Some Funnies
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
“Where did u get such a great bike?” the second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when
a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, “Take what u want.” The second engineer
nodded approvingly, “good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.”
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| The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer and of your questions.
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| When you go into a computers store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers and u butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
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| You're both in the backseat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite;
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| Your laptop computer costs more then your car;
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| You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
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| You have more toys then your kids
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| You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
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| The projector at the presentation don't work and u rush up to the front to fix it
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| You don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
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| Your camera has more computing power then a486DX-50
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| More people understand '42' then '69'
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| You remember people by their email address
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| You have even saved the power cord from a broken appliance
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| You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid
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| On vacation, you are reading a technical manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading john Gresham novels.
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| You use a cad package to design a bird bath
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| Free body diagrams excite you
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| you ask someone what language they know and expect them to answer Spanish, French, Pascal, c, basic, assembly or java
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| your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
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| trans-1,2-dibenzoylethylene is one of the words that you type rapidly
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| everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck gazing at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
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| you've tried to repair a $5 radio
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| you understand more then 20% of the above reference |
| you buy your child an education software program, and she asks which authoring tool it was written in |
| she can program your vcr, while you haven't been able to get it to stop blinking “12:00” |
| he has removed the voice box from his talking Elmo doll and reprogrammed it |
| he is picked last on every sporting team. |
| She believes that if she's really good, Santa will give her a client/server network for Christmas |
| He has recently accepted a scholarship to UTS, and he's five |
| She can't get a date |
| He has defeated the “child-guard” software on your web browser and has connected to www.playboy.com |
| I wont stop bugging you until I get the address of your homepage |
| You fascinate me more then the fundamental theorem of calculus |
| Since distance equals velocity times time, lets' let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. |
| My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. |
| Wanna come back to my room?... and see my AMD Athlon? |
| How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond? |
| You're sweeter than fructose. |
| We're as compatible as two similar power Macintoshes. |
| Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you? |
| Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen. |
| You're hotter than a bunsea burner set to full power! |
| Hey baby, let's make a stress-strain curve together. |
| Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. |
Alex's Spading Tips
The 3 rules of spading
Rule 1: wear your best socks. If you want go out on the town and impress,
it is important that you wear your best socks. Cartoon socks get extra points.
Rule 2: don't be a sleazy, make a new friend. No need to watch a Bond
movie before you go out or to try to sleaze onto yoru target, be friendly, find things in common
and have a conversation. You will come across as natural and believe it or not confident.
She/he will be much more likely to approach you on a later occation or even introduce you to
their friends.
Rule 3: there are no rules. Even if you aren't wearing your best socks just go for it.
Myth's about spading
The girl or guy you have your eye on is not a mythical object. They are a normal person just like you.
Approach them casually and do not be intimidated by their looks. This is especially important for the guys.
It is also a myth that you have to get really drunk and make a fool of yourself to impress
(this on also goes especially for the guys.) another myth is that guys make the first move.
It's a little known fact that girls often use body language to make the first move.
The vast majority of guys are completely oblivious to body language,
so do yourself a favour and ask the expert help of one of your female friends.
They may even give you some recommendations or introduce you to a friend or two of theirs.
A final myth is that mullet cuts are cool, under no circumstances get yourself a mullet cut or admit to
listening to retro music (though we all go to the uni retro parties and secretly like it).
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