********
He spent several minutes, on his knees trying very hard not to throw up. Finally, the sickening pain in his groin began to ease, at least enough for him to stand. Chakotay was angry, angrier than he would have ever believed it possible for him to be with her. *You aren't finished with this yet Kathryn.* he mentally threatened.
Slowly, twinges of pain still shooting up through his body he left the Jeffries Tubes and went in search of the Captain.
******
Captain Janeway stormed onto the bridge, not saying a word she stalked into her Ready Room, and went to sit behind her desk. "Who does he think he is??" she raged. "He can't really expect me to just fall back into his arms after all that has happened does he??"
The sound of the door opening broke the heavy silence in the room. Her head jerked up, eyes blazing. "What the hell are you doing here?" she growled.
Chakotay came towards her, his own expression ominous. "I don't know who you think you are, but there is no way in hell I'm going to let you get away with this!"
Chakotay forced her to look at him, his eye's echoing her own rage. "Damn it Kathryn Janeway! You are going to listen to me for once if I have to have you tied to a chair! How can you stand there and tell me that I don't care?? This is YOUR Fault!!! Who was it that sent a anonymous note, asking to meet them on the holodeck? Hiding in shadows and darkness...Don't you dare to blame me for all that has happened!!"
Even as she raged, a part of her knew that he was right. She had after all sent the note in the first place. And then had remained silent about her identity, even after learning of the child inside her. She slammed her fist down on the desk before her, "Damn it! How did I get myself into this mess?"
Chakotay looked at her, "You are the only one who can answer that one. You tell me Kathryn, why the secrecy? You know I love you, I've never hidden that from you. Do you have any idea what I went through, afraid that you would find out? Wondering who that was? How could you do that to me?"
She would not meet his face, "I can't even remember what prompted me to send you that note. It was without a doubt the biggest mistake I've ever made."
Chakotay took her jaw in his hand gently, "No, not a mistake. I love you Kathryn, damn it why are you so afraid to let the crew know that. It's a little late for you to keep on pretending that you don't have feelings for anyone, or need someone." As he spoke, his hand dropped to gently brush over her swollen abdomen.
The touch of his hand on her body sent a jolt through her. Janeway jerked back from him, her eyes shadowed. "Everything is such a mess. Oh god...this isn't happening."
He stepped closer to her, not letting her escape this time. "It is happening Kathryn. And by now, the crew now that I am the father of that child inside you. What are you going to do?"
She sank down to sit on the couch, her eyes looked out at the passing stars. Such sadness in her face, his heart broke to see her so unhappy. "What am I going to do?" she repeated hollowly. A short laugh echoed in the quiet, "It looks to me like I'm going to have a baby in a few more months. Tha'ts what I'm going to do."
Kathryn's voice was so sad, lonely. Chakotay felt sudden hot tears burn in his eyes. "Kathryn, " he said softly. "I owe you an apology. For what I said to you that night in Sandrines. I don't know what possessed me to say that to you. I haven't been able to forget the look on your face.
She would not meet his gaze, he had to pull her face up to meet his gaze. The look in her eyes tore at his heart, such loneliness and pain there. Where once he had seen trust and love. Her voice was whisper soft as she gently said, "Chakotay, I'm not ready to deal with this now. Please, just leave me alone for now. This is too hard."
He shook his head slightly, "Kathryn, you know I can't do that." His hand pressed against her swollen stomach, his fingers splayed gently over her belly. "This child is a part of both of us, no matter how she came to be. I want to be a part of this, I want to be there with you. Can't we start over? Put this behind us?" More than anything, he wanted that lost, hopeless look in her eyes to leave.
A single tear spilled from her deep blue eyes. "Chakotay..." her voice broke softly. "I don't know if either of us can start over. Too much hurt and pain has been caused by both of us. Can you forgive me for my mistakes?"
As she stopped speaking, the child inside her kicked strongly under his hand. Chakotay gasped in surprise at the feel of his daughter moving under his hands. "Doesn't that hurt?" he asked with wonder in his heart.
Kathryn laughed, "No, not really. It's hard to describe. She's strong isn't she?"
He nodded, "I'd say she gets it from her Mother."
The two of them stood there like that for a moment, Chakotay's eyes on the swell of her belly under his hands as their child moved with in her. Kathryn watched his face, the play of emotions clear and unhidden. His face radiated love, wonder and joy. The hard, aching knot that she had carried inside her for so long began to ease at last. Slowly, shaking a bit, Kathryn covered his hand with hers as they stood silently, sharing the magic of the child that now bonded them together. No matter what had passed between them.
*********
*giggles....you don't really think I'm gonna let them get back together THAT easy do you...hehehe....
DISCLAIMER: Star Trek Voyager is the property of Paramount. This story however is mine, not that they'd want to claim it anyway. heh heh