Title: Angel Standing By (1/1) (maybe more)

Author: TeddiBear (mail all comments to: dlphnfan@hotmail.com) 

Disclaimer: Oh boy I hate these Ok, well as we all know Mulder and Scully
don’t belong to me, (though I wish they did), rather they belong to the
fabulous folks at FOX and 10-13 productions and Chris Carter (who
frustrates me to no end) created them. Ok, now that that’s done, on with
the story and I promise I’ll return them when I’m through. (Well, maybe not
Mulder) J/K. So don’t sue, cuz I have nothing to give. I’m penniless and must
pay my way through college. Hehe. Also the fabulous song, Angel Standing By
is by Jewel. Jewel, I love you!

Rating: PG (for language) 

Classification: VA  Vignette/Angst

Spoilers:  definitely Gethsemane and some Memento Mori, Paper Hearts, and
maybe a little Elegy

Keywords: implied MSR and UST, and Mulder-Angst o-rama, character dies

Summary: My thoughts on Gethsemane: Mulder’s final letter to Scully
professing everything...

Comments: Ok, I’ve decided to write my take on Gethsemane. By all means I
do not think he’s dead-goodness no! I just found this song, by Jewel, Angel
Standing By, and thought it described Scully perfectly. So what better way
to describe Scully, and Mulder’s love for her, than in a final letter to her.
This is also my thoughts on why he pulled the trigger (supposedly). Also,
major warning: This is an extremely angsty fan fic. It’s Mulder angst
throughout, so if you’re not into that sort of stuff-TURN BACK NOW!!!
Also, this fan fic, by no way reveals my thoughts on suicide-I think suicide is
never the answer-it’s the coward’s way out, ‘nuff said. Ok, now I’ll get off my
soapbox and let you enjoy the story. Please send any and all feedback to me
at dlphnfan@hotmail.com and please no flames-I tend to growl when I get
them. Also this is my third fan fic, e-mail me if you’d like to read my other
two-The Gift Of Truth and Unspoken Love. 

Dedications: I’m dedicating this first and foremost, to my mom, Diamond
Fan, who has always supported me in whatever I do and who also coerced
me into writing this. I love you Mommy!  
Next, to Sarah Lynn, for sending this and my second one, The Gift of Truth
to all the archives-thanks babe, I really appreciate it! 
Then to Enchanta, my ICQ bud who read it at three thirty in the morning
(my time) just to make me happy! Thanks dude, I owe ya!
Lastly, to all the other fanfic writers out there-who without them, we
wouldn’t have all this wonderful fan fic and I wouldn’t be able to get thru
the summer! Thanks all of you-you’re all terrific writers! Keep it up!

Oh and archive anywhere you want to, just keep everything the same,
especially my name and info. Also check out Jewel’s Pieces of You-it’s a killer
album and I’m sure you’ll love it! And now get out those hankies and be
prepared to weep...

Angel Standing By (1/?) (I may do a conclusion from Scully’s point of view...)
by TeddiBear AKA TB
dlphnfan@hotmail.com


‘...We had had another fight. but this was no ordinary fight. Sure, we
fought-over cases or over my constant ditching you-but that was nothing
compared to this. This was the argument to end all arguments. This was the
ultimate betrayal. But the hardest part was and what hurt me the most, was
the fact that everything you had spat at me was true. Every word of it.

I can still hear your angry words, repeating themselves over and over in my
head, a constant reminder: “Mulder, you’re the one who gave me my cancer.
The men who did this to me, did it because of you. To hurt you...”

And I know you were right. Yet when you uttered those heart-breaking
words, I could do nothing but stand there, dumfounded, looking shocked, sad,
and hurt, all at the same time. But those feelings soon dissolved into anger
and I stormed out in such a blind rage, that I never in a million years,
imagined that I’d end up like this.

Now, here I am, with my gun to my head, ready, willing, and able to pull the
trigger. Never, had I dreamed that I would take the coward’s way out. One
pull of the trigger and it will all be over. My pain will end-losing Samantha,
losing my father, but most of all, losing you, Scully, your trust, and your love.
I have betrayed you before when I dragged you into my quest (ok, maybe I
didn’t drag you. After all, the Bureau did send you to debunk my wild and
crazy theories.) Now I’m betraying you again, by leaving you behind to deal
with this pain on your own. But let’s face it, we’ll all be better off without
me. 

But yet, I didn’t have to trust you in the first place. But for some reason, I
fell for you. Maybe it was your striking blue eyes-which flare green when
you’re angry. Or maybe it was you killer instinct and insight that helps me to
solve so many of these cases. It could have been the way you rebut almost all
of my ideas, with your simple logic and at times irrefutable science. Or
maybe it was your full lips, which break into a smile on too rare an occasion.

Damnit Scully! You have no idea what you do to me. Let’s face it-I fell for all
of you-your beautiful looks, your incredible smarts, and your unbreakable
spirit. I swear, that day when you walked into my office and shook my hand
for the first time, that was the best damn day of my life! One look into your
crystal blue eyes and I was gone. I love gazing into those shiny sea blue
irises, giving you looks whenever I can and having you shoot back even
stranger looks, that only you can give. You remind me of a song I’ve heard...

	[ All through the night I’ll be standing over you. 
	  All through the night I’ll be watching over you.
          And through the bad dreams, I’ll be there for you, baby.]

That you were, always there when I called you after one of my horrible
nightmares or always there when I needed to be rescued (countless times, I
know.)

	[ Holding your hand, telling you every thing is all right.
	  And when you cry, I’ll be right there.]

You were there for me, all right, after those extreme cases-the one we call
Paper Hearts in particular, when I was happy it wasn’t Sam they found in the
forest, yet devastated some other little girl had to die...

	[ Telling you, you were never anything less than beautiful.]

I wish I had told you the same, Scully. You made me feel important and
special. You just have that way about you. A way that I love.

	[ So don’t worry, I’m your Angel standing by.]

My god, Scully-you are my ‘angel standing by.’ You’re always there when I
need you and even when we fight (which is too often) you’re still there after
the dust has settled. You’re always watching over me, trying to keep me safe
from everything, at times, even safe from myself. 

It’s my fault, Melissa died. It’s my fault, your father died. It’s my fault,
you’re dying.

I feel like I’ve betrayed you, my angel. Like I’ve betrayed your trust. All
those times I ditched you-I did it to protect you, I hope you know that. But
yet, I couldn’t protect you. I never could. They’ve gotten to you and they’ve
gotten to me, because they’ve gotten to you.

Let’s face it, Scully, it’s over. They’ve won. They knew how to take me
down-by taking you from me. They knew of the bond we’d formed and how
valuable and sacred it was, though we never admitted it.  

At first, my work in the X-Files, was a quest for Samantha and the truth
about what had happened to her. But now it’s something more. I’m tired of
looking for answers I’ll never find-I can’t continue to do it anymore if it
means sacrificing you, the one thing that means more to me than ever finding
out the truth.  I want everything to be all right-for you to be cured and for
Sam to be returned. But I know that will never happen and if I continue on
the path that I’m on, eventually you will end up dead, something I could
never bear.

That’s why I hope you understand, why I’m doing this. Why I have to do this.
Maybe by my ending my search and giving in-they’ll cure you. They’ll make
you well. 

Please don’t be angry, Scully. Stay strong-don’t ever let them break you.
I’m doing this because I love you. I always have and I always will. The truth
is just too high a price to pay if it means losing you.
Goodbye, my ‘angel standing by’...’

With that, Fox Mulder slowly put down his pen, folded up the letter he had
just written, and picked up his gun.

A single shot rang out shattering the silence in the small dark apartment.

Mulder’s pain may have ended. but Dana Scully’s was just beginning...

The End or is it?

I may do a conclusion to this based on Scully’s reaction.  Prepare for more
Scully Angst! Well, did ya like it? Please send all feedback to
dlphnfan@hotmail.com and please, no flames, I tend to growl when they
arrive in my mail box. Thanks!

Oh and stay tuned for more fan fics from me based on songs, I’m thinking of
doing a series...

TB