*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

This sucks.  I mean it.  It seriously sucks.  There is no way I can do what I think I’m supposed to.  I mean, Jeff isn’t hurt THAT bad..

Except now I feel like the world’s biggest pussy.  And I can only remember my mom telling me I had to look out for Jeffie.  And I think I want to die.

My deep thoughts are interrupted by “Will you hurry up and get your ass out of there?  I gotta pee!!!”

Speaking of the colorful one.  “Hold on a fricking second…”  I push open the door, trying to quickly walk to my bed, but I catch a glimpse of my brother and immediately freeze.

Like I said, it’s really not that bad.  A black eye, a swollen cheekbone…it’ll all heal soon enough.  It’s what it stands for, the defeat it reminds me of, that really hurts.  Jeff glares at me.  “You’re staring again Matt.”

I duck my head.  “Sorry..” I murmur.

He sighs then slaps me upside the head.  “Cut that out.” I squint at him in confusion.  “Stop bitching yourself out.  We both know you aren’t going to do anything, and you should know I don’t expect you to.  I can fight my own battles.”  Jeff does a little hop.  “Now please move outta my way, because I gotta go!”

He slips into the bathroom, and I flop down on my bed.  Oh how wonderful.  Now my baby brother is trying to make me feel better.  Well, I’ll show HIM who can fight a battle….

And now I sound like a bad children’s cartoon.  This is gonna be just wonderful.

***
I end up in the hotel bar.  I don’t even go to regular bars, let alone places like this.  I’m totally lost, until I found Sean sitting in a table in the corner.  I walked over to him, and he smiled up at me.  “What are you doing down here?  I thought you’d be up in your room, wondering where your balls went.”

I glared at him.  “Thanks Waltman.  I love your tact.”

He just grinned.  “Friends don’t need tact.”  I sat down across from him, burying my head on the table.  He made a sympathetic noise and touched my head gently.  “What happened with Jeff?  I couldn’t get the whole story.”

I glanced up.  “Saturn hit on him.  Jeff turned him down.  Saturn and his buddies gave Jeff the beat-down.  Jeff isn’t hurt, but I’m pretty much being a pathetic idiot.”

Sean shook his head, then got quiet.  “Hey, don’t look now, but Chihuahua Heat just strolled in.”

So what do I do but look?  And there he is…Eddie…sitting down at the bar...looking cheerful.  “I should talk to him..” I whispered to myself.

Sean laughed and punched me lightly in the arm.  “Yeah!  Matt Hardy grew a set!”

I shook my head.  If I don’t go over there now, Sean won’t let me hear the last of it.  I walk over to the bar slowly, trying to delay the inevitable.  Finally I reach behind him.  “Hey.”

Eddie turns around to look at me.  “What?”

I swallowed.  “Why’d you mess with my brother?”

He looks…confused?  “What’re you talking about, esse?”

Oh God, now he wants to embarrass me.  “Jeff.  You kicked his ass.  I wanna know why,”

Now Eddie looks amused.  I must look really flustered.  “I think you had too much to drink, esse…”

I shook my head. “Stop playing with me.  Just tell me why you hurt Jeff.”

He’s laughing now.  “You need to calm down man.  I haven’t even seen Rainbow today.”

Everyone around him was laughing too, and I felt like curling up in a ball and dying.  I couldn’t stay there anymore.  I did all I could do, all I knew how to do…I turned and ran.

I got to the door to the hotel room and found a note telling me Jeff was off with Kane.  Well, that was good.  I don’t know if I could handle him right now.  I had expected to get hurt, to maybe get hit…not this.  Not humiliation.  I can’t handle humiliation.

I get in the room and curl up in bed.  I turn on the radio, hoping for some Pearl Jam to help me forget this hell…but no such luck.  I get this woman singing, with words that cut me to the bone.

And it is me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence
 
I slam off the radio.  Screw that.  I pull the covers over my head and drift to sleep.

………I am in a dark room, lit only by candles.  A slow, sad piano melody plays in the background as I feel myself turning.  I realize strong arms hold me, my head rests against a muscular chest, and I am dancing.  The music gets louder as I hear a voice I can’t quite place whispering the words in my ear.

I want to lay you on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

I finally look up to see the man who holds me.  I look into his dark brown eyes.  It is the face of Eddie Gurerro……

I awake with a start.  Oh God, what a dream…..what the hell is wrong with me?  Why am I dreaming about him?  And worst of all…why do I feel so sad now that I’ve woken up?