Top Ten Rejected Batman Villians
#10-Sy Sperling and his hairpiece of death
#9-The Pillsbury psycho
#8-Lactose-Intolerant-Man
#7-The Ticketmaster
#6-The woman who keeps breaking into Batman's house
#5-The Mask Philbin
#4-Anwar, the cabbie who won't break Batman's twenty
#3-Mujiman(VT of mujibar in costume)
#2-Connie and her Chung gun
#1-The Caped Kato

Top Ten Reasons Robin is Batman's Sidekick
#10-Batman can claim him as a tax deduction
#9-Colorful suit distracts Batman's enemies
#8-Already used to dressing in tightss
#7-Know the Penguin's Mastercard number by heart
#6-Batman's second form of ID
#5-Won essay "what I'd do as boy wonder"
#4-During Halloween gives batman good candy
#3-In a pinch, doubles as Bat Shield
#2-Fakes seizures to get Batman out of superhero meetings early
#1-Can hang on to Batmobile luggage rack at speeds over 70 M.P.H

Top Ten Batman pet peeves
#10-After a dramatic entrance at a scene of crime, having to convince everybody he's not a professional wrestler
#9-When you can see the outline of his underwear through the Bat Suit
#8-Punks who gather around and smart off while he's getting gas for the Batmobile
#7-Nuclear power source utility belt has rendered him sterile
#6-When really stupid people shout, hey! Where's Tonto?
#5-When the dry cleaner accidently switches the Bat Suit and San Diego Chicken Costume
#4-When an episode focuses way too much on Jake (oh, I'm sorry that's the pet peeves of Fatman)
#3-Seeing alfred the butler talking to Albert Goldman
#2-The way any two-bit moron with a flashlight and a piece of cardboard can summon him at night
#1-When people call him The Batman, It's just batman, darn it!

Top Ten Batman Action Figures that didn't quite make it
#10-Bosnian-Serb Batman with "blow-your-ass-away" action
#9-Ebola-infected Batman with real squeeze-and-pop action
#8-Batman of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police with 80 Lbs. of bacon action accessory
#7-Bullet-riddled Thomas & Martha Wayne Inaction Figures
#6-Victoria Secret Batman
#5-Action "O.J" Batman with white Ford Bronco Batmobile (Kato Kaelin Robin mail-away offer)
#4-Intestinal-distress Batman with action Bat-tapeworm
#3-Pantsless Alfred
#2-Blind-drunk-and giggling like-a-school-girl Batman
#1-"Sweet Jesus, where's the bathroom" Batman with fear-of-God-Bat-expression

Top Ten surprises in the new Batman movie
#10-Batman keeps calling Robin "one fruity lookin' bastard"
#9-Terrifying new villian:Rodman
#8-The Batcave is closed due to worries about Robin
#7-Film contains a surprising amount of Irish step dancing
#6-Halfway through the movie Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer show up and beat the crap out of George Clooney
#5-Batman almost dies after flying into a bug-zapper
#4-Three Words: anatomically correct batsuit
#3-Batmobile clearly a Geo Metro with cardboard fins.
#2-Batgirl's love scene with Ellen Degenerous
#1-Bat signal replaced by "Hooters logo"

Top Ten reasons NOT to see Batman Forever
#10-Those stinkin' Alfred fans always telling you not to throw your trash on the theater floor
#9-The role of Alfred taken over by Fran Drescher of "The Nanny"
#8-Michael Keaton sitting in the back row drunk shouting, "You call that a bat pole?"
#7-In order to be more eco-friendly, Batmobile now pedal-driven
#6-Despite rumors, no cameos by the Wonder Twins and Gleep
#5-Robin has lice in his codpiece
#4-Chris O'Donell looks a little too good in those tights
#3-Improved "odorama" technology lets you actually smell the guano in the Batcave
#2-It's still not Adam West, man
#1-Not only does Batman's suit have nipples, but so does Commisioner Gordon's

SHORTS:

New Hugh Grant Movies
Batman loosens the ol' utility belt

Least Convincing Alibis
I'm Batman

Things about being mayor of New York
Any trouble you just call Batman

Signs you're watching a bad action movie
The new Batman: Danny Bonaduce

Reasons New York's Population is shrinking
people came hoping to meet Batman, leave bitter and angry

Signs your mayor is Nuts
His solution to crime problems a giant signal to attract Batman

Reason The British Lost the Colonies
we had batman

Signs a mafia boss is nuts
had a guy whacked because he thought he worked for Batman

Things overheard at the Cannes Film Festival
The prize for special acheivement in gay cinema goes to "Batman and Robin"

How to be annoying when Christmas carolling
Sing "Jingle Bells,Batman smells" until physically restrained

Things Newt & Clinton said to each other under thier breath
As president, you think you could get me Batman's autograph?

If you encounter your roomate having sex DON't SAY
Holy, whips and chains Batman!

Things about being a two time NBA champion
Get to meet Batman

Signs your govenor isn't working out
Shows up at first press conference dressed up as Batman

Orlando Magic excuses
Didn't want game 5, we're going to see "Batman Forever"

Things on Clinton's Campaign "to do" list
have a Clinton/Batman '96 bumper sticker printed up

Things that could go wrong during the live season premier of "ER"
Clooney has a batman flashback and beats a patient to death

More things that could go wrong during the live season premier of "ER"
Clooney keeps calling Anthony Edwards "Robin"

Signs N.Y.P.D is out of control
Goodbye, Uniforms-hello Batman outfits

Fun Things to do at Wal-mart
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying"I'm batman, come robin"

Fun Things to do on a "Paper you don't care about"
cite issues of spiderman and Batman as resources

=from david letterman =from metcorp =from Teresa=from Hecklers on-line =from the good clean fun homepage =from Alan M. Kirshner =from Rec.Humor.Funny =from cybercheeze

---

Have any send um in

<------BACK

---