returns to that office in early April. At that time, I'm sure Eric Bischoff will exact his revenge for the months of cruelty and humiliation he's bound to face at Flair's hands.
I hate Eric Bischoff. I love Eric Bischoff. He's like Deathwatch or Pollux. Man, they just don't get more Evil or irresistible than that!

"Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner and "Buff" Bagwell Why bother to separate these two? They're always together, our sleazin' for the nWo. I love 'em! First of all, both of these "gentlemen" are babes. Oh my! If I saw Scott Steiner in a dark alley, I think I'd attack him! Whoo! But as a team, they crack me up. They way they courted Lex Luger was just too funny – but now that the Wolfpac has betrayed its fans and reunited with the Black and White, I guess all that was just smoke. The Total Package has been in bed with them the whole time… not that I can blame him!
The only thing I don't dig is the new fashion since the Betrayal. Buff had a much sexier look before. The overalls make him look like a short, sexy redneck. Sexy still, but short and redneckish now to boot. Sad.

lWo The Latino World Order: Never has the world seen a group of more "oppressed," totally insane men – and that includes most of the worlds revolutions and populations of its asylums! Eddy Guerrero is out of his mind. He can't bear to let a match with any lWo member finish without stomping in to the ring to vituperate about one thing or another.
And Chavo Guerrero, Jr. and Pepe? Lemme just explain it to you this way: Pepe is a hobby horse – or he was until he met up with a pissed off Norman Smilley on January 11th. Chavo used to bring Pepe everywhere, and ride him around in the ring. Ooookay. This guy's a few cans short of a six-pack. Now that Smilley fed Pepe into a nearby woodchipper, what will Chavo do?
As I mentioned earlier, the whole lWo is really up in the air now with Eddy in the hospital. We'll see where that goes. Meanwhile, anyone know of any good lWo websites out there? I haven't found any dedicated ones.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan As a bad guy, Hollywood Hulk Hogan doesn't impress me much, truth be told. I liked him better with the old "superhero" look of the yellow and red. Hogan supposedly retired to run for President (see what Jesse "The Body" started?), but he's back now and reportedly under contract until 2001. He says he'll still run for President. As an interesting sidenote, when he appeared on Monday Nitro on January 4th, he said that his plan was originally to announce his Vice-Presidential running mate. My first thought was that it would be Eric Bischoff, since they've always been so cozy. Bischoff is actually not a bad call – organized, charismatic, well-known in his own right. But now I have another theory: I think Nash traded Hogan the heavyweight championship title for the VP slot!
Hogan's new Seattle grunge look with the Wolfpac is ridiculous. He's a big guy, but the oversize pants and stupid knit cap make him look like he's about 5'4". He looks like a moron, and I'm losing all respect for and intimidation by him. I hope he dumps the new look soon!

Chris Jericho and Ralphus Ralphus And how could I neglect the biggest ego in the WCW, Chris Jericho? This kid also cracks me up. His wrestling is pretty lively and athletic, and so it's fun to watch. He's also obviously really great to his fans, and his official web site is filled with photos with fans, comments from fans, and he even claims that he reads all the email he gets. I may be turning into a Jericholic!
The best thing about Chris Jericho are his antics on the mic. This guys has a great gimmick in his own personality, and that of the Jericho Personal Security agent, Ralphus. Chris Jericho has a baby face and surfer look. He'd be attractive if it weren't for that ridiculous "beardlet" he tries to sprout. Ralphus, on the other hand, must weigh like 400 pounds, and not 10 of it is muscle! With his belly hanging out of his undersize T-shirt, and that notorious finger-wagging, Ralphus is a big win for me! They talk about the Conspiracy Against Jericho, but personally, I think there's a Conspiracy Against Ralphus. I tried and tried, but could find only photo of Ralphus on the net. If you know of more, send me a link, if you please! (Please don't send the actual picture file.)

Miss Elizabeth The plot thickens! Earlier, I asked you to give me the history of Miss Elizabeth, and what her deal is, who she is. I've gotten three stories, each different:

From John Downs: She's Randy "Macho Man" Savage's sister (not brother as a previous negligent type-o reported!). She used to be his manager or something back when they were all in the WWF. Back then, she was "The Lovely Elizabeth." She may or may not have posed as his lover, but she's really his sister and it's just an on-stage act to keep the business in the family. (They have another brother, who used to be "Leaping Lenny" somebody or other.)

From Marie Jackson: She used to be Macho Man's lover, and then became his manager. Or maybe it was the other way around. Then, Macho Man and Hogan got together and she "managed" them both.

From Simone Meadows: "She was married to Macho Man for awhile. OOR (out of ring, so to speak) they got divorced, but still played like they were married IN(in-ring). When the nWo split into two different groups, Macho Man tired taking over as head of the Black and White leader (if I remember correctly). During one of his BIG in the ring speeches, Eric Bischoff and Hogan told Macho Man off from one of the above the ring seats. Told him that he was so lousy he couldn't even keep his woman. And then you see Miss Elizabeth sitting in Eric's lap and then kisses him (classic!!!). So Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth were no longer."

TNT ran a "Best of Monday Nitro" show not too long ago, and it showed a little history with this woman siding with Hogan and the Nature Boy alternatively. I am determined to get to the bottom of this. If you know what's up, or know of a website with information about her, email me.

A little question – is anybody out there actually reading this? Anyone? Anyone? Would it be better if I didn't erase the old editions of these reports, and left them in a dated index or something? Also, would you appreciate some links to some of the pages where I get this stuff?

"Your WCW Site Rocks"

"Your WCW Site SUCKS Rocks"

That about does it for the wrestling report for now. You'll probably see fairly frequent updates here until Nicole gets sick of supporting my addiction, or until I get too many "Your site sucks rocks" messages.

A-ha! Now the fog of memory burns away and I recall that commentary on Guilty Pleasures such as our shared interest in trash like "Melrose Place" is precisely what this section of the web site is for. And no commentary on our little vices would be complete without a brief Melrose interruption:

Amanda Trace: Despite that this character hasn't done anything sensible or intelligible in the time I've been watching the show, and you can't figure out why anyone works for her when she keeps promoting people she meets off the street, I love Amanda. You can always count on her for unchecked cattiness, and to keep secrets from her S.O. that will be everyone's downfall. But why the hell is she always Special Guest Star anyhow? As if!

Nicole: Because it draws attention to her, that's why. Well, deservedly so, I guess. Amanda is and will always be Queen of Melrose Place. Tho why she puts up with the loonies living and working around her, I don't know.

Eve Trace: Does this character have a point? How about an I.Q.? Better yet, any sense of self-respect? Go back to prison, jailbird. You have nothing to contribute here.

Nicole: Boring. Throw her in the pool with Brooke or toss her in a car with Samantha and Billy.

Jane Trace: I've about had it with this, "I'm an independent and successful career woman and I don't need a man in my life" soap opera bullshit. As if! If you didn't need a man in your life, sweetheart, you wouldn't keep flirting with Alex Bastion every time you're going to get married. You're obviously gay. And now that the token gay guy has been hit by a car or whatever, you're the natural replacement. Show your true colors. The fake ones are boring.

Nicole: Bringing Jane back was supposed to breathe more life in the show. Not even. Bringing back Sydney, now, that would be more interesting. She could crawl from the grave, blackmail Michael, Amanda, and Peter, start a cult, and produce porno movies again.

Kimberly Trace: Kimberly may not be a regular on the show anymore, and the denizens of Melrose Place may think she's dead, but we know better. Kimberly is still out there, and she's on her way back. She's just biding her time, making her master plan.

Nicole: I love Kimberly. She's not dead, she's faking it (again)! Bring her back, bring her back! She was responsible for the best plot lines on the show. Who else could have blown up Melrose Place like she did? Kimberly rocks! And she successfully seduced Pool Boy, which no other character has yet done.

Kyle Trace: Okay, let's see: He was a Marine. He has "Nam" flashbacks from the Gulf. He has lots of seedy old friends. He cheated on his who' first wife. He's a cook. He runs a nightclub. And? Not much substance here, just a trendy 'do.

Nicole: Kyle will forever be the clueless bozo married to a woman who can manipulate circles around him. What women see in him I can't fathom. He must be good in bed or something. It's obviously not his brain.

Kyle's Stupid Brother Trace: I HATE HIM! This character is geigh! Absolutely geigh! Why does he exist? I'm not interested in him. Are you? Of course not! How could you be? If Lexi just bought herself a blow-up doll, it would have more personality than this substitute. Get this guy off the show.

Nicole: That's Ryan, Trace. But I thoroughly agree. What's his point? Into the pool!

Lexi Trace: She's only been with one man, Coop. Then she has an affair with Peter. Then she mows someone down, dyes her hair brown and all of a sudden she's a nymphomaniac? What's up with that? Look, I like a cool vamp character as much as the next person, but the key here is cool vamp character, which Lexi is not. The actress is cool, and if the writers would just find a point for Lexi other than having sex in public places, there's potential here.

Nicole: I miss Coop. Johnny Cage! But if Lexi had a point, she could prove to be the next Kimberly (but no one will ever truly replace Kimmy). I mean, you can't go wrong with hair that changes colors with your mood. I just can't understand why she pretends to be apologetic to everyone (while plotting her vengeance – you go girl!), but then is just as bitchy as she ever was the next episode. What happened to the sneaking?

Megan Trace: Which is it – poor street whore, or spoiled rich girl? Now she's a stylish working girl. Puh-leeze!

Nicole: How she went from ex-hooker to vice president of an advertising company is a mystery. Unless she's working on advertising campaigns for strip joints.

Michael Trace: No matter what, you can just never get enough of Michael Mancini. Yea, Michael! Don't ever change! (We know you can't, no matter how many times per episode you insist that you have.)

Nicole: Is there a woman on the show who Michael hasn't slept with? Eve, I guess. And Lexi, but I'm sure he'll be between the sheets with her before long.

Peter Trace: Okay, you're a shining paladinic doctor and pillar of the community – no, now you're a date rapist and kidnapper. Eh. Same difference, really. Keep up the good work, Peter!

Nicole: Peter is just too bizarre. He's romanced Amanda numerous times, tried to kill her, stole her business, married her, divorced her, asked her new husband to be his best man when he married Amanda's best friend...man, Peter and Kimberly would be a good match.

Trace: Peter and Kimberly were together. And it was cool. Remember?

Nicole: Yes, but it was so short a time, alas.

Back to Trace's and Nicole's Page of Stuff

"Big Sexy" Kevin Nash	This is what I used to have here: Mmmm… Kevin Nash… I may soon start saving myself for him. (Sorry, John!) There are many cuties in the WCW, but no one is finer than Big Sexy. He's got an unassuming, great attitude that's a nice change from all the other arrogant posturing. After January 5's display of villainy, I've since taken Big Sexy off my desktop at work, and well, you see what's happened to the photo here in the upper right. Kevin Nash may be pretty on the eyes, but make no mistake: he's a heartless villain, and he'll get his! (Of course, I check his website and its Message Board daily….)
Goldberg	Bill Goldberg is pretty much the leader of the few remaining good guys in the WCW at the moment. He's been a loner thus far, but then again, he hasn't needed anyone. If he's going to take down the recently reunited nWo, however, he's going to need some help. Let's see if Goldberg can be as powerful as a leader as he is a wrestler. He's scheduled to fight Scott Hall at this weekend's Souled Out Pay Per View event. They're going to put a tazer at the top of a ladder and whoever reaches it first can use it. [Yawn!] Borrring! I think I'll save the $30 this month and read about it later.
Norman Smilley	This guy kills me. His butt says "Magic." I mean, how cool is that? And the "Big Wiggle," as the announcers call it is clear indication to me that he's gay. That's fine. But I love his style! I hope to see him more of Norman Smilley in the future – and I mean that purely in the sense of seeing more posturing and wiggling, not more flesh, though his flesh is nice. As if the lWo weren't already gunning for Smilley after he kicked the crap out of Pepe, the former hobby horse, now it's a blood feud. On January 11th, Pepe's birthday, Norman Smilly fed the hobby horse into a wood chipper, and it is no more….
Ric "Nature Boy" Flair	What a showman! Man, Ric Flair is da man, no doubt about it! He is so cool! Who else could pull off having the theme to 2001 as their entrance music and not seem like a complete dork? Who else could sputter "WHOO!" apoplectically in people's faces, at the top of his lungs and not come off like a total maniac? Ric Flair, the master himself, that's who! I LOVE this guy! I can't wait to see what the next few months will be like now that he's defeated Eric Bischoff. Last time around, I ask about Ric's thing with holding up both hands, palms turned inward, with thumbs slightly tucked in, waving the remaining 8 fingers. It's not a Nature Boy thing, per se, it's a 4 Horsemen thing. The four fingers on each hand apparently representing the Horsemen… only I see people doing that just for Flair. Go figure.
Eric Bischoff	LARPers, especially plot writers, lemme tell ya: take a lesson from Eric Bischoff about roleplaying evil! This guy doesn't stop! After he thought he drove Ric Flair to a heart attack (which later proved to be only food poisoning, big shock), he kicked the crap out of Ric Flair's son on national t.v. in Flair's hometown, and then kissed Ric's wife! The insults never end. He's just too much. If only most NERO villains were nearly as interesting or fun to hate as Eric Bischoff! We won't be seeing much of him, I think, until Ric Flair's "tenure" as president of the WCW ends, and Bischoff returns to that office in early April. At that time, I'm sure Eric Bischoff will exact his revenge for the months of cruelty and humiliation he's bound to face at Flair's hands. I hate Eric Bischoff. I love Eric Bischoff. He's like Deathwatch or Pollux. Man, they just don't get more Evil or irresistible than that!
"Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner and "Buff" Bagwell	Why bother to separate these two? They're always together, our sleazin' for the nWo. I love 'em! First of all, both of these "gentlemen" are babes. Oh my! If I saw Scott Steiner in a dark alley, I think I'd attack him! Whoo! But as a team, they crack me up. They way they courted Lex Luger was just too funny – but now that the Wolfpac has betrayed its fans and reunited with the Black and White, I guess all that was just smoke. The Total Package has been in bed with them the whole time… not that I can blame him! The only thing I don't dig is the new fashion since the Betrayal. Buff had a much sexier look before. The overalls make him look like a short, sexy redneck. Sexy still, but short and redneckish now to boot. Sad.
lWo	The Latino World Order: Never has the world seen a group of more "oppressed," totally insane men – and that includes most of the worlds revolutions and populations of its asylums! Eddy Guerrero is out of his mind. He can't bear to let a match with any lWo member finish without stomping in to the ring to vituperate about one thing or another. And Chavo Guerrero, Jr. and Pepe? Lemme just explain it to you this way: Pepe is a hobby horse – or he was until he met up with a pissed off Norman Smilley on January 11th. Chavo used to bring Pepe everywhere, and ride him around in the ring. Ooookay. This guy's a few cans short of a six-pack. Now that Smilley fed Pepe into a nearby woodchipper, what will Chavo do? As I mentioned earlier, the whole lWo is really up in the air now with Eddy in the hospital. We'll see where that goes. Meanwhile, anyone know of any good lWo websites out there? I haven't found any dedicated ones.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan	As a bad guy, Hollywood Hulk Hogan doesn't impress me much, truth be told. I liked him better with the old "superhero" look of the yellow and red. Hogan supposedly retired to run for President (see what Jesse "The Body" started?), but he's back now and reportedly under contract until 2001. He says he'll still run for President. As an interesting sidenote, when he appeared on Monday Nitro on January 4th, he said that his plan was originally to announce his Vice-Presidential running mate. My first thought was that it would be Eric Bischoff, since they've always been so cozy. Bischoff is actually not a bad call – organized, charismatic, well-known in his own right. But now I have another theory: I think Nash traded Hogan the heavyweight championship title for the VP slot! Hogan's new Seattle grunge look with the Wolfpac is ridiculous. He's a big guy, but the oversize pants and stupid knit cap make him look like he's about 5'4". He looks like a moron, and I'm losing all respect for and intimidation by him. I hope he dumps the new look soon!
Chris Jericho and Ralphus	And how could I neglect the biggest ego in the WCW, Chris Jericho? This kid also cracks me up. His wrestling is pretty lively and athletic, and so it's fun to watch. He's also obviously really great to his fans, and his official web site is filled with photos with fans, comments from fans, and he even claims that he reads all the email he gets. I may be turning into a Jericholic! The best thing about Chris Jericho are his antics on the mic. This guys has a great gimmick in his own personality, and that of the Jericho Personal Security agent, Ralphus. Chris Jericho has a baby face and surfer look. He'd be attractive if it weren't for that ridiculous "beardlet" he tries to sprout. Ralphus, on the other hand, must weigh like 400 pounds, and not 10 of it is muscle! With his belly hanging out of his undersize T-shirt, and that notorious finger-wagging, Ralphus is a big win for me! They talk about the Conspiracy Against Jericho, but personally, I think there's a Conspiracy Against Ralphus. I tried and tried, but could find only photo of Ralphus on the net. If you know of more, send me a link, if you please! (Please don't send the actual picture file.)
Miss Elizabeth	The plot thickens! Earlier, I asked you to give me the history of Miss Elizabeth, and what her deal is, who she is. I've gotten three stories, each different: *From John Downs: She's Randy "Macho Man" Savage's sister (not brother as a previous negligent type-o reported!). She used to be his manager or something back when they were all in the WWF. Back then, she was "The Lovely Elizabeth." She may or may not have posed as his lover, but she's really his sister and it's just an on-stage act to keep the business in the family. (They have another brother, who used to be "Leaping Lenny" somebody or other.) From Marie Jackson: She used to be Macho Man's lover, and then became his manager. Or maybe it was the other way around. Then, Macho Man and Hogan got together and she "managed" them both. From Simone Meadows: "She was married to Macho Man for awhile. OOR (out of ring, so to speak) they got divorced, but still played like they were married IN(in-ring). When the nWo split into two different groups, Macho Man tired taking over as head of the Black and White leader (if I remember correctly). During one of his BIG in the ring speeches, Eric Bischoff and Hogan told Macho Man off from one of the above the ring seats. Told him that he was so lousy he couldn't even keep his woman. And then you see Miss Elizabeth sitting in Eric's lap and then kisses him (classic!!!). So Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth were no longer." TNT ran a "Best of Monday Nitro" show not too long ago, and it showed a little history with this woman siding with Hogan and the Nature Boy alternatively. I am determined to get to the bottom of this. If you know what's up, or know of a website with information about her, email me*.

Amanda	Trace: Despite that this character hasn't done anything sensible or intelligible in the time I've been watching the show, and you can't figure out why anyone works for her when she keeps promoting people she meets off the street, I love Amanda. You can always count on her for unchecked cattiness, and to keep secrets from her S.O. that will be everyone's downfall. But why the hell is she always Special Guest Star anyhow? As if!
	Nicole: Because it draws attention to her, that's why. Well, deservedly so, I guess. Amanda is and will always be Queen of Melrose Place. Tho why she puts up with the loonies living and working around her, I don't know.
Eve	Trace: Does this character have a point? How about an I.Q.? Better yet, any sense of self-respect? Go back to prison, jailbird. You have nothing to contribute here.
	Nicole: Boring. Throw her in the pool with Brooke or toss her in a car with Samantha and Billy.
Jane	Trace: I've about had it with this, "I'm an independent and successful career woman and I don't need a man in my life" soap opera bullshit. As if! If you didn't need a man in your life, sweetheart, you wouldn't keep flirting with Alex Bastion every time you're going to get married. You're obviously gay. And now that the token gay guy has been hit by a car or whatever, you're the natural replacement. Show your true colors. The fake ones are boring.
	Nicole: Bringing Jane back was supposed to breathe more life in the show. Not even. Bringing back Sydney, now, that would be more interesting. She could crawl from the grave, blackmail Michael, Amanda, and Peter, start a cult, and produce porno movies again.
Kimberly	Trace: Kimberly may not be a regular on the show anymore, and the denizens of Melrose Place may think she's dead, but we know better. Kimberly is still out there, and she's on her way back. She's just biding her time, making her master plan.
	Nicole: I love Kimberly. She's not dead, she's faking it (again)! Bring her back, bring her back! She was responsible for the best plot lines on the show. Who else could have blown up Melrose Place like she did? Kimberly rocks! And she successfully seduced Pool Boy, which no other character has yet done.
Kyle	Trace: Okay, let's see: He was a Marine. He has "Nam" flashbacks from the Gulf. He has lots of seedy old friends. He cheated on his who' first wife. He's a cook. He runs a nightclub. And? Not much substance here, just a trendy 'do.
	Nicole: Kyle will forever be the clueless bozo married to a woman who can manipulate circles around him. What women see in him I can't fathom. He must be good in bed or something. It's obviously not his brain.
Kyle's Stupid Brother	Trace: I HATE HIM! This character is geigh! Absolutely geigh! Why does he exist? I'm not interested in him. Are you? Of course not! How could you be? If Lexi just bought herself a blow-up doll, it would have more personality than this substitute. Get this guy off the show.
	Nicole: That's Ryan, Trace. But I thoroughly agree. What's his point? Into the pool!
Lexi	Trace: She's only been with one man, Coop. Then she has an affair with Peter. Then she mows someone down, dyes her hair brown and all of a sudden she's a nymphomaniac? What's up with that? Look, I like a cool vamp character as much as the next person, but the key here is cool vamp character, which Lexi is not. The actress is cool, and if the writers would just find a point for Lexi other than having sex in public places, there's potential here.
	Nicole: I miss Coop. Johnny Cage! But if Lexi had a point, she could prove to be the next Kimberly (but no one will ever truly replace Kimmy). I mean, you can't go wrong with hair that changes colors with your mood. I just can't understand why she pretends to be apologetic to everyone (while plotting her vengeance – you go girl!), but then is just as bitchy as she ever was the next episode. What happened to the sneaking?
Megan	Trace: Which is it – poor street whore, or spoiled rich girl? Now she's a stylish working girl. Puh-leeze!
	Nicole: How she went from ex-hooker to vice president of an advertising company is a mystery. Unless she's working on advertising campaigns for strip joints.
Michael	Trace: No matter what, you can just never get enough of Michael Mancini. Yea, Michael! Don't ever change! (We know you can't, no matter how many times per episode you insist that you have.)
	Nicole: Is there a woman on the show who Michael hasn't slept with? Eve, I guess. And Lexi, but I'm sure he'll be between the sheets with her before long.
Peter	Trace: Okay, you're a shining paladinic doctor and pillar of the community – no, now you're a date rapist and kidnapper. Eh. Same difference, really. Keep up the good work, Peter!
	Nicole: Peter is just too bizarre. He's romanced Amanda numerous times, tried to kill her, stole her business, married her, divorced her, asked her new husband to be his best man when he married Amanda's best friend...man, Peter and Kimberly would be a good match.
	Trace: Peter and Kimberly were together. And it was cool. Remember?
	Nicole: Yes, but it was so short a time, alas.