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The woman replies, "I'm a whore."
The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
_________________________________________________________________
A man went to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor did his history and physical, he discovered that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," said the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience.
When I have a
migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while.
Then I
have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around
the forehead.
This helps a little.
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom,
and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her.
Almost always, the headache is immediately gone.
Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin,
"Doc! I took your advice and it works!
It REALLY WORKS!
I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," said the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient added, "You have a REALLY nice house."
_________________________________________________________________
A salesman calls this house, and the 3 year old son answers the phone.
The salesman asks, "Can I talk to your mother?"
The boy whispers in a very low voice, "She's busy."
The salesman asks, "Can I talk to your daddy?"
The kid whispers again, in a very low voice, "He's busy too."
The salesman then asks, "Is there anyone else there?"
The tot replies in the same quiet voice, "A policeman."
The salesman inquires, "Can I talk to the policeman?"
The boy repeats again, in a low whisper, "He's busy too."
The salesman again questions him and asks, "Is there anyone else there?"
The kid comes back in a whisper, "A fireman."
The salesman then wants to know if he can talk to the fireman.
And once again the tot whispers, "He's busy too."
By now the salesman is really wondering what is going on.
He asks the boy, "What are they all doing?"
The little rug-rat replies, still in a very low whisper... "Looking for me."
_________________________________________________________________
A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane.
After a while,
the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks "Is it still a requirement of
your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi responds "Yes that is still one of our beliefs."
The Priest then asks "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replies "Yes on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest,
"Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain
celibate?"
The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
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