The Starwars Top Ten Page

THE STARWARS TOP TEN PAGE!
By: Jay Ramakrishna
Cover your back!

Jedi vs. Sith: A never ending battle...
Enjoy the Top Ten Lists!
Lightsaber

TOP TWENTY SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI.

20. You have heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
19. You have used your lightsaber to open bottles of BudLight.
18. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
17. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
16. You have used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
15. You have used the force in conjunction with fishing.
14. Your father said to you (in a redneck voice), "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a real hoot."
13. You have had your R2 unit use its self-defense shock to get the barbecue grill to light.
12. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
11. You have fantasized about Princess Lea wearing plaid.
10. You think that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
9. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
8. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
7. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
6. Your business cards read "Cletus the Jedi Master".
5. Your Y-wing fighter has a bumper sticker that says "My other fighter is an X-wing".
4. You know Ewoks squeal like pigs because you have mud wrestled with them.
3. You use your R2 unit as a beer coaster.
2. When your sister wears her metallic bikini, you insist she travels by clinging to you while swinging on a rope.
1. You hear..."Luke, I am your father...and your uncle!"

TOP TEN WAYS IN WHICH STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN STAR TREK.

10. In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun".
9. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp --- The Millennium Falcon does the samething with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable --- After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
7. One word: Lightsabers.
6. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
5. The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
4. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
3. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
2. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I".
1. Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power --- Han Solo floors it.

TOP TEN WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE EMPIRE.

10. Insist on wearing your slippers
9. Tell Vader to relax.
8. Be too accurate when firing on a Sandcrawler, making it obvious to any passerby that it wasn't shot down by Tusken Raiders.
7. Use the Death Stars superlazer to carve your name in a nebula.
6. Speeder bike races down the corridors of the Executor.
5. Use 2 Star Destroyers and a Rebel Blockade Runner to play a huge game of "Pong".
4. Get caught reaing a Zahn book during the Emperors speech.
3. Start "the wave" during stormtrooper inspection.
2. Fool around with Vader's lightsaber when he's in his meditation pod, pretending to be a Jedi.
1. Secretly replace Vader's lightsaber with a traffic flashlight.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH STAR WARS.

10. You lose your R2 unit and become a Jedi Knight.
9. You are fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, even Bocche.
8. You know what species Yoda is.
7. You think Lord Vader is your unknown dad.
6. When something goes wrong and you are blamed for it, you retaliate with "It’s not my fault!"
5. When you can't go out, you tell your mom "But I was going to go to Home Hardware to pick up some power converters!"
4. You mistake your cat for a wamprat and shoot it in your "T-16".
3. When you pull into a parking lot, you say "This is Red Leader, going in."
2. You tell everyone you went skiing on Hoth.
1. When you sleep, you cry out "Ben...Ben!"

TOP TEN REASONS ANAKIN SKYWALKER TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE.

10.Generous Dark Lords of the Sith pension plan.
9.Sick and tired of mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi repeating "Beware of the Darkside".
8. To escape cruel taunting over dorky name.
7. To impress his friends.
6. Kicked in head by bantha.
5. Didn't want to go into the family business of moisture farming.
4. Charmed by Emperor Palpatine's seductive after-shave.
3. Wanted to use the Force to prop up Microsoft stock.
2. Owed money to Jabba the Hutt, could refinance debt through the Empire.
1. Wanted cool voice like James Earl Jones.

TOP TEN FUN THINGS TO DO ON TATOOINE.

10. Bantha races.
9. Racing landspeeders to the Dairy Queen and back.
8. Oil baths (droids only).
7. Pin-the-tail-on-the-Glowin'-Ben.
6. Find the charred remains of your foster parents.
5. Sweatin' to the Oldies...and, for that matter, to the current hits, too.
4. Checking out the wretched hives of scum and villainy in Mos Eisley.
3. Bulls-eyeing whomp-rats in your T-16.
2. Fishing for Boba Fett's helmet in the Sarlacc pit.
1. Taunting Jawas.

TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO JOIN THE EMPIRE.

10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.
9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor".
8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedos and always lead to the "main reactor".
7. Most TIE Fighters have no shields.
6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears (Ewoks).
5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.
4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.
3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.
2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator.
1. Bounty Hunters, we don't need their scum!

TOP TEN REJECTED STAR WARS NOVELS

10. Luke opens a ranch devoted to the fine art of motion picture effects, names it after himself.
9. "Luke Who's Talking".
8. The adventures of Han Solo's accountant brother Seymore.
7. "The Complete Wookie Dictionary".
6. "Boba Fett: The Wacky Teen Years".
5. An entire book devoted to all the options Anakin Skywalker went through when designing scary Darth Vader costume.
4. "The Courtship of Darth Vader".
3. A three-volume set documenting the first official crossover with the "Star Trek" universe.(Of course, the Starwars characters would kick butt!)
2. "Biggs Darklighter: The Man and His Music".
1. "The Big Pop-Up Book of Rancors".

TOP TEN FOODS IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE.

10.Pizza The Hutt.
9. Chocolatey Palp-O-Tine.
8. Bits-O-Alderaan Cereal.
7. Bantha Biscuits. (not a big seller)
6. Kashyykburgers.
5. Kibbles n' Bothans.
4. Ham Salad in Carbonite.
3. Jabba's Live Slimy Frog Things.
2. Hutt N' Honey.
1. Lando "Lakes" Calrissian Brand Butter.

TOP TEN MOMENTS EMPEROR PALPATINE WISHES HE'D BEEN THERE.

10. Snatching up Luke's lightsaber in the Wampa cave.
9. Flipping the Tractor Beam back on after Obi-Wan left.
8. Shoving Vader right off the Cloud City gantry after Luke
7. Tying Luke's laces together before he leaped out over the Sarlaac.
6. Stepping on Luke's fingers while he hung from the Cloud City weather vane.
5. Unhooking Luke and Leia's rope in the Death Star core shaft.
4. Cranking up the speed on the Trash compactor.
3. Driving the AT-AT that almost stepped on Luke.
2. Showing Wicket the Ewok what a REAL electric shock feels like.
1. "And now, Baby Ewok...You will die!"

TOP TEN SURPRISES IN EPISODE ONE.

10. Luke and Leia actually a result of Mrs. Skywalker's secret torrid affair with Uncle Owen.
9. Young Senator Palpatine first elected on a lower taxes platform.
8. Special repeat appearance by Rick Morranis.
7. Two words: Leia's hair.
6. Anakin's wife to be played by Kathy Lee Gifford.
5. Aunt Beru actually a hero of the Clone Wars.
4. Mon Mothma used to bulls-eye wamprats in her T-7.
3. Darth Vader really did kill Anakin Skywalker; just lied to Luke to gain his sympathy.
2. Boba Fett actually Luke's third cousin.
1. Before being horribly scarred, Anakin Skywalker really looked like James Earl Jones, too.

TOP TEN HOBBIES OF DARTH VADER.

10. Making prank "heavy breathing" phone calls.
9. Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding "Guess who?"
8. Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits.
7. Genealogy.
6. Using the force to learn to juggle.
5. Mortal Kombat 5436.
4. Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship.
3. Late nights with a torture droid.
2. Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma.
1. Checking Imperial Deli to see if they've named a sandwich after him yet.