Confusion

by

Basil Destiny

Somewhere along the line, some people started assuming that they knew all about me. I don’t know why they did this. There have been so many things happen to me in my lifetime, but even still I feel that it is important to continue trying to make the best of things. As I’ve heard it "if you aren’t living, then you’re dying." So I’ve always tried to stay living, I suppose is how it should be phrased. Yet there’s always a certain inborn inhibition in me. It prevents me from opening up completely to someone. Well not to anyone. I know that I can open up, I’ve done it before. But I’m selective about these things. I think of one friend in particular who has pretty much given up on humanity, I think. He hasn’t really understood me in a long time. But he all of a sudden comes off and generalizes me. He believes that knows all about me. And how he fears for my salvation. It really shouldn’t bother me that he assumes too much. But it does.

It annoys me when people try to take my best interests into their own hands. Without actually understanding what my best interests are. In the case of my friend, what I really need is just that. A friend. Someone who would listen to me. Perhaps cheer me up when I needed, but not passing out these trite answers in some sad attempt at making the world right with as few words as possible. My best friend told me and I agree with her, that you just have to let people experience some things. And I know that’s what irritates me about this friend. He refuses to let me experience these things. He treats me as a child. I am not his inferior. I don’t presume to his superior either. But I would like to be treated at least as a peer. I know that's asking too much. But it’s just what I would like.

I can’t say that I’m satisfied with my relationship with God. But it’s so confusing. I suppose one is not supposed to ever be satisfied. You’d become quaint. And I don’t want to give off the impression that I’m out to save everyone. I would certainly love to bring people to salvation that I could. But I’m not certain there is a cut and dry way to accomplish this. All that I can do is just to live my life. And try to help others. If this is confusing to read, that’s because it is confusing to sort through.