I remember being a kid, growing up in Greenwich. I remember bike rides with my friends, picnics with my mom, and tea parties with my little sister (What can I say? She was a sweet kid and I couldn't refuse her anything.)

I also remember my dad coming home drunk when he had a bad day at work. He was a stockbroker and whenever the stock market went down, you could be sure there would be a long night in the Helmsly home. He started out just hitting my mom, but by the time I was eight, I was included in the abuse too. My friends knew what was going on, hell, the whole neighborhood did, but that was just one of those things you ignored. It was an unspoken Greenwich rule, stay out of the business of other families.

Everyone I knew was like that except Shane. My friend wanted to protect me, didn't understand why no one came to arrest my dad or why I didn't just leave. Eventually he realized how things worked around here, but he still swore to me, making promises with the conviction only ten-years-olds have, that someday he would get me away from him.

Eventually I did get out of there, started working for the WWF, and then it happened. You'd think I would avoid these kind of situations after my childhood, but no, I managed to find another bad situation. I realized I was bi early on in my wrestling career, but I had my first relationship with a man after joining the WWF. Eager to be in an environment more open-minded about sexuality than WCW, I became somewhat of a slut, screwing both Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash, until I realized I was just a pawn in the arguments between the two, each of then alternately using me and then ignoring me. By the time I found this out, I was in too deep. You all may think Nash and his playmate Hall left voluntarily, but actually they got fired after Kevin kicked my ass after finding me in bed with Shawn. That night I fell asleep with my bruised cheek resting on Shane's shoulder as he told me it would never happen again, he'd never let anyone hurt me like that again.

To be honest, I loved Shane's protective streak, it felt good to have someone who cared about me like that. Even though I was older by a couple years, he was the person I always went to when I needed comfort, when I had a fight with my latest girlfriend or boyfriend, when I felt I had done poorly in a match, or when I just felt lonely. I slowly fell in love with him, he slowly fell in love with me, and last March, I made a move I would later regret, if only because I hurt a lot of people in the process. I turned my back on DX so I could be with Shane.

We were really happy for awhile, we rarely fought, I was slowly getting higher in the business, and to be honest, the sex was great. Then, around mid-September, his conscience started bothering him. He no longer wanted to screw people over for the title, battle his sister's boyfriend, or get booed by the fans. He wanted to join the light side of the force and do good. Unfortunately, I was well-established as a bad guy and had no plans of changing. So we argued. All the time we argued. I said I didn't want to give up my title, and he was naive and idealistic. He told me he was sick of not being able to look at himself in the mirror and I was jaded from my past. Angry that he brought up my past, I ordered him to leave my room one time. He did. And never came back.

Looking back, I shoulda gone with him, shoulda realized he was more important than any belt could ever be. But I didn't, so I was alone. At least, I was alone until Stephanie approached me in November. She was desperate, her plan to piss off her family had backfired, leaving her engaged to a man she didn't even like. So she was begging me to help her get out of that mess. I agreed, hoping that somehow by helping her I'd be helping Shane. So, the elaborate plan was set off and perfectly executed.

Everything was great until Stephanie and I got involved. Before it had just been me helping her out of a jam, now we were sleeping together...and then I discovered something about her that would set me on the downward spiral. Stephanie McMahon loved control.

It wasn't long after we started our relationship that the put-downs started. First it was little things, like my hair looked tangled or I was gaining weight. Next, my ring performance was starting to get criticized. Before long, everything she said to me was an attack on something about me. And I took it. This was all I was used to, this was all I deserved.

But if the relationship had stayed insults, I would have been fine. Maybe I would have retained a bit of my dignity, some shred of my strength. But it didn't.

It's hard just to think about that night. We were alone in the locker room and I remember getting into an argument with her...and she said to me that she didn't know what to do with me anymore, that I was acting like I didn't care I was a perpetual screw-up and I was disagreeing with her like a bratty child...and then something inside of her clicked. She leaned out the door and called for Paul Wight to come into the room. She turned back to face me and told me if I kept acting like a child she would treat me like one and before I knew it my jeans were around my ankles, I was bent over the bench, and Wight was holding me down with the most sadistic grin I've ever seen. She had my belt from my pants and....she beat me. There, I said it, I got it out without vomiting or crying or any of the other reactions that usually happen when I remember. After she was done and I lay sobbing on the bench she pulled me into her arms and told me she was just doing this for my own good, that she wanted to help me. And dammit, I believed her.

I kept believing, when she would beat me until I was crying so hard I could barely breathe, when I stopped being able to change with the other guys cuz there were constantly welts all over me, I kept believing because I needed to think someone cared about me. I began to associate the pain from her hitting me with the pleasure of afterwards, of her holding me and saying how much she wanted to help me. And she convinced me I deserved it, that my actions really were wrong and stupid and I deserved what she was doing.

It was after one of my dumber mistakes that I found myself over a bench in the locker room the last time, sobbing apologies and promises I'd never do it again. By this time I had agreed to stay still and take my punishment so that sick bastard Wight couldn't get off on holding me down anymore, so it was just the two of us in the room. Nothing would have made this different from any other beating except this was that day Shane decided to leave his watch at the arena, that day he came into the locker room and saw what was happening.

Stephanie looked up, saw her brother, and threw down the belt with no shame in being caught. "We'll talk at Smackdown." she said to me, then left.

I managed to pull up my pants before Shane got over to the side of the room where I knelt. "Hunter, I don't know what the hell I just saw, but if it's what I think it is, I swear I'll kill her."

"Why do you care?" I asked sullenly. I was in pain and not in the mood to deal with my ex-lover.

"Because as much as has happened in the past few months, I still don't want to see you get hurt."

I dropped my head because seeing the concern in his eyes was killing me. "You don't understand. I deserve this, she's just trying to help me, I keep screwing up..."

"What has she done to you?" Shane asked, and I knew the pain in his voice was real. "What happened to the Hunter I knew who challenged authority, who didn't let anyone tell him what he could or couldn't do?" He stopped, his brown eyes getting wide, and I saw how much what he had seen had disturbed him. "She was hitting you...I swore I'd never let anyone ever hit you again..."

"Why weren't you here then?" I asked him through pained sobs. "I trusted you to keep me safe and you left me...Shane, I wanted you to see what she was doing so bad, I wanted you to save me...you were supposed to save me...."

Shane pulled my sore, tired body against him, and I could fell his chest shaking under my head. He was crying too. "Hunter, I'm sorry, I should of realized..." We sat on the cold floor until neither of us had tears left to cry.

Somehow we managed to get in his car and go to his hotel room. He ran me a bath and I lay there, the hot water stinging the wounds on my back while Shane ran a washcloth softly over my body, trying to wipe away the sweat and tears. I let out an tiny gasp when he touched the places where the belt had hit. He stopped. "Am I hurting you?"

I nodded but still whispered "Please keep going." Much as the washcloth hurt, I knew Shane's touch promised redemption for the stupid things I'd done. I closed my eyes and felt his hands on my skin, washing away everything Stephanie had done.

He finished cleaning me and gently helped me get up and dry off, then get dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt from my bag. He tucked me into his bed then went to exit the room. I desperately didn't want him to go away from me, but refused to show him how weak I was by saying anything. I bit down on my lower lip to keep from crying out, but couldn't keep back a whimper.

He turned back to sit down on the bed. "Do you want me to stay with you?" I nodded violently, tears spilling down my face. Of course he knew I didn't want him to go, Shane always knows what I need.. He bent down to kiss my cheek. "It's okay Hunter, I'm not gonna leave. I'll stay right here with you." He laid down next to me. "I love you." My tears tuned to muffled sobs as I buried my head in his chest. He loved me. After everything, he still loved me. "I love you too." I managed to choke out.

He carefully turned me over so my back was facing him and lifted my shirt. I froze, scared of what he would do, until I felt his lips touch one of the marks on my skin. "I wish I could take them away." he said, kissing another mark. "I wish I could unhappen everything we said to each other, everything she did to you..."

I clutched his hand, needing him to hold me. He turned me back around and wrapped his arms around me, letting me finish my crying jag as he kissed the top of my head. "We will make this better." he soothed me. "I promise you, I'll fix this...." Gradually I quieted and nestled my head under his chin. "You need to get some sleep." he told me, and eager to please I drifted off, knowing for the first time in a long time I was where I belonged, safe, loved, and protected by my Shane.