Humanity

by

Basil Destiny

It seems as though people forget that I'm only human. I forget it all the time. And I don't know where I got this great idea that I shouldn't make mistakes. Maybe from my step-father. Maybe from my father. From my mother. Maybe from my friends. But some where along the way, I forgot that people make mistakes. Or at least that I do. So have I lost my humanity? Or just forgotten? Or what.

I was thinking about when Chris died and how embarrassing that I called a really good friend. And I was thinking why do I feel bad? My little brother had died. I shouldn't have felt bad. But it was like I showed my humanity or something. I had a need to reach out to someone. And somehow, I'm not supposed to feel that way. And also the fact that she's only 15. That wasn't fair of me to call up a 15 year old and tell her that my little brother died.

And I've felt the same way ever since. I don't like to use my brother's death as an excuse. I don't like to go around, telling everyone that he died. It's very sad. And it's not fair of me to ruin their ideas of utopia. Or at least that's what I think. I don't know why I think that. It's totally ludicrious.

Yet somehow I can't realize that I'm human and that it's okay for me to miss him. And that might just be because I have some of the most uncaring friends. Not all of them. But a lot of them. Or maybe I don’t have any friends and just imagined that I do. Heck, maybe none of this is real at all.