You'd fix the car if you knew you could
What was it like to be feeling good?
  Take a program home
  Take a program home

And there are times when you feel you can't take another day
Everything you say, is simply wrong, boy.
And then your wife seems to think its time for new
furniture, it's peculiar, the old stuff seems just fine.

When troubled days turn to troubled nights
You indulge in your only vice
  You take a program home
  Take a program home

You only see what you want to see
A flying ship on a TV screen.
  You take a program home
  Take a program home

And when you're cruising through space, it's so unbelievable
It's incredible, you skill you have now,
But then your wife seems to think you're losing your sanity
Oh, she can not see, why you won't go out.

Does it feel your life's a catastrophe?
It doesn't have to be; just keep a game near.
When you look through your life and see what you can
not do, and what you now can do,
Is it such a crime?

At your new job you can't be found
Who's to blame if you're not around?
  You took a program home
  You took a program home

  Program home
  Program home...

Well, who do you think you're foolin'?
You say you're getting done.
But you're busy writting longhand
and still on Chapter One.
You tried to tell me your way
was better for the mind
but you've got yourself a deadline
and you're running out of time.
 
You're messin' up the paper
by changin' every line.
You won't admit a keyboard
would save you so much time.
You gave me pen and pencil
you said that they were good.
You scorn the television
you'd rather write with wood.
 
How can you write in this way?
 (Why do you think it's so strange?)
You know you'll be there all day.
 (But I don't want to change.)

Computers would help your life.
It's time we got you to type.
Child of Written, won't you listen?
Drop that old ink pen tradition.
 
I've written too before
but saw the light anew.
They showed me that with WordStar
I could write and edit too.
You just don't seem to listen
I cannot make you hear.
You say your way is better
I think it's only fear.
 
How can you write in this way?
 (Why do you think it's so strange?)
You know you'll be there all day.
 (But I don't want to change.)
 
We could go on with this fight
but we'll be up here all night.
Child of Written, won't you listen?
Try to make the chip transition.

Take a look at my disk drive
It's the only one I got.
Not much of a disk drive
Doesn't seem to load a lot.
 
    Take a chance and buy a cheap one
    Like to see another brand.
    See the drives of
        IBM, but
    They cost so much money, it's true
    So there's not a lot I can do.
 
Could I have programs that load fast,
Commodore, Commodore.
They got a good in TRS
But you gotta be a millionare.
 
    I'm a hacker, I'm a dreamer
    Do you want my credit card?
    Got a drive that
        works so slow that
    I gotta find something to do
    While it loads up my Ultima II.
 
Don't you look at my disk drive
It's the only one I got.
Not much of a disk drive
Doesn't seem to load a lot.
 
    Take a chance and buy a cheap one
    Like to see another brand.
    See the drives of
        IBM, but
    They cost so much money, it's true
    So there's not a lot I can do.

It was early morning yesterday
I was working up til dawn,
And I really have stayed up to late
So I must be moving on.
 
Like a drive without backup,
Like a mouse without a cord,
I'm an early morning hacker
And I must be moving on.
 
Now I believe in what you trace
That the error is in truth,
But I have to work at my own pace
Or the code just can't be used.
 
Like a game without a pause key
Like a file without a close,
Just the thought of a new problem
And I never want to doze.
 
Now I will go on writing,
Writing something new,
The total of my sleep time
In hours will be few.
 
    Goodnight keyboard, it's been nice,
    Staying up was paradise.
    Finished all that I could do
    But my work is hardly through.
    Goodnight shift-key, goodnight space,
    That last page was such a waste.
    Feel so tired, feel so lame,
    Come tomorrow, try again.
 
Why some they load and some they don't
Is something I can't tell.
And some they run and some they won't,
It's prob'bly just as well.

You can tell by my behavior
That I need to get some sleep,
What a devil of a program
Just for ten percent to keep.
 
But I will go on typing,
Typing something new,
The total of my sleep time
In hours will be few.
 
    Goodnight keyboard, it's been nice,
    Staying up was paradise.
    Finished all that I could do
    But my work is hardly through.
    Goodnight shift-key, goodnight space,
    That last page was such a waste.
    Feel so tired, feel so lame,
    Come tomorrow, try again.

Had a dream I was bored
So I went out to my computer store,
And I said, What you gonna show to me
What you gonna sell to me, who knows?
He said we got a lot
For any ol' machine that you got.
So I took home a variety
Games of fun and strategy, you know.
 
    I don't care what the future brings
    Give a damn about anything
    I'd be fine if they'd only leave me alone.
    But it's time--gotta take a stance
    'Cause I won't get a second chance
    All I want in this world is to play a game.
 
Had a dream it was war
And I couldn't get my tank to the fort,
But this was something I would fight about
Something I could die about, you know.
Anytime, anyplace
Where there is a monster to face
You'll find me right there where I wanna be
Fighting with the enemy, you know.
 
        (slowly)
        Wait now, can you see me
        With a joystick in my hand at eighty-three,
        Trying to destroy them all on screen thirteen.
        I hope I can hold out
        I hope I can hold out...
 
Had a dream I was timed
To find the killer at the scene of a crime,
Now this was something I could analyze,
Who committed homocide, who knows?
I don't wait, hesitate
To buy more games 'cause it's fate
That I'll be up every night til three
Fighting with the enemy, you know.
 
    I don't care what the future brings
    Give a damn about anything,
    I'd be fine if they'd only leave me alone.
    But it's time, gotta take a stance
    'Cause I won't get a second chance
    All I want in this world is to play a game.
 
Yup, I wanna play
Yup, I wanna play
Yup, I wanna play
Yup, I wanna play...
 

     Some people say computers are made outta chips,
     Digital logic and binary bits.
     Takes a technical jerk to wanna make it run,
     So I went to computer-mart and bought myself one.

         Ya load 16 bits, and whattya get?
         64K and a floppy diskette.
         At $1200 it's surely insane,
         You get a Biorhythym chart and a video game.

     I was born one morning in a software mine,
     I picked up my keyboard and entered a line.
     I loaded some BASIC, I loaded FORTRAN,
     But nothing I loaded into COBOL ran.

     Chorus:
         Ya load 16 bits, and whattya get ?
         64K and a floppy diskette.
         IBM don't ya call me 'cause I gotta regroup,
         I'm stuck right now in an infinite loop.

     Well, I sat at the keyboard with the Programmer's Itch,
     But everything I entered ran into a glitch.
     I messed up ma memory, ma register gates,
     Made me wanna fold, spindle, and mutilate.

     (Chorus)

     I got a serial modem with dual disk packs,
     The house I once owned is now Radio Shack's.
     30 I/O ports to do as ya will,
     If the price don't get ya then the 'lectric bill will.

     (Chorus)

 
The problem's all inside your code she said to me;
Recursion is easy if you take it logically.
I'm here to help you if you're struggling to learn C,
There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

She said it's really not my habit to include,
And I hope my files won't be lost or misconstrued;
But I'll recompile at the risk of getting screwed,
There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

Just blow up the stack Jack,
Make a bad call Paul,
Just hit the wrong key Lee,
And set your pointers free.

Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
You just listen to me.

She said it grieves me to see you compile again.
I wish there were some hardware that wasn't such a pain.
I said I appreciate that and could you please explain,
About the fifty ways.

She said why don't we both just work on it tonight,
And I'm sure in the morning it'll be working just right.
Then she hosed me and I realized she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

Just lose the address Les,
Clear the wrong Int Clint,
Traverse the wrong tree Lee,
And set your list free.

Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
You just program in C.
 

Once upon a midnight dreary
As I pondered, growning bleary,
On the newsgroup bright and cheery
Which I'd visited before
Suddenly there rent the aether
Another spammer, seeking fees for
Selling us the self-same secrets
He had bought the day before
Yes, another sucker-seeker
Broadcasting a deafening roar:
   "MAKE CASH FAST!" -- oh, what a bore.

"Fool," I muttered, glum conceding
That the cost we pay for reading
Mail and posts most worth the heeding
Sent to real or virtual door
Is that some deluded punk
Will stuff our mailbox with such junk
Although by now you woulda thunk
They'd seen this game and learned the score
But after twenty paper copies
What difference makes just one more
   "MAKE CASH FAST" thrown on the floor?

But then came a second flamer
Calling spammers every name or
Adjective that he could claim from
His vocabularic store
Not content to send this flier
To the object of his ire
He then built a funeral pyre --
And lept upon it, furthermore:
For he copied this new missive
To all the groups upon whose shore
   Fell "MAKE CASH FAST" -- which grieves me sore.

Friends, it must not be forgotten
That those broadcasts, rude and rotten
Which are oftentimes our lot in
Reading favorite newsgroups o'er
Don't deserve an answer posted
Even with their authors toasted
By a self-styled cop, who boasted
"They shall rue this spamming, sure"
For the grumbling that _you_ broadcast
Following that spammer's spoor
   Is a Spam, and nothing more!