" Kathryn, you can’t be serious about this," Chakotay protested.
"Oh, I am; dead serious. I'm not playing games here, Commander. I’m sick and tired of wasting time negotiating with these people. They’re not going to listen to anything we have to say, and they’re not going to accept anything we offer them. I’m ready to go home," she snapped.
"We have to respect these people’s wishes, Kathryn. We can’t just do whatever we want and leave; it doesn’t work that way. I understand that you’re under a lot of stress right now, we all are, but this is not a rational decision," argued Chakotay.
Kathryn spun around to look at him. "Are you challenging my decision? The last time I checked I was still the Captain of this ship."
"I just thought that I would point out that attacking an entire fleet of warships whose capabilities are greater than ours, to say the least, is not a wonderful idea. This is suicide, Kathryn, and I refuse to be a part of it! The shuttle will be destroyed before it can fire one shot. It won't even have a chance. I will not be responsible for the deaths of every person on this ship."
"No, that is my responsibility, just like this decision, which I have already made. If you disagree, that’s your problem, not mine. I will note it in my log. Dismissed."
She turned her attention to the reports on her desk, but Chakotay had no intention of leaving yet.
"I think that you’re making a big mistake, one that will cost lives. Are you really prepared to face that?" he asked.
Kathryn gave him a cold look. "I thought I dismissed you. Any reason you’re still here?"
"I’m trying to make you understand that what you are doing is wrong. This is not the only way home," he said.
"No, but it is the closest way. And the route I intend to take. You have your orders, and I expect you to follow them to the letter. One more incident like this, and you’ll be spending the rest of this trip in the brig."
She moved closer to him, her voice like ice and her eyes even colder.
"Do I make myself clear?"
Chakotay clenched his jaw and said nothing. The air in the room was so thick it could be sliced with a knife. He stared her straight in the eye. He expected her to have him arrested and thrown in the brig, he wanted her to. He didn’t want anything to do with her plans to shoot her way into the wormhole. He expected her to say the words written all over her face: don’t make me repeat myself. He had no intention of answering her. They stared each other down for what seemed like hours, both of them furious. Suddenly, Kathryn snapped and hit him across the face.
"Damn you! Get out! Now!" She was shaking with anger.
Chakotay was in shock. He didn’t dare show her how much his face hurt. He clenched his fists and turned away. She might as well have ripped his heart from his chest and thrown it at him. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. He pulled himself together the best he could and walked out the door onto the bridge. He paused, trying to judge if he was fit to take command. The tears threatened, and he quickly decided that he wasn’t. He hurried through the bridge, nodding at Tuvok as he went.
"You have the bridge."
Tuvok responded with a raised eyebrow. Chakotay hurried into the turbolift and to his quarters. Once there, he could no longer hold back his pain, physically or emotionally. His legs gave way and he fell to his knees. The tears poured as he buried his face in the floor.
three days earlier....
The image on the viewscreen couldn't be possible. A wormhole, a stable wormhole, that led to the Alpha quadrant.
"You're sure it's stable?" Captain Janeway asked Harry.
"As stable as it gets, Captain. And I'm sure it goes to the Alpha Quadrant. Positive."
Kathryn turned to look at her First Officer. He met her eyes with a smile.
"This could be our ticket home, but let's not take any chances," he said.
"You're right. Harry, let's check and recheck this, O.K.? We don't want to find ourselves being torn to pieces instead of getting home."
Kathryn turned to Tuvok, but she never got to speak. The ship suddenly shook violently. Someone was firing on them.
"Red Alert!" the Captain shouted.
Another blast hit the ship, this time sending several crewmembers sprawling, including Kathryn. Chakotay darted forward and caught her.
"Harry, open a channel," Kathryn said, trying to recover gracefully.
"Channel open, Captain."
The image on the viewscreen shocked the crew on the bridge. Kathryn had to stop her jaw from dropping.
"We are the Kazon Natha. You are violating our space. Leave now or you will be destroyed."
The Kazon Maje before them was unlike the Nistrim or the Ogla. His headdress and dress were very different from those of Voyager's former enemies. He also didn't seem to know anything about Voyager. Kathryn decided that he must belong to a distant sect that had been cut off from the rest of the Kazon.
"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager. We mean you no harm. We did not know that we were violating your borders. However, we would like to talk with you about that wormhole."
"The wormhole is ours, there is nothing to talk about. You are ordered to leave, now." The Kazon Maje disappeared from the viewscreen.
"Tom, back us off, but not out of sensor range. I don't intend to leave yet."
present....
He didn’t know how long he had been there. He felt dizzy, and he wondered why. He started to sit up, and then he remembered. The pain shot through him like a bullet, and he had to lie back down. He reached up to feel his face, but he couldn’t stand to touch it. Then he realized that he couldn’t see. His left eye was swollen shut and the pain was nearly unbearable. With his good eye he could see blood on his hand from where he had touched his face. Struggling with consciousness, he slowly sat himself up. He suddenly realized that he was in sickbay. He wondered how he had gotten there, and, as if he had read his thoughts, the Doctor appeared beside him.
"Fist fights are not good for your looks, if you don't mind my saying," the Doctor said.
"How did I get here?" asked Chakotay.
"I had a visit from Captain Janeway earlier. I couldn't help asking how she broke her hand. She told me that you might be in need of medical attention, so I went looking for you," he replied.
"Why didn't you just call?" Chakotay asked.
"I did; several times. The Captain said that you might still be angry, but after eight hours I began to worry. She did hit you hard enough to break her hand, I'll remind you. You have a concussion." The Doctor had been scanning Chakotay's swollen face with his tricorder as he was talking. "The swelling is starting to subside, but you'll still need plenty of bed rest. No heavy activity for at least 48 hours. Get some sleep," the Doctor said.
Chakotay nodded. A wave of pain came over him that nearly knocked him out again. He lie back down and held his head in his hands. The Doctor injected him with a hypospray.
"That should help the pain. I don't think I'll release you just yet."
As Chakotay slipped into unconsciousness, only one word came to his clouded mind.
one day earlier....
The senior officers sat around the table in disgust. Their Captain stood in front of the table with her arms folded across her chest.
"We didn't come this far to give up now. There must be a way to convince the Natha to let us pass."
"We could always blast our way through," suggested Tom.
"No, I'm not ready to accept that as an option, Mr. Paris. Yet."
Her last comment grasped Chakotay's attention. He looked up at her, but she refused to meet his gaze.
"What do we know about their defense?" he asked quietly.
"There are two relay stations on either side of the wormhole. They supply power to the energy barrier that blocks it. In order for the energy barrier to be taken off line, both towers would have to be disabled within minutes of each other," Harry responded.
"Why?" Chakotay asked.
"Because the towers each have a backup power generator. It just takes a few minutes for it to kick on. If we could destroy the towers we wouldn't have to worry about it, but we can't. I've never seen this kind of shielding. Neither has Seven. We can only disable them for a short period of time. But it should be enough time for us to get through the wormhole."
Chakotay glanced again at Kathryn. This time she met his eyes.
"Let's all sleep on this. Harry, you and Seven find out what you can. The more information we have, the better off we'll be. Dismissed."
Chakotay remained seated until the room was empty. Kathryn watched him stand up and stretch.
"You don't think an attack is a good idea," she said when he turned to face her.
"No, I don't. They outnumber us. One ship might not do much damage, but an entire fleet... that's a different story."
"I just don't see any other way," she said, turning her back to him.
"I know that you'll make the right decision, Kathryn. You always do."
Chakotay turned to leave, but he found that he couldn't. They stood there with their backs turned to each other, silent.
"Kathryn?"
"Yes?"
"What will happen? If we get home?"
"I suppose there will be a celebration, speeches to give, that sort of thing."
"That's not what I meant."
He turned to look at her. Her back was still turned. Slowly, so as not to startle her, he placed his hand on her shoulder.
"I was talking about us," he whispered softly.
Kathryn didn't respond. She stood looking at the stars passed by. She didn't know what to say. Instead, she reached up to place her hand on top of his. They stood there for a while like that; watching the stars, each lost in their own thoughts. It was a peace that would soon be lost.
present…
"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."
"Janeway here. What is it Doctor?"
"I need to speak with you for a few minutes if that is possible," the Doctor replied.
"Is it important?" the Captain asked.
"Yes it is," the Doctor said.
"On my way," Kathryn replied.
She rose from her chair on the bridge and headed for the turbolift.
"You have the bridge," she said as she passed Tuvok. He nodded as Kathryn walked into the turbolift.
"Sickbay," she ordered the computer.
She leaned back on the wall of the lift and sighed. She didn’t know if she could face Chakotay after what had happened earlier in her ready room. She knew that she had been wrong to hit him, but he had challenged her authority. She knew that she was right about her decision, though, and she didn’t regret hitting him. "Now I’m contradicting myself," she said to herself. The turbolift came to a halt and the doors opened. She took a deep breath and stepped out. She paused before the door to sickbay to compose herself. The Doctor greeted her cheerfully.
"How are you doing this evening, Captain? Is your hand feeling better?"
"Yes, it’s fine now, thank you. What did you want to speak with me about?"
"It’s about your First Officer, of course. You were correct when you said he needed medical attention, but you were wrong about why he did not answer my calls," the Doctor said.
He paused, waiting for her response.
"And what was that reason?" she asked, stealing a sideways glance at the main biobed where Chakotay lay.
"He was unconscious for nearly eight hours, Captain. He has a concussion. I’m keeping him sedated at the time. He is in considerable pain. I would like to keep him overnight for observation," he replied.
"That’s not acceptable, Doctor. We are hours away from taking that wormhole, and I need the Commander in the Delta Flyer," she said.
"He is most certainly not fit for duty, Captain. He needs time to recover from this. I don’t have a cure-all for everything," the Doctor argued.
"I don’t care, Doctor. Get him up and running within the hour. That’s an order." Kathryn turned to walk away.
"I must object. Commander Chakotay is not a piece of machinery, he’s a human being, and he is not well. You’ll have to find someone else to pilot the shuttle."
"Don’t argue with me. I gave you an order," she snapped.
"I’m not afraid of you, Captain. You can’t break a hologram’s jaw," the Doctor said sarcastically.
"No, but I can take your program off-line. You have your orders," she said. She turned and disappeared out the door.
******************************************
Chakotay had made up his mind about what he would say to Kathryn, but when she walked into sickbay his carefully prepared speech went out the door. He couldn’t stay mad at her. Even though he knew he was right, he would always do whatever she wished. She was his weakness, and he would give his life for her. Kathryn walked over to where he stood, prepared for another argument. The Doctor had done a good job repairing Chakotay’s face, but it still was a little bruised. The look of pain in his eyes made her look away. She knew that she had hurt him just as bad on the inside as on the outside. They stood there in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Finally Chakotay broke the silence.
"I’m sorry for what I said earlier. It was not my place to question you. It will never happen again."
His voice was quiet and full of pain. Kathryn nodded her head, still looking away.
"Let’s hope you’re right," she said. "Everything is ready to go. Report to the shuttlebay for duty," she said as she turned to leave.
"Yes, ma’am," he said quietly.
She hurried out of sickbay before anything else could be said. Chakotay watched her go, and for the first time he admitted to himself that he loved Kathryn Janeway. He knew that he could never tell her; and that hurt him even more.
He tried to forget Kathryn and focus on the mission. As he walked toward the shuttlebay, he ran into B’Elanna and her engineering team.
"I’ll meet up with you guys later," she told them as she stopped to speak with Chakotay.
"I hear you and Janeway had a fight. Looks like she won," she said, inspecting his bruise.
"It’s nothing," he told her.
"Nothing? Excuse me for saying so, but you look like hell. What was it about, anyhow?" she asked.
"What was what about?"
"The fight, what else?"
"It wasn’t a fight. It was a disagreement. It’s over with now," he said.
"And?" she asked.
"And what? Who won? She did, of course. I’ve got to go. They’re expecting me on the shuttle," he said, starting to leave.
"Chakotay!" B’Elanna yelled after him.
He turned back to face her.
"You know that this isn’t going to work, don’t you? The shuttle will be destroyed, along with everyone on it," she said.
"I know," he said, and walked away.
***************************************************
Harry and Seven were waiting for him on the shuttle. He took his seat at the helm and prepared for launch. His head was clouded with thoughts. He found it difficult to concentrate on what he was doing. He cleared his mind and tried to focus.
"Voyager to Commander Chakotay."
"Chakotay here," he responded.
"Everything’s ready here. Are you?" asked Kathryn.
"We’re ready and waiting, Captain," he said.
"Good. Let’s do it," she said.
"We’ll see you on the other side," he said.
He set course directly for the tower. Scout ships moved to intercept the shuttle. Everything was going as planned.
"We’re being hailed," said Harry.
"No response. Raise shields," replied Chakotay.
The shuttle was now entering the danger zone. If this didn’t work, the whole plan would fail.
"Commander, we are in range of the tower. Shall we fire?" asked Seven.
"No. We’ve got to get as close as we can, so that we have a better chance to disable it. We’ve only got one chance," he said.
"Sir, Voyager is under heavy fire. They’re losing shields," said Harry.
"We’ve got to get closer," Chakotay said.
Suddenly, the scout ships opened fire on them.
"Shields down to 82 %," yelled Harry.
Another blast hit the shuttle, sending Harry sprawling. He scrambled to his feet.
"Shields at 60%!" he yelled.
"We’re almost there!" shouted Chakotay back.
"The other tower is off-line. Voyager is headed for the wormhole," said Seven.
The shuttle suddenly pitched to starboard as a torpedo took out most of that side. The three passengers were tossed about like trees caught in a tornado. A group of 12 ships were firing on them now. The shuttle didn't have a chance. Chakotay had known it all along. 'We're going to be torn to pieces,' he thought. Seven was the first to her feet.
"Shields are gone. Weapons are gone. The hull is beginning to buckle."
Chakotay was helping Harry up. He was hurt pretty badly.
"Chakotay to Voyager. Our weapons and shields are gone. Harry’s hurt. Beam him and Seven aboard."
"And what about you, Commander?" came Kathryn’s reply.
"I’ve got an idea. Get them to safety first," he said.
Harry and Seven dematerialized and Chakotay was alone on the shuttle.
"Warning! Structural integrity is critical. Hull breach in four minutes," warned the computer.
Chakotay hurried to the helm. 'What plan? What have I got myself into now?'
"Chakotay to Voyager. I’m going to ram the tower. If the shuttle is at full speed, it should be enough to destroy it."
"What are you talking about? The shuttle is seconds away from being destroyed. Stand by for transport," Kathryn answered.
"No. This will work. I’ll stay until the shuttle is close enough so that impact is unavoidable."
"What if the shuttle is destroyed before then? " said Kathryn, "You don’t think the Natha are going to sit back and watch while you disable the energy field, do you?"
"This will work. I’ll make sure of it. Besides, you wouldn’t let that happen, would you? Beam me out at 3000 meters. That should be enough time. Chakotay out."
"Warning! Hull breach in two minutes," the computer warned again.
‘More than enough time,’ he thought to himself. The shuttle pitched and shook as the Natha ships unloaded their weapons array on it. Chakotay struggled with the helm to keep the shuttle on course with the tower.
"Warning! Hull breach in 60 seconds, 59, 58, 57…"
He glanced at his distance, 5500 meters, 4500, 3500, 2500. ‘Where are they? They should have beamed me out by now.’ He watched with horror as the meters wound down. 1500 meters, 500. Suddenly he knew that these would be his last seconds alive. He closed his eyes and silently prayed for strength. There were so many things that he had yet to do and see. He didn’t want to die, yet he was at peace with himself. He had one regret: that he had never told Kathryn that he loved her.
*****************************************
"Captain! I’m losing transporters. It’s either them or weapons," B’Elanna shouted.
"Transporters! Forget the weapons!" Kathryn shouted back.
"How close is he?" she yelled to Tuvok. "7000 meters and closing," he answered.
"Close enough! B’Elanna, beam him aboard!"
"I can’t get a lock on him, Captain, there’s too much interference!"
"Damn! Try a skeletal lock!"
"Already working on it, Captain," she said.
"3000 meters," interrupted Tuvok, "2000, 1000, impact."
The viewscreen lit up with the explosion.
"I’ve got him!" cried B’Elanna.
"The tower is off-line, Captain," said Tuvok, "and the Barrier is gone."
"Maximum warp!" Kathryn shouted to Tom.
"Yes Ma’am!" he said.
The ship lunged forward, sending the crew staggering. The wormhole got closer and closer on the viewscreen. By the time Voyager reached it, they were at warp factor 7. The ship rocked and swayed as it was pounded from behind by Natha fire. They obviously intended to follow them in.
"Captain, our warp field is destabilizing the wormhole. It could collapse at any time," reported Tuvok.
"Janeway to Torres. I need everything you’ve got."
"I’ll do the best I can. She doesn’t have much more," B’Elenna replied.
"The wormhole is collapsing, Captain. Three Natha ships have been destroyed," said Seven, who had just entered the bridge and taken the ops station.
"Where are Harry and Chakotay?" asked the Captain.
"In sickbay. They are both seriously injured," Seven replied.
Kathryn felt a wave of fear come over her. What if Chakotay was dead? What if… no, he’s fine. He’ll be all right. The Doctor will take care of him. At that moment, her control panel lit up with warning lights.
"A massive shockwave has developed as a result of the wormhole’s collapse. Impact in ninety seconds," Seven reported.
"Can we outrun it?" Kathryn asked.
"Negative. It is gaining speed. Perhaps we could use it to our advantage, Captain. It is possible that we could ride the wave to boost our own speed. It should be enough to catapult the ship out of the wormhole before it collapses on us."
"Do it. Janeway to Torres, standby for warp core shutdown on Tom’s mark. No questions, just do it," she added, knowing that B’Elanna would argue.
"We are forty-five seconds from impact, Captain," reported Tuvok.
"Let's pray that this works," Kathryn whispered.