2. it was cold and i was horny
5. You’re hot, I feel your breath
6. churning deep inside my veins
9. are you killing me with those eyes?
10. its hard to see with bloodied eyes
11. its hard for words to know
12. She was hard on my eyes like a rainbow.
Blackness swallows whole
what hope tries to bring
And strangles in the night
all my precious things
And trying to repent
is harder even still
Than trying to move on
and forgetting those we kill
Seeing through the shadows
beauty, love and spirit
Makes knowing never getting there
too terrible to bear it
Hoping nothing crumbles down
and crying like a dove
I find myself just lying here
bleeding out of love
______________________________________________________________
it was cold and i was horny
it was dark and you were storming
through your sweat i think i am spinning
in this pain there is beginning
in the darkness he is coming
from your touch i think i am thumping
from my wound loki is bleeding
from his blood the beast is feeding
did you really know what you were doing
with those lies that you've been spewing
or did you think that you've been fooling
all the people you've been screwing
never wonder why you falling
through the masses you've been mauling
for the grave that you've been digging
is the one that you will live in
______________________________________________________________
You look at me with soulful eyes
Ask me what I think, feel or do
I don’t know what to say
I understand your innuendo
I know the game I have to play
Some tired old lines leave my mouth
It’s all fake, pleather and vinyl
I throw you a bone, you chew
That’s the way of deception
It amazes me you care so much
My drab dark persona seems to get that
Below the surface is where they want to go
Below the surface is what they want to know
If they’d just weary old me
I’d tell them in great detail
Nothing is there, nada, zip
A fragmented shell, shrouded in cold mystery
I admit, I play this game too well,
And believing your own shit is almost as bad
As believing in yourself, but not quite
And still we lay here in my bed,
You search for me
I’ve found myself before
And wonder what you hope to find
But still I humor the attempt
Maybe I can get something from this
You won’t.
______________________________________________________________
.be the light i
hide inside
every time i see your eyes
call me back and draw me in
kill me soft and take my sin
in this world of broken dreams
and former lives that burn and steam
despite the ghosts that prey and haunt
you'll always be the one i want
______________________________________________________________
You’re hot,
I feel your breath
Warm on my face
I live for this, the embrace of flesh
The only time my inner death is gone
And you, you don’t know I don’t care
How could you
I don’t feel lonely skin to skin
That’s why I seek this out
Not pleasure, not pain
All I crave is reprieve
Carnality is meaningless to me
I hate to enjoy myself anyway
But anything that makes the moment bearable
In this case you,
Is welcome in my arms
Skin is my favorite medium after all
My hands are delicate brushes
They don’t create
They give pleasure and false expectations
They destroy in the in end
They are destroying you right now
Under the pleasure
Under the warmth
Feel the cold chills and it’s over
Too soon, but not for you
My loneliness returns with your climax
And I am left with only one thought
I must not be drunk enough
______________________________________________________________
churning deep inside my veins
this pain your causing me
breaking through my searing pains
the hope you seem to bring
making everything seem cold
your beauty starving me
and waiting in the jaded fold
your sirens song you sing
drawing in my searching heart
but still resisting me
knowing it may never start
my doubt that burns and stings
waiting for my day to come
but no one comes for me
feeling like i'm deaf and dumb
and left wanting many things
______________________________________________________________
Once i was a dreamer
and i dreamt of many things
i dreamt of knights and battles won
and dreamt of queen and kings
i thought once i could fly
our climb the highest peak
i thought i'd never ever die
or suffer horrid things.
i dreamt I’d keep on dreaming
and keep my spirits high
i dreamt my life was happy
and i dreamt away that lie
and when the dreams stopped coming
i was left with little else
i dreamt that it'd all go away
and then dreamt i was myself
______________________________________________________________
Its my soul that screams
Its my heart that dreams
Its my will that folds
Its my love grown cold
Its my eyes that see
Its my face that bleeds
Its myself that’s strange
Its wishing i could change
______________________________________________________________
are you killing me with those eyes?
burning me to watch me cry?
damning my soul with your skin?
breaking my will with your sin?
hating me with all fire?
igniting me with hell’s desire?
watching me as i writhe in pain?
making me always take the blame?
or am i just being far too weak
and showing i am far too meek?
can i ask you one more time?
could i ever make you mine?
______________________________________________________________
its hard to see with bloodied eyes
stinging from the jumbled lies
its hard to know just what i think
when you're covered in his vile stink
its hard to stick around and stay
knowing still just what you'll say
its hard to make through the night
with the all the ghouls the bark and bite
its hard for me to be too kind
with the all darkness that i find
its hard to stop and make my peace
when my loneliness will never cease.
______________________________________________________________
its hard for words to know
it gets harder as i grow
its been coming for so long
i've been hiding that i'm wrong
it can take me when it wants
i've been far too long this gaunt
my lies are growing week
as my inner soul i seek
its keeps going through my mind
though its blurry from the wine
why can't i do it all again?
i just want it all to end.
______________________________________________________________
She was hard on my eyes like a rainbow.
She was tough on my heart like she stole it.
She was soft as rose but its gone now.
She was real till it broke from a bullet.
It was hard on both cause we're wounded.
It was tough on us all through the madness.
It was good till the last hope was grounded.
It has left us both with such sadness.
_______________________________________________________________
crying from the pain
driving me insane
making my sweat pour
the more that i endure
screaming from the heart
watching it go dark
hating everything
the thoughts that burn and sting
missing your sweet face
wanting your embrace
its more than i can stand
to be alone again
_______________________________________________________________
feeling small and hurt
covered in this dirt
i hate myself again
it seems that never ends
and though i am bleeding from my eyes
this time i will not cry
i have no more tears to give
they only come from those who live
_______________________________________________________________
Live.
Its not my blood anymore
thats pooled upon the barren floor
there is hardly any left to bleed
though pain has served a dire need
i bled my body half to death
and wept until it killed the rest
but little life was there to lose
and only death could make me choose
that life was something i could find
in the pain and terror that is mine
with bloodied hands and swollen mouth
and silent awe i'm working out
a path that lets me breath and live
and sense to see the joy life gives
_______________________________________________________________
Absent _______________________________________________________________ Eve _______________________________________________________________ God? _______________________________________________________________ right _______________________________________________________________ sorry
Did the old wounds heal? _______________________________________________________________ sorry
i scarred myself to find you
i hurt myself to love
this cut has been my offer
but i can't find you in my blood
and when the walls did crumble
the beasts did feast on me
my flesh was willing sacrifice
still you i could i not see
but still i searched you out
in places gods would fear
and in the pain and burning
still you were not clear
by hate i'm surely blinded
and fear has not been kind
but no gift seems to satisfy
so its me i'm gonna find
shining like a sunflare
your brillance humbles me
enough to lay the truth bare
for all with eyes to see
with awe and wonder i stare
enthraled by your beauty
and a kind compassion so rare
that you remain a mystery
without condition you care
about a wretch like me
and what i give back is unfair
just pain and misery
i wish somehow i could dare
to be the me you see
so i let you take me almost there
to the Eve of my destiny
pretty god, shined and new
given life? in the pews
save me now, i need some help
i've fallen down, within myself
and it seems, for just 10 bucks
you're on my side, you'll change my luck
with cross and hand, and wallet full
i've found my drug, inside your rule
i hate knowing that i'm right
when i'm looking in your eyes
with dread and stinging fright
that makes me almost cry
then reeling from the sounds
i just heard all in my head
and tho i'm spinning round and round
i pretend i'm really dead
because if i was i know
you'd cry and weep for me
like i do as you go
but there are no tears i can see
i expected nothing more
but love makes me a fool
and loneliness, a whore
but nothing makes me whole.
Can you really forgive me?
I'm fighting how i feel
because i know it cannot be
I've hurt you much I know.
but i'm still humbled by your name.
and tho you'll say that must go
i want you all the same
I'm silenced by my pride
and fear of what i must do
i just can't keep it locked inside
could you feel for me, how i feel for you?