Captain Scarlett had been very happy when she was told that she was assigned to the famous ESC Magellan. She would work with the best and learn a lot.
During the flight she had imagined how it would be.
Now that she was there, an empty flightdeck awaited her. That certainly wasn't what she had expected. At least somebody could come round and tell her where to go and what time she should sign up for duty.
After a few minutes, she heard strange sounds. It sounded as if claws scratched on the floor, and what ever caused it was coming her direction...

Scarlett, 08 Feb 1999 16:27

2nd Lt. Zephyr sighed as she looked around the 'Tavern where she had been spending the last few... what, days? Weeks? They seemed like years...
It was absolutely empty. Where the heck was everybody?! Even a bunch of pigs would be more fun to be around with... she poked at her glass, pondering whether or not to finish the greenish liquid. Shoving the glass aside, she decided not to.
She got up. *Maybe I oughta go and see if there's anybody on the flightdeck or something. Besides, spending my entire life in here doesn't seem like the best thing to do for a kid like me.* She pushed open the doors and headed out towards the flightdeck.
Dismissing the small forms running through the corridor ahead of her as something unimportant and harmless, Zephyr continued her way towards the flightdeck...

Zephie, 08 Feb 1999 17:46

As Una, Soups, Jester Werrf and the others headed towards landing pad 4, they were stopped in their tracks by someone shouting "Wait!!!" Mogs could be seen running along the corridor, looking worried. "Soups, I hate to tell you this" she said "...but on my way down here I heard some banging sounds coming from the floor above. On listening further, there was a distinct "One, two ......... Hooyah!" before each crash!"
Soups was about to start giggling when she caught sight of the look on Una's face, and sighed resignedly "Okay...... the mini-marines have broken free *again*. I suppose I'd best go re-capture them, before they team up with the piggies and/or demolish the ceiling. Sheesh, it's not my fault they hijacked an ISSPC and followed me here." "Ma'am I'll make my way to them via the flight deck, I want to check on Uhura..... I still don't trust him!"
Soups headed off down the corridor, thinking of the best way to get the mini-marines back into secure accomodation, when she remembered "Hmmmmmm..... chocolate" that would do the trick. So she headed towards the Tun and the nearest vending machine to stock up on supplies. As she neared the Tun.........

Soups, 09 Feb 1999 20:43

Sooty hadn't liked the idea of arming the mini-Marines with projectile weapons, but he *had* found that they were perfect pupils for his other Special Forces tuition - though there wasn't much crockery left intact in the ships' canteen.
Finally satisfied with their Kick-Boxing skills, Sooty picked up a drum stick and indicated to the boys that they should make ready with the mop handles provided. He led them into the corridor which ran to the flightdeck, where there would be more room to manoever.
It was time to move on to Quarterstaff Training . . .

Jester ~<(:-}, 15 Feb 1999 14:31

Suddenly! Dramatically!
All the lights went out.
"Typical" Jester sighed. "Just when I'm able to make some real progress I find that I can't tell what's going on."
Sooty nodded in agreement. Unfortunately Jester didn't know this because, as explained, all the lights were out.
"Oh well," Jester continued, "I suppose we'll just have to stay here and wait until somebody rescues us. Or at least gets the lights working again."
She sat down on the deck and began the wait, listening as Sooty regaled her with tales of his friend Bagpuss's 25th Birthday party.....

Jester ~<(:-}, May 12, 1999 17:35

1943hrs GMT
EUS Magellan, somewhere in space...
"...vice-honcho and your XO, so you'll deal with me often", Una said and demonstrated her famous "Evil Grin". The following wink made Lisa sigh in relief - she still wasn't sure when the Colonel was just kidding and when she spoke seriously.
Suddenly Una noticed a young officer walking down the corridor like he hadn't any urgent orders to execute. "What a mess", she thought, "I'll show 'em it's not the 'Bacchus'!"
"Lieutenant! Yes, you. This is Lisa, our new sister in arms. Show her the 'Magellan' and introduce her to everybody. I have too many things to do right now, understood?"
"Yes, ma'am!", Oleg did his best, pretending to show 'real enthusiasm'. Somehow he felt that Una wasn't gonna believe it so easily.
"I hafta work on it more", he thought.
"It's nice to have you aboard, Lisa", Oleg smiled at the girl, feeling the suspicious look from his XO on his back, while he and Lisa walked to the living quarters' direction.
4 mins later...
...noticed through the opened door some blueprints hanging on the walls, a bunch of tech manuals scattered on the floor and a high-detailed model of the 'Toga' on the locker (it had a name on the bottom, otherwise one couldn't recognize it; all SCVNs looked similar).
"Whose bunk is this?", Lisa asked in wonder.
"Err... It's actually a holodeck. You better ask Major Leysen, he'll explain...", Oleg answered with a serious expression on his face. At the same time he thought: "You owe me a fruit dessert, Strobberry [strawberry?], dude!"
5 mins later...
"C'mon, it's really classical! See, you roll your dice, place your figures and try to be the first across.."
9 mins later...
"...me, Soups, and Una! And when we almost got his kilt up he woke up and said: 'I hate to interrupt your fun, but I was just wondering if you were aware of the rather large group of chigs standing behind you, pointing their guns at you?', hahahaha!!"
"I can't believe you really did it, Jester!", Lisa recovered from the laugh, but still was giggling while trying to imagine the whole scene.
"Back at that time only perfect discipline prevented me from kicking some a.. hmm... never mind!", Werrf noticed with a half-smile. Seemed like those memories were still disturbing his mind.
But then another round of coctail had arrived and...

Oleg, 08 Aug 1999 05:56

Alerted by the sound of giggling, Soups temporarily gave up her half-hearted search for the mini-marines.
After welcoming Lisa aboard ship, Soups noticed a figure hobbling towards the Tun.
"That's Rogue", she informed the others.
"He's trying to convince everyone his injuries were caused during a racing accident, but I know he really challenged the minis to a round of Kick-boxing. Hmm.... wonder if Sooty made a wise choice here."
As the chattering continued, Soups leant against the wall, and pulled out the leaflet on the Bacchus that she'd been carrying around ever since her last visit, and smiled secretively. In the distance, a faint, but easily recognisable noise could be heard and she wondered if this was VA dropping by, or could it be her latest project?
Abruptly, she was made to focus again, as an irate Major Shad0w came storming down the corridor.
"What's up with him?" Oleg asked.
"I'm not too sure" responded Soups "but I think he was muttering something about nuts?!"

Soups, 09 Aug 1999 18:05

The door of the Magellan canteen flew open.
"Nuts!" Shad0w shouted as he bounded in. "And crisps! And some of those cheesy biscuit thingies, too, if we've got any." He dodged around the self-service counter and into the storeroom. "And maybe some tortillas with fresh salsa......"
"What's up with the Shad-man?" Werrf managed to whisper over the roar of his latest cocktail-induced hangover.
"Beats me," Jester replied, making a smiley face in her porridge with the raisins. "Sounds like he's organising a party."
Werrf perked up at once. "Party?"
"Abandon Ship Party," Shad0w expanded helpfully in passing, then disappeared off down the corridor with his arms full of streamers, paper hats and unexploded party poppers.
"Call me Mister Paranoid if you like, but isn't abandoning ship usually less of a 'Pass the Champers and get on down' and more of a 'Please make your way in an orderly manner to your designated escape pod' sort of thing?"
Jester shrugged. "Word is that the Magellan's warp engines need de-coking, so the techies are going to take advantage of the downtime to give the old girl a thorough going over, inside and out, from bow to stern."
"Well I hope they don't disturb my haggis with all the palaver," Werrf groused worriedly. "They're just entering their mating season, you know."
Jester frowned. "You'd better ask the tech-heads about it. I think they want to clean off all the hull ionisation at the same time, which means that everyone on board is going to have to abandon ship to the 'Bacchus' while the techies run a Sootian Sweep of the whole ship."
Werrf sighed heavily. "Well if it's going to happen anyway then I'd better start stocking up on the drinks," he said as he struggled to his feet and made to follow Shad0w. "I didn't hear Shad0w mention drinks at all, did you? And we wouldn't want to run out of anything vital, now, would we?"

Jester ~<(:-}, 12 Aug 1999 14:40

"That's six cases of Balvenie....five of Glenmorangie......Hmm, that's bad, we're down to only one case of Laphroaig....Bells? What the heck's that doing here?" There was an almighty crash as a large cardboard box, apparently filled with glass bottles, landed in the corridor at Darkamber's feet. Amber liquid gurgled out of the seams and across the floor.
"Errrr..." the new Marine ventured, "Hello?"
A head poked out through the door, followed moments later by a kilt-clad Marine holding a bottle of Balvenie malt whisky. He saw the newcomer and quickly tucked the bottle under his arm, holding it like a rifle.
"Who're you? What're you doing here? Dont' come any closer, this thing's loaded..." he gestured threateningly with the bottle.
"Um...that's a bottle of whisky..."
The bedraggeled Lieutenant glanced down.
"Oh...damn...so it is..." he muttered. "Don't go away...."
He dashed back into the store room. There were various bangs, cruches, crashes and whimpers, as well as one loud curse that sounded something like "Damn....four cases of Glenmorangie...", then Werrf reappeared holding an M-590.
"Aha!" he cried, "I knew it was in there somewhere. Now, name, rank and number, Marine!"

Werrf, Tue, 24 Aug 1999 20:45

Darkamber put a hand on her hip, lifting an eyebrow, then handed the Lieutenant her transfer papers.
"Is this how new Marines are usually greeted when they come peacefully searching for some beer?"
She looked down at the amber liquid on the floor. "That isn't beer I hope?" she asked worriedly.

Darkamber, 27 Aug 1999 03:56

Reading the transfer papers with one eye, Werrf raised the other eyebrow.
"Lieutenant, in the last few months we've lost the entire crew, been boarded by Chigs and - even worse - Fox executives, AI's, we've had naked men polka'ing round the flightdeck, and rampaging giant Guinea Pigs - what's more, ALL of them have been after my whisky." As he mentioned the lack of whisky, his nostrils flared and his finger tightened on the trigger.
Darkamber subtly sidled out of the line of fire as the wild-eyed, kilt-clad Marine continued muttering.
"....my whisky...all of them after it....even the damn chigs....makes 'em spooge, but they still want it...damn Guinea pigs....." He cleared his throat, lowered the weapon and handed the new Marine's papers back.
"Ahem...sorry 'bout that..." he mumbled. "Anyway...welcome aboard! I'm sure you're going to enjoy it here. Don't worry abotu the puddle, it's not beer, just..." he spat, "...Bells whisky. Disgusting stuff...should be illegal, you know. Blended. Yuck." He shrugged and slung the rifle over his shoulder. "Come on, lass...I'll take you to meet Jester.
"By the way....do you hear....horses?"

Werrf, 27 Aug 1999 07:39

Werrf quickly glanced over his left shoulder. Shad0w looked like he instantly sobered up. Werrf shook his head. Nothing, but he could swear he heard the sound, a strange sound. A sound that doesn't match a space ship and specially the one that at this moment is moving across the galaxy.
"Horses?!" Shad0w and Werrf asked together.
"If you don't stop it right this second I'll put you into involuntary sobering" Jester warned them.
Darkamber also heard the sound. A clapping sound of hooves. Horses.
Werrf poked his head outside in the corridor.
"Ladies" he yelled overjoyed and ran out.
Darkamber looked at Jester sitting in the corner and contemplating an already cold bowl of porridge.
"Ladies? Horses?" Jester looked accusingly at a Newbie.
Darkamber looked back trying to look as serious as possible. "I had nothing to do with it. I just came aboard. Here are my papers."
Darkamber tried unsuccessfully to shove the transfer papers into Jester's hand, because unmistakably the sound of horses was coming closer. A lot of horses. Big war horses clad in metal. The horse mounted army.
Mini Marines storm the food storage. "Something for the horses. Oats, hay, carrots." They dragged something that suspiciously looked like a supply of emergency sugar packets and started filling their pockets.
Robbel poked his head in for a moment taking off the bunny suit almost in mid-air.
"Ladies" he yelled dreamingly and he was gone.
Una stopped for a brief moment. "How do I look?" she was trying to look as sexy as possible in her camo outfit "Hurry up we have guests aboard. New allies."
Darkamber grabbed a bottle and ran out "I'm not wasting any more time, all the cute guys are going to be taken."
Jester was growling annoyed. "Somebody has to stop this madness!!! And it's going to be me. This is a serious squadron! There's a war going on out there!" Jester raised her chin up, she stood up still holding a bowl of porridge like a weapon and she walked in to the corridor. The sight surprised her. This clearly wasn't what she was expecting. The corridor looked like an old fashioned Italian villa, but rather the outside with fruit trees, a fountain and magnificent views ot the surrounding area.
Very beautiful and completely out of place. Jester could even feel the light breeze on her face. The horsemen were all over the place. All the Magellan guys were very much engaged in "conversation" with a whole bunch of ladies, who were dressed in flowing white dresses, and some of the Marines like Werrf, Robbel, Oleg, Shad0w and a few others were lying in the grass and were being hand fed with grapes. Not to mention all the female Marines engaged into sexy talk with the horse riders.
Jester would never have guessed that the uniforms could be so tight. Before Jester was able to yell at them for un-marine-like behavior one of the riders came to face her. Jester had to admit that he was rather handsome. The horseman's horse started to eat the glue-like substance called porridge.
"Fair lady I can see you are already dressed for tonight's revelle. Let me thank you for welcoming my tired army. I am prince Don Pedro of Aragon." the man introduced himself.
Jester couldn't take her eyes off his long sword dangling at his side.
It looked antique.
"And I'm going to kill Skrzat" replied Jester, vaguely remembering the ad in the rec. room about Skrzat staging a play: "Much ado About Nothing".
She was sure that Skrzat complained, that she didn't have enough people to put on the whole play. Staging a play for soldiers is one thing, but inviting living and breathing Shakespearean book heroes is something else.
"Ah lady Skrzat, our most gracious host." The prince smiled, recognizing the name.
"Would you excuse me just for a second your highness?" Jester politely left the prince, and thinking about all the perverse tortures for Skrzat she started searching corridors. The giggling females in white cotton dresses chased by love hungry Marines almost trampeled poor Jester.
Muttering something incoherent under her breath Jester disappeared in the darkness of the Magellan's hallways...

skrzat, 26 Aug 1999 18:40

As Jester wanders the dark corridors, she spies ahead a small glimmer of light. Alas, no sanity, just the TechSgt curled up on a bean bag reading a computer manual and muttering incomprehensibly about website design...
She looked up when Jester poked her head around the door and smiled.
"Hi Jester - anything going on?"

TechSgt, 27 Aug 1999 19:20

Darkamber had hurriedly emptied the bottle of beer, and was busy admiring a cute knight in shining armour, who stood beside his white horse. Unfortunately she wasn't the only female Marine around him.
"O, you must have fought and won many battles and braved many dragons, valiant knight!" she said, doing her best to sound awed, and look like a innocent, wide-eyed maiden.
The knight, adoringly cute, but not too bright, beamed down at her, reveling in the attention and adoration.
"Aye, fair maiden, I have. Once I even bested a foul dragon!" he boasted. Wrong thing to say...
For a split second Darkamber's face was shadowed by a furious look, amber fires flickering in her greyish green eyes. Then the innocent, airhead blonde maiden mask was in place again. The knight never noticed, being occupied with preening amongst the admiring maidens.
"That is an impressive sword you're carrying", she said sweetly.
"Aye, 'tis an ancient family heirloom", the knight beamed.
Darkamber clasped her hands, gave him a doe-eyed, simpering look and asked:"O, would you, brave knight, bestow upon me the honour of holding it, just for a second? I've _always_ dreamt about touching the sword of a valiant knight!"
"'Twould be an honour, fair maiden" the knight said gallantly and carefully handed her his sword. "Be careful, 'tis not a tool for fair maidens!" he admonished sternly.
Darkamber hefted the sword. "Excellently balanced," she said, stepped back and tried a few swings, thrusts and parries.
"Careful, fair maiden!" the knight warned. "Methinks you should give my sword back, now."
Darkamber gave the knight a slow, wicked grin. "Methinks otherwise!"
She swung a forceful blow and hit the knight's butt with the flat of her sword.
The knight yelped, astonished. "That is a most unmaiden like behaviour!"
"Oh, yeah? Watch this!"
Darkamber proceeded to rain blows on the knight who could not defend himself; his code of honour forbade him to attack maidens. In the end he was forced to a most unknightly manouver - to run away.
Darkamber chased after him, furiously hitting him with his own sword, yelling: "Dragon murderer! I'll teach you not to harm dragons, I will, you brainless, tin can git!"

Darkamber, 27 Aug 1999 22:34

After 5 minutes of dodging and weaving, the Cretinous Knight managed to outmanoeuvre Darkamber - {who, in her rage, had forgotten to morph into her Dragon personae} and finally slammed the door in her face.
"Forsooth!" he cried aloud through the door even as he threw the bolt against Darkamber's persistent thudding. "No maiden fair hath ever bewitch'ed me so. I am undone! My heart belongs to you!"
"Too true!" came Darkamber's voice from the other side of the door.
THUD.
"T'is truth? Does't feel likewise? O, fair maiden, meanest thou so?"
"Just wait 'til I get this door open" THUD "and I''l show you EXACTLY what I mean!"
The dis-illusioned Knight was almost ready to unlock the door to Darkamber when he heard a sound behind him. Turning, he regarded a chainmail gauntlet thrown on the ground before him.
He looked up.
A Sith Lord stood before him, a lightsabre in either hand. It silently tossed one of the sabres to the Knight then, eyeing the Knight grimly, activated its' own.
The Knight was flabbergasted!
"So, Darth Sooty, we meet at last."
The Knight activated his own lightsabre, girded his loins for battle, and stepped away from the door...

Jester ~<(:-}, 28 Aug 1999 14:06

Soups stood in the shadows watching with interest. At last there was someone else on board who would help in the fight for dragon rights - well there would be as soon as she managed to melt the door down.
She cast a worried glance in Darth Sooty's direction and just hoped he hadn't been trying to influence the mini-marines _too_ much.
The thought of stopping this madness had crossed her mind, but what harm would it do to let these valiant marines relax for a little while. Besides, the ship was going to have a major clean out soon.
As everyone seemed to be pre-occupied Soups decided now might be a good time to try out her little erm...... experiment. Happily she started to collect dishes, used or not it made no difference, they all needed to be washed. With her arms piled high with crockery she made her way back to her cabin...........

Soups, 28 Aug 1999 18:31

The door had finally melted enough for a not very tall Marine to get through.
"Oh, gosh, golly, wow. Whatever happened to the door..." Darkamber said feigning surprise and innocence, and jumped through, careful to avoid the still red-hot metal.
She looked at the Tin Can Git and the Sith Lord, and their activated lightsabres.
"Wow, lightsabres, cool!" she enthused, before returning to serious mode.
"Hey, I wanna have a go at that cretin first!" she yelled at the Sith lord, then added: "Nice outfit, by the way, sensible colour.
"Look, Darth Whatever-your-name-is, I just want to beat that tin can git to within an inch of his life, then you can do whatever you like. Deal?"
---
Meanwhile, 13 light years away, a chig squad on patrol encountered an unusual, mysterious space phenomenon. The whitish, cloud like thingy had blue lightning flickering in it. Never having seen any ST-episodes, 7 chigs ventured into the cloud...
...and promptly found themselves hanging in mid-air, sans ships, before thudding to a hard floor (in what was, unbeknownst to them, the mess hall).
A flood of chig-speach filled the frequency of their helmet's internal comsystem - phrases that would have translated to the human equivalent of "What the hell happened", "Where the f**k _are_ we", "My behind hurts" and "Euch, what's this stuff I'm sitting in".
The chig leader (nicknamed "Grumpy"), kicked it's squad into order, and they ventured forth on a recon mission to figure out where they'd ended up.

Darkamber, 30 Aug 1999 22:04

Darkamber stands in a dark place, totally devoid of any sensory input, and wonders where the hell everyone went, not to mention the Magellan.
"Did I die?" she wonders.
Una? Werrf? Bad Karma? Robbel? Jester? Sooty? Soups?
...anyone?...
*sob*

Darkamber, 08 Sep 1999 23:14

Soups struggled down the corridor, arms full of dishes, wondering how Alv........er the little experiment would cope under pressure. She just reached the door when CRASH!!
Soups looked down at the mess of broken crockery and sighed, perhaps this wasn't going to work after all, perhaps she'd have to find some other uses for the experiment. She froze and listened........ was that a Chig she just heard? Oh my! She ran back as fast as she could and looked at the mayhem she'd left behind. The knights, the lightsabers, the marines.......she knew how to get the attention of at least one marine and siddled upto Werrf, and whispered something about the Chigs were back to get his whiskey. She then ordered the knights to leave the girls alone, looked sternly at Sooty, and firmly announced that anyone still being hand fed grapes would end up this evenings caberet act if they didn't jump to attention straight away.
After *finally* getting everyone's attention..........

Soups, 29 Sep 1999 19:07

The Chig patrol, lead by Major Grumpy, had paused, crouching, at an intersection of the corridor. Major Grumpy pondered which way to go next.
"I thidk this bust be a Red Stidk ship, Bajor, I ab sedsitive to their horrible stedch, you know,"[1] a Chig soldier sniffled, then muttered "Dabd suid! I wish I could wipe by dose!!" *Atchi!*
*Stop whining, soldier!* the Major growled.
Further back one Chig soldier was tapping a rhythm on its suit, happily humming the latest Chig hit. Nothing ever seemed to get it down. Next to it another Chig was sitting on the floor, drowsing.
"Sir, can't we just find someone and ask where we are?" a Chig next to the Major asked. The Major promptly whacked the back of its helmet with a flat hand.
"Idiot!"
"Sorry, sir..."
The seven Chigs seemed to be in quite a fix...
[1] Translated from Chiggeese

Darkamber, 03 Oct 1999 23:08

As the Chigs sit wondering where to go, singing the Top 12 hits and snuffling, they hear (perhaps) a door opening a few metres down the corridor. Glared at by their officer, they hunch down quietly and observe...
A shortish figure, built for comfort not for speed, long black hair going silver mostly obscuring pointed ears, steps out. The Marines would recognise the TechSgt. She's wearing a set of blue coveralls with 'COMBAT ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT' stencilled across the back.
"Drat" she mutters. "I think one of the network nodes is belly-up again...". She wanders down the passage straight towards where the Chigs lurk, muttering to herself...

Mexal, 4 Oct 1999 19:26

The Chigs (those who were paying attention, which was the Major and Lt. Sneezy) watched in horror as the Red Stink Creature advanced towards them, making strange, low noises.
Lt. Sneezy had never previously been this close to a Red Stink, and its allergy bloomed in full. The Red Stink's smell seeped into it's helmet. The Lieutenant gave a tremendeous, explosive sneeze, and promptly spooged.
And then they were six...

Darkamber, 05 Oct 1999 02:16

Probably even more surprised than Lieutenant Sneezy was the TechSgt. She stumbled over her own feet and sat down rather heavily. "Eeeek" she said, looking around from where she sat on the floor. "What on any planet you care to name was THAT?"
She peered into the gloom, trying to make out if there was anything in the shadows....

Mexal, 5 Oct 1999 18:12

After Lt. Sneezy had so unfortunately spooged itself, Major Grumpy lead it's troop in a hasty and silent retreat down the corridor.
In the haste, they had overlooked Lt. Sleepy, who was still sitting with it's back to the wall, sleeping in the shadows of the corridor, dreaming of it's lovely home world. Was it soon to have a rude awakening?

Darkamber, 06 Oct 1999 01:27