Sometimes, I wonder how I get myself into these things. Joanie says it has something to do with me speaking before I think, but I did a lot of thinking this time and it STILL all went to hell.

So anyways, to explain, it took me till Tuesday to see most of what went on at King of the Ring. Since me and Steph don't talk much since our breakup, I didn't hear what happened from her. It took till I watched the tape to find out what my dear sweet Chris had done.

After I saw it, I sat dazed in front of the TV in shock. He had sat there with me, ate ice cream…slept in the same bed with me after he had kissed someone else???? On national TV???????

So I went in the hotel room Chris and I were sharing. He looked up at me, the picture of innocence, and asked me "Is something wrong?"

"You might say that. You see, I watched your match against Angle today."

"Really? I thought we did pretty good…except that freak won and I didn't."

"Oh yeah, it was great." I was about twenty seconds from boiling point. "My favorite part was when you started making out with my ex."

"It didn't mean anything Hunter. I was just trying to make her mad." He stood up when he saw he wasn't convincing me. "C'mon…you used to kiss her all the time…."

"I was married to her, dumbass. I had to pretend like I loved her so Vince and the fans would think we were all united and stuff. And anyways, I haven't really kissed her since I got together with you. What's your excuse?"

He just glared at me. "All I can tell you was that it didn't mean anything. If you can't accept that, maybe you should find a different room."

"I think I'm gonna do that, Chris." I walk out the door until I hear him yell out my name. I turned around. "Yeah?"

"You're not really mad because you think I was cheating on you, are you? You just aren't over Stephanie and you don't want anyone else touching her." I was shocked speechless by his words, but he took my silence as an admission of guilt. "I should've known! You left Joanie so you could be with Stephanie, I guess it just makes sense you would do it to me too. I should never have gotten together with you."

I could barely form words around the haze of anger and pain in my head. Part of me wanted to walk back and kick the shit out of him, the other half wanted to curl up in a ball and cry because I'm losing him. Finally, I spit out "Screw you" and walk away.

So we caught separate rides to Smackdown and boy wasn't that a fun experience?

On-screen, me and Chris pretend to hate each other, but tonight there seemed to be a very real, electric hostility between us. In our match he kept trying to get at me, but the ref…or Sean and Jesse…held him back. We would’ve gotten out of there without hurting each other, but after the bell rang, he decided to dropkick me through a table. Like I said, loads of fun.

So now I'm in the back of Joanie's car, on the way to a wonderful night of sharing a room with her and Eddie. Joanie knows something's up and I can tell she's just waiting to get me alone so she can ask what it is. Meanwhile, Eddie's bouncing next to her and I'm starting to get a major headache from his constant talking.

It takes awhile but we get to the hotel. Eddie goes to take a shower and I sit down on one of the beds. Joanie sits next to me, placing one of her hands over one of mine. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No, not really, but I will." I smile sadly and she puts an arm around me, pulling my head down to her shoulder. "It's about Chris."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that. So, who did what to who this time?" she asks me.

"You didn't see what happened at King of the Ring?" I ask incredulously. "Where he started sucking face with Steph?"

She narrows her eyebrows. "No, I guess I missed it. Have you actually talked to him yet, or are you just assuming again?"

"I talked to him. He told me it didn't mean anything and acted like I had no right to be angry." I sniffle pathetically. "And then he accused me of...of still being in love with her, that I was just mad cuz I didn't want anyone touching her." Tears roll slowly down my face and I angrily brush them away. "He said it was what he should have expected cuz of what I did to you....Joanie, I'm so sorry about that, you know that, right?"

"Of course I do," she says, lightly kissing my forehead. "It wasn't your fault...we just weren't meant to be. Besides, I have Eddie now and you ..."

"I had Chris." I interrupt. "Until I lost him, that is." More tears fall and I don't have the energy to do anything about it.

"You haven't lost him yet, this is just a minor difficulty." She gently strokes my hair as I cry out the last of my frustration.

When I regain my composure, I sit up. "You really think there's a chance for me and Chris?" I ask, unable to keep the desperate hope out of my voice.

"Mmm-hmm...a pretty good one too, once I beat some sense into him."

I laugh. "Hey, don't hurt him too badly, I still want a piece of him."

"I'd say there's enough of him for us both to get a piece." She stands up. "I’m gonna go talk to him, ok?"

I smile. "Have fun!"

She leaves. And I wait. And wait. And make idle chit-chat with Eddie. Finally, about an hour later, there’s a quiet knock on the door. I open it and there stands Chris.

Eddie gets up quietly. "Uhm…I’m gonna find mammacita. You two have fun." He leaves, leaving the two of us alone.

We sit down on the bed, facing each other. He speaks first. "Ok, I’m a prick, I’m insensitive, I shouldn’t have kissed Stephanie and since I did, I should have apologized…would you care to add to the list?"

His bitter tone makes me hesitant to believe he's sincere. "You just telling me lines Joanie gave to you or are you actually sorry?"

"Joanie may have me whipped but I wouldn’t be apologizing if I didn’t mean it." He still sounds angry.

Any will I had left to fight with him has long since disappeared. "Chris, just go. Ok? I don’t…I don’t need your apology."

He folds his arms over his chest. "Look, I know what I said about you, Steph, and Joanie was out of line, and I didn't mean it, I was just being a brat as usual...and I'm sorry for kissing Stephanie, but I still don't see why you're this pissed about it."

I bury my face in my hands. I'm so close to breaking down, but I refuse to allow him the satisfaction of seeing my pain. "You kissed the most idiotic person I've ever met on a pay-per-view and you act like it's an everyday thing. You accused me of being in love with said idiotic person when you knew full well I can't stand her. You took one of my most painful mistakes which you, quite truthfully, know nothing about, and you threw it in my face..."

He reaches out to touch my shoulder but I jerk away from him and he goes back to sitting with his hands in his lap. "Hunter, ok, maybe I screwed up worse than I thought. I really am sorry...."

Oh great, now I'm crying again. Worse than before even. My breath is coming in hitching gasps and I can barely talk. "I opened up to you, Chris. I told you that I was nervous about getting together with you because everyone in my life has left me and you don't even wait two weeks to walk out on me just like they did."

He wraps his arms around me in a death grip and try as I might, I can't get out. The feel of him against me causes me to let out a small sob. "Hunter, don't do this to yourself..." he says softly. "I don't know what you're afraid of, but it's not worth this."

"I'm afraid of losing you, ok?" I sob. "I barely even know you but I don't...I can't..." I'm tongue-tied. I want to tell him how I can't take him leaving me, but the words won't come out.

"You aren't going to lose me." he soothes. "I won't leave you...not unless you want to dump me." I bury my face on his shoulder and he relaxes his hold on me to be comforting instead of restraining. "I'm so sorry Hunter...I didn't think about what you said about people abandoning you..."

I'm trying to regain control but I just keep sobbing against him. If I was thinking clearly, I'd probably be embarassed. "I'm getting your shirt wet...I just can't stop crying..." I manage to choke out.

"I know. It's ok." He rubs my back. "Take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

Eventually, the tears start to dissipate and I regain my self-control, but I stay in his arms. He doesn't seem to mind, rocking me slightly. "I'm sorry for spazzing..."

He shakes his head. "Don't be, you couldn't help it...I’m just stupid sometimes. I say things without thinking, do things without considering who they might hurt or how badly they might hurt them…"

"Sounds a lot like me," I say, snuggling against him. "You know, I thought I was gonna be the big macho one in this relationship...how come I ended up as the one with all the problems?"

"Believe me, I have a truckload of problems. They just haven't shown up yet. We're just gonna have to take turns being the strong one." I feel a gentle touch at my chest and I shift to look up at him. "Did I…did I hurt you?" he asks hesitantly. "With the dropkick?"

"Your puny little dropkick? Nahhh. The table though..." Chris makes a slight noise of concern. "I'll be fine, don't worry."

"I wasn't worried, just making sure you weren't gonna sue me or anything." We both laugh, but he soon gets serious. "Hunter...do you trust me?"

I pick my head up. "I really don't know. I'm not sure I trust anyone besides Joanie..I know I want to trust you though." A small smile crosses my face. "You probably wanted more certainty."

He looks away. "I just wanted to make sure I didn't...you know....screw up your head or anything. Ruin our chances."

"Chris, my head's been screwed up since the day I was born." He laughs and I change positions so he's leaning against me now. "So anyways, what do you say we kiss and make up?" He happily obliges.

When we break apart, Chris grins up at me. "Gee, we probably got a few months of feuding ahead. Can we kiss and make up even when we don't really piss each other off?" I can't help but smile.

Finally, we decide it might be a good idea to give Joanie and Eddie their room back. We walk down the hall till we get to mine and Chris's room, where we see a "Do Not Disturb" sign and hear the unmistakable creaking of bedsprings. So much for that idea.

We venture back to the room that I guess is ours for the night and flop down on the bed. "So, what do we do now?" Chris asks me.

"Well, I don't know about those of us who haven't been put through tables," Chris sticks his tongue out at me, "but I'm tired and so I think I'm going to sleep."

"Works for me." We get into the bed and he snuggles against me. "Well, even though you have issues about the whole trust thing, I trust you. And one of these days I will make you trust me. Even if it's the last thing I do."

I laugh quietly. "I appreciate your efforts." It seems like he drifts off so I take a chance and whisper "I love you, Chris."

He grins at me and I can tell he was wide awake the whole time. "I love you too." I freeze in place, but he just laughs and kisses me. "I knew you did." He rests his head back on my chest. "Took you long enough to tell me."

I'd say everything's back to normal.

======

It's a question of lust
It's a question of trust
It's a question of not letting
What we've built up
Crumble to dust
It is all of these things and more
That keep us together...

-Depeche Mode, "A Question of Lust"