Below are some links to pages which bear my Official Seal of Coolness. If you’re wondering why the list of links seems shorter than last time, it’s because this page was getting so full, I had to create an overflow page, Cool Links 2. Cool Links 2 contains the Star Wars and Dominion Pals links I had to relocate. Click on the text links to transport yourself to other worlds of wonder. Or something. All relatively new links are accompanied by a “NEW!” tag underneath. Broken and non-existent links have been updated or eliminated. I hope. If you still have trouble with any links, kindly let me know. Now go forth and have fun.
THE OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY HOMEPAGE
Where to begin? A bunch of loonies who set out to mock politics and make the world a better place through insanity. That’s a good place to begin, but it goes much further than that. Founded as “The Sod ’Em All Party” by Screaming Lord Sutch, may he rest in peace, where else are you going to find politicians with this kind of gumption? With this kind of humour? With this kind of moral courage? With a cat as a joint party leader? There’s now an official branch of the party in the United States, so the next time you Yanks whine about your elections, remember this: YOU HAVE A CHOICE. And somtimes, voting for the nutcase is the only sane thing to do. I can’t wait to join!
ROBERT J. SAWYER
Robert Sawyer is a helluva guy. He’s Canada’s premier sci-fi author, and his works are highly varied, ranging from deep-space exploration (Golden Fleece, Starplex) to techno-thrillers (The Terminal Experiment, Frameshift) to some works that defy standard classification. The Quintaglio Ascension is a triology that portrays, in admirably realistic and painstaking detail, a culture that evolved from dinosaurs. End of an Era, on the surface a story about time-travel, turns into a unique tale of
extinction and the cyclic nature of.... Well, I’m not going to spoil it for you.
I’ve corresponded quite a bit with Mr. Sawyer, and have devised a number of sketches
for some of the characters and creatures in his books. If they interest you, you can buy his books at any fine book retailer near you. Rob, I expect kickbacks. Just kidding.
THE OFFICIAL “WEIRD AL” SITE
Great googly moogly! Building a website is so befuddling, I forgot to include a link to the official site of my role model, “Weird Al” Yankovic! Yes, “Weird Al” is my role model. He makes a darn good living from being weird. And if that isn’t too cool for words, I don’t know what is! In case you’re wondering, my other role model is Harry Mudd from Star Trek. He’s a tubby, space-going Devonian pimp who knows how to turn a quick profit and get down with the ladies. What’s not to like? Anyway, go visit the site of the recording artist who brings meaning to my sad, pathetic existence. Or I’ll sick Coolio’s hair on you.
THE OFFICIAL ALICE COOPER SITE
Well, it took a while, but I finally got around to adding a link to this website. Vince “Alice Cooper” Furnier. Rock superstar, Mustang enthusaist, close personal friend of Vincent Price, and thought-provoking, intelligent individual with a great sense of humour. What’s not to like? Oh, and he once appeared on The Muppet Show, too. That just kicks arse.
HENRY.ROLLINS.ORG
Henry Rollins, like the two artists listed above, is another artist whose works further enrich the world with their intelligence and candor. Okay, that might sound hokey, but the man puts out extremely good stuff.
TOM SMITH ONLINE
NEW!
I was introduced to the works of The World’s Fastest Filker back in the early 1990s when my friend Debbie gave me one of his albums, Who Let Him In Here?. That one album alone contained many, many fun songs out of which I got an enormous kick. To this day, I have been known to sing the sci-fi geek drinking song “307 Ale” if I overindulge in alcohol . . . and often when I’m sober, too. Catchy original tunes, fun parodies, and all sorts of good stuff for just about any musical taste. Especially if you’re a dyed-in-the-wool geek, like me. Click on over and check out the guy’s huge range of filk songs. “Genius” is a word far too often bandied about lightly these days. But in the case of Al, Vince, Henry, and Tom, here, I feel it’s justified usage.
THE HEATHER ANDRES HOMEPAGE
Heather Andres is another friend of mine looking for a job in the media relations field. Besides being my friend and wanting to help her get a good job, I have included a link to this site becuase I constructed it for her and wanted to show off my handiwork. And it’s not often I get to help a beauty queen.
MIKE’S PLACE
My favourite restaurant now has its own webpage. Mike, another die-hard Star Wars fan and food enthusiast has, over the years, constructed the largest menu, coolest restaurant buildings, most impressive beer list, keenest live entertainment schedule, and most loyal customers it has ever been my privilege to be a part of.
I’ll say this: I hate sausage gravy and biscuits. Every time I go someplace new, for some perverse reason, I order sausage gravy and biscuits. It always ends up tasting like gray lumps of gristle in wallpaper paste. However, at Mike’s Place, it tastes like spicy chunks o’ sausage in creamy country gravy. That’s all you need to know about how good this restaurant is. They make something I hate into one of my favourite breakfasts. As for the stuff I like, well, there’s not enough space to detail the raptures their hot, hearty home-cookin’ sends me into. If you’re in Northern Ohio, go there. That’s an order. The website has a helpful map to guide you there. And if you talk to Mike Himself, tell ’im “The English Lunatic” sent you. He’ll know who you mean.
TERRY PRATCHETT’S DISCWORLD
While Robert J. Sawyer is my favourite sci-fi author, Terry Pratchett is my favourite fantasy author. Since the first link fizzled, this new site is the best link site I’ve come across, and let me tell you, there are so many Pratchett sites on the Net, it’s a labour to search them all!
Terry Pratchett is one prolific writer. He churns out one or two books per year, usually adding to his open-ended fantasy / comedy series, The Discworld Chronicles. Terry Pratchett, like Robert Sawyer, is in a class all his own. You remember all those old myths about the world being flat, or
carried on the back of a turtle, that sort of thing? Because all probablility curves must have a far end, it was only a matter of time before they all converged. And where the far end of all probability curves intermingle is the Discworld. And on it, anything is possible; all that is required is the force
of belief.
The Discworld is flat. It rests on the backs of four colossal elephants which, in turn, stand on the back of Great A’Tuin, the titanic Star Turtle. Magic is readily available for use. Death rides his pale horse, Binky (it goes to show - you can’t tell with some people), on his rounds of soul-liberation.
Trolls, dwarves, humans, dragons, and divers other bizarre creatures co-exist and inhabit the City of Cities, Ankh-Morpork.
Anyway, there are so many books, I can’t possibly give you a really good account. Suffice it to say that Mr. Pratchett’s books are hilarious and fantastic, yet, at the same time, unnervingly homey; you can identify with the characters like they’re your relatives. Check ’em out.
BOLT ENTERPRISES
You wanna know about games? All kindsa games? Go here; it’s more than worth it. You’ll find reviews and hints on all kindsa games from puzzles to sports to roleplaying to.... Oh, just go, already!
ASSASSIN
The best (and only) way to mercilessly and messily slaughter celebrities and cultural icons you might not like, and not get arrested for it. A great stress reliever.
TROMA ENTERTAINMENT
What can I say about the Troma Company’s films? They're weird, cheap, cheezy, ridiculous, C-Grade flicks, and I absolutely adore them. I haven’t seen any in a while, since the local video stores don’t carry many Troma releases, and I haven’t seen any on the USA Network in a long time. Also, USA should never have gotten rid of Rhonda Shear, in my opinoin. But anyway, this fine link was brought to my attention by the lovely and discerning Space Ninja. I owe her one for this.
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
When I wasn’t lurking in the B’omarr Monastery (formerly known as Jabba’s Palace), you could’ve found me captioning at the Mystery Science Theater 3000 site. (Now that Sci-Fi has dropped MST3K, that particular avenue of pleasure has been closed to me and many others.) For those poor nerf-herders uneducated in the ways of the MSTi Knights (pronounced “MIST-eye”), Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the brainchild of Joel Hodgson.
Here’s the scoop:
An evil scientist, Dr. Clayton Forrester (Trace Beaulieu), with the aid of his various assistants (Josh Weinstein, who later went to work on The Simpsons and Frank Coniff, who later went to pursue a solo career and once popped up in an episode of Sabrina the Teenaged Witch) hatched a really nasty plot. He launched a genial, tinkering janitor by the name of Joel (the aforementioned Joel Hodgson) into orbit aboard the Satellite of Love (or S.O.L. as it is affectionately called). Doctor Forrester transmits really crappy movies up to his unwilling test subject, who is forced to watch them. The movie that drives Joel insane will be the one Forrester unleashes on the unsuspecting world. Once Earth is a quivering wreck from exposure to bad cinema, Forrester plans to take over the entire planet. Things aren’t going as
planned.
To help preserve his sanity, Joel constructed some cybernetic companions: Gypsy, a serpentine feminine overseer who runs the higher functions of the satellite on which Joel is marooned, Crow T. Robot, a wise-cracking gold homunculus with a basket-like coiff, Tom Servo, an intellectual hovering beer-keg with a gumball-machine head and quite a nice singing voice, and Cambot, the unseen robot who records all that happens aboard the satellite for posterity. Also, instead of driving Joel insane, the terrible movies give him (and Tom & Crow) a chance to heckle some outrageous examples of cinematic drivel.
Five years into the experiment without going insane (although there were some close calls), Joel found a hidden escape pod and made his way back to Earth. Outraged, Forrester knocked out the hired help, a temp-worker named Mike (Michael J. Nelson), and shot Mike up to the orbiting satellite to take Joel’s place in the experiment.
After two more years, Forrester’s funding got cut off. Irate, he sent the Satellite of Love into a deep-space dive into oblivion. Reaching the Edge of the Universe, the crew, including all the robots, turned into beings of pure energy, and went off to explore the cosmos. Dr. Forrester was reborn as a Star Baby, and came into the care of his mother, Pearl Forrester (Mary Jo Pehl), who replaced Forrester’s last two assistants as the experiment drew to its premature close.
Five hundred years later, the crew of the Satellite of Love returned to their corporeal existence, and ended up around an ape-dominated Earth, STILL being forced to watch crappy movies. It only gets weirder -- and funnier -- from there.
Check your local TV listings for MST3K’s broadcast times, if you are blessed enough to have it in syndication in your area.
TO GO TO A PAGE WHICH CONTAINS A LOT OF LINKS TO THE WEBPAGES OF OTHER CAPPERS,
CLICK HERE
(....and scroll to the bottom)
INVENTING SITUATIONS
It’s like the official MST3K Caption This! page that used to be on Sci-Fi.com, except that it loads faster, you don’t need a password to play, and it doesn’t break down as often. Bless you, GersonK, for this site.
STEVE JACKSON GAMES
Steve Jackson Games makes a number of cool role-playing and card games. Their most famous RPG contribution is GURPS (Generic Universal Role Playing System) with tons o’ cool supplements, including a new Discworld supplement (see Terry Pratchett’s link above). Why do I like Steve Jackson Games? ’Cause Steve digs dinosaurs, just like me. I have the GURPS Dinosaurs and other Prehistoric Animals as well as the copmlete DinoHunt collectible card game. The great thing about SJGames is that when it gets into palaeontology, it doesn’t mess around. They have the most up-to-date information on ancient life outside actual research teams. They get their hands on stuff that won’t be published for another year. That’s how kick-arse they are. Be sure to check out the GURPS and DinoHunt pages. They’re my favourites. And, for those MSTies who liked the MST3K Russo-Finnish flicks like Jack Frost, GURPS Russia has whole segments devoted to the stories on which those movies are based. Check ’em out!
WANDERER SQUEAK’S PAGE
One of my friends from the webpage-creation workshop where I learned to do all this keen technical stuff, she has a splendid, unsurpassed Are You Being Served? drinking game, as well as all kinds of interesting and unique links. A nice place to go if you also like Sailor Moon and Animé type stuff. Now the link above takes you to her relocates site.
BURAN’S HOME PLANET
This site is just plain keen. Really nifty digital art. Oh, just go there and see for yourself. You’ll see what I mean.
J. GALLAND
DIAMOND EQUUS
NEW!
The sites of Jennifer Galland, engineering student, equestrian, artist, and future sci-fi author. Loads of stuff to check out on these pages, even though some of them are still under construction. Click on over and witness the scope of this woman’s ambition.
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