Meet the Mads!
I've occasionally been accused of
living in my own little fictional world. This
could be true, but I'm not alone. Here's some
of the other brave souls who decided to join me:
The League of Mad Scientists (a collection of Deep 13 rejects)
Please note: Some of the members of the League have elaborate Evil experiments of their own. This wasn't expected when the League was formed,
it happened on it's own. It isn't required by any means, but it is fun and greatly appreciated as it adds to the quality and ambiance of the institution.
1. Our fearless leader: Dr.Elizabeth Langstrom
Once a fresh, idealic product of the anti-system system, now a bitter matriarch in exile, Dr.L dreams of one day fully understanding indoor plumbing, re-establishing the former glory of her destroyed lab (refer to the excuse note) and cultivating a beautiful haven for all others who believe in her ideals under a giant plexiglass dome on Mars or possibly the Moon. It will be filled with giant parrot-men (with big buff human arms under their parrot wings like Street Sharks) who gladly fetch and skillfully mix complicated drinks, preform entertaining tricks and can sing Tony Bennett songs and break dance.
Likes:
eyeballs and teeth; elaborate costumes; the acceptable dignity of a pompous bastard; the late (*sob*) Dr.Clayton Forrester (who everyone is secretly attracted to) & Tv's Frank (who I've heard has a sucessful afterlife with a certain teenage witch show); the idea of becoming the first owner of an all chocolate dude ranch; Homer Simpson (a beautiful flower of a man we
can all learn a lot from); hypnotism; basing decisions on the flip of a coin; calling dogs "Little Horses"; calling horses "Big Dogs"; saffron rice like you get in mexican food resturants; boats that are not scary; decorative vats of blood; exaggerated gesturing with a gun; ancient ampitheaters made of stone;
Dislikes:
being poisoned; scary boats; the unacceptable dignity of a pompous bastard; plastic food that looks real but tastes bad; finding her shoes in the toilet; zombies; vomiting; the sicky smell toilets have when you are waiting to vomit; anyone who refuses to believe in the healing power of astronauts and astronaut food.
Will Never Admit It But Secretly Hopes To:
"kick it"; become a professional tap-dancer; marry Joan Rivers; juggle; nurture snobby, closed-minded teenagers into well-rounded creatures of the Earth; discover the recipe for Yoo-Hoo; bear the children of a cyborg; host her own fashionable television program on MTV and have an obsissive, sticky-handed, reclusive and notably disfigured hermit stalk her and slowly kill everyone close to her in a tightening circle like it happens in the movies, ending in a nail-biting showdown where the identity of the hermit is revealed to be her twin brother; wear an adult diaper.
2. Tv's Bean
Dr.L's slightly younger sister. Once quoted to have said "No, she's not sitting in a giant turban,
she's wrapped up in a whole wheat tortilla!" She approves of none of this but doesn't especially mind.
3. Dr.Jacque Strapp
This Alchemist/Radio Psychologist is trying to take over the world by
sending out subliminal messages over the radio to his estimated audience
of 16 and 1/2. This is 16 plus one eunuch, who the treatment works very
well on. The treatment turns people against their superiors (bosses,
parents, etc.). For the alchemy part, that's just a hobby. I do however
know a few arcane secrets from long hours of study around midnight in the
"occult section" of the library. They don't allow flashlights in the
library so I had to use candlelight. The window had a crack in it, so there
was a sort of eerie howl. The Librarian always tells newcomers it's a
werewolf. This Librarian is a bit crazy (truly a kindred spirit), but this
isn't about him, it's about ME!
I went to a really strange backwoods
college, where I majored in cruel and unusual forms of torture. It was the
only one offered. You really ought to hear about some of the tortures that
were used, such as "the hook". I use this one on many test subjects and lab
assistants. You would be amazed at how many I have had in the past few
years. I have a tally written down somewhere.
Some more history around me
is that my family has been insane for countless generations, I have 16
different personalities, including: Alfons Frajnill, Rudiger Stanton,
Rudolph the red nosed Reighndeer, Roger Ramrod and Brian Madsen.
And now for some random facts:
Age- whatever you want it to be
Birthplace- Unknown
Parents- YES!
Pets- experiments failed
Turn ons- Large noses, bumper stickers, and mail boxes
Turn offs- ........................ ?
Favorite phrase- "Of course I'm a doctor", "Well, the experiment wasn't a
total loss", "Trust me", "Don't stick your finger in that part of the dog!"
Eyes-273649. What can I say, I'm a collector
Do you want to get advice from the horribly unqualified psychiatrist? (Sure, we all do!)
Just ask him!
4. Dr.? (say it "Dr.")
An aspiring League Scientist who experiments on the
aerodynamics of the human body with other scientists (he uses other
scientists' siblings for these experiments) and how! No one has died.
(yet)
These experiments are preliminary. How ever so far, he has proven two
things:
1.People fly with the greatest of ease, but only when there on the
trapeze.
2.Bad idea to experiment on people with long finger nails
Likes: world domination, crazy people, causing "Deep Hurting",
and people who mistakenly walk into the lab.
Dislikes: Those stupid kidnapping laws.
5.Dr.H
The first and perhaps only gay mad scientist. With a flare for the arts Dr. H.
aspires to mutate his experiments in the image of the famous paintings of
Picasso and Dali. But talent in the arts isn't his only feature, oh no, with a
suspected dual personality disorder and inablity to concentrate, Dr. H. has
been known to go from experiment to experiment with varying *ahem* feelings for
each of them. Other abilities include the ability to spout useless facts, which
is rivaled by no one *present company excluded*, and the ability to get around
those pesky authorities.
likes-the spider/doll creation form Toy story
dislikes-Disney inc.
aspires to-connect the internet directly to one's brain
6.Dr.Jadwiga (pronounced Yadviga) Thorus
She's insane.
Dr.Thorus mostly works with impromptu surgical techniques (that's right,
no scalpels here, just daggers, short swords, and toothpicks). She's an
aspiring astrologer, who considers herself to be half elf for her quick
wit and ability to fly (it WILL work in the future!!!!), but she
still has a human form and personality. Unfortunately, her work
has been cut short due to the fact that she has to stay in her padded
cell. (My cozy padded cell. It's really quite nice in there. You should
come visit. Please?........There's three square meals a day and there will
be a window in the future.....one with a really good view! Honest! It is,
however, B.Y.O.S.O., bring your own sharp objects, because I'm not allowed
to have any of my own. On Sundays there's karoke! What more could you
ask for? Did I mention it's really nice there?)
Before she had a way to
communicate online freely from her padded cell, Dr.Thorus had to ask
her dear friend Dr.Langstrom to let her connect onto the internet.
She said no, then yes, then no again, then yes, and then she started
to cry because she was afraid of making decisions like that.
Eventually she let Jadwiga log on....yuhftgrvujny 95874ifhzkjcy9
and soon after, she decided to also do the typing for her (Dr.Thorus
was wearing a straitjacket). But those were the old days, because now
internet access is used as a sedative at the institution, and is always
available. Huzzah!
Favorite sayings: "Awful-Waffle-Walker" (she repeats it again and again when confused), and "Your padded cell, or mine, baby?"
Turn-ons: Deep Hurting (causing it); guys who grin for no apparent reason, like Bob in room 401; straightjackets that fit in all the right places.
Turn-offs: Straightjackets that fit in all the wrong places, hair pieces, and dental tatoos.
7.Bobbo D. Clown; aspiring OBGYN- now in Texas
He currently hopes to experiment on the Experiment in very inhum-I mean
humane ways. Planned experiments include:
1. seeing how far the human skin tissue will streach before ripping from
the body.
2. seeing how many bones can be broken before the patient dies than see
if you can bring it back with jumper cables and a Sears Die Hard car
battery.
He is currently last in his class at Med school because during a blood
transfusion he "accidentally" transffused Smukers' brand Raspberry
Preserves instaed of blood.
Likes: clowns, Smukers' Stawberry preserves.
Dislikes: mimes, Smukers' Raspberry preserves.
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