Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes...
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
The brain is a wonderful organ: it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
One nice thing about egoists: they don't talk about others.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.
Id give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Mains Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Pauls Law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
About the time we make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. :Mark Twain.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors---and miss.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. -J. Paul Getty
TV is chewing gum for the eyes. :Frank Lloyd Wright.
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.-Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. So naked people have little or no influence on society.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.-Woody Allen
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies....
Canada Bill Jones' Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
A .44 magnum beats four aces.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.-- Kehlog Albran
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
Having children is hereditary: If your parents didn't have any, then you probably won't either.
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