Welcome to my soapbox! This is where I get to b¡tch about whate'er I want. Later on, I'll be adding a way for you to b¡tch too! So let the games begin...

Coyote Ugly: The Ugly Truth…

I admit, that I was feeling lazy; it happens to us all. I decided that I just wanted to see a movie where I didn’t have to think… at all. I chose well.

I remember watching the trailers for the movie, it seemed promising at the time. Once again the trailer was better than the movie. For those of you who haven’t quite swallowed the hook, you definitely want to skip this paragraph… can we say “Spoiler” *not that there’s much to spoil!¡!*? See Jane (Piper Perabo who’s character is named Violet… I think) who looks incredibly like Britney Spears (trying to cash in on her popularity?). See New Jersey Jane move to big, bad New York City. Scary city, scary. I would continue with the story synopsis, but I’m not as cruel as the writers of this movie! If you think I’m exaggerating about the patronizing simplicity of this movie… I’m not!

Apparently this movie was inspired *I use the term very loosely* by a 1997 GQ article about the Coyote Ugly, a bar in the East Village of New York City. The real-life bar has all women bartenders and all sorts of almost legendary antics which were artificially transferred to the big screen. A case of art imitating reality-- poorly. As one of the bartender characters points out, *roughly* “We all play a part. I’m a tease. She’s a bitch…”. Unfortunately, the writers and the director were content to leave everyone a cookie-cutter adjective, ie: tease, bitch, boss, outsider, dreamer. There might only be two redeeming characters in this movie, John Goodman *father to Piper Perabo’s character* and the boyfriend *sorry son, but I can’t e’en be bothered to remember your name*. John Goodman tries to bring some depth and humour to the protective father, but e’en he can’t work miracles! The only reason that I mentioned the boyfriend is for this sole fact: he admits that he likes comic books (and isn’t rejected by Piper’s character). Rejoice comic fans!!! *Or comic geeks as mainstream culture refers to you* Hollywood has decided that it’s (now) cool to read comics; ie: drive a classic car, look cool, get the girl AND read comic books!

I have to admit that the soundtrack was good. The movie e’en had the occasional flash of witty, funny lines. O’erall though, unless you’re in the mood for eye-candy (lots of girls in Britney Spears’ outfits) or a no-brainer, this movie is definitely in the running… to rent. I went to a matinee ($5.50) and afterwards I was thinking, “Damn, I could have bought lunch!”

My rating for Coyote Ugly *drum roll please…* is a very disappointing 5 out of 10; 7 out 10 if you’re scoring for eye candy (ie: pretty girls).

Tightrope At Buckingham’s Pub

On my last road-trip to Calgary (September 12th-13th 2000), I was unsure about how to spend my evening. In my wanderings, I came across an English/Irish pub that I had noticed on my previous walk-abouts in Calgary, Buckingham’s Pub (805-9 Street S.W.). Being from Southwestern Ontario, I felt nostalgic for a nice pub *having many fond memories of pubs back home*. The thing that clinched it for me was that the bar featured a live band, namely Tightrope *one of the problems with living in Field, B.C.; the chances to see a live band are few and far between*.

The bar itself, was very spacious, set in the basement of a large building on the edge of the downtown core. It had a little of something for e’eryone. The small stage, a dance floor and dartboard area was located on the south side of the bar. To the north of the circular bar in the centre, were several pool and billiard *I think…* tables with a more secluded room located in the northeast corner. Despite the roominess of the bar, it had a warm, intimate feeling. At some tables, people talked quietly and comfortably while a variety of tunes played in the background *whether from a stereo or the jukebox in the northwest corner, I couldn’t tell you*. Elsewhere, a man enjoyed the solitude of his drink at the bar while other people talked o’er a friendly game of pool. I found that the staff was very friendly and helpful. From what I could gather, they try to schedule a variety of things from tarot card/palm readers (in the more secluded room) to live bands.

Around maybe 9:30, Tightrope took to the stage. It is a Canadian band (three of the four members are from Calgary with the other one from Edmonton) that has been around for roughly two years or so. On lead guitar was Dan Orydzuk, on bass guitar was Dale Ehman, Dan Burritt was on drums and on lead vocals was Travis Pankiw. The band had just started its run at the Buckingham’s Pub (September 11th to the 16th). Having a small audience didn’t discourage the quartet from putting on an energetic show. To open their first set, they started with very strong covers of Every Morning by Sugar Ray, followed by 3 am by Matchbox 20 and then Mary Jane’s Last Dance by Tom Petty. The acoustic set continued with covers of Rendezvous Oblivion(?) and Cumbersome. To be honest, I began to get a little discouraged. In my humble opinion, doing covers is all fine and good, but covers alone can only take a band so far. My flagging hopes were saved about half way through the set. Tightrope delivered two very good blues covers *if I had not found my way to this bar, my other choice would have been a blues bar…*. To wind down the first set, they finished with superb versions of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ Under The Bridge and the Counting Crows’ Mr. Jones.

For the most part, I missed the next set. I was off in the secluded room having a palm reading and a tarot card reading, but that is a tale for another time… Despite having my attention elsewhere, I could still hear the band clearly (the pub has excellent acoustics). When I wandered back to watch the band, they played a Green Day song. The rest of the band sat down while Travis chatted with the audience before going into a solo, acoustic version of The Tragically Hip’s Ahead By A Century. He concluded the set with an original (and very strong) song called, It’s My Life.

To start the next set, Tightrope belted out a high energy, punk version of (Leaving On A) Jet Plane . I enjoyed this immensely, having recently discovered Me First And The Gimmes. They followed this with another original by the name of Get Laid. They quickly switched gears as they played AC/DC’s You Shook Me… (All Night Long). The band half-joking improv-ed a jazz number before they slid into a cool, meandering version of The Hip’s New Orleans Is Sinking. To finish the night, the quartet played two originals by the names of UFO and Amoeba.

O’erall, I had a very good night. Buckingham’s Pub is the kind of bar that I would not mind visiting again. The food, service and atmosphere are excellent. I was very impressed by the band, Tightrope. I admit that I had my doubts early on, but I soon warmed up. The band had a good patter, as they made jokes and interacted with the audience. In my mind, an ability to work a crowd is as important as the quality of the music. Another thing, which helped to tilt the scales, was the wide variety of music that the quartet played, especially the originals.

This is definitely a band that I would like to see again in the future. My only suggestion is that they should continue to develop their own material. I know that I really enjoyed their original songs. O’erall, my rating of the show is 7 out of 10.

If you want further information on Tightrope, check out of their webpage: www.tightroperocks.com .

Here's my take on Bif Naked's show at Call The Office

A Review Of Bif Naked At Call The Office...

Thursday, April 29, (1999) crawled by as I patiently (more or less...) waited for the Bif Naked show. After what seemed like a lifetime or two, the clock struck four (luckily, there were no fatalities) and my work day was over. Happily, I struck out for London, for my first show at Call The Office (216 York St.).

After drifting around Downtown London and grabbing a bite to eat, I wandered o'er to the bar for the licensed/all ages show. The doors opened at eight... in theory. When I got there at roughly 8 pm, the doors were closed and a line of thirty people eagerly awaited. The line grew to about sixty or seventy people as the clock edged closer to 9 pm and the doors remained close. Interesting questions floated around the line-up like "Anyone know what Bif Naked's real name is?" and "How tall is she really?" Someone in the crowd responded, "Isn't it something like Peggy Sue or Peggy Anne?" (Her real name is ... Beth Torbert). Another person piped up. "In the Spaceman video she look like she's 6' tall, but she's smaller in real life."

Just after 9 pm, the line finally started to move. As I moved closer to the door, I realized I might have a problem with taking my backpack in, but I hoped for the best.
The bouncer at the door looked at me as the doorman checked my ID, "Oh a trenchcoat guy. Ok, open up." So I open up my trenchcoat and he started patting it down.
He started with the inside pocket, "What's in here?"
I responded, "My wallet, a box of Tic Tacs and my pocket knife."
"You're going have to leave that up here."
After he found my pocket knife, he turned his attention to my pack. This was very lucky. I don't know about you, but I think I would of had an interesting time trying to explain why I had a pair of chopsticks in my outside pocket... I opened up my pack as he checked my water bottle for alcohol. On the surface, it looked fine; a binder, a bag of nacho chips, a can of pop, a winter scarf.
Then he looked at me, "What this hard thing in the bottom of your pack?"
"My tools"
"You're gonna have to leave your backpack here"
*Memo to self: Have backpack surgically removed before going to a show! *

Finally, I was admitted. The bar was cozy as it filled with Bif fans. The stage was set up in the North East corner which made it visible to everyone, no matter where you stood. The crowd varied from goths/punks to preppies (as much as I dislike labels, it's the easiest way to capture the wide mix of people) with the ages ranging from the mid-teens to people in their early forties. About 9:20, the opening group, BTK came on stage. Their sound, I think, was best described as Alternative Hip-Hop. I haven't had that much exposure to that kind of music, but the five man band played energetically and bantered with the crowd in between songs. Their guitarist expertly played angry, energetic rifts as the two lead singers jumped around the stage. Like I said earlier, not my cup of tea, but interesting and enjoyable, none the less. BTK's set wound down about 10:20.

Just after 11 pm (after what seemed like an incredibly long time), the main event started. In the dimly lit bar, Bif's rich dramatic voice ghosted o'er the speakers as she recited a poem. To the cheers of an energetic crowd, Bif bounded on stage with her band (Useless Fact: The drummer, guitarist, and back-up singer are from London while Bif and the other guitarist, Koko are from Vancouver). The illusion of her videos dispelled, I was surprised to see that Bif stood about 5'4. With lots of energy, Bif greeted the noisy crowds of London. Bif prowled the stage as she sang her biting lyrics and bantered with the crowd. Sometimes, Bif's voice got lost among the guitars and the drums, but for the most part, she came through loud and clear.

For an hour, Bif and her band bounced around the stage like Gummi Bears on speed. The exotic raven-haired crooner still found time to slip in her views on smoking and other things to the enthralled crowd. Before this show, the only songs that I had heard were Daddy's Getting Married, Lucky Ones and of course, Spaceman. As the set wore down, Bif launched into Daddy's Getting Married, much to the boisterous cheers of the packed bar. Shortly afterwards, the band wrapped up their set. After a couple minutes, as the crowd chanted "BIF! BIF! BIF!", the sexy singer reappeared with a guitarist in tow. He switched his electric guitar for an acoustic guitar as Bif chatted with the excited crowd. On the dimly lit stage, Bif Naked almost glowed as she softly crooned her love song, Lucky Ones. After her love song, she switched gears as performed an energetic, angry song (I didn't catch the title). To cap off the evening, Bif Naked closed the show with Spaceman.

With tickets being $13 in advance, it wasn't hard to enjoy the two energetic acts in the cozy confines of Call The Office. I thoroughly enjoyed the show. Methinks, it rates about 7 and ½ out of 10. I definitely plan to catch Bif Naked the next time she plays in London.

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This is my first rant, a review of The Crash Test Dummies first concert in two years!

The Crash Test Dummies At The Drink...

The doors opened at 8 pm at The Drink(for those of you familiar with London Ontario, it use to be called The Nac) and the crowd slowly began to filter in. From my vantage point on the second floor with a great view of the stage, I watched the wide range of ages mingle as they waited for the show to begin. The ages ranged from college students to middle-aged people.

At 10:30 pm, The Crash Test Dummies(CTD) came out on stage to loud cheers from the crowd. For it being their first show in two years, the CTD gave a solid performance. They started with Give Yourself A Hand(the title track of their latest album), God Shuffled His Feet(the title track of their 1994 album) and The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead(a song from the Dumber And Dumber soundtrack). The sexy Ellen Reid provided the sultry vocals for The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead as Brad Roberts expertly played the lead guitar. After the song, the crowd enthusiastically chanted, "Ellen, Ellen, Ellen...". As Roberts, prepared for the next song, he jokingly whined to the crowd, "Ellen, Ellen, Ellen... How am I suppose to top that?!"

Roberts entertained the crowd in between numbers with an almost stand-up routine. This was his take on drunk driving... "I stopped driving so I can drink every day!" as he raised his beer to the audience and downed it. He also joked about his impressive vocal range, "There's no Milli Vanilli crap here! You can tell you're friends that you saw it live!" which broke up the crowd into howls of laughter.

The band played until midnight. Roberts worked the crowd with his incredible vocal range. Sometimes, he played a solo number as the rest of the group nipped off stage to wet their whistles. One of the tunes he played solo on an acoustic guitar was Androgynous. Ellen Reid performed a couple more songs with her sassy vocals.

For the encore, Roberts alone came out on stage. He quipped to the lively crowd, "Your lucky it's the first show. Two weeks into the tour, I would be so cynical. ‘Let them scream their f_cking*use your imagination kiddies* heads off!'" Then he settled on centre stage with his acoustic guitar and started into Superman's Song with his trademark rich, mineshaft-deep vocals. The crowd crooned along with Roberts as lighters waved back and forth in the audience. The rest of the band came back as Roberts was cheered for his performance. The next song in the encore was Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm which the crowd also sang along with. The last song of the set was He Liked To Feel It. After that song, the CTD left the stage again. Some of the crowd headed for the doors, but most of the crowd stayed as they cheered for more. Roberts wandered out on stage again, and playfully challenged the crowd. Someone from the audience brought up a shot of scotch up to the stage for Roberts. Roberts got a little nostalgic and talked about the early days of the CTD and how they played a lot Irish tunes. He poured the shot into his glass and launched into a high energy Irish folk song. With the end of that number, he bid the crowd good-night.

O'erall, I found the Crash Test Dummies to be an incredible act, especially in an intimate venue such as The Drink. I think the $15 tickets were a steal for the highly entertaining ninety minute show. I'm willing to bet that the May show of Espero, Crash Test Dummies and Alanis Morissette in Toronto will be a must-see show. I'm also looking forward to the new CTD album which will be released soon. The group has moved in a new direction and I think the album will reflect their new adventurous attitude. Another selling point is that three tracks on the Give Yourself A Hand album are fronted by the talented Ellen Reid.

The Crash Test Dummies are definitely bouncing back from their very disappointing 1996 album, A Worm's Life and will continue to be a strong presence on the Canadian scene.

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Just remember folks, this is my opinion and if you don't like it, WRITE ME!¡! I'm willing to post your opinions e'en if they are opposite of mine!

Email me at --> migaard@geocities.com

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