I Remember

by

Basil Destiny

 

 

  1. I remember being in 7th grade and being heckled by this annoying girl because my mom was "HAVING ANOTHER BABY?"
  2. I remember that I started to take care of Chris when we heard about Abby. That was probably the moment that I stopped being a daughter and started being a sister. Everyone's sister.
  3. I remember going to hospital. Sitting next to Chris in the hospital. I didn't cry when I saw him. I don't know why I didn't. I guess because I hoped he could hear me and I didn't want to cry over him. That would have been very upsetting I thought. I remember watching him get his albuterol breathing treatment. And how his whole body jerked and the brain pressure reading would go up. And I remember talking to him like the nurse suggested and how all the nurses looked at me as though I was crazy. I guess they didn't understand how much he meant to us.
  4. I remember April 17th, 2000. I remember thinking how strange it was for there to only be 3 of us in the house. How ironic that Leland didn’t work and how I didn't go out to class even though I had planned on going. I remembered doubting that anything bad would happen and then suddenly realizing that somehow Chris had used up all of his false alarms. That was a horrible feeling--the realization that your little brother is going to die.
  5. I remember Tuesday, April 18th, 2000. I remember when Chris came and gave me a hug. Yes, he was still in the hospital, but I know it was him. I've never felt that way since. And I remember the hospital called and said that he was having amazing progress and that he moved his feet on his own. I knew why. But then they called again to say to come back to the hospital.
  6. I remember when my life didn't feel like a dream. A horrible nightmare. Waiting for it to be over.
  7. I remember how Chris used to call me "Nina". And I remember how we'd always chat it up about anything and everything.
  8. I remember my hugs. And mumbling things in his ear when we joked around.
  9. I remember how the stain on the couch pillow got there. How he was eating chocolate ice cream and spilled it on the pillow even though I'd warned him not to.
  10. I remember how he'd do cartwheels and backflips through the house. How he'd run through the neighborhood. Or ride around the block. Spend time at the neighbor's.
  11. I remember borrowing his N-Sync CD and listening to it when I went to pick him and Abby up after school at his dad's. And I remember listening to that stupid solo that Lance does in "Everything I Own". And that I mocked Lance when he sings "cause there is no you without me" and pointing at Chris. Half joking, but in the back of my mind, regretting having done that for some unknown reason.
  12. I remember Sunday, April 16th, 2000 and how mom gave him a haircut he hated. And how he didn't want to talk to her and she didn't want to talk to him. And how for some innate reason I thought it was stupid that they were wasting a Sunday mad at each other. I remember trying to get him to apologize to her. And I remember that they were grounded because the house wasn't cleaned.
  13. I remember taking them out to Wal-Mart because I needed to get an A/C filter for the house. And going by to see Cyle at work just for the heck of it.
  14. I remember the morning of April 17th, 2000. Mom was mad at them again. And she said what I thought were the stupidest words to ever say before not seeing someone for an entire day. She said "I don't know why you guys even need a mother." I remember wincing at that and getting up early for my class. And going out in the living room in time to see Chris still trying to fix his haircut. And I told him something to try to reassure him about it. He hated it, he wanted to grow it long. And I remember thinking I ought to help him out the door (his backpack was half his size), but I didn't. And then as I started to walk away, I thought about it again and went to help him close the door, but I got to the kitchen in time to see the door close. That's my last memory of him moving around.
  15. I remember taking him to see "Tarzan" for his 10th birthday. And spending the day at some little arcade type place. And that we went to Red Lobster to eat. He loved shrimp. And he got the nastiest hamburger. It was worse than any I'd ever seen in a cafeteria. But he got plenty of shrimp. And how he wondered if you could eat the tails. I laughed at him and told him no. But he wanted to try anyway and he choked on it. Had to drink his cherry coke really quickly. I remember that Abby was so jealous too.
  16. I remember how he could talk me into buying just about anything. How I would feel guilty over keeping something as stupid as money when I could spend it on Chris and make him feel happy at least for a little while. But how Abby never mastered this talent and more often than not he would get something far more expensive than her. Not because I told her no, but because he could talk his way up from something cheap to something almost insane.
  17. I remember how I'd think I'd seen him around the house after the funeral, but it would turn out to be some kid, I didn't know or a dresser.
  18. I remember Dante came by Sunday, April 16th, 2000 to play for a little while. And he played with Chris' toys.
  19. I remember number 3 being my lucky number. But now the number 4 is my favorite.
  20. I remember my 20th birthday. And how I wanted a cake, but didn’t get one because everyone was so busy running around. So I bought my own. And then my mom took us all out to eat the next day for my birthday. And I remember talking to Leland and sitting between Abby and Chris, Chris to my left. I remember that Chris interrupted my conversation by saying "Hey Nina" and I got mad and finally said "What Chris?!". And he laughed as they put the cake in front of me. They’d come out with it on my right.